by Jahquel J
“Where are we going? You’re wearing sweatpants and shit like we’re not about to go out to have dinner or something.”
“Don’t worry about any of that. We’re gonna be good; I don’t know why you’re all dressed up and shit.”
“I’m wearing a dress and a pair of Uggs; I wouldn’t classify that as being dressed up.” She pulled at her dress a bit before turning her attention out the door.
“I like that.”
“What?”
“Seeing your smile. Feels like I haven’t seen you smile in a minute.”
“Because I haven’t.”
“I want to see more of that smile. Shit makes me want to smile throughout my day. Promise me you gonna smile more.”
“I can’t make any pr—” her sentence got cut off by the sound of my phone. When I looked at the number, I immediately answered.
“Em, you good?”
“Hey Yoshon! I’m good. I was just making sure my doctor’s office called and told you about the appointment next week.”
“Yeah, I’m booking my flight tonight. I have business I need to tend to there, so it’ll be a business trip too.”
“Cool beans. See you soon,” she cheerfully responded and ended the call.
With all the shit I had going on in my life, I somehow lost touch with one of the most important things I had going on. Once meeting Golden, I got so wrapped into her life that my shit was pushed to the back. I didn’t blame her because this shit was all on me. Ashleigh was my entire world and there wasn’t anything that I wouldn’t do for her. We both wanted children and we started the process soon as we got engaged. After trying for a while, we decided to go the IVF route and had some eggs removed and froze. We found one of the best doctors in the country in Los Angeles and decided to work with him. A month after freezing her eggs, she found out that she had ovarian cancer. My baby fought and she fought hard as shit. When she passed, the shit was hard for me. I pushed my family away and didn’t speak to people because I was hurting on the inside. A nigga was angry with Ashleigh because she left me.
Almost a year ago, I got a call about Ashleigh’s eggs. They asked me about them and what I wanted to do with them? We had a total of two of them just sitting there, ready. I missed my girl so bad that even having a small piece of her I wanted, nah I needed it. I went ahead and hired a surrogate agency and they found me, Emily. She was currently Eight months pregnant with my daughter. Pit Pat, Hazel, Grape or Yolani knew nothing about it. When I made my trips to the west coast, they thought I was there to handle business with the dispensary I had opening there. Yeah, part of that was true, but I was also there to check on the progress with my daughter. Em miscarried our first egg, and this was the last one, so I made sure she had the best care and didn’t have to lift a finger. Her days were filled with shopping, yoga, and shit that didn’t stress her the fuck out. I wanted to make sure she carried my daughter with no fucking stress, and so far, it had been working in our favor. My daughter was healthy and ready to enter this world in two months.
“You zoned out after that phone call. Are you alright? You’re always trying to make sure that I’m good, but who checks up on you besides Pit Pat?”
“Nah, I’m good. Just something I should have been talked to you about.”
“Okay, what about?”
“Not here,” I quickly replied.
We pulled up to one of my favorite diners out in Crown Heights. It was owned by one of my nigga’s, Thor. He opened this shit up a little while back and it had the best food in all of New York. It was a low-key spot, and I wanted to take Golden here to experience some of the food. Plus, I had a taste for the country fried steak that they made with a side of mashed potatoes and corn on the cob. When we walked in, one of the owners, Maggie, greeted me with a warm smile and side hug.
“Haven’t seen you around here in a while. Who is your friend?” she smiled as she stood there with her hands in her apron.
“Her name is Golden. You already know what to hook me up with but give her a minute to figure out what she wants on the menu.”
“Alright now… grab a table and someone will come take your order for drinks.” She winked and headed behind the bar.
This place was right across the street from the hood, but once you stepped inside, you didn’t feel like you were right across from the hood. Whenever I needed a break from Pit Pat and something good, I came here to kick it and watch the game. It was a low-key spot; still, in the same breath, it got a lot of business.
“Yum, everything sounds amazing on this menu, how will I choose?” Golden licked her lips as she stared at the menu.
“Get whatever you want. We can bring leftovers back to the crib.”
“As if your grandmother would allow that. Her kitchen doesn’t have outside food, and you know that,” she giggled.
The waitress came over and took our order while sending over complimentary drinks that Maggie sent over to us. Nodding to her, I sipped the drink and stared back at Golden. She was enjoying her drink and staring at the flat-screen TV.
“You’re so fucking beautiful.” I gazed into her eyes. She blushed and then looked down at the table. It was something she did whenever I complimented her. The shit drove me crazy because she was beautiful and didn’t feel like she had to look down whenever I complimented her. When I told her she was beautiful, I wanted shorty to be smiling so hard that I saw all her damn teeth in her mouth. It spoke volumes to the abuse she said she went through being married to Grand’s ass.
“Thank you.” She smiled bashfully. “How was your day?”
“I went and spoke to Grand.” When his name left my mouth, she looked alarmed and unknowingly gripped the side of the table with her left hand.
“W…why? You didn’t need to do that, Yoshon,” she raised her voice slightly.
“I know I didn’t have to do shit. I went because I fucking wanted to. My girl telling me a nigga did something to her, so I’m gonna go and check that shit out for myself.”
“Wait, you called me your girl?” a slight smile came across her face. “When did that happen?”
“When I slid in between those thighs on Valentine’s day. I told you that I got you and I meant that shit. Just because you pissed me off, doesn’t mean that I’m done with you. Shit been rough these past few days, but we’re gonna work on it.”
“It’s been rough because I feel like Grand is going to pop out of nowhere. I’m so confused, scared and worried. I can’t sleep because I know he has people who can hurt me, and he’ll act like it wasn’t him. You don’t know this man the way I do, and he’s fucking wicked.” She started to panic and looked around.
I understood how she was scared and how this nigga had a mental and physical hold on her, but she had to know that I wasn’t him and I wasn’t about to let him lay a hand on her or Gyan. Long as she was under my roof, I was going to protect her with everything I had. She grew quiet, and we both stared at each other as I caressed her hands. This woman was fucking everything. Not only was she fine as fuck, but she was smart, a good mother and respectful. I could tell she wasn’t one of those chicks who was out there living foul and crazy like Grand tried to portray.
“I gotta tell you something.” It was now or never. I could continue to lie to her and my family, or I could be honest and tell them what I had been hiding for the past few months.
“Oh lord, what now? I knew you were too good to be true,” she pulled her hands away from mine gently. “What do you have to tell me, Yoshon?” she stared right into my face with concern.
“I’m gonna have a daughter in two months.”
“With Eva?” she choked out and held her hand over her chest. Shorty looked as if she was about to have a panic attack in a few.
“Nah,” I grabbed her hand back. She listened as I explained everything to her and I couldn’t make out her face. I wasn’t sure how she was feeling about everything I just laid out to her. She didn’t remove her hands from mine or look away. In fact, she stared r
ight into my eyes.
“You wanted a child that bad?”
“I just lost my fiancée. Not only did I lose her, I lost everything we had planned to do together. Marriage, babies and all that shit. Yo, I really felt like a piece of me died at one point. When I got the call, I just wanted a piece of her… feel me?”
“Kids are amazing. I do want you to experience that for yourself, but a surrogate?”
“What’s done is done already. I’m thirty-eight about to turn thirty-nine in two months. I want kids, a woman, and all that shit. It can’t be with Ashleigh, and I’ve gotten over the fact that the shit me and her planned will never be, but I can raise our daughter to know her mother and what kind of woman she was.”
She removed her hands gently from mine and held the side of the table. “Yoshon, the short time I’ve known you, I can tell you do for everyone else except yourself, and if this is something you feel in your spirit that you want, who am I to tell you that you’re wrong?”
“Appreciate you, Golden.” I winked at her.
“This baby is going to change your life, and I don’t think you should be focused on a relationship. Neither of us should be focused on a relationship,” she corrected herself.
“Wow. Where did that come from?”
“Every baby means something and is precious, but your daughter will mean that much more. She will remind you of her deceased mother. I’m not sure if I’m ready to live in the shadows of another woman.”
I understood where she was coming from. Yashleigh was going to know everything about her mother, and I wasn’t going to leave shit out about her. She would know that her mother fought hard to be here and eventually God needed her that much more. With Golden, I understood that she would have to live with that fact that I would always talk or bring up my ex-fiancée while trying to build something new with her.
“I understand.”
She reached her hand out and touched mine. “In no way am I saying I’m jealous or childish. You should speak about your child’s mother, and she should know about the great woman I’m sure her mother was. I’m just…” she paused. “I’ve been coming second for a long time in my marriage, and I don’t want to become second in a relationship too.”
“I’m not understanding. You want me to put you before my seed?”
She laughed. “No, Gyan comes before any and every one. What I’m saying is that babies are a lot, and not to mention this circumstance is very different, Yoshon. I don’t think you’re understanding how much work a baby is. I’ll automatically come second when it comes to your fiancée.”
“She’s dead, Gold. The fuck you getting at?” I was growing irritated because I wasn’t understanding what the fuck she was saying to me.
I understood children were a lot. It wasn’t like I was expecting Yashleigh to come out the womb walking, talking and changing her own diapers. It also didn’t mean that I wouldn’t have time to put in to a relationship with Golden. I felt like shorty wasn’t being fair with me right about now.
“You just don’t understand,” she sighed and removed her hair out of her face. “It makes sense to me.”
“Nah, the shit sound selfish as fuck to me. I accepted you and not only you, but your son. I don’t know where I come in order in your life, but I’m cool just knowing I’m on the list. Gyan means more to you than anything, and he’ll always come first when it comes to me and him, which he should. All I want is the same respect for Yashleigh.”
“Yashleigh? How did you come up with that?” She tried to switch the conversation. Golden was good at deflecting when she didn’t want to deal with something.
“It’s my first letter and her mother’s name… You hear what I said?”
“I hear you, Yoshon. I’m your friend always. If you need help with anything, you know that I’m always going to be here for you.”
“Yo, what the fuck? You ‘bout to have me flip a fucking table in this bitch,” I threatened. The shit she was pulling was pissing me off. The things I wanted to do to her wasn’t what friends did. For the first time in a while, I actually saw myself building something with a woman other than Ashleigh. In some weird ass way, I felt like Ashleigh sent Golden to me.
When she was on her deathbed, she was more concerned about me being alone. This woman was hours away from dying and was worried about me being alone. That was just how Ashleigh was. She worried and did for everybody before herself. It was something we had in common. We were everything to everyone else, so when we connected, we were everything for each other.
“Calm down. Don’t ruin our dinner, please,” she calmly stated. “I want to be able to express how I feel without feeling like I’m wrong. It was something I went through with Grand; I promised myself I would never go through it again.”
“Fuck it,” was all I said. “We have to leave out to Los Angeles for work. You feel comfortable enough for Gyan to stay with Pit Pat?”
“Not with Grand around,” she replied back almost instantly.
“If I hired security at the crib and to take him to school?”
“Grand is powe—”
“Don’t tell me how powerful a nigga is who relays on me to keep his business going. I’m fucking powerful and if I get my best men to make sure your son is straight, he’ll be straight.”
“Okay, but do I really need to be there?”
“Yeah,” it was all I said for now.
She had to be there because I needed her to do the running around. Before I hired her, I was the one doing the running around for shit. Now that she was my assistant, I was going to make sure she earned her living. Yeah, I wanted to be with her, and I daydreamed about fucking her all over again, but when it came to business, I expected her to conduct it and leave all personal feelings out.
“Okay, fine. I’ll be ready to go,” she told me.
The food came and we ate in silence. There was so much that I wanted to say and that I planned on saying, but right now wasn’t the right time. Golden was in her feelings and I could tell from her actions. Tonight, may have not been the right time to tell her about the daughter I had on the way, but I’d rather her know now then find out from someone else. I didn’t regret my daughter, and if I had to choose between Yashleigh and Golden, my daughter would win every time. With me telling Golden, I knew I had to sit down and have a talk with Pit Pat because I had kept it from everyone.
6
Golden
Beverly Hills, California
Things with me and Yoshon were weird since our conversation at the diner. I didn’t know what to say or do when I was around him. We were cordial and joked on the flight to California. I was always a nervous wreck on planes, and he was really good at keeping me calm. We flew first class and I had champagne to keep me tickled through the entire flight. That was yesterday, and here I was sitting in the Gucci store on Rodeo drive. I should have been going to pick up these documents that Yoshon needed me to pick up from his lawyer’s office, or I could have been getting him some food like he requested me to do an hour ago, but I was here staring at this purse. It was so beautiful that I just wanted to walk right out the store with it on my arm.
“I see that you have had your eye on this for quite some time,” the sales associate made her way over to me. She had been watching me admire the bag since I first floated into the store.
My plan wasn’t to be in the Gucci store to shop for myself. Yoshon forgot his black Gucci belt at home, so of course, he sent me with his card to go and pick one up. Upon walking in, in my mind, I knew which section I needed to head to, but instead, I floated over to the purses, and my feet haven’t moved since. It was a black velvet shoulder bag that had Loved on the front of the purse. I was loved, wasn’t I? This bag was speaking to me so hard right this minute. Since leaving Virginia, I gave up every single piece of designer gear I had, and I was fine with that. Our lives were way more important than anything I had in my closet.
“I have. This bag is so beautiful.”
“Well, don�
�t just stare at it,” she giggled and unlocked it from the shelf. “Try it on.” She handed me the bag.
I placed it on my arm and moved from side to side, admiring how it looked on me. Even with a pair of sweats, T-shirt and sneakers, this bag made me look like I was about to rip the runway for Nike or Puma.
“I love this bag,” I smiled so hard.
“You need to treat yourself and this bag is perfect for that. It’ll look perfect with a quick run to the mall or a night on the town with your man.” She continued to sell this purse more and more to me.
“You’re right. I should.” I smiled. “I’ll take this and a black men’s Gucci belt,” I told her.
She smiled hard because her persuading had finally paid off and she was about to receive a huge commission check. I knew I was going to have to apologize to Yoshon for using his black card. I prayed he didn’t make me take it back or take money out of my check. At first, I thought me being his assistant was something for play. When he had me filling out papers for taxes, health insurance, etc, I knew he was the real deal. The man owned a lot of businesses and he had them all in order. When he mentioned that Grand had to go through him to provide for his empire, it told me what I had been suspecting all along. He was in the streets and getting legal tender at the same time.
“How will you be paying?” she smiled from behind the counter. Pulling out the card, I gripped it as she snatched it from my fingers.
I watched as she swiped the card, pressed some buttons and then handed me a fancy ballpoint pen to sign the receipt. I expected her to ask for ID or something in that matter, but she didn’t. She bagged the purse and belt box up and then came around the counter.
“Thank you for shopping with us today. I placed my card inside the receipt folder in case you ever need to contact me to put something on hold for you.” She smiled and handed me my shopping bag once I got to the front door.
