by Jahquel J
You got this. Just get your stuff, talk and then leave. If she doesn’t want to help herself than there is nothing you can do except say a prayer and go on about your life. This is what I went over in my head as I stood at the front door of the place I once called home. Yolani came from the den, where she always was, and opened the door. The glass window in the front door allowed me to see where she came from. She was dressed in basketball shorts, tank top and Nike slides. Her hair had seen better days; her nose was red as an apple and eye pupils were dilated. It didn’t take a scientist to know that she was high as hell. Something told me to come back and do this later, but seeing her face made me walk through the door.
“You got here quick.” She smirked and walked behind me. “Damn, that ass got thicker,” she licked over her gold teeth.
“I had to go the post office and forward my mail, so I was in the area. What’s been going on with you? Pit hasn’t been over here?”
“Nah, she and Yoshon pissed with me right now. Nigga over there playing house with that bitch Golden and won’t even let me see my niece.”
“Huh? Niece. Golden’s pregnant?”
“Nah, he had a surrogate carry one of Ashleigh’s eggs. He kept the shit a secret and just told us when the baby about to be born.”
“Oh wow. I have to go over there and see everyone.”
“For what? We not together anymore, or are we?” she held my hand up and stared at it. “Nah, you handed me my ring back, fuck is this ring?”
Snatching my hand back, I held onto my purse and thought of a way I could tell her that wouldn’t hurt her feelings. “I got married, Yolani.”
“Married? Stop fucking with me.” She walked into the den.
Following behind her, I spoke. “Me and Denim got married last month. It wasn’t planned and it’s something I wanted, he didn’t force me to do anything.”
“You went and married that square ass nigga. The only hard part about that nigga is the dick he was putting in you behind my back. Fuck boy ass nigga.”
“You have your right to feel how you do. I shouldn’t have been sleeping around when we were together. It wasn’t right and I’m sorry about it.”
“Fuck all that shit. You blamed me about all the bitches I fucked, and you were out here fucking and doing shit behind my back.”
“I’m going to get my clothes and stuff. I’ll grab as much as I can and come back another day.” Right there in front of me was three lines of coke ready for her nose to devour.
“Yeah, do you. Shit, you been doing you.”
Heading upstairs, I went to my closet and grabbed what I could. I placed some in suitcases and made sure I grabbed the most important stuff first. My doll from my grandmother, family pictures, and important documents. It broke my heart that she was in the big house alone and stuffing her nose with drugs. The shit made me sad and upset because she should have wanted better for herself. Except, she wanted to be a loser and do drugs. Why couldn’t she deal with her issues without going to drugs? The fact that Yoshon wasn’t dealing with her meant he found out about the drugs. Yolani looked up to her big brother. To hear that he wasn’t deal with her and keeping his first child away from her, I knew that shit was bothering her more than she was letting on.
“Up here taking all the shit I bought you?” she cackled and stood in the doorway. “Just going to come in the crib I provided for you over the years, tell me you’re married to the nigga you was cheating with and take the shit I worked hard to provide.” Her voice was low and callous. It was eerie listening to her talk as she leaned in the doorway.
“I love you, Yolani. Loved the hell out of you and wanted to be with you. You did everything wrong and then continued to act like it didn’t matter. You didn’t fight for us. Why do you want me to fight for something you weren’t even fighting for yourself?”
“I gave you everything you wanted. Love, I gave that shit to you more than I gave to anybody else. What the fuck did you want from me? I tried, this shit ain’t no damn textbook, I didn’t know what the fuck to do. All I knew is that I love you and wanted to make this shit work with you.” She walked closer with tears in her eyes. “I still want to make this shit work with you. This house… Nah, my life ain’t the same without you. I had the best intentions when I married you, baby.”
“We can have the best intentions and still fall short,” I wiped away the tears that fell down my cheeks. “I’m happy, Lani. For once, I’m so happy I don’t know what to do with myself. I don’t want to make you feel like shit, but I’m choosing me and my child. Me and Denim are having a child and it’s all I wanted from you. I had to realize that I was being selfish by expecting you to give me things that you didn’t want. For so long, I relied on you to make me happy and I realized that I was wrong. I needed to make myself happy before someone else could make me happy. Yolani, I love you and will always love you, but we can never be together. I love you, but I love myself more. I choose me this time, not you.” I was hysterically crying as I stood in front of her. She looked so hurt and broken.
“Y…you’re pregnant?” she stuttered.
“Two months. I just want us to remain friends. I don’t want to cut you out of my life for good, but for my child I’ll do it. Yolani, you gotta get clean, this isn’t you,” I begged.
Grabbing my suitcase and duffle bag, I walked by her. I knew she wasn’t ready to change, even after losing me and having her family not talk to her. This was something that Yolani would have to fight alone. I couldn’t want this more than she wanted it for herself. In the end, I wanted her to get clean, but if she didn’t want that for herself then there wasn’t anything I could do. As I made my way toward the steps and started down them, Yolani came out the room.
“So that’s it? You walk in here, in the Versace leather jacket and boots I bought you and think that you can tell me you’re married and pregnant? That’s what we doing now, Hazel?”
“I told you what it was. Get some help. I don’t want this life for you. Despite how we ended, I want you to be happy.” I turned and walked down the stairs. I felt a hand on my back trying to push me and I held onto the banister. “Stop, Yolani. What the fuck are you doing!” I screamed.
“I leave bitches, not the other way around.” She pried my hands off the banister, put her foot in my back and kicked me down the flight of stairs. I went tumbling down the stairs and landed on the bottom landing. I couldn’t feel my body and tears slipped down my eyes. I was dizzy and everything was swirling around me.
“I see what the fuck Bruno was talking about when he said Versace on the floor.” She snarled and stepped over me. The last thing I heard was her sniffing some coke into her nose before everything faded to black.
To Be Continued
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