by Janie Crouch
He could’ve gone by the clinic in town or probably had done it himself, but he was giving her something to do with her hands. This also forced her to stay nearby, not be able to hide.
She very much wanted to hide. But she couldn’t, not anymore. It was time to get this over with, even if it meant losing Noah. He deserved to know the truth about her.
“After Eva was born, Jared pretty much lost interest in me sexually.” She gently wiped at the long shallow cut on his arm.
“Having two kids required more of my attention, something that didn’t sit well with Jared. The cycle of violence picked up rapidly once Eva was six or seven months old. But then he realized he had to take care of them if I wasn’t able to do it, so he decided to find other…” she trailed off, not sure how she was going to get through this.
“Violence wasn’t convenient,” Noah finished for her. “So, he found another way to torture you. Brought his friends in on the action.”
“George told you.” She fisted her hand against her stomach in an attempt to ease the twisting despair.
“George is dead. You tell me.”
It took her a long minute to be able to get her voice to work. “I don’t think I was the first one. I never met George or Paul’s wives before they died, but I’m pretty sure that this was part of the sick game they played with each other.” She closed her eyes, but the darkness was even worse, so she opened them again. “They passed around their wives for the others to use.”
Noah didn’t move away from her, but his hand clenched into a fist.
“I don’t think either of their wives’ deaths were an accident. I think maybe both tried to go to the police, so Paul and George had them killed. Made it look like an accident.”
“I wouldn’t be surprised.” His voice was low and hard. “How many times did they rape you?”
She focused on applying the small butterfly bandages to his cut. It was the only way she would get through this.
“They didn’t rape me. Okay?” She blew out a shaky breath. “I can’t imagine what you’re going to think of me after I tell you this, but they didn’t rape me.”
He turned to look at her, confusion clear in his green eyes. “They didn’t force you to have sex with them?”
She shook her head, swallowing the ball of shame that never seemed to go down.
“No,” she whispered, her eyes dropping to the cut on his arm. “I didn’t fight them. I let them.”
“You wanted to have sex with them?”
She shuddered. “No, but I didn’t let them know that. Jared and Oscar,” she swallowed hard, “would stand there and watch and laugh. Compare notes while I had sex with their friends.”
She dropped her hands from Noah’s arm. She felt like she was tainting him just by touching him.
“They would talk…during. But honestly, I don’t remember much of what they said. I just let them do whatever they wanted.”
He was quiet. That was almost worse than him calling her all the things she’d called herself in her mind. Maybe he didn’t understand what she was saying.
“I never fought them. I never said no. I just did what they wanted. Stuff…” She shook her head. She really would be sick if she went into specifics.
Now Noah spoke, his voice deep, hoarse. “Marilyn…”
“Don’t you get it? I did whatever they wanted. Never once even pretended to fight. They passed me around like some sex doll and I just let them.” She slid back from him as her voice grew louder. “Do you know why it finally ended? Because they got bored of me… They wanted me to fight and cry and scream but instead, I just laid there and let them use me, however many times they wanted.”
She was yelling now. The festering wound of what she had allowed was eating her alive. She scratched at her chest, wishing she could rip the shame and pain out from inside her.
“Marilyn.” He reached for her hand, his voice was kind, and she couldn’t stand it.
“No.” She jumped to her feet and backed away. “I was a coward! At least with what Jared did, I knew it wasn’t my fault, but this? This, I allowed to happen.”
He stayed on the steps. “Marilyn, you were raped. Every single time. You were raped.”
“Do you not understand? I wasn’t raped.” She turned away, continuing to rip at her chest with her hand. “I never said no!”
“You never said yes, either,” he roared.
It was the loudest she’d ever heard him speak. She turned to look at him. “What?”
He scrubbed a hand down his face, then took a step toward her. “You never said yes. That’s rape.”
She watched in complete shock as tears actually fell from this warrior’s eyes.
He reached a hand out toward her. “You were smart enough to know that the best way to survive the hell you were trapped in was to be quiet and not let them know how much they were destroying you. Doing that doesn’t make you a coward, it makes you a survivor.”
“But, I—”
“If you didn’t say yes and mean it, that was rape. If you did it to avoid physical harm, that was rape. It doesn’t matter how many times or with whom, if you didn’t want to be with them, then you were raped.”
More tears fell from his eyes. She just stood there staring at his outstretched hand. “You were raped, gorgeous.”
“I was raped?” she parroted back to him.
“Oh God, sweetheart, what you endured is so much more than enough. Don’t take on shame and responsibility that doesn’t belong to you. I know you haven’t talked to your counselor about this because she would tell you the same thing.”
“I was raped.” She grabbed his hand that he’d kept outstretched in front of him like it was a lifeline for her. That’s exactly what it was. “I was raped.”
The force of the sob that barreled out of her caught her off guard. The pain and anguish and shame she’d carried for years came out in a roaring wail.
Her knees buckled and Noah caught her before she could hit the ground. He lowered them the rest of the way with her in his arms, wrapping her against him as she sobbed.
Sobbed for all the humiliation she’d felt as those men had taken their turns with her.
Sobbed for the shame she’d allowed herself to carry for so many years.
Sobbed for the two other women who had fought but died.
Sobbed because she was here with this man who had cried for her before she could cry for herself.
She sobbed until she had no more tears, and still, he held her.
“You never have to apologize for surviving,” he whispered, as he kissed her forehead. “I will thank God every day for the rest of my life that you endured silently. Because of that you’re here with me today.”
She wanted to say more to respond. She wanted to thank him once again. But the kids had realized something was wrong.
“Mom?” Sam said. “Are you okay?”
How many times had her son seen her cry and worried about her? She held out her arms for both her kids. “I’m okay. It’s just been a stressful couple of days and I’m thankful we’re all here, and safe. That we’re all survivors.”
She wrapped her arms around the kids, pulling them close, while Noah wrapped his arms around them all.
They sat there for a long time, only getting up when the dogs came over and tried to get in on the hugging too, causing everyone to laugh. Sam and Eva went back out to throw the sticks to them, but Sam stayed close, just in case.
“My little hero,” Marilyn muttered.
Noah’s arms were still around her, keeping her tucked against him. “That kid loves you. He’s brave and resilient and every time I look in his face, I see his mom in him.”
She reached over and kissed the top of his hand where it rested on her shoulder. “My big hero.”
There were things she still needed to work out mentally, to talk through with Dr. Breithaupt, but she knew she’d broken free from chains she hadn’t even been aware had bound her, much less that she had the key to
unlock them.
Eventually, she got up and finished patching Noah up. She was about to start fixing dinner when Tanner and Bree showed up.
The kids let out cheers to have Star join the other three dogs. The whole band was back together. They went back out to play.
Noah grabbed her hand when he noticed the look on his brother and Bree’s faces. “What? Tell us.”
Tanner shook his head. “I’m sorry, Marilyn. The judge wouldn’t put Jared back in jail. Jared argued he had no idea that Paul Wyn or George Pearson had any sort of plans to hurt you or the kids. Disavowed them completely.”
Bree rushed over and grabbed Marilyn’s other hand. “But I’ve done a complete diagnostic check of Jared’s ankle monitor. It’s working fine. The app will alert us immediately if he leaves his two-mile parameter.”
“Okay.” This wasn’t the best news, but it was okay. Jared was running out of friends to do his dirty work for him. Jared and Oscar Stobbart couldn’t do much on their own.
“Cassandra and I have some law enforcement contacts through New Journeys. They’re putting together a team to look for further evidence against Jared. They may need to talk to you, get more details about your abuse,” Bree said.
Marilyn looked over at Noah. “Yeah, that would be good actually. I have a lot more to say. Things that might make more of a difference in him going to prison for longer. Things I should’ve said long before now.”
She felt Noah’s fingers tighten on hers. She knew he’d be standing with her as she gave the details of the horrors she’d let keep her trapped.
Tanner nodded. “Good. Everything you can talk about officially only helps in the case against him.”
“You two saved my children’s lives. Thank you.” They all looked over at the kids, who were laughing like maniacs with the dogs. “Thank you all, for everything.”
Noah reached over and kissed her right on the lips. “You’re not in this alone anymore.”
She really wasn’t. And she was finally believing that as truth.
Tanner and Bree were both staring at them in surprise. Evidently, the kiss had caught them off guard. Marilyn smiled. She hoped to be doing a lot more kissing with Noah.
A lot more than just kissing, too.
She smiled at her friends. “You guys come in and eat. No more talk about Jared. This week, we only talk about your wedding.”
23
The next few days went by without any problems. Thank goodness. The little town of Risk Peak was ready for a break.
There hadn’t been a lot of time for Marilyn to focus on her own revelations. She’d been spending much of it with Bree in these last few days leading up to her wedding.
Nobody had come out of the woods the same way they went in, but Bree maybe most of all. She’d killed a man. Granted, the scum of the Earth sort of man, and Marilyn was more than happy that both Paul Wyn and George Pearson were dead, but still it had come at a cost for Bree.
Bree had come out of the woods with a much different perspective about things, particularly about her wedding. No more dragging her feet, no more fears about her future.
Granted, Bree’s fears had never been about whether she should choose a life with Tanner, just about the process of having half the state of Colorado show up for their wedding. But even that didn’t seem to faze her much anymore. Real danger always had chased away the fake danger in her mind.
There’d been no sign of Marilyn’s real danger, either. Evidently, Jared had taken the judge’s warning seriously and was keeping on the straight and narrow. After what had happened with Paul and George, the Denver marshal’s office was taking the threat of Jared much more seriously. Watching him to the degree that Noah had finally sent Zac Mackay home since his presence was redundant.
Noah had arrived for dinner with Marilyn and the kids at New Journeys every night since their talk at his ranch. To the kids’ delight, he’d stayed and done dishes, read stories, and helped put them to bed each night. And then, to Marilyn’s delight, each night had ended with the sweetest and softest kisses for her.
But nothing more.
There was so much they still needed to talk about. Neither of them had any doubt about the strength of their feelings for one another or that they wanted to be together, but there were still a lot of factors that had to be worked out.
And they would. Marilyn had no doubt about it. But they both silently agreed that this week wasn’t about them. This week was about Bree and Tanner. They all just needed to get through the wedding tomorrow morning.
It was after ten p.m., and Marilyn was sitting with Bree and Cassandra in Bree’s apartment, sipping wine. The rehearsal and rehearsal dinner had gone off without a hitch, and it was Bree’s last night in this place. The kids were already asleep back at New Journeys, and Barb and Francis offered to babysit them.
“I’m ready,” Bree said. “In every way that someone can be ready to marry someone else, I’m ready. It’s time for me and Tanner to start our forever.”
Marilyn pressed her hand up against her heart at Bree’s uncharacteristically emotional words.
Cassandra muttered a curse then burst into tears. “That’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever heard. And I love it even more that my brother feels the same exact way.”
“It’s going to be an amazing day.” Marilyn turned to look at the gorgeous wedding dress that laid over the back of Bree’s couch. “And that dress is just so…”
“Ornate?” Bree said with a huff.
Marilyn chuckled. “It is ornate. It’s beautiful, Bree. Of course, I got married in a denim skirt, so I’m probably a little bit partial to a big, beautiful wedding dress.”
And not getting married to psychopaths. If she ever got married again, and she could admit for the first time she was actually thinking about that as a very real possibility, she wouldn’t—
Her thoughts were cut off by a shrieking noise from one of Bree’s computers. The woman had a ton—computer genius that she was—so Marilyn had no idea what was going on. Bree ran over to it and turned off the noise.
Marilyn expected a joke or sarcastic remark, but when Bree looked up at Marilyn, the color was gone from her face. At the same time Marilyn’s phone buzzed in her pocket. She looked down at it
Jared’s ankle monitor had just gone off.
She clutched the phone in front of her, staring at it. Vague details from the room registered—Bree’s phone ringing, Cassandra cursing—but all Marilyn could truly focus on was the message on her phone from the app Bree had set up.
Monitor alert.
Bree was typing something on her computer and talking to Tanner on the phone at the same time, trying to provide more information for everyone.
“Yes. It looks like he’s still at his apartment. So, if the ankle monitor went off, it was because he was trying to remove it from his body.”
Jared was trying to escape.
Bree said a few more things to Tanner then hung up and brought her laptop over so Marilyn could see it. “Look, the monitor is still on and still in his apartment. I won’t say there’s no cause to be alarmed, but let’s get all the information before we panic.”
Bree and Cassandra began talking about whether it could’ve been a malfunction. Bree’s voice was calm, steady. It helped cut through some of Marilyn’s fuzziness.
But still, she wasn’t taking a chance. “I need to get to the kids. They’re asleep at New Journeys.”
Cassandra nodded. “I’m going to call Barb right now and have her put the building on lockdown, okay? There’s absolutely no way Jared could get in that building. Hell, the kids will be safer than we are.”
Marilyn nodded and Cassandra got on the phone.
Then the alarm on Bree’s laptop screeched again. Bree rushed over to it but before Marilyn could even ask what that meant, Noah walked through the door.
His eyes met hers. He knew what was going on. He gave her their nod, then walked over to her and pulled her against his chest. “We’ve already go
t Ronnie standing guard over at New Journeys,” he said. “The kids are safe.”
Thank God.
“Jared’s tracker just went offline,” Bree told him.
“What does that mean, exactly?” Noah didn’t let go of her.
Bree gave a tiny shrug. “Technically, it means we no longer know exactly where Jared is.”
Noah’s arms tightened around Marilyn as she took a deep breath. She wasn’t in this alone anymore. Noah was here. And not just him. There was a room full of people who would help her deal with Jared. She had to remember that.
Tanner walked through the door while he was on the phone with the Denver marshal’s office. He hugged Bree with one arm as he spoke.
“I’ll call Sowers myself if that’s okay with you, Marshal, just to double-check. I’ve got his number.” Tanner kissed Bree on the top of the head as he listened to whatever the marshal said. “Will do. Thanks for calling us first.”
Tanner ended the call and looked over at Marilyn and Noah. “Adam Sowers, one of the marshals I met personally two days ago, is already on the scene. Everything is okay. Sowers was nearby when Jared’s alarm went off and he got the call. He immediately went to Jared’s townhouse, arriving within two or three minutes of the alarm. Jared was still there.”
“The monitor is offline now,” Bree said.
“Yes, Sowers confirmed this. Evidently, Jared developed some sort of rash under the monitor. He was trying to loosen it to keep it from chafing and knocked it offline.”
“You met this guy Sowers, and he’s on the up-and-up?” Noah said.
“Yeah,” Tanner said. “He’s young, enthusiastic about the job and about making a difference. I’m going to call him myself right now.”
Bree sat down at her computer to do something and Tanner called Marshal Sowers. Marilyn looked up at Noah. “I’m not sure what to do. What to feel.”
He wrapped his arm around her tighter. “It could very well be what it sounds like. Jared messing around with it and set it off. If anything, it’s proof the device is working as it’s supposed to—the marshals were over there in a hot second.”
