“I hate that she does this to you, Nora. I hate that you’ve ever had to go through this, to be manipulated just for money.”
She twisted her hands into his shirt and nodded her head. “I know.”
“I just don’t understand,” he spoke softly against her ear, his arms tightening around her. “I don’t understand why you give her what she wants.”
“She’s my mother, Kane. Wouldn’t you give your mother money if she asked for it?”
He was quiet for a moment before nodding against her shoulder. “I would, but this is different.”
Nora pulled away from him just enough to be able to see his face. “How is this different?”
He kept one arm anchored around her waist and reached up with the other hand to wipe the tears off her cheek. Any anger she’d been feeling had leached away, replaced with grief and, even more so, with fear. Fear that she really wasn’t lovable. Fear that if her own mother didn’t really want her…no one ever would.
“You know why,” he replied quietly.
“I don’t. Tell me why this is different.” She was standing on the edge of the precipice, and she wanted him to push her over. She wanted him to confirm every fear she had, and she wanted it to hurt so badly that any future hurts would pale in comparison. “I need to hear it.”
“Nora,” his voice was strangled and aching, but he stared at her squarely, not backing away from her challenge. “It’s different because my mother doesn’t charge me for her love.”
Nora sucked all the air into her lungs in one shaky gasp, then somehow forgot the way to exhale. Thankfully, his hands were still around her waist, and she clutched his biceps for support, afraid she was about to fall over. She stared back at him, wild-eyed and breathless. “My mother loves me, Kane.”
He shook his head, looking down between them.
He didn’t need to say more, because she knew he was right. A sob escaped her lips, and her knees shook. He pulled her back against his chest, her fingers clutching his shirt again as she let him hold her up entirely.
She’d ask him to say what she already knew, and he had. And suddenly, all of her pain was bare and exposed, open to judgment and ridicule and everything she’d tried to hide herself from.
But he wasn’t doing any of those things. He was just holding her. He was stroking her back with soft caresses, his warm breath on her ear and his heart beating hard under her hands on his chest.
“I’d pay it then,” she whispered.
“Nora—”
She shook her head against his chest. “No, I would, Kane. I’d pay any price for my mother to love me.” Her words trickled away, barely audible under her crying. He let her sob like she hadn’t in years. “I’d pay anything.”
“You shouldn’t have to, kitty,” he whispered, softly stroking her hair. He leaned down slightly, scooped her up into his arms, and headed toward the bedroom. “If it were up to me, you’d never have to.”
Chapter 13
Nora took a seat in her evening class and waited for the professor. Their next practice clinical was tonight, and she had studied every free moment of the last couple weeks since meeting with the dean. Juggling that, her work at the youth center, Kane, and now her mom…she was exhausted.
“Hey, Nora, ready for tonight?” said Lavinia, a fresh-faced young woman in her class who was taking the seat next to her. “You going to do a character?”
“Haven’t decided yet,” Nora told her with a tired smile.
She and Lavinia had been partners from the beginning, and during practice clinicals they took turns being each other’s therapist. The professor’s assistant taped their exchanges, and then they were graded on their abilities. Each student was encouraged either to be truthful and talk about things she was struggling with in her own life, as if it were a real therapy session, or to make up an entirely different character and stay as true to that as possible. The point was that the student in the “therapist” role wasn’t supposed to be able to tell if the student in the “patient” role was doing real life or a character; they were supposed to conduct the session as if they had already graduated and were in the field.
“Fine, don’t tell me.” Lavinia grinned. “Mrs. Weasley has really been struggling with her daughter’s new relationship with a big-man-on-campus type. She’s probably going to want to talk about it.”
Nora laughed. She knew Lavinia always did characters, and one of her favorites was Ron Weasley’s mother—from the Harry Potter books—who, to be honest, really did have a lot on her plate. Somehow, Lavinia was able to act it all out in a way that was very real, and emotion-packed, and so the professor never dinged her on her obviously fake characters.
The professor walked in seconds later, along with two assistants, and gave a short speech about the plan for the clinicals they were about to do. Then everyone shuffled out of the desks and took a spot in one of the rooms down the hall. Each room was only slightly bigger than a walk-in closet and held two armchairs, a not-so-subtle video camera directed at the chairs, and a one-way mirror that allowed an observer to watch the session.
Nora had done dozens of these in this class, and still more in other classes, but that one-way mirror still made her anxious. Lavinia took one chair and she took the other, sitting up as straight and professional as possible and doing her best not to glance at the camera or mirror.
“Do you want to start as the patient? Or should I?” Lavinia asked as she reached over behind the video camera and turned it on.
“I can go first,” Nora told her, and Lavinia nodded and sat back in her chair. They both took a second to take a deep breath and clear their throats. Both women were trained and confident, but when a camera was on them, it amped up the pressure.
“Good evening, I’m Dr. Klein,” Lavinia introduced herself. She wasn’t actually a doctor yet, and neither was Nora, but they were told to model that in these sessions anyway as practice.
“Hi, Dr. Klein, I’m…um,” Nora fumbled for a fake name for her character. “I’m Daisy.”
“It’s lovely to meet you, Daisy. So, as you know, we’ll have about fifty minutes to talk, and since this is your first session, we’ll keep it really simple and just get to know each other. Let’s start with what brings you in today.”
“Well, I lost my job last week. I was fired, actually, and it was completely unfair. It was my main source of income, and I don’t really know what to do now.”
Lavinia nodded, her empathetic expression reflecting genuine concern. The woman was a natural at this. “Losing a job is a significant stressor.”
“It is. I’m so stressed. Not only do I have to pay my own bills, but I’m helping my mother pay her…her…” Nora slowed as she realized that her character was accidentally slipping into reality. “Um, I help my mother, too.”
“Your mother sounds like a big part of your life. Can you tell me about her?”
Nora fidgeted with her fingers in her lap. “There’s not much to tell. She really isn’t that big a part of my life at all. She only pops in when she needs something, usually money.”
“And what do you do when she pops in?”
Nora sighed. “I give her whatever she wants and hope she stays around longer, but she doesn’t. She’s off on her next adventure the moment I give it to her.”
Lavinia let a beat of silence go by as Nora reflected on what she had said. “Daisy, if giving her money makes her leave, and you want her to stay, then why give it to her?”
Nora didn’t have an answer for that one, because, in truth, it didn’t make much sense. Instead, she shrugged and looked down at her lap; a lump formed in her throat. “I think she’d leave either way.”
“What do you feel when she does that?” Lavinia kept her questions soft, her tone gentle, as she reflected back to Nora the things she was trying to underscore.
Nora didn’t answer right away; she closed her eyes and really explored the question inside herself. What do I feel?
“I feel everything. I f
eel sad that she can’t be who I wish she was. I feel hurt that she doesn’t want to be a normal mother to me, that no matter how many times I tell her what I need, she’s still only focused on her own wants. I give her money because I want her in my life somehow, and if I don’t, I’ll never see her.” Nora thought about the bookie’s threat. Not giving her mother the money might very literally mean she’d never see her again.
“Have you told her all this? Given her clear guidelines about what you need from her and set boundaries for what you don’t want to tolerate?”
Nora shook her head. “Not really. There’s no point. She won’t follow them.”
“If you don’t tell her what you want and give her a chance to respect those boundaries, to prove to you that she loves you, then how will you ever know? If you love her, and if it’s worth it to you to try to fix this relationship, then those hard talks need to take place.”
“She is worth it to me. She always has been.” Nora felt the lump in her throat grow and tears sting her eyes. “I’m just afraid I’m not worth it to her.”
Lavinia said nothing, allowing the silence to lead Nora to focus on what she was really afraid of.
“What if I tell her what I need and want? What if I tell her that I can’t give her money and that I want her just to be my mom and to love me for me? What if I do all that…and she says no?” Wiping at her eyes, she stared down at her hands. Her shoulders felt heavy and her chest tight. “What if I’m not worth the effort?”
There was a sad sigh from Lavinia’s chair as her friend leaned forward and propped her elbows on her knees. “If she thinks that, then I feel truly sorry for her. She’s going to miss out on having a wonderful woman in her life. She may not recognize what she’s giving up, but I’d bet there are other people in your life who haven’t made that same mistake.”
Nora glanced up at her friend, wondering if that was true, if there was anyone who actually thought she was worth the effort.
“Do you have anyone like that in your life?” Lavinia prodded further.
Nora gulped slowly, trying to think. “I-I’m not sure. It doesn’t really feel like it, since my own mother doesn’t. I mean, if she can’t, how could anyone else?”
Lavinia wasn’t deterred. “Bear with me, and let’s try. Do you have a best friend?”
Nora immediately thought of Fiona and smiled. She remembered Shea’s adorable little crooked smile and her long brown braids, and she nodded. “I do. A friend and her little sister who are everything to me. We’ve been friends our whole lives, and I’d do anything for them.”
“Would they do anything for you?” Lavinia asked.
“Definitely.” There was no doubt in Nora’s mind. She did have people who loved her, and all the emotional mess with her mother had almost made her forget that. “They have always been there for me.”
“Wonderful. Who else has been there for you recently?”
In her mind, Kane’s deep blue eyes smiled back at her, and Nora nodded again. “There’s a guy. He’s been…” She sighed as butterflies fluttered around in her stomach. “He’s been wonderful, mostly. It’s just complicated.”
“Why is it complicated?”
Nora appreciated Lavinia’s tenacity; she could tell that the woman was going to be a really great psychologist, just from this mock session between them. “Well, he doesn’t want anything serious. He doesn’t want to be with me.” Nora went on to describe how he’d helped her and been there for her, but how they’d both agreed that now wasn’t a good time for either of them to be in a relationship.
“Well, Nora—I mean…Daisy—all of that may be true. But you just described a man who has been there for you, has helped you, has cared about you—and actions speak louder than words. Whoever this man is, he is putting in the effort. He thinks you’re worth it.”
Nora blinked slowly, wondering if that could really be the case, despite everything he’d said about not wanting a relationship. Her whole life, she’d always felt like an afterthought, not a priority to anyone. However, Kane had made her feel…important. Whether or not anything ever came out of that wasn’t the point, because at the very least, Kane had shown her what it was like to be a priority.
That was something she’d missed out on most of her life, until now…until him.
—
He got one swing in, maybe two, before his twin sidestepped around him. Kieran’s leg hooked his, and Kane was kissing the mat only seconds after they’d started. Kane groaned as he pushed himself up, slowly getting back on his feet.
“Fuck, K.” Kane groaned. “What the hell?”
“Me?” Kieran wiped the sweat from his brow and shook his head. “What about you? You just went down in, like, ten seconds. The fuck, Killer?”
Kane frowned and stretched his arms across his body. “Just an off day.”
“More like an off few weeks,” Kieran replied. “Which is not like you, bro. Especially with the championship in a little under two months. Now’s not the time to be flaking out on training.”
“I’m not.”
“Not what Rory says.” Kieran shrugged. “He said that you’ve been coming in late for training recently, that your head isn’t in the fight. Said you missed a session, too.”
“I had somewhere to be.” Kane thought of Nora, and he didn’t regret missing his session to be with her. Especially with all he now knew about her and how much she was going through. There was no way he could have walked out on her yesterday morning after everything that happened with her mother. She had needed him, and it felt so good to be needed. As a middle child and the younger twin, Kane was constantly being overshadowed. Being around Nora was the first time he’d ever really felt wanted, needed, powerful.
It was intoxicating.
But it was also incredibly painful, because his heart was starting to want something his mind had been made up against since the beginning.
“You had somewhere to be more important than training for the championship of your life? The event you’ve been working toward for years?”
Kane licked his lips and exhaled loudly. “It was one time, Kieran. I’m fine today, aren’t I?”
Kieran’s speculative stare told him he wasn’t letting it go. “Not really. You’re fighting like shit.”
“Let’s go again then. Now,” Kane challenged his brother.
Kieran nodded, and the two began to grapple. Kane landed a jab straight to Kieran’s shoulder, knocking him off balance ever so slightly. But when his twin came back, he used a hammer-fist move, pummeling Kane with the underside of his fist before going in for a clinch and quickly taking control of Kane’s movements and knocking him off his feet. Pressed into the mat, Kane had no choice but to tap out.
Kieran climbed off and stared down at him, one eyebrow raised. “You were saying?”
Exhausted and in a small amount of pain, despite the fact that Kieran really hadn’t gone that hard at him, Kane rolled onto his back and stared up at the ceiling. “I’m just warming up. I’ll be fine.”
He knew that wasn’t true, though. Kieran had just quickly beat him in a very simple fight. There hadn’t been any dirty tricks or special moves. Kane had just lost.
Something he never did.
“You’re distracted, Kane.” Kieran stared at him, hands crossed over his chest, making it clear he wasn’t dropping the issue. “I’m your twin. I know you. Tell me what’s going on.”
Kane slowly climbed back up to his feet, despite the ache in his entire body from the takedown. “Nothing’s going on. I’ve just had other priorities lately.”
Kieran’s eyes looked like they were about to bulge out of their sockets. “Other priorities! Like what?”
Kane grabbed his water bottle from the ground and took a swig.
“Dude, seriously. What other priorities?”
“I met a girl,” Kane finally divulged.
Kieran shrugged. “So what? You meet new girls every day. It’s all you brag about.”
Kane shook hi
s head. Nora wasn’t like that. He would never talk about her as if she was just a conquest, because she wasn’t. She was different. He hadn’t even considered being with another woman since they’d first been intimate. There was no particular reason for the decision he’d made; the thought had just never crossed his mind. He wasn’t interested in anyone else, and that was unusual for him.
“I don’t mean like that, K. I mean, I met a girl.” Ironically, he realized just how accurate his use of past tense was, because things between them had come to a screeching halt the last time they had seen each other.
Kieran cocked his head to the side, dropping his arms. “You met a girl? You mean, like, for real? Like not just a one-night stand?”
Kane nodded his head.
“Well, shit, Killer.” Kieran smiled and patted him on the back. “That’s fantastic. Fiona’s always on my ass about your dating life. If I tell her we might be able to double-date soon, it’ll score me so many points!”
Kane rolled his eyes and laughed. “Glad to help you score.”
His sarcasm wasn’t lost on his twin, who laughed along with him. “No, I’m serious, man. Good for you. It’s about time you stopped playing around. Who’s the girl?”
“It’s no one you know.” Kane responded so quickly that he practically cut Kieran off. “Plus, it’s kind of confusing right now.”
Eyebrows raised, Kieran gave him a wide grin. “Bullshit. I know exactly who it is.”
“You don’t know shit.” Kane pushed him away and started back to the center of the ring. “Let’s just keep practicing.”
Kieran didn’t push further, but Kane knew his twin had probably figured it out. They just had that weird sense between them, and sometimes it annoyed the shit out of him. “That’s probably why it’s confusing, because that’s exactly what you should be doing: practicing for the championship, not falling in love.”
Kane scoffed. “Believe me, no one is falling in love.” The words came out quickly, but they didn’t feel true in his gut, and he wondered if things had gotten even more serious with Nora than he’d realized.
Becoming a Legend Page 13
