by Tia Souders
Abby glanced at him from the corner of her eye, rattled by both her desire to know more about him and the things he said that struck a chord. She spent a lot of energy avoiding how she felt, while Kaden seemed to so easily express what was going on in his head.
While Abby ran in the other direction of her feelings, Kaden dived in head-first.
After a beat of silence, he reached out and touched her arm. “Hey, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to unload. It’s just frustrating.”
“No. I asked. I’m just not good with this kind of stuff.”
“What stuff? Life stuff?”
“Like feelings and stuff. Emotions...” She trailed off and wrinkled her nose like she smelled something bad. Even this small admission made her pulse twitch.
“Well, if you want to be my girlfriend, then you’ll have to get used to it.”
His eyes teased, and Abby raised a brow. “Who said I wanted to be your girlfriend?”
“I’m pretty sure last night while our heads were bent over our calc book you mentioned it.”
Abby tried to fight the smile tugging at the corner of her lips but failed. At least he’d gotten his sense of humor back, even if his sole purpose was to torture her.
She turned her attention back to the road, grinning like an idiot, when reality hit her again.
She had received the letter from GG about the safety deposit key and had yet to go find it. Was she stalling? Preferring the safety of the journal to something more tangible?
What a crappy granddaughter she was. It was one thing to suck at secret-solving, but she didn’t want to fail GG. She swallowed over the sudden tightness in her throat.
“You look...I don’t know, tired or something. Everything okay?” Kaden asked.
She felt his gaze on the side of her face.
“Yeah. I haven’t been sleeping well, that’s all, and there was this thing I was supposed to do,” she said, thinking of the key. “I didn’t get a chance to last night. It’ll be fine though. I’ll go after school.”
“Does this have to do with your grandmother?”
Abby’s head whipped in his direction. “How did you know?”
He shrugged, saying nothing. Silence spread between them like a thick blanket, forming a barrier between them in the tiny car until she felt the need to push it away.
“Have you ever had a secret?” she blurted.
The moment the words left her mouth, a surge of adrenaline spiked her veins. Could she really tell him after being warned not to?
The summer before her freshman year, her family took a trip to the Blue Ridge Mountains. They rented a cute log cabin, nestled among the trees. Days filled with hiking, exploring, and her parents tasting local wine. It was one of the most low-key vacations they had taken as a family, but on the last day, they went white water rafting. Her grandfather stayed behind while the four of them—her mom, dad, GG, and herself—donned bright-orange life vests and helmets and readied themselves for an adventure.
Nerves zipped through her belly as they waited. She remembered the way the water vibrated underneath the raft. The sheer power of it was a force to be reckoned with, and all at once, she had wanted to get off. She had changed her mind. All she could think about was jumping out of the boat to safety, but her reticence to tell her parents she no longer wanted to be a part of the experience stopped her.
The ride had been slow at first, lulling her into a false sense of security, until the water grew choppier all at once. They had to work together, all of them paddling at the same time, while her father shouted instructions. The waves tossed their raft like it weighed nothing, but they managed to stay afloat, their arms straining with the effort—muscles quaking. Foamy caps of water lashed at them, sending spray everywhere. Waves dipped and lifted the boat until her stomach fell to the ground by her feet.
Fear and exhilaration pumped through her but staying afloat meant keeping a level head, so she pressed on, telling herself she was capable while relishing the thrill of it, and before she knew it, they had returned to still water. Their raft coasted, giving her a chance to catch her breath, to soak it all in. Her limbs quaked. The rush from the ride was still with her as they came to a stop. And when she got out of the raft, she wanted to do it all over again. Because the ride, though scary, had been worth it.
As she glanced over at Kaden, that’s exactly how she felt now. Like the ride might be worth it, even if it felt scary in the moment. And so, she asked again.
“Have you ever had a secret that could affect people? Something big and possibly life-changing? Not what girl your friend likes or what you got someone for their birthday, but a real secret.”
Kaden’s forehead creased in concentration as he stared out the windshield thinking, and she loved the way he didn’t answer immediately. He didn’t reply with little thought but instead, took his time to assess, to really think before he spoke.
“No. I don’t think so.” He shrugged. “I don’t have any close friends. All I have is my family, and there’s nothing secretive there. So, no, I don’t think I have.”
Turning to her, his eyes searched her face as she came to a red light and glanced over at him. “Why? Abby is everything okay?”
She wanted to tell him everything. She wanted to explain about the letters, the journal, and what she had discovered about Lawson and see what it all meant. Part of her wanted to tell him how much she missed GG and how she didn’t allow herself to think about it too much for fear of losing control. She wanted to tell him about how she’s supposed to go search for the key but was afraid.
The words were all there, poised and ready at the tip of her tongue. All she had to do was open her mouth and open her heart enough to share herself with him.
Blinking, she stared into his big brown eyes as he waited in anticipation. But instead of letting go and settling down into the raft, ready to traverse the waves, she got off. Maybe it was GG’s words circling her head like vultures—tell no one—or maybe it was the fear of the secret itself, that this thing might be bigger than she could ever imagine, but she said nothing about the letters or the journal entries or the private investigator.
Instead, she asked, “How do you feel about skipping school?”
Maybe she couldn’t get on the raft, but she’d dip a toe in the water.
“DON’T LOOK SO SHOCKED.” Abby frowned.
“I’m just surprised. Other than park curfew, you don’t seem like the rule-breaking type. Perfect house. Perfect parents. Perfect clothes,” he said, eying her. “Have you ever skipped school before?”
Her smile fell. “Well, no, but there’s a first time for everything. Right? And I think now is that time.”
Without waiting for his response, she took a sudden U-turn at the traffic light. The tires squealed, and several cars honked behind her; Kaden gripped the dashboard in front of him like they might crash at any moment.
Maybe she couldn’t share with him everything that had happened since GG died, but she could take him along for the ride as she went to dig up the safety deposit box key.
“Your driving skills leave little to be desired.”
Abby stuck her tongue out at him, feeling giddy with excitement for the first time in days.
“I’m guessing since you turned around already, I don’t get a say in this. Funny, I tell you how my dad is controlling and wants me to focus on school, and your response is to skip it altogether? Makes total sense.”
Abby’s stomach dropped. “Oh. Crap. That was dumb of me. Do you want to go back?”
Kaden scoffed. “Of course not. I was just messing with you.”
Abby gasped and punched him in the arm.
“Ow!” Kaden gripped his bicep. “I notice you have violent tendencies. Maybe we should talk about it.”
She said nothing, choosing instead to continue staring at the road ahead, lips pursed.
“Why would I want to go to school when I can spend more one-on-one time with the mysterious Abby Bridges.” He shifted in his s
eat, turned toward her, and placed the side of his head in his hand and stared.
Abby glanced at him out of the corner of her eye. “Stop it.”
“Stop what?”
“That.” She waved a hand at him. “Staring like that.”
She squirmed under his gaze as he said nothing, his grin his only reply. His eyes stayed on her until she couldn’t take it anymore. “If you don’t stop, I’m going to pull over and kick you out of my car.”
“Where does all this aggression come from? First, you hit me with your car, then you pinch me, punch me in the arm, and now you’re talking about kicking.” He shook his head, but his gaze never left her as he continued. “And all I’m doing is observing.”
Abby’s eyes widened. “Observing?”
He nodded. “Trying to figure out what’s going on in that head of yours. You keep everything locked up so tight.”
Abby rolled her eyes, trying to play it off like his words had no effect. Like he was wrong when he was completely right.
She gripped the steering wheel tighter with her sweat-dampened palms and tried for a mirthless laugh, but it fell flat. “I hardly know you. Why should I share personal things with you?”
“I wouldn’t say you hardly know me. I mean, what do you know about me? I have a little sister...”
“Who’s every bit as frustrating as you,” Abby interjected.
“I prefer tenacious.” He turned back to the road—finally—then held his fingers out as he counted off his fingers. “You know I sneak odd jobs because I’m not allowed to have one. One is the trash at the park, and the other is delivering medicine to old folks. You know where I live, my age, my grade, and school.”
“That’s nothing.”
“You know my father is overprotective and that my mom died when I was young. You also know a bit more history behind that—why they got married and when. You know I don’t have many friends and can probably assume because of that I’ve never had a girlfriend. You know just by hearing me talk about these things that they frustrate the crap out of me, but I care about my dad too much to fight him on it. I have no cell phone, no internet. I’m somewhat of a loner, but I’m a master at calculus. And most importantly, you know how unnaturally good looking I am and how I drive you wild with desire in my presence. Am I right?”
“Unnatural is right,” she muttered.
“So, I’m an open book,” he said, ignoring her comment. “While you’re sealed up tight. You could ask me anything, and I’d answer.”
What could she say? Hadn’t she just been thinking the same thing moments ago?
“Here’s another truth,” Kaden said, then paused, and Abby almost reached out and stopped him. She wanted to cover his mouth with her hand. This sharing was too much. She couldn’t do it, and it wasn’t fair for him to continue to spill his guts while she remained silent.
“Truth be told, I’ve never skipped school before either. And it makes me a little jittery. It’s not that I never break the rules but...” He bit his lip, and stared out the window, collecting his thoughts. “Ever since my mom died, I feel like I need to be perfect for my dad, like I can’t raise any red flags or get in trouble or do any normal stuff teenagers do like go to parties or skip curfew. Sure, I sneak work, but that’s about it. I don’t go out. I don’t even ask or try, and he prefers it that way. I get straight A’s and help watch my sister until he gets home from work, and I go to bed on time every night without him having to ask. It’s what I do. But maybe I’m tired of it. When I’m around you, I question why I don’t try harder to have a life.”
Abby sat in the silence, taking in everything he just said. She shook her head, trying to understand. “You joke and tease. You don’t act like someone who has problems.”
A glimmer of understanding flickered in his eyes as his gaze locked on hers, and he shrugged. “You can either make the most of the hand you’re dealt, or you can dwell on it and be miserable. I’ve got nothing to complain about. Not really. I know how I feel, and I own that. It helps.”
Abby drove in silence, wishing she could be so honest. Her thoughts drifted from Kaden to herself. They were not all that different. She grew up thinking family was everything.
Family first. Everything else came second, and though it seemed natural at the time, she wondered if pushing away friends and only keeping family close had exacerbated her innate inability to open up and let people in. Family would always be there. She could rely on them, but friends were trickier. They weren’t obligated to like her or want her around, keep her confidences, or remain loyal. The risk of friendship was much greater.
And now, as she neared her grandparents’ house, preparing herself to retrieve GG’s safety deposit box key and unravel her family’s secrets, she found the situation reversed. In this case, family was the problem. GG had come across a secret, and Abby couldn’t turn to any of them for help, which meant going at it alone. And not for the first time since this started, Abby’s desire for a close friend, a confidant, twitched in her belly, hungering for someone to share this burden with.
But letting someone in was a choice. For Kaden, it wasn’t so simple, since pleasing his father meant avoiding meaningful interactions.
She glanced over at him, thinking how exhausting it must be to try and make someone happy for so many years. His argument with his dad about spending time with her flickered in her head, and a light went on. He chose her over his father’s wishes. Something Kaden claimed he never did.
“Why me?” she asked before she could stop herself. “Out of all the people, why do I make you question why you’ve never fought him?”
“Maybe you’re the first thing I wanted more than I wanted to please my father. Some things are just worth it.”
He turned back to his window as if he hadn’t just sent her heart into palpitations.
Abby swallowed as his words sunk into her bones, and the air in the car shifted. Something intense and meaningful settled between them.
Taking a deep breath, she tried to clear her head. Now that she knew more about him, she didn’t want to get him into trouble.
“Are you sure you want to do this? What if your dad finds out?” she asked as she turned onto her grandparents’ street.
“Depends. Will I learn all your secrets? If so, it’s worth it.” He winked, having no idea how close he was to the truth. “Did I mention my dad works for Fairfax PD? He’s like a human lie detector.”
“Oh.” Abby sunk back into her seat. “Well, that’s inconvenient for you.”
“It is, isn’t it? But what’s with the sudden concern. Are we going to be breaking any laws?” He grinned.
Not technically.
“We’re just going to my grandmother’s house.”
Kaden laughed.
“What’s so funny?”
“Nothing. It’s just, both of us are skipping school for the first time and what are we doing? Going to your grandma’s house. Kind of amusing, don’t you think?”
“No. I don’t think. And for your information, we’re going there to get a key.”
“Ah, a key! This keeps getting more exciting,” he said, laughter in his voice.
“It’s a key that can potentially help me unravel a secret, okay?”
“Ohhh, a secret. Got it. Totally explains everything now.” He rolled his eyes.
“It’s to her safety deposit box, and yes, before you say anything, she asked me to get the key and open it.”
“Uh-huh.”
Abby gritted her teeth. How could he make her feel for him one minute and infuriate her so easily the next?
“Okay, I’ll go along with your little secret hunt if you tell me one thing,” he said.
“What do you want to know?” She eyed him, wary of what he might ask.
“Does what we’re doing have anything to do with the circles under your eyes?” He leaned over her seat and gently touched a fingertip to the sensitive skin below her eye. “Does it have to do with this thing you won’t tell me ab
out?”
He asked a question. She should answer, but she couldn’t think under his probing gaze and the tiny sparks shooting down her spine at his touch. All she could do was nod.
“Then it’s totally worth it.”
She exhaled the breath she hadn’t realized she’d been holding, glad his fingers were back on his side of the car, and away from her skin.
See? That wasn’t so bad. Toes in, feet wet.
She could totally do this.
BESIDE HER, KADEN WHISTLED.
She slowed the car in front of her grandparents’ house, knowing what he saw when he took in the expansive yard, perfectly manicured lawn, gardens, and the huge three-story colonial. Six of Kaden’s little ranch homes could fit inside, not to mention the huge inground swimming pool out back. The Mercedes parked in the hand-stamped cement driveaway only added to the affluent aesthetic. She had never thought much of it—how they might look to outsiders—but as Kaden leaned forward in his seat, eyes wide as they approached, the scrutiny made her uncomfortable. Her grandparents’ extravagance had never seemed abnormal before, but she could see through Kaden’s eyes how it might come off to others.
“Um, you never mentioned your grandparents lived in a mansion,” Kaden said.
“It’s not a mansion.” Abby hated her defensive tone. Why did she feel guilty?
She slowed in front of the driveaway when something caught her eye. Someone was in the backyard.
Instead of pulling in, she coasted past the house, straining to see better, and came to a stop when she spotted her grandfather, shovel in hand. The blade glinted in the sunlight as he lifted the tool, scooping dirt from what appeared to be a small mound and placed it onto the earth. He worked for several minutes, his frail body heaving with the effort.
