by Emma Lea
Jamie
We docked on Le Beau in a flurry of activity. Alyssa and Will had already arrived incognito and were ensconced in the hotel where we would all be staying. The Mayfield was a new hotel and casino and by all accounts it was worth every penny of the exorbitant prices they charged.
I took Meredith’s hand as we crossed the gangplank to the dock and relished the small amount of contact.
“Your Highness,” Benjamin said, sketching a bow.
I raised an eyebrow at him. He wasn’t supposed to meet us on the dock. I knew we had a security briefing with him within the hour of our arrival, but seeing him here on the dock set off alarm bells in my head. Had something happened? I could feel Meredith stiffen beside me as the same thoughts were more than likely running through her head.
“I apologise for the interruption,” Benjamin said as he fell into step beside us.
“Not at all,” Meredith said. “Is there something we need to be made aware of?”
“I’m afraid I must steal the prince away for a few moments,” Benjamin said. “The car will take you to your spa appointment. I will ensure that the prince is returned to you by the time you are finished.”
Meredith’s mouth pressed together in a thin line. “Of course,” she said.
The fact that Benjamin wanted to see me alone kicked my heart rate up a few notches. It could only mean that there was trouble on Kalopsia, or that he had news at the very least. I brushed a kiss on Meredith’s cheek and then helped her into the car. Benjamin escorted me to another waiting car and I slid into the cool interior surprised to see the queen waiting for me.
“Your Grace,” I said, nodding my head in a bow of respect.
The door closed, sealing us inside together. Just the two of us.
“It’s uncanny,” she said after a moment of examining me.
I lifted a hand to my hair and pulled down the dark sunglasses I was wearing.
She seemed to shake herself and then take a deep breath. “I need to ask you a question,” she said.
I inclined my head, indicating that she was free to ask me whatever it was she wanted.
“What are your plans?”
My eyes popped wide as I lifted my head to look at her. “Pardon?”
She sighed and turned to look out the window at the passing scenery. “You can’t stay as part of my security team forever, Jamie. You and I both know that.”
I let out a long, slow breath as I thought about what she was saying. Alyssa and I had never discussed who I really was or the implications of it if it were ever to be made public.
“I can honestly say that I didn’t ever think the day would come where I would be in any position to do anything,” I answered truthfully.
“And now?” She turned back to look at me and I tried not to squirm under her gaze.
Alyssa had changed so much since becoming queen - in good ways. She had become confident and assertive and from what I could see, authority sat well on her. She was a good ruler and a queen who had the best interests of her people at heart. It was the kind of ruler I would want to be if I ever had the chance.
“Now I still don’t know what my future holds.”
“But you do understand that your time in exile is coming to an end. One way or another, you will be exposed.” She said it kindly. It wasn’t a threat.
I rubbed my hands over my face. “I know,” I said, resigned. “Of course I want to be able to step into the role I was born for. I just have no idea what that role will be now. I don’t even know if my father is still alive. I don’t know if my people even want me back.”
Her features softened. If anyone could understand what I was going through, Alyssa would. She had faced a similar dilemma when her father and brother were killed. There had been no provision in the long history of Merveille for a female heir. She had had to fight for her birthright, much the same as I would be forced to if I wanted to be a prince-in-exile no longer.
“And what of Meredith?”
I managed to keep my face from betraying the surprise I felt. “What about her?” I asked carefully.
She picked up a newspaper that was sitting, unnoticed, on the seat beside her and handed it over to me. On the front page was a photograph of two people on a boat. They were kissing. If I wasn’t mistaken, it was Meredith and me.
“Would you like to explain this?” she asked.
I cleared my throat. “We were just doing as we have been instructed to do,” I said, stiffly.
“You knew this photo was being taken?”
“We weren’t positive,” I replied. “We heard the approach of the helicopter and took a guess.”
She handed over another paper. This one was open to the society pages and had several photographs of Meredith and me at the casino. I took the paper and gazed down at the pictures. There was obvious affection showing on both our faces as we laughed at something. It was a great photo of us, except that we looked like the queen and Will.
“And these?”
I looked up at her, but there was nothing showing on her face to give away what she felt. I didn’t know if she was upset or concerned.
“We were doing our job,” I said.
“Meredith is my best friend,” Alyssa said. “I care about her a great deal.”
“I am aware,” I said.
“I don’t want her to get hurt.”
“You think I would hurt her?”
“I don’t think you would do it intentionally,” she said and sighed. Her rigid posture relaxed a bit as she glanced away and then back at me. “She’s leaving the guard.”
“I know.”
She looked surprised at that. “I didn’t think Benjamin had announced it yet.”
“He hasn’t,” I replied, “Meredith told me.” I don’t know why I told her that. I was trying to assure her that there was nothing going on between Meredith and me, and yet I was giving myself away with the words I spoke. “We work together a lot,” I clarified. “She felt I should know.”
Alyssa nodded slowly but I didn’t think she believed me.
“And you will be leaving soon too.”
It was a subtle warning. Not that she would be kicking me out of the country, but that the time was coming when I could no longer hide. I knew that too.
“Does Meredith know?”
I shook my head. “No,” I said with a harsh exhale.
Alyssa’s eyes softened. Did she understand how hard it was for me to keep something like this from the woman I was very quickly falling for? Did Alyssa have an inkling of the way I felt and was trying very hard to deny?
“The last thing I want to do is hurt Meredith,” I said, looking her in the eyes. “I know the situation is…unfortunate. We will both be going our separate ways when we return to Merveille. Until then we are both just trying to do our jobs as best we can under the circumstances.”
Alyssa didn’t say anything for a long time. The car came to a stop and the door opened. I moved to get out but she leaned over and rested a hand on my arm. I looked into her eyes and saw a whole tumult of emotions before she locked them down.
“I care about both of you,” she said. “And I only want the best for both of you.”
“I know,” I said and then stepped out of the car, sliding my sunglasses on.
I headed into the hotel, although the last thing I wanted was to be trapped in a room, no matter how luxurious it was. I needed to run, to move. I needed to get rid of this restless feeling that had come into my body after my talk with Alyssa. I knew that continuing this thing with Meredith was playing with fire, but every time I tried to retreat, I was pulled back in by her smile or a look. She was intoxicating and I couldn’t seem to get enough of her. It couldn’t last, we both knew that, but it didn’t stop us continuing to crash together. I didn’t know what the future held past this tour. For all I knew there would be nothing left of my country by the time I actually got to do anything about it. I couldn’t ask Meredith to stand by my side while I tried to resu
rrect what had once been a great, if small, nation.
I smiled at myself. Meredith as my queen? Where had that thought even come from? We weren’t headed down that path. We were just having fun and soon enough, that fun would be over.
Chapter 8
Meredith
I walked into the suite of The Mayfield and I was blissfully alone. Three days in Monaco, two days on the yacht and it felt like I hadn’t had a minute to myself. I usually didn’t mind having company, but these last few days had felt crowded so the silence of the suite was welcome.
I wandered around, taking everything in. The hotel in Monaco was all nineteenth century beaux-arts architecture, but The Mayfield was sleek and modern. Shiny, white tiles led to thick, plush, dark carpet. White leather sofas and dark, chocolate wood furniture. Recessed lighting was strategically placed to highlight the minimalist artwork that took the form of sculptures and large canvases that hung on the walls. The main area of the suite was dominated by an entire wall made of glass that looked out over the ocean.
I walked over to the windows and stood for a moment taking in the view. I didn’t think I would ever get enough of seeing the ocean. I opened the door and stepped out onto the balcony. There was a light breeze and I closed my eyes and dragged in a breath of the fresh, salty air. A couple of hours in the spa had ended with a glorious massage and combined with a few moments of solitude, I felt myself relaxing. I hadn’t realised the tension that had built up in me since the tour began. There was so much going on in my head, the least of which was whatever was happening with Jamie and me.
This entire tour was so out of my depth. I had known that part of the reason I was in Alyssa’s security team was because there would be times I would need to impersonate her. I had been trained from a young age for that very thing. But the other times I’d had to do it had only been for short bursts. A quick walk from a car into a building to distract the press while Alyssa went in through another entrance. This whole ‘living’ like Alyssa had me a little on edge. I wasn’t used to having to act like a lady all the time. I sighed. I supposed it was something that I would have to get used to since everything about my life was going to change once I returned home.
Countess Meredith. I rolled the words around in my head and grimaced. Despite having been raised in a ducal household, I had never aspired to hold a title myself. I was happy to be the nameless, faceless body guard that followed the queen around. The press generally left me alone - just the way I liked it. That was until daddy dearest took the role of prime minister. I gritted my teeth and then sighed, shaking my head to dispel the sudden tension that had returned to my shoulders. It wasn’t fair of me to expect him to give up something that he was so obviously good at. Besides the fact that Alyssa needed him, my father was what our country needed to lead it through the changes that Alyssa spearheaded. I just hadn’t expected the fallout to be me having to give up what I loved.
I turned my back on the view and walked back into the suite. I crossed the spacious living area and entered the bedroom where my luggage had already been unpacked. My laptop sat on the small desk and I took a seat in front of it. I told the girls back home that I would keep them updated on what was happening. So far I had done little but send them a quick text to say everything was going well.
I opened the lid of the laptop and clicked on the icon for my email account. The topmost email was from my mother. I hovered the mouse over the subject line that was written in all caps. I could simply delete it and pretend that it had gotten lost in the black hole of the internet, but she would only send it again and then I’d have to deal with her bad mood. I took a deep breath. No. It was better if I dealt with this head on.
Dear Meredith,
I hope this missive finds you well.
Only my mother would start an email so formally. I couldn’t restrain myself from rolling my eyes.
As per our previous discussion, I have attached a list of possible suitors.
Excuse me? Possible suitors? What discussion?
And a schedule of events that require your attendance when you are returned.
Okay, so maybe I should have just deleted this email after all.
Please read through the list and number them in order of preference so that I may begin making overtures toward them.
You have got to be kidding me. My mother wanted me to rank my potential suitors so that she could set up dates with them on my behalf? That seemed…clinical, even for her. And where did she even get this list? Were these men who had shown an interest in me? Or were they a list of men who she felt would make advantageous associations? I had never been close to my mother. We had such different philosophies on life that we had never seemed to bond. How would she even know what kind of man I was attracted to, or didn’t that matter? Was my future husband to be chosen for me purely on his breeding and family tree? Would I have any say at all?
Well, of course I got to prioritise her list, so I suppose that was something.
With morbid fascination I clicked open the attachment helpfully named ‘suitable and appropriate members of the peers.’ I assumed by appropriate she meant single and within an acceptable age. Suitable had to indicate her idea of who would make the most advantageous match with our family. I wondered as I skimmed the list if she had ever emailed Freddie with a similar one. I couldn’t imagine that Alex would have been my mother’s first choice for her first born and heir to the Bingham line.
I had a weird floaty feeling, like I was high up and watching my life play out before me as if I were just a spectator. I suppose there was some part of me that had always known this day would come. Had I really expected my mother to let me stay in the guard indefinitely? Whether I acknowledged it or not, this had always been the inevitable outcome. I suppose I had hoped that when I married it would be because I had fallen in love. I wasn’t a romantic and I didn’t have daydreams about some prince riding up on his white horse to sweep me off my feet. I just thought that the whole love, marriage and starting a family thing would happen organically. That I would meet someone, have a courtship, fall in love and marry.
Images of Jamie flashed behind my eyes and I gasped. No. I had never once thought that what Jamie and I had would go any further. I had never once imagined him as my life partner. Until now. Until a list of potential mates was presented to me and none of them could stand up against the only man who had ever really held my interest. I skimmed the list again. I knew every single one of these men and none of them sparked even the slightest curiosity in me. Some of them I could cross off immediately. Others I liked well enough, but there was nothing about them that made me want to get to know them better.
I closed my eyes, shutting out the list of names that stared back at me accusingly. Spending this time with Jamie was a double-edged sword. Pretending to be a couple was messing with my head. Having him touch me, kiss me, hold my hand in public was giving me ideas of what it could be like if this thing between us was real. And I wanted it to be real. It took an effort to actually admit that to myself. I didn’t care that he was a body guard or that he wasn’t on the approved list that my mother had so kindly curated. I wanted Jamie and me to be together for real. He had hinted that it might be possible for us. That when we returned and I left the guard, there might be a chance for us to pursue this. I had turned him down, but what if…
The door to the suite opened and I could hear voices and laughter. It seemed my idyllic solitude had come to an end.
I shut my laptop and went to the ensuite to check that my personal revelations weren’t written all over my face. I knew I needed to talk to Jamie, to see if he was serious about what he had proposed. The trick was bringing it up without asking him directly. I needed to get a feel for what he was thinking without actually revealing my own thoughts or feelings. No way was I going to put myself out there on the wire unless he was on the same page. I had learned never to show my vulnerability to my team. As the only female, I had been warned that showing any form of weakness would dist
ract the rest of the team from their objective. It was a natural reaction for men to want to protect anyone they deemed weaker, so I had to show them that I was just as capable and in control as they were. If my teammates were worried about me, then they wouldn’t be focused on Alyssa.
This same applied to having this discussion with Jamie. I needed him to be honest and if he was worried about offending me or hurting me, then he would simply tell me what he thought I wanted to hear. But I needed the truth. I needed to know what he was feeling and what he was thinking. How to find those things out without directly questioning him was the trick, and I had no idea how I was going to do it.
Happy that I looked normal and not like some love-sick puppy, I walked out into the main living area of the suite to see Jamie and Danika wrapped in each other’s arms. I came to an abrupt halt, not quite sure where to look or what to say. My mouth went dry and I was pretty sure my heart literally stopped beating.
Jamie looked up and saw me standing there and broke the hold, grinning at me over Danika’s shoulder.
“Hey Mer,” he said, guilelessly.
Danika whipped around to look at me, a guilty expression crossing her face quickly before she smoothed it away with a cool smile. The same smile she always bestowed on me. The very same one that never seemed to reach her eyes. Eyes that held a calculating and distrustful look whenever they were turned in my direction.
Jamie walked over to the small kitchenette that had little more than a bar fridge, a sink and a fruit bowl. He opened the fridge and snagged a bottle of water, holding it out first to Danika and then to me in invitation. I shook my head, my heart pounding and my ears full of a rushing sound. I guess I had my answer. Jamie and I were over.
I turned to go back to my room, not prepared to sit in the same airspace as these two and watch as Jamie moved on. But I stopped when Jamie called my name.
