by Emma Lea
Meredith turned to me and poked me in the chest with her finger. “You did this,” she yelled. “This is all your fault.”
I grabbed her finger and pulled her against me, wrapping my arms around her. “Calm down,” I whispered in her ear. “We will figure this out. We’ll go and see Father Felipe and see if he can do something.”
Meredith huffed out a breath and pressed her forehead against me chest. “What are we going to do?” she whispered.
“Shh,” I whispered into her ear. “I’ll get it sorted. I promise.”
She thumped her fist against my chest and then pushed out of my arms. “Okay,” she said, straightening her shoulders and taking a deep breath. “Let’s go.”
We walked back to the car and I directed the driver to the chapel where Father Felipe lived. I wanted to reach over and take Meredith’s hand in mine but I doubted that she would appreciate the gesture. I knew this was what she wanted, but even though I knew it was probably the best thing for both of us, I didn’t want to dissolve our marriage. I hadn’t been as drunk as she’d thought when we came here last night and she wasn’t either. I knew what I was doing and I did it of my own free will. I thought she had too. I was sure that she must have because she had convinced Father Felipe to marry us.
There were so many things I wanted to say. I wanted to tell her that everything I told her last night was true. I want to tell her about my country and what I was facing. I wanted to ask her to stay by my side so that we could fight the coming battles together. But that wasn’t fair. I couldn’t guilt her into staying married to me. I didn’t even know how long I was going to be stuck in this weird limbo that I had found myself in. We could get back to Merveille and I could still be required to stay in exile for another ten years. It wasn’t fair of me to dump everything on her when there may be no end in sight. And she was right. If nothing changed in my situation, then she would be the countess who married a body guard. It would reflect badly on her and her family. The fact was, I may never hold the title of prince again. There was a very real possibility that I would stay a displaced person, exiled from my country for the rest of my life. I couldn’t expect Meredith to hitch her wagon to that.
The car came to a stop and I got out, offering my hand to Meredith. She brushed my hand aside and got out of the car, striding up the path to the little cottage where Father Felipe lived. I followed her, the dread a hard rock in my stomach. How would I possibly explain to Father Felipe that we needed to annul the marriage barely twenty-four hours after he joined us?
Meredith pounded on the door. I looked out over the island below us. It was a different view during the day. The night before, as the sun was setting, the vista had seemed magical. As I looked at it now, it was still beautiful, but it was also more real. It was like seeing behind the wizard’s curtain. I could see the flaws - the smog, the lower income areas, the garishness of the strip of hotels and casinos. The twilight had covered everything with a soft light, but the harsh light of day exposed the cracks. Much like my very short-lived marriage.
Meredith pounded on the door again but there was still no answer.
“Maybe he’s in the garden,” I suggested.
Meredith spun around and glared at me, but she didn’t say anything. When I didn’t move she held her arm out as if to tell me to lead the way. I shook my head and sighed. Meredith had a famously short fuse but it usually burnt itself out pretty quickly. I just had to weather the silent treatment and death-stares until she calmed down. Surely she couldn’t blame me for this entire mess? We were both present here last night. We both made promises. Promises that she was all too willing to break.
I walked down the path that led around to the back of the cottage and saw a hat bobbing on the other side of a hedge. I headed in that direction hoping to find the priest but instead found a woman.
“Excuse me,” I said, “do you know where we can find Father Felipe?”
“He’s gone,” the woman replied, turning back to her weeding.
“We know that,” Meredith said, her voice tight. “But we were wondering if you could tell us where he had gone and maybe when he would be returning?”
“He’s gone,” the woman said, straightening again and giving us a look like we were wasting her time. “He won’t be back for two weeks.”
“What!?”
I reached out to lay a calming hand on Meredith’s arm but she shook me off.
“Two weeks?”
The woman nodded. “He has gone to the mainland. It’s his annual trip to the Vatican.”
Meredith slammed her hands down on her hips and glared at me.
“Did you know?”
“What? No. Of course not,” I said.
She glared at me as if she didn’t believe me and then stormed off toward the car. I thanked the woman and then followed after Meredith. I had no idea what we were going to do now.
Chapter 12
Meredith
The next twelve hours were tense. When we arrived back at the hotel, we had very little time before we had to board the yacht that would take us to Barcelona. I headed straight to my room to pack - not that I had any packing to do. My maids had already packed my bag and were waiting for me so they could dress me. I submitted to their ministrations without complaint. I was still in shock. I couldn’t believe I’d married Jamie and there was nothing I could do about it for thirty days.
That could be a good thing.
I ignored the little voice in the back of my head that was trying to convince me that marrying Jamie was actually a blessing in disguise. I had been ignoring that voice all day. I ignored it when it prompted me to move closer to Jamie in the car. I ignored it when it told me to reach out and take his hand. And I continued to ignore it because it didn’t matter that there was a part of me that was thrilled with being married to him, the fact was that it just couldn’t happen. Despite what romance novels and fairytales would have you believe, love was not enough.
When the maids finally left me, I let out a long sigh and sat on the end of my bed. Jamie told me he loved me - more than once - and I couldn’t bring myself to say it back. Not because I didn’t love him, because I did love him and I knew I did. I couldn’t tell him because if I did, I knew he wouldn’t let anything come between us. The problem was that there were other people to think about. My life was not my own. I had known that all my life, as much as I tried to ignore it. My father had run interference with my mother so that I could at least have the illusion of freedom, but I knew that that was coming to an end. It was time for me to grow up and stop running from the responsibilities of my birth. I may not have chosen to be born to a duke and duchess, but I couldn’t escape the reality of it. I was only ever kidding myself by pretending I could have a normal life.
I slept fitfully on the yacht. I told the team I had a headache and didn’t want to be disturbed. I couldn’t bear to sit around watching Jamie from across a table and pretending that everything was fine. Everything was decidedly not fine and I just didn’t have it in me to keep up the pretence. What I wanted was to have my girls around me and tell them everything. I wanted to hear them tell me that this whole mess would get sorted out. I hadn’t realised how much I had come to enjoy having a group of friends until they were no longer there. I didn’t even care that they would tease me about falling for Jamie. I just wanted someone to talk to. I hadn’t even seen Alyssa, my closest friend. Being her body double meant that we couldn’t be seen together, which meant I couldn’t even talk to her about what was happening.
It was early morning when we docked. I let myself be hustled off the yacht and into the waiting car. My maids rode with me, thankfully, with Jamie in another car. I just wanted to get to the hotel and escape into my room. I had no interest in taking in the sights of Barcelona - I would have ample time to do that tomorrow when Jamie and I did our little impersonating thing again. This time we were to walk the streets of the city, body guards in tow, and show everyone just how in love Alyssa and Will were. Meanwhile
Alyssa and Will would be elsewhere, doing god knows what.
“Meredith,” Benjamin said as I got out of the car at the hotel.
I stopped and waited for him.
“Team meeting in fifteen minutes.”
I nodded and then continued on into the hotel. So much for me escaping again. I took the elevator to the top floor and let my maids fuss over me as we got settled into the new suite. I didn’t make eye contact with Jamie when he came to sit at the table opposite me. Cody was already there, as were Danika and Daniel. Cody and Daniel would be our visible guards tomorrow, with Danika taking up the rear guard. I still didn’t trust her. Something about her just felt fake. And I definitely didn’t like the way she sat next to Jamie, close enough so their shoulders touched. I watched her hand disappear under the table and wished for laser vision so I could burn a hole through her face. I looked away and took a deep breath. I needed to chill.
Benjamin began the meeting but I couldn’t concentrate on a word he was saying. I could feel Jamie’s eyes on me and I looked everywhere else but at him. I knew what I would see if I gave in and let my eyes wander to him. I knew that if I looked at him, I would buckle and give him everything he wanted. But I had to stay strong. I had to resist him, even if it broke my heart to do so.
“What is going on?”
I snapped out of my misery at the sharpness of Benjamin’s voice.
“What?” I asked, feigning innocence.
“Tomorrow is going to be a public relations nightmare if the two of you don’t work out whatever is going on between you.”
I looked at Benjamin, still not strong enough to glance Jamie’s way.
“I don’t understand.”
Benjamin actually rolled his eyes at me.
“Lover’s spat,” Cody said with a grin, and Jamie shot him a glare. Cody held up his hands in surrender. “Whoa. Calm down, I was just joking.”
“I’m not feeling great,” I said.
Benjamin eyed me but didn’t comment.
“It will be fine,” Jamie said. “Now if we’re done? I’m going to the gym.”
“I’ll go with you,” Danika said jumping up.
I ground my teeth together. Of course she was going to go with him. He could have her for all I cared.
Jamie
I stepped off the treadmill and ran the towel over my head to mop up the sweat. Danika had followed me down here but I had declined her offer to spar. The last thing I needed right now was to have Meredith walk in and see something she could misconstrue. The woman had me tied up in knots - and not in a good way. I knew she was angry, but I was angry too. I was angry that I had finally found someone who I wanted to spend the rest of my life with and she didn’t want me.
I moved from the treadmill over to the bench press. Danika had given up on me and left. I was thankful for the solitude. I needed to get my head sorted out before the op tomorrow - not that we expected any trouble. By and large Alyssa and Will were well liked and apart from the usual crazies, there hadn’t been any threats against them. Tomorrow was just a precaution and a way to give them some alone time, which was something they didn’t get a lot of. The problem was me…well, and Meredith. If we couldn’t get our heads in the game then we could very well give the paps a story that wasn’t there. I could see the headlines now - “Trouble in Paradise - the queen and her consort fighting in Barcelona.” That was the last thing we needed.
I set up my weights and lay down on the bench. I’d added a few extra weights - nothing I couldn’t handle - just enough to make my body work. I needed the strain to take away from all the crap going on in my head. I gripped the bar and pushed up, holding it for a moment before lowering it and pressing up again. It was heavy and my chest and arms protested, but I kept focussed, counting out the reps. I did ten and the pressed up to put the bar back on the stand. A pair of hands came into my line of vision and Benjamin helped me seat the bar safely. I sat up and swung my legs over to the side, wiping my face with the towel he handed me.
“Benjamin? You need something?”
Benjamin walked around the weight bench so that he stood in front of me. He crossed his arms and looked down at me, his face stoic. The guy had a killer poker face. I could never tell what he was thinking.
“What’s going on with you and Meredith?”
My heart stopped. I’m pretty sure I died for a moment and all the air was sucked out of my lungs. He knew. Somehow Benjamin knew. I didn’t know what to say or do or…
“Whatever it is, you need to apologise to her and do whatever it is you need to do to get her out of her snit.”
My heart resumed beating. Life-giving oxygen returned to my lungs and my near-death-experience faded as I realised that Benjamin didn’t know what was going on.
“I have apologised,” I said. “But she won’t listen to me.”
Benjamin sighed and took a seat on the bench next to me.
“Should we call off the op?” he asked.
“No, I—”
“I can’t have the two of you out there behaving like you did in the meeting. The last thing we want is to start rumours in the press.”
“I know—”
“I know Meredith can be a pain in the—”
“It’s okay,” I said, feeling irrationally angry that he would say something like that about Meredith to me. I knew exactly how much of a pain she could be but I didn’t like hearing it from someone else. “I’ll go and talk to her and see if I can smooth things over. We both know how important this mission is and we’re both professionals.”
He turned his head to look at me and I had to stop myself from squirming under his examination.
“Are you sure? Is it something I need to know about?”
I kept my face passive and shook my head. “It’s fine. Meredith is just being…Meredith.” I sighed.
Benjamin kept his eyes on me for a moment longer before huffing out a breath and getting to his feet. “Okay,” he said. He gave me another long look before he walked out of the gym. I exhaled roughly and spun around to lay back down on the bench. Maybe I should have told Benjamin to call off the op. I had no idea if Meredith could compartmentalise this whole situation, not if the way she couldn’t even look at me throughout the team meeting was any indication.
As much as I wanted to be with Meredith, the last thing I wanted was for it to impact on our job. This whole situation had made us both distracted. Not a good mindset to be in when we were heading out to an op. The timing probably hadn’t been the best - not that there would have been a perfect time for any of this. The other night had been a perfect storm of situations to make us do what we did. Our inhibitions had been lowered and we were both feeling the pressures of circumstances that were out of our control. Not to mention the chemistry loaded emotions between us. But no matter how mad Meredith was at me and how much she might regret what we did, I didn’t. For the first time since my world fell apart ten years ago, I felt like I was doing exactly what I should be doing. Marrying Meredith felt right and I wouldn’t apologise for that or for the way I felt about her. I would do what she wanted and I would get the marriage annulled, but I would do it under protest. I had thirty days to convince her that we could make this work. How I was going to do that? I had no idea, but I had thirty days to work on it.
Meredith
I managed to hide from everyone that night but I couldn’t avoid the team meeting at breakfast. I walked along the sideboard that had been set with all the breakfast foods that a team of muscle-bound men could possibly want. I wasn’t hungry, but I put stuff on my plate anyway. My stomach was too tied up in knots to eat. I hadn’t slept very well, with thoughts of Jamie and our elopement going around and around in my head. There was part of me that wanted to just tell everyone in my life to get lost and let me have what I had inadvertently started with Jamie. Alyssa had gotten to marry the man of her dreams, and Freddie had married the woman he fell in love with even if she wasn’t exactly who my mother would have picked for him. The oth
er girls in the entourage were falling in love too. It was so unfair that I couldn’t have what I wanted - who I wanted - too.
Jamie came to stand beside me. I couldn’t deny the reaction of my body whenever he was close. There was something very real and powerful between us and whatever it was didn’t care that we couldn’t be together. I supposed in a perfect world we could just let this thing between us happen organically. But we didn’t live in a perfect world and I couldn’t just give in to the whims of my heart. I had to use my head. I had to be smart.
“Are you ready for today?” he asked as he piled scrambled eggs onto his plate.
“Of course,” I snapped. I hadn’t meant to, but what could I do? I was trying to keep everything else together, but it all felt like it was falling apart around my ears. I took a breath and pushed all the emotions back down. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to snap. Yes. I am ready for today.”
He looked at me then and I could feel the pain and confusion he was experiencing as if it was happening to me. I supposed it was happening to me too and I wondered if he could see it mirrored in my eyes.
“Meredith—” he began but was interrupted by her.
“Hey Jamie,” Danika said, pushing between the two of us as she reached for some toast. “Thanks for last night. I really appreciate you spending the time with me.”
My fist clenched around the knife I was holding and I was inches away from plunging it into her kidney. The red haze of violence that descended on me surprised me. I didn’t like her, that was no secret, but the way she flirted with my husband was beyond the pale.
Whoa.
My husband.
I was jealous because she was flirting with my husband.
I spun away from the two of them, trying to get my bearings. This possessiveness was so uncharacteristic for me. Wasn’t it? I had never been in this situation before, so there was no way to tell. I couldn’t deny that I wanted to do her harm. I wanted to push her out of the way and scratch her eyes out and claim Jamie publicly as my own. I looked down at my hand and noticed the ring I was still wearing. Despite my protests, I hadn’t taken off the band he had slid on my finger during our wedding ceremony. A quick look over my shoulder confirmed that he was still wearing his as well. That quick look over my shoulder also revealed that Danika had pressed herself up against him and was looking up at him with big, adoring eyes.
