by Emma Lea
I hadn’t thought about my family in years, mostly because it hurt too much. Being surrounded by the familiarity of the palace had caused a barrage of memories to assault me and I was reeling with the force of it. I felt Danika’s hand on my shoulder and realised I was still leaning against the door. I took a breath and straightened. I couldn’t show any weakness, not now, not when the eyes of the whole country were on me. I needed to show these people that they could trust me and that I could be a strong leader. The country was in ruins and I needed to be able to pick up the pieces and show the way in the rebuilding. There was no place or time for sentimentality.
I pushed open the door and stepped across the threshold. It was almost exactly how I remembered it. My many-times great-grandfather’s portrait still hung on the wall behind the desk and looked down on me disapprovingly as he always did. I wondered, not for the first time, if the man ever smiled. The desk was the same, but strangely devoid of the clutter that had characterised my father’s rule. Not that it was tidy. It looked to have been rifled through and draws stuck out at odd angles. The photographs of my mother and sisters were gone as was the in-tray and out-tray that would normally be overflowing with paperwork.
The bookshelves that lined the room were intact and the books looked undisturbed for the most part. With a small smile I crossed to one particular bookcase and selected a blue, leather-bound tome. I pulled it out about halfway and listened for the tell-tale click before swinging the hidden door open. It was a panic room that had been designed so the reigning monarch could hide in case of the palace coming under attack. It had never been used as such and my father had often let me play in there, even setting up a child-sized desk and chair so I could work alongside him sometimes. It was exactly the same as I left it. General Anastas must not have discovered the secret room. A fine layer of dust covered everything and I staggered against the memories as I walked inside. I ran my finger over the desk, seeing my childish handwriting as I made a list of things that I felt the nursery needed.
I squatted down and reached under the desk to the little cubby where I used to hide my most precious things. My hand closed around the little statuette of a soldier on a horse and I pulled it out, the weight and shape of it familiar in my hand. As I did so, an envelope fell to the floor and I picked it up before standing. I looked at the small figurine and smiled before turning my eyes to the envelope. It had my name written on it in Father’s flowing script. My jaw clenched against the emotions the threatened to overwhelm me. I took a deep breath and shoved the envelope in my pocket before stepping back out into the office and closing the door to the secret room.
Now was not the time. There would be time enough later when I was alone to read the last words of my father.
Meredith
I slid down from the horse and patted his neck a few times before handing over the reins to the groom. I drew in a deep breath of the fresh country air and turned my face up to the weak sun that shined down. Winter wasn’t far off and already I could feel the chill in the air.
“Lady Meredith,” a voice said, interrupting the few moments of peace that a ride through the paddocks had given me.
“Yes Pamela?” I asked, opening my eyes and turning to face my personal assistant. Oh, yes. I had one of those now. Chosen and assigned to me by my mother. My whole staff were selected by her and I knew every one of them were her little spies. Apart from my two lady’s maids. They were mine and I knew they were loyal to me.
“I need you to look over the seating chart for dinner tonight.”
I sighed. The woman needed my approval for everything. I thought that by having an assistant I wouldn’t be bothered by the details, but I was wrong.
“Okay, fine.”
I fell into step beside her as we returned to the house. I had moved into Bellemere a few weeks ago and it still didn’t feel like home. It was an hour out of Calanais so that my mother couldn’t just drop in casually, but it didn’t stop her from trying to run my life. Tonight’s dinner was one such machination of hers. I had wanted just a quiet meal with my friends. She had turned it into some big to-do. Yes, the queen and her consort were coming for a visit, but that didn’t mean it had to be a state dinner.
Jacques scowled at me as I entered the foyer in my dirty boots. The old butler hated me, but I was pretty sure he held a candle for my mother. I smiled sweetly at him as I passed, but I got no pleasure out of it. If I thought taking my grandmother’s title was going to be a walk in the park, I had been sadly mistaken. By all accounts, my grandmother had been a formidable woman who ran the household with an iron hand, yet remained graceful and elegant. I was neither graceful nor elegant and the staff didn’t respect me. That probably had more to do with them being my mother’s little spies than anything else.
I plopped down in my chair behind my desk and waited for Pamela to begin. She spread the seating chart out in front of me and I looked at the names of the people who would be attending tonight. My friends. The ones I had run from in my haste to escape the fallout from Jamie. I hadn’t seen them since I moved into Bellemere, but we had spoken on the phone. The women who had become my friends weren’t so quick to let me leave the fold and I was grateful for that, even if I grouched about it.
“It looks fine to me,” I said.
“But—”
I tuned her out. She would no doubt give me an entire spiel about why it wasn’t working. I didn’t particularly care who sat where. We were all friends and we would all no doubt end up with our shoes off and sitting on the comfy couches I had installed in the drawing room - much to my mother’s disgust.
I picked up my cell phone idly while Pamela prattled on. I had a missed call from a number I didn’t recognise. There was no voicemail, but I knew who it was. The thirty days were long past and I had been waiting, holding my breath, for when the call would come that would dissolve our union.
I squeezed the phone in my hand until my knuckles went white. I hadn’t heard from him in six weeks. I tried to deny how much I missed him. I tried to tell myself that I was still angry at him and that I would be glad when this call came. We needed to bring this whole thing to its conclusion. I needed closure. It would be a relief, really, to finally have it dealt with and then maybe I could get on with my life instead of waiting for the other shoe to drop.
“Are you listening to me, Lady Meredith?”
I looked up at Pamela and smiled. “Whatever you decide will be fine,” I said. “I trust your judgement.” I looked at my wrist and my non-existent watch. “I think I might head upstairs and start getting ready. Our guests should be arriving soon.”
“Of course,” Pamela said.
I escaped her disapproving scowl and headed up to my room. A long, hot soak in the tub sounded like the perfect thing right now. Anything to get the memories of Jamie out of my head. I had even been dreaming about him. In my dreams he was calling out to me, asking me to come, telling me he needed me. The prince in need of rescuing. Except he was going to be king now and he had his own royal guard to protect him. He didn’t need me or my particular brand of crazy in his life.
The only good thing to come out of this was seeing my mother when she found out who Jamie really was. The look on her face had been priceless. She had berated Freddie for including Jamie in his wedding party but now she had had to eat her words. It was entirely too satisfying to watch. I wish I could tell her that I was married to him, just to see the look on her face.
Yeah. That’s the only reason.
The lie didn’t even sound convincing to me. I had been holding on to the secret of our marriage like a security blanket. It was something I clung to, knowing that Jamie had cared enough for me to want to make me his wife, even if I knew it wasn’t true and couldn’t last. In my fantasies he came for me. I knew it was sentimental and ridiculously childish to imagine him riding up on a white horse to sweep me off my feet. But it didn’t stop me from wishing, which was why I needed to end our marriage. Soon. As long as I had the fantasy, I woul
d never move on. It was time to let the dream go.
I sighed as dessert was placed in front of me. The night had not gone as planned. The conversation was stilted - when there was any conversation at all. I knew it was my fault. I was the one who left the palace in a huff without talking to my friends and now they didn’t know how to behave around me. I didn’t know how to behave around them either.
We finished our dessert in mostly silence. They were all staying the night; the house at Bellemere was big enough and it was a long drive back to Calanais. I’d invited them all because I wanted to make up for the way I behaved when I returned from the tour and everything that happened with Jamie. I wasn’t doing a very good job of it. My mother would be appalled if she were here to witness my complete failure as a hostess.
“Okay,” I said as I stood. “Boys, off you go. Go and do boy things in the library. The girls and I need to talk.”
Freddie led Will, Dom and Drew out of the dining room and I could almost hear their sighs of relief at not having to be present any longer.
“Come on ladies,” I said, walking to the door, “it’s to the drawing room for us. Jacques, bring the wine.”
I waited until everyone had a seat and a drink in their hands and then excused Jacques. I looked at each of my friends in turn and sighed, shaking my head.
“I’m sorry,” I said. “I know when I came back from the tour I was rude and moody and just plain awful to be around. None of you deserved the way I treated you and for that I am sorry. Forgive me?”
Alex was the first to break ranks. She crossed the room and sat beside me, taking my hand in hers. “Of course we forgive you,” she said. “That’s what friends do.”
“But,” Priscilla said, “we need an explanation. What on earth happened while you were away?”
The others looked at me and then at Alyssa and then back to me. I sighed and dropped my head. I desperately wanted to tell them about Jamie. I wanted to bare my soul to them and have them tell me it would all work out and that I could have my happily ever after. But the fact was, I knew that wasn’t in the cards for me. My mother was already making noises about setting me up on dates with men who not only didn’t interest me, but in most cases bored me. I didn’t want anyone else, I only wanted Jamie, but that was impossible.
I looked up at my friends, making eye contact with each one. Half of our group had found their true love - more than half. I knew if I told them how I felt about Jamie they would try and find a way for us to be together. I wanted that more than life itself, but that wasn’t fair to Jamie. He and I came together before this whole thing blew up in our faces. The last thing he needed was a new wife to deal with when he had an entire country to try and fix. I just couldn’t do it to him.
“I think it was just a whole lot of things that combined to make a perfect storm,” I said softly. “I knew before I left that I would be leaving the guard and I wasn’t happy about it. I was even less happy that my mother had all these plans for me. And then the whole Jamie thing—”
“Oh my goodness,” Jeanette said. “How did we not know that Jamie was a prince?”
Everyone looked at Alyssa and she held her hands up in defence. “I couldn’t tell you,” she said. “We needed to keep it a secret to protect him.”
Jeanette sighed and nodded. “Yeah, I get that, but what a shock. I mean, the guy has been around us all this time and none of us had a clue.”
I frowned. “He was a really good liar.”
Alex patted my hand. “Oh no, honey, no. That wasn’t it at all. I think the Jamie we knew is the real man. Have you seen him on the news? He looks so severe and unhappy. Nothing like the fun-loving Jamie that we all knew.”
“Maybe that’s the real him,” I said.
Alex shook her head but it was Alyssa who spoke. “Come on Mer, you know better than that. The media are watching him like a hawk. He has to do more than convince his Parliament that he should reign, he has to face the court of public opinion as well. Remember what it was like for me? I had to wear a mask so that no one could see what I was really feeling.”
“He’s hurting, sweetheart,” Alex said softly. “He has no friends or confidantes. He is surrounded by people he hardly knows and probably doesn’t trust. A lot of these same people were there when his family was murdered and they did nothing to stop that General guy. The Jamie we all know and love is still in there, he’s just had to hide that part of him for self-preservation.”
“She’s right,” Alyssa said, looking at me strangely. “The Jamie we’re seeing all over the news is still Jamie, it’s just another side of him.”
“I feel sorry for him,” Margaret said, almost in a whisper. “I can’t imagine what it would be like to have his whole life turned over like that. He had no say in how or when his identity was revealed. His choices were taken away from him and now he’s on the back foot and just trying to do the best he can.”
We all stopped to stare at Margaret. That was the longest speech she had ever made in a room with this many people. She turned bright red and dropped her head so that her mousy brown hair fell forward to hide her face.
“Margaret’s right,” Savannah said, speaking for the first time. “Jamie is just doing the best he can.”
Chapter 19
Jamie
I stood in front of Parliament and listened to the prime minister as he spoke on my behalf. It had taken some political wrangling but Parliament had finally agreed to accept my claim as legitimate heir. A thorough investigation of the constitution had shown that General Anastas hadn’t thought to change the law that said Kalopsia was to be ruled by one of royal blood. He had just assumed control of the country and no one had been prepared to stand up to him. Now he was gone and the country was in tatters. In a way, Parliament was happy to have someone else to foist the problems on to.
I touched the breast pocket of my jacket and the envelope crinkled under my hand. I hadn’t read the letter from my father yet. I couldn’t bring myself to break the seal. I would, one day. I just needed to get through the next few months and build a trusted enclave around me and then, when I felt secure in my new position, I would read the letter. If I did it before then, I was sure to lose the mask of calm that I had cultivated.
The ‘ayes’ from the parliamentary floor brought me back to the issue at hand. This was my coronation. I was to be officially crowned as King Christophe today. There was no fancy coronation ceremony or a fancy dinner. The country couldn’t afford it and I didn’t think the people wanted it. They just wanted stability and that’s what I wanted to give them. With the Parliament in agreement, all that was left was to repeat the words and vows of the office.
I knelt before the prime minister and spoke the words, my voice strong and true. There could be no weakness, not now. I was the last surviving relative of the royal blood line and I needed to assure the people of Kalopsia that they could trust me to rule them. They needed to feel secure with me at the helm and not worry that I might be some despot king that would take the little that they had and turn it to dust.
As it was placed on my head, the weight of the crown was more than just a physical weight. I felt the metaphoric weight settle on my shoulders as I was charged with my duty.
I had been fortunate to have been with Alyssa when she had walked a similar journey. I had learned a lot from her and the way she had handled being thrust into the limelight. I wasn’t as fortunate to have a tight group of supporters around me, but I was slowly finding them. My initial distrust in Theodorou had been unfounded and now I held a deep respect for him. Danika had built a security team around me and I was slowly getting to know those who supported me and those who had a more ‘wait and see’ attitude. That was fine with me. I knew I would have to prove myself to these men and women who had suffered at the hands of the General.
I just wished I had someone to go home to at night. Someone I could talk to who would just listen. Someone I could share my fears with and not worry that they would be turned into ammu
nition against me. Someone like a wife. My wife. Meredith.
The prime minister bid me to stand and I rose and turned to face the Parliament. There was applause and handshakes and a general air of celebration, but still there was something missing for me. As time went on and we got farther from that moment when Meredith and I had pledged our lives to one another, my affection didn’t lessen. It grew. And a longing grew along with it. A longing that things could be different. A longing that I had been honest with her from the start. But most of all, a longing for her to be here with me now. I wanted to raise my eyes and see her standing there with a smile on her face as she supported me as the new king of Kalopsia.
I let the prime minister usher me forward and out of the government building. The people had crowded the sidewalk in front of the building and a podium and microphones had been set up so that I could address the people. Theodorou had offered me his speech writer for this but I had respectfully declined. If I was going to rule this country then these people needed to hear words from me, from my heart, not a crafted statement designed to hit all the pertinent political beats.
I took a breath and touched my breast pocket again, the crinkling of the envelope a calming influence on me.
“Thank you, people of Kalopsia,” I said and the crowd got quiet. “I stand here before you a king, but my heart is humble. I am reminded of the kings who came before me and the generations of peace and prosperity that our country enjoyed under their rule. These past ten years have been hard. I will not even try to imagine what it was like for you to be subjected to such harsh treatment by a man who only had his own interests at heart. I could stand here and promise that it would only be clear skies and sunshine for the rest of our days but I wouldn’t insult you like that. We all know the road ahead will be tough, but I ask you to trust me and join me in my efforts to make Kalopsia great again. It is not going to happen overnight, but I have a long view and I know that we can make the changes we need to bring back the Kalopsia that our fathers and grandfathers knew. Will you stand with me? Will you support me in my efforts to make right the wrongs that have been done?”
