by Emma Lea
I pulled out my phone and brought up Meredith’s number. Freddie had mentioned that she didn’t know he was here. She wouldn’t know I already had the annulment papers…or maybe she would. Maybe she assumed that Alyssa had sent someone else to serve me with them. Without overthinking it, I hit the call button and lifted the phone to my ear. It rang several times and then I cursed under my breath. It was the middle of the night. Kalopsia was one hour ahead of Merveille, but it was still too late to be calling. Just as I was about to hang up, the call connected. I waited to hear her voice, but it didn’t come.
“Meredith,” I whispered into the phone.
I heard a gasp and then the call disconnected. I took the phone away from my ear and just stared at it. I missed her so much. It clawed at me, the need to have her nearby. I wanted to feel the warmth of her skin and taste the sweetness of her lips. I wanted to hear her laugh. I wanted to see her smile. I knew that if she was by my side then I could traverse the next obstacles facing me and Kalopsia confidently. But was that reason enough to not sign the papers? Was what I wanted enough to turn her life upside down?
Some people said that love was a game. I felt like I was the furthest from a game that a person could be. I loved her with every cell inside me but it was because I loved her that I hesitated. I didn’t want to force this life on her if it wasn’t what she wanted. I wasn’t going to force myself on her if she didn’t love me too. I wanted Meredith to be happy and I already knew how she chafed at taking the title of her grandmother. How much worse would it be for her to be my wife for real? How much more of a burden would being a queen in a fledgling country be for a woman who cherished her freedom?
And yet…
Despite everything and all the compromises that we would both have to make, I wanted her. I wanted her so much that I was very nearly prepared to walk away from Kalopsia. But I couldn’t do that. I couldn’t do that to the people who were just beginning to hope that there was something to look forward to. I felt an obligation to these people who had put their trust in me and although it would kill me to be without Meredith for the rest of my life, I had committed to them and I wouldn’t renege. I wouldn’t renege on Meredith either if only I had some indication that she wanted me in spite of the baggage that came with me.
I stripped from the suit that I wore and pulled on some cotton boxers before crawling into bed. I had sent my valet to bed hours ago and I had been undressing myself long enough that I didn’t really need him to help me change for bed. Having someone at my beck and call every minute of the day took a lot of getting used to, especially when I was so used to fending for myself. I lay in bed and stared at the ceiling. I had become intimately acquainted with the fresco that was painted above me. I had been surprised that General Anastas hadn’t had it painted over, but from all reports he hadn’t made use of this bedroom. It had been my parents’ room and there was a bittersweet feeling for me to lie here in the room that had seen generations of happily married kings and queens. And by all accounts they had been happily married. It had been a tradition of Kaolpsia that the king and queen married for love. The country was too small to try and keep it only to the peers and we weren’t well known or wealthy enough to have interested royalty from outside out borders.
These were the sort of things that I wanted to share with Meredith. The little tit bits from my heritage, the things that I’d been forced to keep hidden for so long. They burned in me to share with her. With a sigh, I realised that I couldn’t just walk away. I couldn’t just sign the papers and forget about the woman I had come to love more than my own breath. I needed her in my life and I was willing to beg if that’s what it would take. The only problem now was getting her to speak to me. I couldn’t very well convince her to make our relationship public if she wouldn’t even take my calls.
But that was a problem for tomorrow. Right now I felt the weight of sleep pulling me. Having made the decision had lifted a weight from my shoulders and now that I knew what I was going to do, my brain was ready to sleep. Tomorrow - or later today in fact - I would set a plan in motion. I had no idea what that plan was yet, but I was determined to make one. After some sleep, when I could think clearly and maybe get some help from two people who knew Meredith probably better than I did.
I walked into the breakfast room with purpose. Freddie and Alex were already there, which saved me from having to find them. Now that I had made a decision, I was eager to get on with making a plan. I walked to the side board and poured myself a cup of coffee before sitting down at the table with them.
“So,” I said and they both looked up at me. “I’m not going to sign the annulment papers.”
“What?” Alex said as she dropped her fork with a clatter. “You’re married?”
I shot a look at Freddie. “She didn’t know?”
Freddie shook his head once. “I didn’t want to say anything until you had made a decision.”
“Hang on a moment,” Alex said. “Who are you married too?” She shot Freddie a narrowed glance before turning back to me. “And if you are married, why were you pursuing Meredith?” Now she narrowed her eyes at me.
“Meredith,” I said.
“Yes, Meredith. Why were you pursuing her if you were a married man and how can we have known you all this time and not known that you were married?”
Freddie reached over and covered Alex’s hand with his. “He is married to Meredith.”
Alex swung her gaze from me to Freddie and then back to me. “You and Meredith are married?” I nodded. She looked at Freddie and he nodded. “How? How did this happen? And why didn’t she tell me?”
I took a fortifying sip of my coffee before answering. “We got married on Le Beau,” I said, not looking at her. Suddenly my coffee cup was very interesting. “It was a spur of the moment thing and the next morning she regretted it and wanted it annulled.”
Alex reached across the table and laid her hand on mine. I looked up at her sincere blue eyes. “But she loves you.”
“I thought she did—”
“And you love her.”
I exhaled roughly. “I do.”
“Then there is no way you are signing those papers.”
“He already said that, love,” Freddie said with a sweet smile for his wife.
“But how do we convince Meredith?” I asked. “I’ve tried calling her and she won’t take my calls. You both know how stubborn she can be. How do I get her to listen to me?”
“She needs to come here,” Alex said. “You need her to be backed into a corner where she has no choice but to listen to you.”
“No,” I said, “I don’t want to force her to be with me. I just want to talk to her.”
“Nobody’s saying that we kidnap her and tie her to a chair until she listens to you,” Alex said. “We simply orchestrate a way that causes her to come face to face with you and the decision she has to make.”
“You don’t think the annulment papers are her decision?”
Alex shook her head. “That’s Meredith’s way of protecting herself. She probably feels like you don’t want her, now that you’re king and have this whole country to put back together. I love Meredith like a sister but she doesn’t exactly make it easy to love her.”
Freddie snorted and the side of my mouth quirked up in a small smile.
“She needs to know how you feel about her. She needs to know that you want her by your side.”
“Okay, so how? How do I do that when she won’t speak to me?”
Alex looked at Freddie and they seemed to share a silent communication before she turned back to me. “I think it’s time for the queen of Merveille to show its support for the new king of Kalopsia. And what better way to do that by continuing her tour and visiting the new king?”
“O-kay,” I said slowly, “but how will that get Meredith here?”
“She is still contracted to the guard for another couple of months,” Freddie said. “Benjamin can make sure she comes.”
I liked that i
dea. A lot. I liked that I would finally have a public show of support from my adopted home and I couldn’t wait to speak to Alyssa again. But more than that and probably the most important thing, I was desperate to see Meredith again. It was maybe underhanded and sneaky, but I was at a point that I was willing to do just about anything to see her again. I needed her to know how much I wanted her in my life. I needed her to know how much I loved her.
“Okay,” I said, standing. “So, how do we get this ball rolling? Should I send an official invitation for Alyssa and Will to visit Kalopsia?”
“You get on that,” Freddie said, standing also, “and I will send my own missive to the queen and let her in on the plan.”
“Excellent,” I said. We had a plan, now we just needed Meredith to follow it.
Chapter 21
Meredith
I strode into the palace with a scowl. I wasn’t ready to be back here yet. My wounds hadn’t fully healed and being back here just reopened them again. Everywhere I looked there were reminders of Jamie and the time we spent together. It was the reason I had been so eager to disappear to Bellemere. There were no memories of him there, only the ones I brought with me.
But here I was, back in Calanais, back at Château de Conte de Fées because I had been commanded by Benjamin. I had tried to get out of it, but he wouldn’t take no for an answer and even threatened to bring me in under guard if I refused. I couldn’t very well tell him why I didn’t want to come back to the palace. Benjamin was not a romantic and he would shudder to think that any of his precious guard were. And there was no way I could tell him that Jamie and I were a thing or that we had eloped while on tour. If my time wasn’t already up with the guard, then it sure would be after that and despite running away to Bellemere, I wasn’t quite ready to sever all my ties to the guard. Not that I would tell him that.
I knocked on the security office door and was let in by a guardsman that I didn’t know. One of the new recruits, I assumed. He led me through to the briefing room where I was surprised to see the rest of the royal guard waiting for me and seated around the large conference table. I smiled at them, a pang of longing making my chest tight as I smiled and greeted them all. I had missed them, not that I would let that get out. But the big, burly guys had been like an extended family to me and I missed our daily banter.
“So should we bow to you now Countess?” Cody asked with a smirk.
“Only if you wish to spar with me,” I replied with a sweet smile.
“Alright, let’s get started,” Benjamin said before we could take it any further. I may be dressed as a lady these days, but I wouldn’t turn down an offer to go a few rounds with one of the guys. Working out with a heavy bag wasn’t the same as sparring one on one. The bag didn’t hit back.
I took my seat and looked down at the packet in front of me. It was a security briefing for a royal tour. It had been a few weeks, but it was only natural that Benjamin would want to debrief the recent tour.
“The queen has been invited to visit the new king of Kalopsia,” Benjamin said without preamble.
My stomach cramped as everyone around the table opened to the first page of the security packet. This wasn’t a debrief, this was a planning meeting.
“Are you sure you need me here for this?” I asked.
Benjamin looked directly at me and nodded once. “You’re coming with us.”
“I’m what?”
“You’re still part of the guard, Meredith, even if you are hiding away in that dusty old mansion in the country. We are short-staffed and the new recruits are still too wet behind the ears to be of any use to me. We are going into what could be a hostile environment and I need the best team I can get. That includes you.”
“When you said I was still contracted to the guard, I thought you meant having to come to meetings and maybe the occasional desk duty. You said nothing about going on active missions.”
“Being contracted to the guard means making yourself available to whatever I need doing, whenever I need it done. The queen has accepted the invitation from Kalopsia and that means I need you on the security detail. Kalopsia may seem stable now with the installation of their new king, but we don’t really know what we will find until we are on the ground there. I can’t take any chances.”
“There has to be someone else,” I said, standing. “There has to be another way.”
“There isn’t and there’s not. Sit down so we can continue.”
I sat. Benjamin used his commander’s voice and my response to obey had been so ingrained in me that I didn’t even think about it.
“Right, now…”
I tuned out his words as I silently panicked. I may have been sitting at the table pretending to read through the briefing packet, but inside I was running around screaming. How could I go there and see him? I wasn’t ready. My wounds were already weeping again and that was just from being back in the palace where the memories of him were strong. I didn’t think I would survive a face to face meeting with him. What would I even say to him? Would he even talk to me, acknowledge me?
The other night when he called and I picked up was both a torture and a blessing. The sound of his voice saying my name was like a soothing balm until I remembered that I could never have him in my life again. He was a king now and the little interlude we had enjoyed was over. I was not the type of woman a king married. I was not the type of woman he needed by his side. Even thinking of another woman by his side made me grit my teeth and practically snap the pencil in my hand. But I had no right to be jealous. He owed me nothing. Except our annulment.
I had to swallow down the sob. I refused to cry. I refused to show weakness in front of these guys. I would sit through this meeting and then I would do everything in my power to get out of going to Kalopsia. There was no way I could face Jamie. Not if I hoped to survive.
“The Countess of Bellemere to see the prime minister,” I said to the aide who greeted me at my father’s office.
“Do you have an appointment?”
“No,” I said, “but he will see me.”
“Ma’am, the prime minister is very busy.”
“Too busy to see his own daughter?” I asked using my best haughty voice. This aide was obviously new and didn’t know who I was, which was fine except that I really needed to see my father.
He paled slightly under my gaze and then swallowed. “I’ll just see if he is available.”
“You do that,” I said with a fake smile.
I had sat through the security briefing as Benjamin discussed the upcoming tour to Kalopsia and I nearly held myself together. No one said Jamie’s name, but every time they mentioned the new king, I felt it like a stab to the heart. If only they knew the truth. Technically, I was a queen. A queen of a country I had never been to and knew very little about. I wasn’t the type to obsess over someone to the point of needing to know everything about them. I was more into self-preservation by way of denial. The less I knew about the new king and his country, the more I could distance myself from the man who had stolen my heart.
The door opened and the aide came out, a blush staining his cheeks.
“You may go in,” he said, without looking at me.
“Thank you,” I said sweetly and walked past him and into my father’s office.
I barely got across the threshold and I was crossing the office and burying myself in his arms. “Daddy,” I breathed.
He hugged me tight. My father was a big, bear of a man with a ginger beard and faintly reminiscent of Richard the Lionheart. There were rumours that our family was related to the famous king of England, but no one had substantiated them to my knowledge. It didn’t matter. Charles Bingham was my father and I had missed him terribly. When I worked at the palace I would see him regularly, and now that I was sequestered away in Bellemere I hardly ever saw him.
His arms wrapped around me and held me tight. I’m ashamed to admit that a few tears may have leaked out of my eyes before I could get a hold of my emotions.
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“Sweetheart,” he murmured, “whatever is the matter?”
I took a deep breath and stepped back, surreptitiously wiping the tears from my cheeks. “Hey daddy.”
“What are you doing here, my love? Not that I’m not happy to see you.”
I blew out an emotional breath. “Can’t a girl just pop in and see her daddy?”
“Of course she can, but I might worry a bit when said daughter bursts into tears when she hugs me.”
I looked down and tried to control myself. I couldn’t tell him the whole truth. He would skin Jamie alive if he knew we had eloped.
“Benjamin has recalled me for an upcoming tour,” I said.
“Oh right. I heard something about that. Kalopsia, right?”
I nodded.
“I’ve been invited too,” he said, walking around to sit in the couches by the window.
I joined him and sat demurely, practising the lessons my mother had been drilling into me.
“I’d rather not go,” I said, looking him in the eye.
“Oh?” He raised an eyebrow at me. “Why’s that? I thought you’d be chomping at the bit to get back into uniform.”
My father knew me all too well and under normal circumstances I would be jumping at the chance to leave all this countess nonsense behind.
“Well, of course, but it’s just a delicate time for me right now. I’m trying to establish myself in society as Countess of Bellemere, and going away right now could be detrimental to that.”
