“I don’t want you to be here by yourself.” It wasn’t that I didn’t trust Mel on her own—she was in the dorm room often by herself, with me needing to write all of my papers and do all of my online homework in the library—but more that I…I didn’t trust myself. I felt completely off the rails; I couldn’t remember a time in my life when I’d wanted to get so blindingly drunk that I couldn’t remember the night before.
I needed someone to hold me back, and I was worried that Ash would no longer be that person.
If she had so much drama, would she care about mine?
Mel gave me a smile absolutely no one would believe if they saw it. “I’ll be fine, Kelsey. Really. I don’t need you here to watch over me.” That smile was supposed to make me feel better about hightailing it out of here, but it didn’t.
It only made me feel sad. Sad because I knew I shouldn’t go. Sad because I knew I shouldn’t run from my problems, because running from them would not make them go away. Sad because, in the end, I knew I’d only be back where I started after the weekend was over and I was back here.
Just sad.
“There’s nothing I can do to make you come with me?” A last-ditch effort by me to get her to come.
Mel shook her head. “No, but you should go and have fun. Don’t worry about me. I’ll be fine.” Again she said it, and again, I wasn’t sure if I believed her. A part of me worried that this whole Levi thing would make her regress. She’d been moping around all semester, but this was enough to push even the best person off the edge, to make her relapse.
If something happened to her while I was gone, I wouldn’t forgive myself.
But did that stop me from going? Would it stop me from doing what I set out to do while at Hillcrest? No, no it wouldn’t. The sad thing was, I had blinders on. I was so focused on my own problems I couldn’t see the girl having even worse problems right in front of me.
We went back and forth for a little while longer, but no matter what I said, or how many jokes I tried to make, Mel wouldn’t budge. Mel was going to stay here, alone, while I went off and tried to forget my problems. She was going to be sad and depressed while I acted like everything was fine.
And everything was fine, as a whole. So what if my heart hurt? So what if I felt a weird sense of betrayal by Levi? I would be fine. In time, I’d look back and laugh at all of this. Levi was just some stupid college boy, and I should’ve known enough by now not to let any stupid college boy worm his way into my heart.
Until him, I did pretty well. Until him, I thought I had everything in the bag. I thought I knew myself. Turned out, I was wrong. He came into my life and showed me just how wrong I was for believing that.
I couldn’t focus at all the next day, could hardly listen to my professors drone on and on about whatever useless topic they were on in their lectures. My nerves were antsy. Ash kept trying to tell me it wasn’t a good weekend for me to come up, but I wasn’t going to let her dissuade me. No, I was going to Hillcrest, going to see my best friend, and you know what else? I was going to see if her penis-endowed roommate was cute.
Yeah. I could focus on that for a while. Declan, his name was. He sounded cute, if a little depressed, but to that I say—join the club. He and Mel would probably get along, or maybe it would be two sad people being sad together.
Uh, no thanks to that.
I had no idea how anyone could be sad while rooming with Ash. Ash had this…way about her. There was just something about her that made you like her. Her personality wasn’t that great—out of the two of us, I was pretty sure mine shined more—or maybe that was just me being conceited. Ah, well. Didn’t care too much at this point.
I asked her to send me a shirtless picture of Declan, but she hadn’t. Every single time she’d come back at me with some excuse. Well, guess what, sugar plum? I was going to see for myself just how cute this Declan really was.
Declan wasn’t the only guy in her life giving her butterflies, either. Oh, there were lots. A tattooed, smoking guy named Travis, and a blonde brute named Sawyer. Uh, I think there was one more—was his name Bill? No, no. Will. It was definitely Will. No sexy Bills around, sorry.
If I was lucky, maybe I’d meet them all. But then again, maybe not. Ash was having some drama with her group of guys, so maybe temporarily forgetting them for a weekend would do her some good. We could pretend like we were still in high school, and she was my wingwoman. No guy drama, no tempting penises.
I mean, I wanted a tempting penis, but not one attached to any of her guys. A different penis. A new penis. A penis that I’d never have to see again after this weekend.
Yeah. A penis with no strings attached would do me some good.
Once my classes were over for the day, I did a bit of research while waiting for my mom. Hillcrest was not party central, and I doubted Ash would want to go to a party that any of her guys might be at. No, we had to go somewhere else, someplace like Stanton. Stanton was the local community college near Hillcrest, the poor man’s choice. Hell, I could afford Stanton. Hillcrest? Not even in my wildest of dreams.
You had to shit money and wipe your ass with it to be able to afford Hillcrest. You had to be the richest of the rich to afford a place like that for four years. Plus, it was a male-only private university—which there weren’t any of nowadays. There used to be a lot more decades ago, but, you know, women power and feminism and equality and all that. It was really only a matter of time before Hillcrest followed suit.
And anyways, girls came from rich families, too. Their money was just as good as men’s money.
Mel was on her bed, her laptop on her lap. Bags hung under her eyes, as if she hadn’t slept well the previous night. She watched me pack a few things into my backpack—fuck homework. I wasn’t going to do shit this weekend. “I hope you have fun.”
“Oh, I plan on it.” I sounded curt, brusque, short, but that’s because at this point, I didn’t know what to say. If I talked about what I wanted to do out loud, it was quite possible I’d chicken out, because regardless of how much I thought about him, about how much he’d fucked me over and hurt Mel, I still felt something for him.
Fuck Levi.
I had to destroy that kernel still inside of me.
“Don’t do anything you’ll regret.”
When Mel said that, my back straightened, and I looked at her. That sounded…ominous, didn’t it? Regret. I regretted a lot of things, but what I would do this weekend? That wouldn’t join the pile. Everything I was going to do this weekend was to help me get over Levi, to get me back into my normal self—because this sniveling, whining wimp that I’d been lately? So not me.
“I won’t,” I said, meaning it.
I hoped.
Chapter Twenty-Six – Levi
I knew what dorm building she lived in, I just didn’t know what floor or what room. That’s what the front desk was for, and since it was another student working it right now, I knew I had it in the bag.
This was a stupid idea, but I just couldn’t let it go on any longer. If I had to camp outside of her door, repeat myself a thousand and one times, I would. It was Dean, not me. Granted, I wasn’t blameless, but I’d be damned if I let her go on and think it was all me.
Yes, I’d fucked up when it came to Mel. I did her wrong, and everything that happened last year after that had happened because of me. Me and Dean, but I hated being lumped together with him. Dean was the whole reason Mel was the one chosen for me. If it wasn’t for him, it would’ve been some other girl—not that that made it any better, but…at least it would’ve made things a little less complicated when it came to Kelsey and me.
The one working the front desk of her dorm building was a guy who currently had his nose in a textbook. He looked like the studious, quiet type. His hair was cut short, and his clothes were clean. I was trying to think of a way to get him to tell me where Kelsey’s room was without sounding too pathetic or stalkery.
I leaned on the counter near him, causing his eyes to glance
at me. “Hey,” I said. “I was hoping you can help me.” I sounded confident, and I hoped this guy would help me without too much strong-arming. I couldn’t exactly beat him up or anything, but I was dying to see her. I needed to see her, to talk to her.
“With what?” he asked.
“My girlfriend lives here,” I went on, hoping this story I was about to pull out of my ass was a believable one. Beside the front counter, a lounge sat on the left while a wall of mailboxes sat on the right. Tiny metal squares each and every student in the dorm got a key to, where they got mail while they were here. It would have to do. “I wanted to send her flowers for our anniversary, but I can’t remember what room is hers. Can you do me a solid and help me out?”
The guy behind the counter studied me, eyeing me up and down as if mentally wondering if I was telling the truth, or if I was some crazy stalker simply trying to get her room number. “I’m not supposed to give any information out—”
“Please, man,” I said, trying to act as desperate as I could. And I was desperate, so it wasn’t that hard of an act. I’d never been this desperate for anyone before. “I’m in some hot water with her. I won’t tell anyone you gave it to me.” It was meant as a promise, a plea to this guy to just tell me her room number.
His stern expression eventually softened, and he muttered, “Give me one second.” A desktop computer sat on the side of the rounded counter, and he rolled his chair to it, typing something in. He scrolled for a bit, asking, “Name?”
“Thank you, man,” I said before adding, “Kelsey Yates.” It was a damn good thing I had a class with her, otherwise I’d have no idea what her last name was. That would’ve looked fishy.
He typed in her name, exiting out of whatever screen it was before he rolled back to me. “She’s in three-oh-eight.”
I tapped the counter. “You rock. Thanks.” I was out the front door of the dorm before the guy could even respond. If I would’ve gone straight to the elevator, that would’ve been even fishier. No, I had to walk around the building, find the side entrance to the stairwell, and head up that way.
It was early afternoon, a little after three-thirty, so I had no idea whether or not Kelsey was done with her classes for the day. If she was back in her room, or if Mel was home. If I spoke to Mel…if I knocked and Mel answered the door, what the fuck would I say? It wouldn’t be the first time I’d spoken to her, but…would seeing me chase after Kelsey be too much?
It wasn’t my problem to worry about. I wasn’t Mel’s keeper. She was her own person, and she needed to learn to take care of herself. Right now, the only person on my mind was Kelsey, finding her, talking to her, making her see that I wasn’t the same asshole I was last year.
Still an asshole, but a different kind of asshole. An asshole that would do anything for her.
I headed up to the third floor, taking two steps at a time. I wound up at the end of a hall, needing to walk nearly all the way down to find her room. Looked like twenty-one through forty were on this wing, and the rest of the ones on this floor were on the other wing; the elevator landing and communal lounge were in the center. If I had to guess, girls got one wing and guys got the other, each with their respective bathrooms.
I didn’t live in a dorm for long last year, after being accepted into Sigma Chi, I was able to move into their house. Of course, back then I had no idea how bad of a fraternity Sigma Chi was, what its hazing entailed, but now I did. Now I did, and I was still a part of it.
My mom would disown me if I left that fraternity, but maybe…maybe that’s what I would have to do to get Kelsey back. The only problem with that was there was no guarantee that Kelsey would want me back, that she’d ever take me back, even if I left Sigma Chi—and then I’d only wind up with a whole lot more debt, because my mom would probably stop paying.
I stopped once I stood before her room. None of the other doors in the hall were open, so I didn’t pass any questioning stares or looks from anyone else. I got enough of those on campus. A lot of people had seen the video. A lot of people recognized me from that invasion of privacy.
My hand curled into a fist, and before I could think better of it, I knocked once. A light tap on the door, a gentle knock compared to what I was capable of. I’d done my best to stay away from Dean these last few days, but man, it grew harder and harder with each passing day. Every single day that went by, I wanted to beat the shit out of him. Strangle him. I didn’t think I was a violent guy, but knowing that Kelsey hated me, I…it made me want to lose it. I’d never hurt her, not in a million years, but Dean? Oh, I’d kick the shit out of that douche and not feel one tiny speck of remorse over it.
It took a few moments, but eventually the door opened.
The door opened, and Mel stood on the other side, giving me a frown. Even though she was a few inches shorter than me, nowhere near the shortness Kelsey was, I was able to peer around her and find that Kelsey wasn’t in the room.
“I’m looking for Kelsey,” I said.
“She’s not here.”
“I can see that. Where did she go?” Trying to get answers from Mel would be like pulling teeth. Impossible and painful. This was exactly what I didn’t want to do: talk to Mel. Now I had to make her understand that this thing with Kelsey was real, that I wasn’t just trying to fuck with her like I’d fucked with Mel.
Mel’s eyes dropped to my feet, slowly traveling up. “Why should I tell you anything?”
I exhaled loudly, trying to keep myself calm. Being calm in this situation would be the only way I’d get Mel to tell me where she was. Kelsey had long since stopped answering my texts; I figured finding her in person would be best. She could try to ignore me, but ignore me while standing two feet from me and ignoring my texts were two very different things.
“Because I’m trying to make things better with her,” I told Mel.
“You’re a liar, Levi,” Mel said, her voice shaking. She looked pale. She looked the very opposite of healthy. Her arms seemed too thin, and her legs were like sticks. I didn’t remember her being so thin last year, but then again, I was too busy trying to…well, lying to her. She was right, of course. I was a liar.
But not about this.
“I’m not lying right now. I know what I did to you was horrible, but I didn’t lie to Kelsey.”
“So it’s just me, then. I’m the one everyone wants to sleep with but no one wants to keep,” Mel muttered, her frown deepening.
I sighed. “It’s not like that.”
“Of course it’s not.” Mel shook her head softly. It was but a moment more before she muttered, “Kelsey went to the elevator a few minutes ago. Her mom is here to pick her up. She’s going to visit her old friend at a different school.” A pause before she said, “I think she’s trying to forget you.”
Her words cut me like a dozen sharp knives, slicing and peeling at my skin. She was leaving SCC for the weekend? The weekend before Halloween? I knew what it meant, and I knew what Mel wasn’t saying. Kelsey was trying to forget me by losing herself in someone else.
That was not going to happen, not while I was still here. Not while I had Kelsey on the brain.
I said nothing else, hurrying back to the elevator landing. It’d been empty the first time I’d passed it. She must’ve already gotten on before I came. Without a second thought, I spun on my heel and hurried to the stairwell again, practically running down it. I pushed out of the side door, my head turning everywhere as I looked for the turnaround where parents pulled in to pick up their kids, where students parked to unload their cars.
I found it, about fifty feet away to my left.
I found her.
Kelsey was busy throwing a bag in the backseat of a small car, her lips drawn into a frown. Her brown hair was wild and messy, the wind not helping anything. It was as she went to get in the front seat that she turned her head forward and spotted me.
I tilted my head slowly, wordlessly asking her not to get in that car, not to close the door and drive off with what lo
oked like her mother.
Though we were far apart, I could see her dark eyes narrowing, her stare hardening into something of a fuck you. Kelsey said nothing, did nothing but get in that car and slam the door shut.
Oh, fuck that. Fuck that. If she thought I was just going to stand here and let her go, she was wrong. I was not above making a scene. I wasn’t above running to that car and knocking on the glass—and that’s exactly what I did, since I couldn’t open her door. She’d locked it.
Her mom looked like she was asking about me, who I was, what I wanted, and I watched, leaning down to the car, as Kelsey simply shrugged, shrugging me off as if I was no one to her. Too little, too late. Everything I ever did was always too late and not enough.
My back straightened, and I took a step back as the car started to roll away, out of the turnaround and into the adjacent street. My eyes followed the car, and I saw Kelsey turn around. She must’ve rolled down the window, for she was able to stick a hand out…and then she curled all of her fingers but one into a fist, flipping me off.
I had no idea where she was going this weekend, but I knew the weekend before Halloween was prime partying hours. I didn’t want Kelsey to find another guy to lose herself in, another guy to touch and kiss and everything else. She wasn’t mine, we weren’t dating or together, so it was a selfish desire. Still…it was impossible not to wish that, not to wish she was mine again.
Damn it.
I’d fucked up royally, and now I had to pay. Now I had to live through this weekend, knowing Kelsey was off forgetting me. Call me a pussy, but in my mind, there was honestly nothing worse.
Kelsey would be mine again, goddamn it. I would make her see that what we had wasn’t a joke or a prank. I’d take all of Sigma Chi down with me if I had to, and I’d start with Dean. He thought he was the only one who could secretly install cameras? I was sure it wasn’t that hard. My mom would give me some money if I told them it was for a school project.
And it was.
The school project of capsizing the Sigma Chi boat and all of its inhabitants.
Playing Games: A College Bully Romance Page 16
