Chapter Thirty – Kelsey
The moment I felt him poke my entrance, I felt sick. Deep down I knew I shouldn’t be doing this, but did it mean that my logic, that the little angel on my shoulder would win out? Fuck no. I was Kelsey Yates. This was what I did. I didn’t go falling in love left and right like some pathetic wimp.
My fingers gripped the edges of the vanity before me, and I couldn’t stare at the mirror resting on the wall opposite me above the sink. I didn’t want to see the guy’s face as he pushed into me from behind, didn’t want to know what he looked like when he was balls-deep inside of me.
How could I? He wasn’t Blue.
Oh, fuck. There was no taking back what I was doing, no redos or do-overs, but maybe that was for the best. Clearly Levi and I weren’t good together.
When the vampire dude filled me up, I bit my bottom lip to stop myself from groaning. It was hard to stay quiet though, especially when his thrusting grew harder, fiercer, rougher. His fingers gripped my sides, and I closed my eyes, wishing that everything was different.
Wishing that I wasn’t me, a complete fuckup.
Wishing that the guy behind me was Levi.
Wishing that things between us weren’t so damn complicated.
Alas, I was me, and the man behind me in the vampire cape wasn’t Levi. He might’ve had dark hair, but that was it. The resemblance ended there. Things were complicated, and now that his cock was already inside of me, I might as well try to enjoy it, right?
Easier said than done.
So I stopped biting my lower lip, quit trying to be quiet. Maybe if I lost myself to the sounds of our sex, to how it felt to be full, to the taboo of fucking a literal stranger, I’d start to feel that familiar burn in my lower gut, that aching need to be fucked raw. Groans left me, and the sounds of air escaping my lungs rose in the air, mingling with the grunts that left the man behind me. He might’ve been out of it, but he was strong, and he was still able to perform pretty damn well. If I wasn’t so much in my own head, I could definitely see losing myself in this moment.
Of course, Murphy’s Law dictated that that would be the exact second the door would fly open, and Ash would find us.
Yeah, yeah, I didn’t exactly tell her where I was going, but it was a spur of the moment thing. I didn’t need her judgment, the way her lips frowned and her mouth fell ajar. I didn’t need Ash’s presence to know I was fucking up.
God, I really hated myself right now.
Ash said nothing, only staring at us, like she’d never seen two people going at it like animals before, so I gestured for her to close the door and leave. When she didn’t go, when she didn’t leave me to my pity sex, I managed to say “There’s another bathroom downstairs—” The man behind me started to ram himself even harder into me, my whole body swaying with the swiftness of his thrusts, and I bit my lower lip to keep myself together. “Ash—”
I didn’t need to say anything else. Ash averted her grey eyes and went to close the door, leaving me alone with him, letting me be fucked in private, in peace. Leaving me to my self-loathing.
Closing my eyes, I focused on the way his cock felt inside of me. If I imagined him to be Levi…yeah, that’ll do the trick. I’d hate myself later.
Right now it was only me with a first-class ticket to Poundtown.
I held onto the edge of the vanity, feeling the vampire’s thrusts begin to quicken, harder and faster until he let out a low groan, his whole body coming down on mine. It took everything in me to keep us both upright as he leaned his chest on my back, and I wished he would stop touching me.
He’d clearly come, so couldn’t we be done already?
The vampire made no moves to pull out of me, so I forced a smile as I said, “Okay, thanks. You were great. Good performance, A-pluses all around.” My eyes met with my reflection in the mirror, and my stomach sank to new lows. My smile looked genuine. I honestly looked like I was having a great time fucking this stranger.
God. That was all different kinds of fucked up, wasn’t it?
The man leaning on my back didn’t move, but I did. I managed to shimmy him off me, causing his dick to slip out. I could not even look at the condom on his still erect dick, keeping my eyes averted as I worked to fix my clothes, pulling up my pants and acting like everything was fine. Still smiling, too. Maybe if I kept grinning like an idiot, I’d start to believe the lies I was trying to tell myself.
The vampire was slow to yank the condom off, dropping it on the floor. His large frame swayed back and forth as he grabbed his pants and tugged them up. God, the dude looked like he could barely stand up. Fucking must’ve taken a lot of energy out of him, huh?
I waited until we were both decent before opening the door. As I walked out, I adjusted my pants one more time, the tight jeans not feeling right after that session. A heavily tattooed guy stood near the stairs, watching me with eyes that were a crisp, clear blue. His black hair was short, his body lean and strong. Far too intimidating for me to compare him to Levi.
And then, you know the weirdest thing? The tattooed guy spoke. The tattooed guy knew my name.
“Kelsey,” he said, “we need to…” He was able to say nothing else as he watched the vampire dude leave the bathroom behind me, and slowly, surely, I felt the smile falling off my face. This…this wasn’t right.
Who was he?
Without hesitation, the tattooed one rushed past me, nearly knocking me over as he reached the vampire, pressing his elbow against his neck in a way that looked incredibly dangerous and almost too well-rehearsed, as if he’d made that move a thousand times before. A picture hanging on a nearby wall fell to the floor with the sudden movement, its glass shattering.
My heart pounded in my chest. Should I stay, should I go? I didn’t owe anything to the vampire dude, but… “Hey,” I shouted, finally making up my mind. “What the hell, man? Let him go.”
The vampire guy could hardly keep his eyes open, and I wondered if he’d always been that bad, if I just had hooking up on the brain so much I’d overlooked how out of it he was, or if he’d only grown worse with time.
Tattoo guy growled out, “What the fuck were you doing?” He must’ve known the vampire guy. Maybe vampire guy had a girlfriend? Oh, fuck. That army girl. Did I just sleep with another girl’s boyfriend?
No, no. Army girl would’ve put up more of a fight, would’ve kept an eye on us. Plus that creepy smile she’d given me before walking away…no. That couldn’t be it.
“Travis,” vampire dude whispered, the word leaving him as if it was the most difficult thing he’d ever said. “What are you doing? I didn’t do shit—”
Hold the fuck up.
Travis? Travis as in tattooed, smoking Travis who Ash told me about? If my stomach could’ve fallen to the floor—no, through the floor, through the first floor, past the foundation of this house and into the earth’s core—it would’ve.
“Travis?” I found myself echoing his name, my voice nearly cracking.
Travis ignored me, focusing on the vampire dude, who he still had by the throat with his elbow. “Bullshit,” he hissed. “You fucked up, Sawyer, you fucked up like you always do, and I swear to God if your fuckup ends up hurting Ash, I’m going to kill you.” His final words did not sound like a threat; they sounded like a promise, a dangerous promise that I had no mental capacity to worry about, because he’d spoken the vampire’s name.
Sawyer.
No.
No, no, no.
I instantly wanted to vomit, and that was saying something. Out of all of the things I’d done in my life, I never immediately regretted them. This? What just happened? Oh, fuck me. How else was I supposed to feel?
“Wait,” I whispered, “Sawyer? But—” But this guy had dark hair. It wasn’t pink or blonde. Yeah, maybe it wasn’t the same one. Maybe it was just one huge coincidence with other cute guys sharing the same names.
Travis held Sawyer in place as I moved towards him, reaching for his dark head. His hair was g
reasy to the extreme, and my palm practically slid off, but when it did, the faintest bits of pink became visible, the black rubbed off on my hand. Some kind of hair paint or something.
“Oh, my…fuck.” There was literally no other word to say, so I repeated the word fuck about a dozen times, turning my back to both of them as I went down the stairs to look for my best friend.
My best friend.
How could I even call her that after what I did?
I mean, it wasn’t like I did what I did on purpose, like I set out to sleep with one of her guys. Hell, they weren’t even together. She wasn’t dating any of them, unless she’d kept that from me, like I kept most of my drama to myself.
No. There was no rationalizing it. Ash had a thing for Sawyer. I should’ve seen it on her face. I should’ve recognized the look of absolute shock and horror when she opened that door and saw us together, but I didn’t, because I was too wrapped up in my own self, too focused on trying to prove myself wrong.
I called out her name, searched the entire downstairs. I looked in the back near the fire, unable to find her. I even went out in the front yard, called out her name to the empty sky, and got not a single word in response.
Ash was gone. She left. She left because of me.
A shaking hand lifted to my mouth, and I felt my emotions spiraling out of control. Tears formed in my eyes, and I wanted to cry. I wanted to scream. I wanted to have other thoughts besides this can’t be happening and no, no, no. But I didn’t, because my life wasn’t simple, and it sure as shit wasn’t easy.
I’d fucked up, and now my best friend probably hated me. I’d fucked up, and now there was no hope of redemption. There was no coming back from this. You didn’t sleep with your best friend’s crush and come out unscathed.
No.
You know the saddest thing about all of this? If I would’ve taken a step back, if I would’ve listened to my gut all along, none of this would be happening. Ash would still be here, I wouldn’t have violated our friendship, and maybe she’d even be convincing me to hear Levi out.
Hate. Ash had to hate me after that. Levi would too, if he knew. But that was fine, because I already hated myself for it.
I hated myself so much. You knew what they said, right?
You’ve never really felt true self-hatred until you’ve slept with your best friend’s crush while in love with someone else.
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Playing Games: A College Bully Romance Page 19
