by K. L. Slater
It cost a fortune to send Piper to the Nottingham Girls’ High School, but its achievement record was second to none and Joanne could rest assured her daughter was receiving the very best education and opportunities there.
It was a pleasure to drop Piper off at the school gates each morning and see her bounding over to the large group of friends who always waited for her by the entrance to the dining room.
She was a popular girl; Joanne must be doing something right in raising her, she thought to herself as she climbed out of the low sports car with a tiny wince.
She was naturally slim and had never had an enormous appetite, so the fact that she’d rather neglected her gym membership the past few weeks because of her workload hadn’t made that much of a difference to her appearance.
But she’d stopped her weekly yoga class too and that decision had certainly made a difference to her joints and flexibility. She added it to the ever-growing to-do list in her head.
Standing up straight at last, she turned, surprised to hear car tyres crunching on the gravel behind her.
Expecting the vehicle to belong to Roy or Dan, one of the other partners, her heart missed a beat when she recognised the small red Toyota as Emma Barton’s car.
Joanne closed her car door behind her and locked it, and began walking towards the office building.
Shaun had told her he’d had the conversation with Emma.
Piper was on a sleepover at a school friend’s house, and despite the fact that Joanne had heaps of work to get through, they’d sat on the balcony last night with the gas patio heater on and a candle lit, sharing a bottle of red wine.
She’d wrapped a light mohair blanket around her shoulders and curled up next to him on the outdoor sofa, relishing the comfort of the sumptuous deep cream cushions where she usually sat alone when Piper had gone to bed.
Shaun poured the wine, and after they’d clinked glasses, Joanne took a deep gulp, savouring the rich berry tang.
‘Tell me,’ she said softly.
‘Well, it wasn’t the best feeling in the world,’ Shaun admitted, ignoring his wine and staring at the flickering flame in front of him. ‘Even though we’re not together any more, I feel a bit of an arse for finding happiness so quickly.’
She liked how he showed her his vulnerable side so readily.
‘You deserve to be happy, Shaun. You shouldn’t feel bad about that.’
‘I know.’ He lifted his hand and touched her cheek gently with the backs of his fingers.
‘You told her you were moving in here?’ Joanne swallowed hard.
‘I did,’ he sighed. ‘And then she asked me to leave and so I can’t really gauge her reaction. She ranted and raved a bit, but that was no surprise.’
Joanne raised her eyebrows. ‘Why, is that her usual behaviour?’
‘Can be.’ Shaun shrugged, taking his first sip of wine. ‘She’s quite volatile at times.’
‘That surprises me. She always seems fairly calm and together at work. Although, like I told you, she has mentioned she’s had difficulties at home.’
‘Hmm. Well, me moving out will hopefully improve matters,’ he said.
‘Piper isn’t back until tomorrow evening.’ Joanne smiled. ‘We’ve still got some time to ourselves.’
‘Sounds great. Although I bet you miss her when she’s not around, with there only being the two of you.’
‘I do.’ She loved how he just understood her. She swirled her glass gently, watching as the deep ruby liquid sparked in the candlelight. ‘I’m so pleased you two have already been able to meet a couple of times. You’re going to miss Maisie. It’s going to be tough.’
He pursed his lips and stared out from the softly lit balcony into the velvety dark space beyond.
‘I’m expecting it to be very tough,’ he said. ‘Maisie and I are close, especially over the last two or three months, when I’ve been spending more time with her. I think she’s going to really miss me too, and I hope Emma doesn’t use her to get back at me in some way.’
Joanne widened her eyes. ‘Do you really think she’d do that?’
‘I don’t know. I hope not.’ Shaun sighed, turning from the darkness outside to look at her. ‘I’m probably being unfair to Emma. She’s always wanted Maisie and me to have a strong, healthy relationship, so there’s every chance she’ll be reasonable about my contact with her.’
‘I know we’ve seen each other’s kids at the dance school, but tell me about Maisie.’ Joanne shuffled closer, turned to fully face him. ‘What’s she like?’
Shaun grinned, the deep lines between his eyebrows softening.
‘Maisie? Well, that’s easy. She’s bright, beautiful, clever… full of laughter and life.’ He laughed. ‘I sound such a geeky dad, I know. But she is just wonderful, Jo. I can’t wait for you to meet her.’
‘Likewise, I want you to get to know Piper properly. Now you’re moving in, we have to sit down and explain things to her. But she really likes you.’
‘I understand it’s more of a rush than we wanted.’ Shaun nodded. ‘And easier for me with Maisie living with Emma, so why don’t we focus on your side of things for now?’
Joanne’s face lit up at his obvious enthusiasm to get to know her daughter.
‘I’ve been thinking how I’m going to tell her you’re moving in and that you’ll be sleeping in my room.’
‘Wow, you’re a fast mover,’ Shaun teased her.
‘This whole thing is crazy fast, don’t you think?’
‘Absolutely, but I feel so at ease with you, like we’ve been dating for months. It’s mad.’
‘We’re hardly love-struck teenagers,’ Joanne pointed out. ‘We’ve seen enough of life to know we have something special.’
She thought for a moment before continuing.
‘I know you said we can focus on my side of things, but I have an idea how to get our girls together…’
‘I’m all ears.’ He nudged her. ‘I like a woman who uses her initiative.’
Chapter Twenty-Three
Emma
Shaun hasn’t given me Joanne’s full address yet.
‘There’s no need. I’m always available on my phone,’ he says when I tackle him for the second time. Despite my initial threat that he has to take all his stuff in one go, I’ve accepted his popping backwards and forwards, like the pushover I am.
‘That’s fine.’ I turn away, busying myself with taking paperwork out of my work bag. ‘I’ll have the school remove you from Maisie’s contact details then.’
He looks at me. ‘Can’t you just leave things as they are for now? They have my mobile number and they don’t need to know the ins and outs of our personal circumstances.’
‘There are no ins and outs. You’re moving out. Period.’
‘You know what I mean, Em.’ He opens his hands, shows me his long, slim fingers. The same ones that once used to skilfully trace from the nape of my neck down the length of my spine, leaving a trail of goosebumps in their wake.
‘I’d rather have everything out in the open,’ I say firmly. ‘We tried keeping our arrangement hush-hush and look where that got us. We’re best just being honest with people.’
‘And’ – he hesitates, marks out inverted commas in the air with hooked fingers – ‘what does “being honest” entail?’
‘Ooh, I don’t know.’ I pause for effect. ‘I suppose it means telling everyone you’ve found someone else and left us. That’s the truth, isn’t it?’
‘I thought that might be your plan.’ The muscle in his jaw clenches. ‘And yet the real truth is that you initiated us splitting up three months ago.’
I hold up my index finger. ‘With the proviso that it didn’t affect Maisie.’
‘Oh yes, your infamous arrangement.’
‘Our arrangement.’
‘Whatever,’ he says dismissively. ‘Regardless of who suggested it, I’d now like a new agreement for when I get to see Maisie.’
‘That’s the least of my worries right now.’
It’s really important to me that Maisie has a healthy, close connection with her dad, particularly after my own dysfunctional father–daughter relationship. But I won’t let him know my thoughts. Let him suffer a bit. He can’t have it all his way.
‘Least of your worries perhaps, but definitely my priority,’ he says. ‘I’d like to see her at weekends. Joanne and I plan to take the girls out for the day on Saturday, so I’d appreciate it if you’ll be flexible about me moving my stuff out. I need to tell Maisie I’m moving out before Saturday. I hope you’ll agree it’s the best thing for her to do it this way.’
I flick through a stack of case papers and rearrange them. It’s a meaningless task and I’m blind to the words on the page, but it conveys the right impression to Shaun. I know he’s right about prioritising Maisie in the middle of all this, but it sticks in my throat to say so.
‘You lost your right to pick and choose when you decided to walk out on us,’ I say levelly, looking up. ‘I’ll think about it and let you know.’
‘Emma. This is not just your call, you know that, right?’ His tone is cold. ‘Maisie has two parents and I have as much right as you to see her.’
‘Try telling that to a family court judge,’ I say, enjoying the shock that registers on his face. ‘See how your ridiculously short relationship and antisocial working hours fare in a legal judgement.’
His nostrils flare and his lips curl into a sneer.
‘You might think you hold all the cards when it comes to our daughter, but you’re mistaken.’
‘What’s that supposed to mean?’
‘You’ll see,’ he says.
Chapter Twenty-Four
The house somehow feels bigger, emptier in the fifteen minutes since Shaun left. The silence crouches around me, but it doesn’t feel comforting. It’s as though it’s waiting for me to fall.
I sit staring out into the fading light, cradling a glass of white wine from an open bottle I found in the pantry. It’s not remotely cold enough to drink and the aftertaste lies bitter on my tongue.
I asked Shaun to leave the house, to give me a bit of space. Things seem to be changing so fast, I’m feeling distinctly unanchored.
I know I said some spiteful things. He thinks I’m jealous, but it’s not the fact that my husband is in a relationship with Joanne Dent that bothers me.
If I’m completely honest, he could definitely have chosen worse. Joanne doesn’t flap, nor display jealousy or waste her time on petty gripes. She is a successful, level-headed woman who has her own young daughter.
And that’s what worries me.
On the surface, Joanne looks like the perfect role model for my daughter. But her daughter, Piper, is another matter altogether.
Joanne might be a formidable businesswoman, but she has a lot to learn as a mother. Piper literally runs rings around her at the dance school. I don’t want that behaviour rubbing off on Maisie, although part of me feels guilty at not giving my daughter more credit in resisting the other girl’s influence.
Also, there’s the small detail that Maisie can’t stand Piper. Along with lots of the other girls and their mothers, she has noticed Piper’s behaviour. And the unfortunate way she seems to resent attention falling on anyone but herself.
I sigh, trying to look for the silver lining. Piper has her own circle of friends, so perhaps it might be a good thing after all. Maisie is a sociable girl, and even if she still finds Piper irritating, she might widen her horizons in other ways.
I take a sip of the lukewarm wine and feel the sting of its sourness at the back of my throat.
There’s a new sadness; I can sense the weight of it lying on my chest like a warm cat, bedding itself in for the long haul.
I think it’s probably natural to feel this way. When two people part and one of them meets someone new, there’s bound to be a sense of being left behind in life’s journey. As though happiness is smiling on them and leaving you behind.
But this isn’t a board game with winners and losers. Shaun and I didn’t want to be together any more. Instead of acting like bickering children, allowing Maisie to witness our discontent, we acted like grown-ups. Made adult decisions.
I’m proud of what we tried to do, even if it only lasted a short time.
Through the glass, the garden offers glimmers of its gathering winter sparkle. Now, as I fill the kettle each morning and gaze out of the window, it’s frost that glimmers on the grass, not sunlight.
Damp, tangled leaves in earthy shades clog the lawn and borders, but for a few moments, I’m standing by the open French doors, smiling. I can almost hear the echo of Maisie’s tinkling laughter as she stomps around in glossy red wellies, shadowing her dad’s autumn leaf-raking duties.
How the years march on, whilst we busy ourselves living our best life.
Parenting, relationship, career, health, appearance… we run ourselves ragged ticking all the important boxes, whilst fleeting joyful moments slip so easily through the cracks.
I finish the wine and stand up, walking over to the draining board to set down the glass.
My stomach feels sore, as if it’s blistering on the inside.
I can only describe it as the physicality of letting go, of accepting that my husband has veered off onto another path, one that Maisie will tread with him. One that I cannot follow them on.
Up until now, we two have been the sole influencers on our daughter, together. At home, anyhow. Now, she’s going to play a part in this new blended family that will no doubt pose its own challenges. Another home where things will be done differently, and not always better.
I tell myself Shaun could have met anyone – a woman I didn’t know, someone younger who might resent our daughter and want him all for herself. Keen to start a new family together. It could have been much worse, so I don’t want to catastrophise too much.
But I’ll need to speak to him, warn him about Piper’s public tantrums and open disrespect to her mother. It will be his responsibility to keep an eye on Maisie and to ensure she doesn’t get drawn into that behaviour.
Joanne Dent is my boss. It’s a bit weird, granted, but personal complications aside, I have always admired her, coveted her confidence and professional abilities.
Before things got so tangled, we’d actually chatted in her office on occasion, like friends. But now… now things aren’t as comfortable.
A heat creeps into my neck, inches up towards my face as I recall the things I told her just a few weeks ago – about our marriage, our circumstances.
Personal details I would never have divulged, had I realised.
There’s a sharp crack, a searing pain in my hand, and I cry out, dropping the glass with his snapped stem into the stainless-steel sink.
I turn on the tap and hold my punctured palm under the icy-cold stream. The pink water swirls around in a bloody maelstrom before draining away down the plughole.
I grab a clean tea towel and hold it against my hand, leaning back against the worktop.
My chest is tight, my hands shaky. I’ve been telling myself Shaun’s news is no big deal and yet annoyingly, my body seems to be reacting on a physical level that I have little control over.
I tell myself it will be OK. Everything will be fine. There’s no reason why it shouldn’t all work out for the best.
Providing Maisie takes the news well.
Chapter Twenty-Five
After work, at my request, Shaun and I meet in Costa for a quick coffee.
I only have half an hour to spare before Maisie’s after-school class finishes, but that should be plenty of time for what I want to talk about.
I park up on the road near the Ropewalk and cut down the side roads, heading for the coffee shop in the Old Market Square.
I texted Shaun that morning. Asked if he’d like us to tell Maisie together about the big changes that were taking place in all our lives.
Overnight, I’d calmed down a little and thought about Maisie, instead of myself. I had a duty
to make breaking the news as gentle and effective as possible.
Shaun texted right back, agreeing it was a great idea, and so we arranged to meet here.
I feel a bit sick as I open the door to the bustling coffee shop. I’m not eating much and I feel jumpy and anxious, never quite sure what development is coming next.
I step aside as two young mums reach the door at the same time as I do, their little ones strapped in pushchairs.
It doesn’t seem two minutes since that was me: going for a coffee with my friend and her little boy, who I haven’t seen for a couple of years now but who is the same age as Maisie.
I arrive just a few minutes before our scheduled meeting time, and so I’m not expecting to see Shaun when I scan the place looking for a free table.
My eyes gravitate to a handsome, broad-shouldered man over on the far side who’s smiling at me, and I realise with a start that it is the new well-dressed, confident version of Shaun.
Seeing him unexpectedly like that helps me remember the instant attraction I felt when we first set eyes on each other all those years ago.
The spike of desire I once felt slumps into a tiny pool of sadness and regret that hovers in my throat for a few seconds before I swallow it down.
He raises his hand.
I pick my way through the packed tables, trying to avoid stepping on tiny feet and bulging shopping bags.
‘Hi.’ He smiles and I notice tiny lines etched around his mouth that I’ve never spotted before. Maybe it isn’t all fun and games for him after all; maybe Shaun is suffering too.
‘Hi.’ I pull out a chair and put my bag on it, taking out my purse. ‘I’ll get the drinks.’
I’m in luck; there are only three people ahead of me in the queue, I must have caught a little lull. I didn’t need to ask what he wanted to drink; he’s a regular latte man, no fancy flavours or additions for him.
I keep my back to him. I have on a new navy and white fitted jacket and a pair of well-cut black trousers that I haven’t been able to fit into for a while. I’ve paired the outfit with a pair of plain black stilettos, but I think I probably look quite slim from the back and the clothes fit me well.
