“Luca, I love you,” I scream. “Run.”
Chapter Six
Lane
My spine stiffens when Sienna’s body starts thrashing, the back of her head nearly colliding with my face. A blood-curdling cry for help drags through her throat and rips across my flesh like a slow drag of barb-wire. Each pointed interval is piercing me deeply.
The painful hard-on I had from lying next to her goes slack. Before I can make a sensible decision through my tired and wired brain, I wrap my arms around her waist, pulling her into my body. Her entire frame goes into self-protection mode as she kicks at my legs, drags her nails down my arms, and belts out Luca’s name so loud it tears through me like a shard of glass. My eyes widen, pulse jumps, heart thudding like a rock rattling inside a box.
Shit. Is this what Lorenzo meant by hearing her scream?
I feel each cry out for him slashing right through me—that barb-wire reaching and slowly dragging across my heart.
It’s excruciating to witness and hear.
“Sienna, you’re having a nightmare. Wake up.” I apply the slightest pressure into my squeeze, hoping like hell it’s enough to snap her out of it. Weight crushes down on my ribs as her arms continue to fly all over the place. It’s like she’s fighting someone off and reaching for someone at the same time.
She’s going to hurt herself if she doesn’t stop.
“Luca, I’m sorry. I tried to escape. All I ever wanted was to protect you. Come back to me, please. I’m a good mother. No matter what anyone thinks. I am a good mother,” she drones, voice carrying a painful pitch of terror.
Hearing her cuts me wide open and bleeds my damn sins into every cell.
“Run, Luca,” she says fretfully, her hand grasping hold of my wrist, nails digging so deep I feel them puncture through my skin.
Christ, I want to shake her awake. I don’t dare to after watching her shrink into herself when Lorenzo grabbed hold of her. Hopefully, after what went down, he opens his eyes. He owes Sienna an apology as far as I’m concerned.
Mafia king or not, I don’t give a flying fuck.
“Don’t touch me. You will never take something from me again. You are a raping son of a bitch.” She yells those words in her deep sleep. Unconsciously tearing out my soul or charring it blacker. Not sure which, but I feel every painful word she says right in the center of me.
An arrow stuck right in between the cage of my ribs.
That motherfucker raped her?
Blood thunders in my ears and my guilt, my regrets take hold with a claw and sink into my stomach.
They graft some slow and nasty gashes.
Me flipping my shit when she wakes isn’t wise. I take several breaths to control my breathing. Telling myself to get her awake, get her talking, and deal with my emotions at another time.
And so I do. Can’t help to think of Sienna living years with a man she hated, doing things to her that no woman should have done. It has me wanting to leave her and Lexi here and take off on the hunt myself.
I’m unable to help rescue my son. I need to remind myself I’m where I’m supposed to be to keep Lexi from the possibility of losing me while my fatherly instincts are choking the life out of me by not helping find Luca. That’s a promise I have to honor, no matter how much it kills me inside.
“It’s me, La Mia Vita. You’re safe,” I whisper into her ear, press my forehead into the back of her head, locking her hands loosely in mine.
“Lane, oh, God. I tried escaping; I did. Joseph set Luca and me up that night. I know he meant for Luca to see.” Her breathing hitches and sobs wrack through her frame, shoulders shaking, but she doesn’t cry.
She’s holding it in. I’m in no place to tell her to let it out. Not yet.
It’s evident by the cutting of her brake lines; it was a set-up. What I don’t understand is what she means by Luca seeing.
Anger shoots poison through my veins. I can already feel the fork-like tongue licking at my blood. Its venom turning me into a deadly beast. At the same time visions so severe of Luca witnessing things a kid his age can never unsee assault my brain.
“Where’s my phone? My phone. I need my phone. I can’t miss Luca’s call.” Raw and brutal pain scrapes from her throat.
Good God Almighty.
“Your phone is on the nightstand in front of you. I’ve got you, Sienna. You’re safe in my bed. I’ve been here the entire time, so has your phone. You are not only safe here, but also anywhere you go. You have my word on that.” I almost tack on, I promise. My word is probably shit to her. She’ll soon find out I mean everything I say.
I release my hold on her wrists, slide my hand to her hip, expecting her to shove it away, flinch or reach for her phone. She doesn’t. She stills, her shaking slows to barely there, breathing calming as she burrows her back into my front as close as she can get.
It’s a relief to know she isn’t recoiling away.
She isn’t quite in my arms the way I want her to be. It won’t be long until she is. I know it in my gut. She’s the part of me that’s been missing.
My only regret.
My life.
“I want to believe I’m safe. It’s not easy. Nothing about this is. You don’t know the man like I do. No one does. He’s not who I’m thinking about at the moment. Your daughter. I can’t meet her when I’m a mess.” She blows the words out in panic, body going into a plank position.
I chuckle under my breath. I needed that to stop me from diving into questions. “Believe me, if Lexi were here, we’d know it. She won’t be upset when you do meet, Sienna. She’s like a tornado, a strong gust of wind that never winds down. Lexi is a breed of her own. You’ll figure out what I mean in the best way. She’s good for the soul.” Call me biased, it wouldn’t be a lie because I am. Sienna isn’t going to know what hit her when she meets my baby girl. Even thinking about it sends warmth throughout me.
“I’m sure she’s perfect. I can’t wait to meet her.”
I sense her hesitation in meeting Lexi along with disbelief in her parenting. Heard it when she said she was a good mother during her nightmare. She doubts herself.
I don’t doubt her at all.
“She’s everything, the same as Luca. He already has a place in my heart. I’d imagine he’s a protector, like you.” My heart wrenches. A tug so tight there’s an emotional war happening inside of me. All are having to do with her screaming about rape.
“He is.”
The seconds slowly tick by. Silence filling the air.
My heart and mind begin to battle.
Internal warfare. Pretty sure it’s going to get a hell of a lot worse.
“I don’t even know where to start.”
“That’s your choice.” I might be eager to learn about Luca, but I’d rather hear her horror story so I can figure out how to help her.
“Funny, you put it that way. I haven’t had a choice in so long it’s still hard believing I do.”
Christ, before she’s finished talking, I’ll be ratcheting up the need for vengeance and blood.
“I had my reasons for not telling you about Luca. I won’t ask you to forgive me when I’d go through hell again to keep him safe.”
I hadn’t put all the pieces together until she screeched it. I’m not about to tell her that when I sense she wants to bring it up herself.
“I can’t ease your pain, Lane. I wish I could. I need your forgiveness for keeping him from you. I can’t make up for the lost time between you and Luca, but I know our son, he’s a smart young man, like you. Luca is strong, independent, and a survivor. He’s going to find a way to contact me. I know he is. I’ll get him back. When he does, you’ll be proud of who he is. I can’t think any other way than that. It’s the only thing keeping me from going insane.”
It might be the only thing when it comes to losing her mind. It’s not what’s pushing her forward in other ways. She’s thriving at the restaurant, which seems to be her life right now. That’s about to change right
along with her having a choice in anything and everything.
Emotions I’m not used to having swell, filling the room, gathering those violent pangs in my chest of missing out years of my child’s life.
“We can’t reverse time. Don’t beat yourself up when it comes to me. I forgive you for not telling me, Sienna. That guilt needs to end right here. That’s a choice you don’t get to make. Besides, you wouldn’t have walked through hell if it weren’t for me. If we don’t drop the guilt, we’ll never get past it.” I’ll carry that weight. It’s on me. We both know it’s the truth.
She lets out a sigh, and I swear I feel some of it slide right out of her.
“No, we can’t go back. That’s what guilt is all about. It likes to eat away at you until there’s nothing left. I’m going to talk about Joseph. I want you to listen and not ask questions unless they have to do with Luca. I don’t want to talk about the things Joseph did to me again unless I absolutely have to.” I can already hear the humiliation in her voice.
It shouldn’t be there, not with me.
I swallow hard. That barbed wire slinking its way right to my throat. By the time she’s finished, it’ll be in a gnarly knot.
Bleeding from the inside.
“Alright.”
“The only secrets I ever kept from Luca was you and the things Joseph did to me. That’s why, as Luca grew, Joseph would gag me when he beat and raped me, he left marks where no one could see. That night he didn’t. He hit me several times in the face and choked me. That’s why when I thought back while in the hospital, I knew his plan was to kill me. What I don’t understand is he knew I’d take Luca when I left. Maybe he planned on us both dying. Maybe he hoped I’d be hurt, and he could take Luca. Maybe he figured he had me right where he wanted me, and I wouldn’t go anywhere until the morning as we needed food for the week. I have a suspicion as to why, at this point, I don’t care. I want our son back and Joseph to die.” She says this with such fierce, confused reasoning as if she’s already dealt with being raped and beaten. I suppose it’s due to her having time to deal with it, knowing that was the price she had to pay to keep Luca safe.
It’s fucked up. There’s no better way to describe it.
I remain silent, hearing this woman strip herself bare is slowly cutting me wide open. It’s pouring some toxic shit into my bloodstream, slamming at me left and right, beating the ever-loving hell out of me. I let it.
I deserve it.
She never did.
“I can’t imagine this is easy for you to hear. I want you to know the one thing Joseph didn’t touch was my heart. In the beginning, I led him to believe it was his. I couldn’t give it to him when it belonged to you. My suspicion is that’s why he finally took Luca. I think he got fed up with me. I don’t know. I’ve wracked my brain, trying to figure out why it suddenly happened. Until I come face to face with Joseph again, I’ll never know.”
That could be. It’ll be over my rotting dead body and many others before she’ll see Joseph. Or him touching her again. She might be free to roam, but she won’t be a victim to him ever again.
There’s a lot more than the eye can see when it comes to Joseph. More than her suspicion. A missing link somewhere—something he’s covered up well from Sienna and Lorenzo. A lot of people are looking for him. The man has scarce sources out there. If any at all. My gut tells me he’s been planning to kill her for a while, working with someone we missed while researching everyone he’s come in contact with, or it’s someone we don’t know at all.
Hell, even his whores don’t know where he is. None of them have heard from him since before the accident.
My throat clamps shut, and I push past the lump to speak. “Sienna, I don’t know what the hell to say to any of this. The first thing that comes to mind is you’ve been in my heart this entire time too.”
Her constant sighing becomes heavier.
My heart aches over it.
“Yeah, well, the heart has to go through hell sometimes before it gets what it wants. We can talk about where you and I stand later. Right now, I need you to listen as I asked, please. This is hard to admit to you, Lane. So hard because I feel weak and exposed. I don’t want to see pity in your eyes when I gather my strength to look at you. I did what I had to do.”
“I can’t keep quiet when you admit something like that. You are not weak. I don’t pity you either, Sienna. I admire you.” No words spoken by me in this conversation are truer. The ones inside my head, those are what I’m trying to contain. I’m barely holding them in. Little bastards are driving me to the brink of jumping off the bed and banging my head against the wall. Guilt clawing at my skull, regret growing deeper. Worry sucking me in.
“I can accept that as long as you don’t ever show pity. At first, Joseph was sweet and kind. He said and did all the right things in the right way until a few weeks after we moved to New York, and I found out I was pregnant. We’d had sex before we were married, but I knew my baby wasn’t his, so did he. Days after finding out was the first time he hit and threatened me. Joseph told me unborn or not; he’d kill the baby and me if I told anyone it wasn’t his. He had people watching me on every corner. It was enough of a scare that I lied to my father and told him Luca was born prematurely. I lived with a monster who smiled while he had me in the palm of his greed, grabbing hands, and now he has our son.” So much sadness bleeds through her words.
I squeeze my eyes shut like maybe it could block her words from tormenting me more. It doesn’t help. Just beats me down at the same time it roars my rage Joseph could take a boy away from his mother. Everything he’s done leaves an unsteady string of tension whipping through my body, stretching tight enough I could damn near snap in half. What the fuck is wrong with a man threatening an unborn child and their mother? Joseph isn’t a man, though. He’s a coward with sickness running through his veins. Any man who rapes and lays an unwanted hand on a woman is.
“Luca was a good baby. He rarely cried unless he was hungry. Then he wailed so loud until he latched hold of me. It sounds selfish when I say the first couple of years of his life were the times I cherished the most. Don’t get me wrong, I bonded with our son, but that was the time Joseph stayed clear of me. There were no fists, no forced sex; he was barely home. I slept in Luca’s nursery, watching over him every night out of fear that Joseph would smother Luca in his sleep.”
I close my eyes, grasping for the bit of emotional energy I have left. For Sienna, I need to keep on shoving my rawness down, no matter how much I want to let it out.
“The night I left, he started arguing with me, and Luca came running. Joseph nailed him in the stomach. That’s what made me see I had to leave after that.” Her body begins to shake again. So hard you’d think she was convulsing.
My vision clouds in red. A slight blur around the edges as adrenaline spikes in my system. Joseph touched my son in anger. I will cut his limbs off and shove them down his throat for laying a finger on my son.
Those mental images of that bastard hurting her and our son will forever sludge through my mind. Living in those dark corners as a reminder of how badly I fucked up.
I can’t handle it at the moment. It’s too much for me to absorb.
“It’s okay. I got you. We don’t have to talk about it anymore.” A hard breath leaves her, no doubt showing it guts and makes her feel better at the same time by letting some of her pain out.
“No. I want it all out of me. It’s a poison that has been swimming in my veins for years.” She sighs again, while my gaze transfixes on the patch of freckles that runs across her shoulder, most of them hidden by the strap of her tank top.
Jesus, she is brave. So much of her old self is waiting on the edge to leap out of their dark hiding spots.
“It had been a while since Joseph brought you up. That night he did. He used to threaten to kill you and my father, there were a few times he said he’d take your daughter and run away with both kids. I believed him and now look where we are. He took our son, a
nd we have nothing. No way to contact Joseph because he left his phone at the house in Michigan. No way to know if Luca is alright. It’s like they’ve vanished.”
My chest stretches so tight at her admission. I had a feeling she was protecting me. Now I know, and it fucks with me all the more.
Revenge. I’ll get it for her and Luca. I’ll make Joseph pay for ever thinking he could talk about my daughter.
“Share a bit of Luca with me. What kind of things does he like to do?” I exhale through my nose. A level head is what I need. More importantly, it’ll do Sienna good to end this conversation talking about Luca. If there’s one thing that’s deep-seated itself solidly in my chest, it’s the love she has for him.
“That I can gladly do. Luca loves football and video games. He hates guns and loves math, like you. That young man is your son in every way, Lane. A Mitchell who will find a way to get what he wants. That is to stay alive until he comes home.” A tremor rolls through her as she tenderly places our hands against her stomach. I can almost see it swelled with our son. Big and round and perfect.
“I don’t know how to describe him other than to say he reminds me of you.”
Every part of me seizes—emotion after emotion pounding its way inside of me.
Pain. Loss. Remorse. It’s enough to fuck me right up.
Silence hangs in the air. I assume Sienna is trying to gather her thoughts while mine? They are about ready to erupt—ticking like a bomb set to go off at any time. What I don’t expect after minutes drag on, is what she says to me next.
“You lied to me, Lane. You hurt me. You told me you loved me. You said we would be together forever.”
I swallow, her words throwing another wrench my way. I guess when she said she wanted to get it all out, she meant everything.
“Yes, I’m well aware.”
“I tried hating you. I tried forgetting you. I thought maybe I could until I found out I was pregnant. When I did, I wanted to tell you. I wanted to pick up the phone to let you know we made a baby. I wanted you there when Luca was born. I wanted you there for everything. Luca was supposed to come to you if anything happened that night. I told him to get to you. I knew you’d figure out he was yours.”
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