“Of course. No one told me you owned a store. I can’t wait to shop there. I look forward to swinging by and letting you show me the heels you have on hand. They’re a secret favorite.” I own one pair of heels now. Before, I had many. I wore them when Joseph and I would go out to make me appear to be the confident daughter and wife.
On the outside, I was. The inside was a tattered and battered woman.
“I have plenty of everything. Thank you for not being angry. Lane told me to stop worrying. I was a wreck. Nothing’s changed between you and me, Sienna, except we won’t have to open up to one another because we know each other’s stories. Gabe told me you asked how I was doing whenever you saw him. I liked you before I knew you.”
As uneasy as it should be learning this new information, it’s refreshing that Ellie and I already know each other. We don’t have to talk about the ugly scars of our past.
I couldn’t be more thankful for that.
All I can do is smile at her. A barely-there uplift at the corners of my mouth, but it’s genuine, not fake like I’ve been giving her for months. Self-consciously, I tuck a lock of hair behind my ear.
“The Mitchell brothers can be the biggest assholes at times; they are protectors at heart. They’ve instilled that in me. Don’t be angry with Lane, please.”
“I’m not angry with anyone. Confused, frightened, and weak, never angry, not anymore.” At least, not with Lane.
A look of understanding glides across her face.
“Survivors aren’t weak, Sienna. We are strong. No matter what happens, don’t give up fighting those demons. Don’t let them win, no matter what.” Her tone is believable, but her words hit me hard. Especially those last few.
No matter what is a scary phrase when you have no idea where your child is. Or if you’ll ever see him again.
Chapter Ten
Lane
I wake to a tiny foot in my face. The other resting at an angle where I’m able to see the bright pink sparkly polish I painted on her toenails last night. I did that, plus her fingernails, wiped the spaghetti off her face the other night, pressed my palm to her forehead to see if her fever rose at least a hundred times, held her while she cried because her tummy hurt and tucked her into bed this past week with hands that killed a man.
I never blinked an eye at it. You mess with my kids, it might cost you your life.
My mind conjures a quick flash of squeezing the life out of Xander, and I feel nothing. No remorse, no guilt, no shame. Just bitterness and hate that gave me all the more motive to ask that, if given the opportunity, I want to be the one to kill Joseph.
If I needed a reason to kill him other than hating his fucking guts when he married Sienna, it would be having my son around barbaric perverted monsters of their own making.
Carnage. I can’t get it out of my head.
Above killing Joseph myself, is making sure Luca is safe and getting him to Sienna. Nothing is more important to me than that. But Joseph will die. If not by my hand, then by Gabe’s. That was an order from Lorenzo I’m okay with keeping.
I knew Gabe wanted to stop me from killing Xander because he was afraid guilt would hit the minute I looked into Lexi’s sparkling eyes. It did the opposite. It made me realize once again how quickly my mind was overtaken by rage to seek justice for Luca along with every woman Xander has ever touched without permission.
It made me think of how the parents of the young women taken have to live the rest of their lives not knowing if they’ll ever see the person they love again.
I hardly gave cleansing the earth of that man a second thought until now, but every time I looked at my daughter this week, I had to look away before she saw the pain from the bone-chilling disaster building inside me like a rumble of an avalanche.
It’s coming, and I’m unable to get the hell out of its destructive way. It’s in my chest building inside of me, and before long, I’m going to slide right down that slippery slope heading straight for a cliff.
Meaning, I’m about ready to lose my shit.
I screw my eyes shut, hoping like hell to simmer the violent rage in my body. Revulsion and misery and regret are swirling through my blood.
It’s uncharted territory for me dealing with more than I can handle when I have to remain normal around Lexi. The girl can pick up when something is troubling me. If she hadn’t been climbing the walls with excitement the first few days after meeting Sienna, she would have caught on to the pressure ready to break free and erupt, and none of what I’m feeling has anything to do with Sienna walking out on me.
That’s an entirely different issue. One I told myself I’d give her some space while I weeded through my thoughts as I sat on pins and needles waiting to hear from Gabe, Aidan, or Seth. They went back to New York. They have nothing as of last night—no clue, no word, no bogus sighting.
A mystery that has to be solved.
I can now understand why Sienna is holding in her tears. It’s a lot harder to let it out than one would think. With her holding all that agony inside, it has me worrying what her reaction will be when Lorenzo figures out a way to tell her about Luca. As of this morning, when I called him, he hadn’t yet.
Brave. I need to remember Sienna is a lot stronger than any person I’ve known.
Careful not to wake Lexi, I roll onto my side to stare down at her peaceful sleeping form. My thoughts drift to the information I found while searching the web, trying to find out any information I could on XYZ. I knew evil existed, but the articles I read about women, young girls, and even boys sold at auctions to become slaves hit close to home.
They could be ruining Luca’s innocent life the same way. It leaves a gaping wound of regret inside me that won’t ever go away.
Fuck, I’m dying here drowning in my thoughts—an uncomfortable strange place for me to be.
Lexi’s sweet little face from the other night when all she wanted was for me to hold her while she cut a fever whirl behind my eyelids.
While I watched her when she finally dozed in my arms, I’d imagined those young girls stolen being like her, always needing to be on the move—wanting to dance and sing—wanting their moms or dads when they are sick. Mouths are firing off chatter a mile a minute, giggles and jokes, and when one question brews in their curious minds, ten more follow before you have the chance to answer the first.
And then they bloom into young women with years of dreams ahead of them. Only to have those dreams ripped away and in their place an unforgettable nightmare.
I’d die a thousand deaths if anyone dared lay a finger on Lexi. I’m dying inside now as I wish I were able to save every person XYZ and criminals alike prey upon. It is slowly dragging misery along my spine as I envision Luca waking and curling into a ball of terror, and I get it, that guilt living inside Sienna. It’s right there ready to eat me alive. Her pain is mine because of how we’re deeply connected in more ways than having a child together.
Shoving thoughts of all that’s gnawing away at me except Lexi, I glance down, shaking my head as I watch her sleep on her stomach. Body sprawled sideways across my bed, hair a disaster of tangled curls that will take me forever to comb out.
And the hell if I care that she’ll wail and screech that it hurts. Hell, if I even care, she’ll stomp her feet when I tell her we’ll cut it off if it hurts that bad. That remark usually shuts her up for about ten seconds before she starts chattering about how princesses have long hair.
This morning, I don’t care that she climbed in bed with me when she knows not to. Usually, I put her back in hers and remind her that for whatever reason brought her in here, she’s to wake me so I can lay beside her until she falls back to sleep.
Today though, I need my sweet girl as much as she needs me.
“Hi, Daddy, you let me sleep here all night,” she says softly as her eyes flutter open. That precious morning voice brings a smile to my face. I give her two-minutes tops before the grogginess wears off, and she’ll start talking my head off.
&
nbsp; I crave it.
“I did. Don’t make it a habit, okay? Did you have a bad dream?” I hate it when she has one. She can never remember what they are half the time. Her little mind only aware it made her wake.
“I won’t. No, I didn’t have one. I think Ariel did ‘cause she fell out of bed and broke her arm. She didn’t even cry. Can you fix her? Uncle Seth bought her for me. He’s going to be so sad when he comes back from his vacation that she’s hurting. He’s been on vacation for a long time. Can I call him? I miss him so, so much.” Unhappiness filters through her usual first thing in the morning chit-chat. Little lips quivering as she rubs the sleep out of her eyes and holds the limited edition doll out for me to see.
One of the plastic arms is missing. For five hundred bucks, you’d think they’d make the things better. Then again, the way Lexi carries the doll with her everywhere she goes except to school, I’m not surprised.
It’s a damn good thing Seth bought three of them. It might be hard to dirty the new one up to match this one, but if it puts a smile on my baby’s face, then I’ll stay up all night until I get it right.
“Well, we can’t have Uncle Seth sad now, can we?” I give my best impression of Seth by pouting my lower lip and crossing my arms. Big ass dork has his pretend sad face perfected. He should as many times as Lexi serves me first whenever we’ve sat down to have a tea party.
“He doesn’t do it like that, Daddy. He does it like this.” She places the doll on the bed and tugs her lips down, flashing me her bottom teeth. She’s lost several already. “He’s such a grouchy butt when he’s sad too.” She giggles, giving me all her uncontaminated sweetness.
That’s more like my girl, hate to have her starting the day bummed out over her doll.
“I think Uncle Seth and Grandpa misses me ‘cause I miss them all the way to the stars. Please, can I call? I want to talk to both of them.”
God, this kid, she’s my brothers’, Gabe’s, mine. Hell, even Lorenzo’s ray of sunshine. They’ll be happy to hear from Lexi. It’ll light them up hearing her voice.
“I’ll let you if you get up here and give me a kiss, hug, and a secret unless you’re going to keep your foot in my face all day. If that’s the case, I’ll have to eat it. I’m starving. It stinks, though. Are you sure you washed it?”
She scrunches her nose, a shriek coming out of her tiny little mouth as she scrapes it across my scruff.
“No freaking way. I’m Princess Lexi. Don’t you forget that, buster. Yes, I washed it. Even between my toes. You can’t eat my leg. If you do, I won’t be able to dance with you later. Remember, you said we could dance to whatever I wanted tonight. It’s going to be so much fun. I’m going to laugh so, so hard when you do the low. The last time you fell over.” She breaks out in howls of laughter, clutching her stomach like it’s the funniest thing she’d ever seen. It probably was. I can’t dance worth shit.
For her, though, I’d do anything as long as it makes her happy.
“I don’t think you’re funny, little girl.”
“I’m not, but you are. Oh, it’s Saturday. My favorite day. It’s do-anything-Lexi-wants day. We missed doing whatever I wanted last Saturday ‘cause you had grown-up stuff to do. I want to go to the park. You know the one with the fountains, Dalton said they let you play in them. I don’t want to play. I want to dance like that one time me and you did in the rain. Do you remember that day, Daddy? It was the best of days. The best of the best just like you.” She giggles again. I can’t help to soak it in and relish in it.
Lexi and I have been doing whatever she wants within reason on Saturdays for a few years now. Last Saturday was when I went to see Sienna at the restaurant. I picked Lexi up from Ellie and Logan’s only to turn around and take her back. All hell broke loose after that.
“I remember, princess. You mind telling me who this Dalton is?” I frown, eyes squinting. Giving her a pretend angry stare. I know who the kid is. He has the hots for mine. Dalton best back off now, or I’ll be scowling at him when I drop Lexi off at school in a few months.
“Seriously, Daddy. You do this every time I bring him up. Don’t you worry none, he isn’t my boyfriend. Boys are gross. Someday when I’m big, I’ll have a boyfriend, but only if he knows how to swim and dance. It’s a deal-breaker if he doesn’t. And I can have one ‘cause you have a girlfriend and you’re big.”
My eyes go round, heart-stopping, then taking off in a sprint. I’ve no idea where Sienna and I stand. I suppose it’s time to figure it out.
“You can quit growing up on me now, Little Miss Sassy Pants. If these boys don’t know how to swim, I’ll teach them. Now let’s talk about how I’m the best. If I am, that makes you the best daughter.”
I won’t be teaching anyone how to swim. I’ll quietly tell them to stay away from my daughter and dunk them under a few times for good measure.
“Like father, like daughter. Only I can’t be the best dad when I grow up. I’ll be the best mommy. So much better than my mommy was, but now she’s in Heaven like all dogs go to Heaven, right?” she asks more out of curiosity than sadness.
I’m not about to let thoughts of Lexi’s mother, Stephanie, ruin my day with her. She doesn’t bring her up that often but when she does, it pisses me off that my kid is missing out on a bond with her mother. Stephanie wouldn’t have bonded with her, though. She would have waltzed in and out of her life if I had let her. That was something I didn’t want for Lexi. Either you’re in forever or out for good. Plain and simple.
“Exactly like that. Now back to Lexi day. If my girl wants to play in the fountains, then that’s what we’ll do, but first, I need breakfast.” I gently grab her ankle. Open my mouth, snap my teeth together, growling as I attack her foot with soft little bites, acting as if I’ll chew away at it.
Loud laughter rings through the air, the sound of it slamming into me as she wiggles and kicks and screams with excitement for me to stop. I don’t until she manages to get herself free, pushes up and slides right into my side, kisses my cheek, hugs me and whispers what she calls a secret by telling me she loves me before resting the doll on my shirt-covered chest.
Where she got this hug, kiss and secret from I’ll never know. It’s something I’ll cherish till the day I die. Something that came out of the blue when she was three, it’s been our thing since.
“Your heart is beating way fast, Daddy. We better have cereal so you can drink all the milk to keep your heart beating strong. I love you so, so much.”
I chuckle. Shit, this kid has been my world for so long. A blessing I never knew I needed. I’m always waking up wondering if I’m raising her right, doing what I’m supposed to be doing by teaching right from wrong.
“I love you more.”
“No way, Jose. I even told Sienna I loved you the mostest. We should call her to see if she wants to come with us. I like her, Daddy. She likes me too, I know it. Her hair is so pretty, just like you said. Is she for real your girlfriend now? Are you going to kiss her every chance you get? That’s what Uncle Logan said he does to Aunt Ellie when I told him kissing was, crap on a cracker, what’s that word, Daddy? I can’t think of it.” She places her hands over her mouth, wrinkles her forehead in concentration.
I internally bust a gut over her crap on a cracker remark. At least I’m doing something right using that phrase instead of swearing half the time like I want to in front of her.
I have no words to describe what Sienna is to me. Not any that Lexi would understand. She’s the other half of my soul. The missing piece that I should have protected. She’s mine, and I need to make her realize that before I lose her to that fear.
I peer down at my princess to see a grin so bright on her face that laughter tumbles out of my mouth.
“Disgusting.”
“Oh, yeah, that’s it. You told me to tell boys kissing is disgusting, and if they try again, I can kick them in their privates.”
Her shoulders lift to her ears, that grin firm in place. “But you can kiss Sienna
if you want. I think she needs hugs and kisses and secrets. She was super duper nice, but she was sad, Daddy. We need to make her all better.”
There goes my girl, temporarily flushing the poison out of my mind with that big caring heart.
No one wants to kiss another as severely as I do Sienna. I need to so I can breathe again. I want to get to know the woman she’s hidden away. I want to give her the life she’s always deserved.
“She’s all better, baby. Let’s spend the day just me and you okay? I’ll ask her when I talk to her tomorrow.”
“Okay, Daddy. I’m going to leave Ariel right here while I pee and get our cereal. I love you forever and ever and ever.” My girl throws her open arms around me, kissing me on the cheek before placing the doll next to me and hopping off the bed.
“Wash your hands and let me pour the milk.”
“I will. Don’t forget your phone. I have to talk to Uncle Seth and Grandpa. I’m going to tell them all about Sienna.” I shake my head as her voice sings out from down the hall.
Running my hands through my hair, I grab the doll, push to sit, slide open the drawer of my nightstand and take a moment to collect myself as I stare at the picture of Luca.
Can’t help to wonder what it would be like for me and Sienna to walk into the kitchen to hear laughter from Luca and Lexi. We’d be a family. Something I never thought I’d want until I held Lexi for the first time.
“I’ll do everything I can, son, to bring you back safe. Once I do, the agony, the regrets living inside of me will be as free as you and your mom will be.”
That’s a promise I’ll die trying to keep.
Chapter Eleven
Sienna
“What are you doing here, Lane?” His name slips out of my mouth with ease. If only he knew over the years, this past week, it’s sat there on the tip of my tongue just waiting to slip free while I imagined his fingers were caressing my skin.
I tried edging him out of my head as I went through the busy days and lonely nights. It’s impossible. He’s so much more than that to my bleeding heart, so much more than repairing it.
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