He didn’t know where he would spend Christmas or how it would affect him and Leanne. He had tried not to feel pressured, but it was also unfair to put everything on hold while he and Leanne worked their way through this new situation. So he’d picked up the tree.
“I’m having fun,” Leanne said with a wink. She turned to Austin who was running back and forth waving a branch they had cut off the tree.
Christmas music played softly in the background creating a festive atmosphere.
“That’s a nice tree you bought there,” George said. “Though we could have gotten a free one from the upper pasture.”
“Snow’s too deep to go wandering up there now,” Reuben said, quashing his usual annoyance with his father’s criticism, trying to focus on the rare compliment his father had given.
In fact, Reuben was surprised George had even deigned to join them this evening. Monday after his and Leanne’s snowball fight, George had driven to town again. Yesterday he went directly up to his room. This evening, however, he must have gotten caught up in the spirit of the moment since he’d joined them in the family room, offering decorating advice from his recliner.
“Grampa, me got a tree,” Austin crowed, waving the branch at George.
“You call that a tree, boy?” George said with a laugh, leaning forward and holding his hand out to Austin. “Don’t go into the logging business, I think.” The little boy climbed easily up on George’s lap, looking content as his grandfather slipped his arms around him, holding him close.
The sight stoked a flicker of jealousy in Reuben. Had George ever held him so lovingly? Stroked his hair with a gentle smile on his face?
Austin quickly wiggled off George’s lap and, ignoring his grandfather’s protest, ran directly to Reuben, his arms wide.
“Do you like my tree, Uncle Wooben?” Austin asked, almost blinding him as he waved the branch around.
“I like your branch a lot,” Reuben said, tickling him under his chin. Austin tucked his head in, giggling. Then he looked up at Reuben, his eyes wide.
“You buy me a Christmas pwesent?”
“Austin, that’s rather rude,” Leanne reprimanded.
“Of course I’ll buy you a present,” he said to Austin. “What do you want?”
“Horsies. Lots of horsies.”
“Real horses?”
Austin giggled. “No. Grandpa got me a weal horse. I want horsies for my farm.”
“Well, that makes it easier.”
But even as he made his plans with Austin, he felt the pressure of the upcoming season. While he was still in town working at the arena, he’d gotten a call from Marshall, his future boss, asking if he was still coming to Los Angeles in a couple of days. Reuben had said yes. While his time in Cedar Ridge had been a turning point for him, he still found himself eager to move on. More now that he and Leanne had found each other again.
He wanted a fresh start with her in a new place away from all the memories and unmet expectations. He wasn’t sure how it would all play out, however.
“So I’m thinking we can hang this gold ball up by the red one you just put up,” Leanne said, holding up another large ornament.
“I don’t think Reuben should—”
“I’m not going up—”
He and George spoke at the same time.
“Looks like that’s unanimous,” Leanne said with a laugh. George and Reuben laughed, as well, creating a small moment of levity.
“We Walsh men have to stick together,” Reuben added, grinning at George.
His father nodded, leaning back, a curious expression on his face.
“I think we should call it an evening,” Reuben said, standing back to examine the tree.
The lights twinkled brightly, reflecting off the large gold and red balls, glittery snowflakes and gold ribbon woven through the branches.
“We’re missing a couple of ornaments, though,” George said, getting up off his chair. He picked up an old, worn shoebox that lay to one side and set it on the low table in front of the couch. “Austin, can you help me put these on the tree?” he asked. Then he looked up at Leanne. “If that’s okay with you?”
“Of course. It’s fine with me.”
“We didn’t put these on last year. Was a bit too soon after Dirk,” George explained. “I kept the box back when you went looking but I think we can put them on now.”
Curious, Reuben walked closer. Surprise flickered though him when he saw what lay nestled in the old tissue of the box.
“Your daddy made this ornament,” George said to Austin, holding up a popsicle-stick sled. “And your Uncle Reuben made this one.” He pulled out a wreath made of puzzle pieces spray painted green that framed a picture. “You remember this?” he asked Reuben, turning it to him.
Reuben came closer and took it from his father. A young version of himself grinned a gap-toothed smile back from the wreath frame. A much happier time. But he didn’t take up the entire picture. In the background he saw a woman and looked closer.
His mother. She was laughing.
A surprising grief gripped him. He was five in the picture, which meant his mother had left shortly afterward. Why had she left him behind? Why hadn’t she taken him along?
The old feelings of abandonment and loss drifted to the surface. He blamed the sudden ache in his heart on the music, songs he’d heard every Christmas he’d celebrated with Dirk and his father.
“I hang them up?” Austin asked.
Reuben nodded and handed him the ornament, pushing the unwelcome emotions back to the past. He glanced over at George just as his father’s eyes met his. George’s expression softened and Reuben wondered if he imagined the look of pain that drifted over his face.
What would his life have been like if his mother had stayed? If his relationship with George had been better?
Futile questions he told himself. Life moved on and he had to, as well.
He turned back to Austin to help him get the two ornaments on the Christmas tree and as he did, he made a decision. Regardless of how she felt, he and Leanne needed to tell George the truth about Austin as soon as possible. Tomorrow at the latest.
He knew they were growing more serious about each other and it was time to take the next step.
And where will that step lead? Could you stay here?
Once again the question rose up, teasing him. But then he glanced at George and all the old pain and sorrow he had dealt with as a young boy returned. The only way he could be free from George was to get away from his influence.
“Are you okay?” Leanne touched his arm, getting his attention. He realized he was still kneeling down by the tree, looking at the ornaments Austin and he had hung up. He gave himself a mental shake and stood. Then, in front of George, he kissed her.
Leanne stiffened but then she relaxed and touched his cheek lightly.
“I want this done,” Reuben said, keeping his voice low but determined. “He needs to know and we need to make plans.”
Leanne held his gaze, a look of fear flitting through her eyes.
“What’s the matter?” he asked.
She shook her head and he thought again about what she had said a couple of days ago when he asked her about staying in Cedar Ridge or moving away.
But he needed to know. He couldn’t afford to spend more emotions and energy on this relationship if he wasn’t sure where it was going.
“You know we have to do this,” he insisted.
She looked up at him but even though she nodded he could see the fear in her eyes. “I know” was all she said.
“What are you two plotting over there?” George’s abrupt question made Leanne draw back.
Leanne glanced over at Austin who was running around the room, laughing and hopping. Then he dropped against George’s knee and the
man’s face lit up. He pulled Austin close and hugged him tightly, flashing the smile that he always reserved for his grandson.
Dismay flitted over Leanne’s face, and Reuben understood where it came from. If they told George, how would he react to the fact that Austin, the child he so dearly loved, wasn’t Dirk’s, but was in fact Reuben’s?
“It has to happen sometime,” Reuben insisted while George was distracted, tickling Austin.
“Tomorrow, okay?” Leanne turned back to him, her eyes pleading for understanding.
“Tomorrow at noon,” Reuben said. “I have to work at the arena in the morning so I’ll come here after lunch.”
She gave him a surprised look, then nodded again.
Then, as if to stake his claim on her, he kissed her again.
Leanne returned his kiss but he could sense she was preoccupied.
He tried not to worry. Tried to let go of his concerns.
Please, Lord, he prayed. I care for her so much. Help us to get through this. Don’t make me give her up again.
* * *
The revolving lights of the ambulance, the wail of the sirens piercing the quiet of the morning cut through Leanne’s head like a knife.
She stood on the deck watching as the vehicle flew over the front yard, snow spinning from its tires, the red strobe light sweeping ominously over the snow-covered trees of the yard.
She clung to the doorway, swallowing and praying and trying to make her breath slow as she watched the ambulance’s progress over the cattle guard, its lights bobbing as it made its way up the hill.
Her prayers were a tangle of petitions and fear.
Please, Lord. Watch over him. Please spare his life.
George was in that ambulance on his way to the hospital in Cedar Ridge. He’d just suffered a heart attack.
Half an hour ago Leanne had been upstairs putting Austin to bed for his morning nap when she heard a puzzling thump, then a gasp coming from the kitchen. She hurried downstairs only to see George hunched over the sink, breathing heavily.
She had rushed to his side as he complained of chest pains. The next fifteen minutes were a blur as she stayed on the phone with the ambulance dispatcher, following his instructions, struggling to do CPR as the promised ambulance made its way to the ranch.
When the paramedics came, they made quick work of stabilizing him.
And then, as quickly as they’d come, they rushed him out of the house on a gurney and into the ambulance. Thankfully Austin had slept through it all.
The cold winter air slipped through her clothes, bringing her back to reality, and Leanne returned to the house, not sure what to do next.
Call Reuben. Arrange for someone to come and watch Austin.
She needed to go to the hospital to be with George.
She picked up the phone again and punched in Reuben’s number. He answered it on the third ring.
“Hey, you,” he said, the tenderness in his voice almost her undoing. “What’s up? You miss me already?”
“It’s George. He’s had a heart attack.” The words, spoken aloud sounded frightening and, for the first time since she saw her father-in-law hanging over the sink, gasping for breath, she started to cry.
“I’m coming over right away,” Reuben said, sounding more alert.
“No. I want to meet you at the hospital. We should both be there.” Her voice broke again and she drew in a few quick breaths to center herself.
“I don’t want you to drive.”
“I’ll be okay. You should go to the hospital. Be there when your dad comes in. I’ll meet you there once I call Tabitha. She can watch Austin for me.”
Reuben protested again but she stopped him. “I don’t know how serious this is, Reuben. I don’t want you to miss out on seeing your father.” As she spoke, the foreboding of her words dropped onto her heart like a rock.
She slowed herself down and eased the panic clenching her heart.
Be with George. Be with the paramedics and doctors. Don’t take him yet.
The prayer helped her find firm ground, but even as she struggled to leave it all in God’s hands, she caught herself jumping ahead and wondering what the implications would be for her, Austin and Reuben.
Don’t go there. You don’t know what will happen.
She pulled in another breath then hurried upstairs to change, waiting for her sister to come to watch Austin.
And as she did, another reality seeped in.
There was no way they could tell George the truth about Austin.
Not now.
Chapter Nine
“He looks okay.” Reuben said the words as much to console himself as to encourage Leanne.
George lay on the bed, the tubes snaking out of him attached to beeping monitors. He looked as pale as the sheets covering his chest, his graying hair sticking out every which way. Leanne had tried to smooth it down, but it refused to be tamed.
George would be upset at how he looked, he thought. Much easier to focus on inconsequential things rather than think of how close they had come to losing his father.
The doctor had come by and told them they had caught it soon enough and that he was doing well. That he would only be in the Cardiac Care Unit overnight and then transferred to a regular hospital room tomorrow. He could, if all went well, be home by Monday.
This seemed improbable but encouraging at the same time.
“I’m glad he’s sleeping.” Leanne stood opposite Reuben, her hands clutching the bed rail, her gaze flicking from George to Reuben. She looked as concerned as he felt.
“He almost died.” Reuben spoke quietly, still trying to understand what had happened.
“But he didn’t,” Leanne said. “He’s going to be okay.”
“For now.” Reuben blew out his breath then picked up his father’s hand. It was cool to the touch and hung limp between his fingers. He was still surprised at how panicked he’d felt when he got Leanne’s phone call. How hard it had hit him. In spite of his feelings toward George, he was still his father.
“If he takes care of himself and does the rehab they lay out for him, it might not happen again.”
Leanne’s voice sounded strained. This was hard on her too, he realized. She had spent almost three years with George. Working with him, living in the same house. Watching him growing more and more attached to Austin.
His son.
“So I guess we won’t be talking to George soon. About Austin,” Reuben said.
Leanne released a short laugh, devoid of humor. “This definitely changes things.”
As far as Reuben was concerned it didn’t, but he kept that thought to himself. Austin was still his son and he still wanted to be with Leanne. Away from here.
But even as those last three words resonated through his mind, he looked down at George again. His father had never looked so vulnerable or helpless.
Somehow, at this moment, in spite of the anger and the fights and the frustration that George and he had undergone, much of that was forgotten for the moment. Looking at George looking so pale and having come so close to death had given him another perspective on it all.
“You look troubled,” Leanne said, coming around the bed to stand beside him. She laid her hand on his arm; her fingers warm through the fabric of his shirt.
“I’ve never seen him looking this weak.” Reuben covered her hand with his. He turned to her, trying to articulate his confused thoughts. “He’s always been so strong. Such a dominant force.”
“He’s not been like that the past few years, though,” Leanne said, giving him a gentle smile. “He’s definitely softened.”
“Toward you and Austin.”
Leanne shrugged. “Maybe, but there were times I caught him looking at old photo albums. Pictures of
you, as well. I wonder if he didn’t miss you too.”
The part of him that had always yearned for a relationship with his father clung to her words. But the independent part of him, the one that had pulled away to protect himself, needed to reject what she was saying.
“You seem like you don’t believe me,” she said, her voice quiet.
“I want to, but I don’t know if I dare.” He paused, clinging to Leanne’s hand like he was clinging to a lifeboat. “He scares me.”
“Why?”
Reuben swallowed, wondering if Leanne would understand. He drew her away from George’s bedside, just in case his father could hear.
He looked down at Leanne, praying she took his words the right way. “I’m afraid that I might be a father just like him.”
Leanne held his eyes, her features impassive then he saw a sorrow drift over her face and she reached up and cupped his chin. “We make our own decisions in life. We’re not only products of biology. I don’t think you need to worry about that at all.”
Threaded through her words of encouragement he caught a note of concern. As if she was worried that he was looking for an out.
“I want to be a father to Austin. A good father,” he said, catching her hands and holding them to his chest. “It’s just that I haven’t had the best example.”
Leanne entwined her fingers through his. “We don’t parent completely on our own, you know. We live in a good community and we have our faith to guide and help us.”
“There it is again,” he said.
“What?”
Reuben glanced over at his father, still struggling with conflicted emotions. “That word,” he said turning back to her. “Community. You want to stay here and nurture the roots you’ve put down. I feel like I need to leave and give myself a chance to be independent of...expectations. Be away from...well...my dad.”
Leanne tugged on her hands to pull them away but he wouldn’t release them.
“I don’t want this to come between us,” he said, lowering his voice, hoping she heard the urgency in his words. “We’ve waited a long time for this, and I want this to work. I want us to work.” For emphasis he pressed a kiss to her lips. She lifted her arms and slid them around his neck, returning his kiss, easing away the tension that gripped him.
The Cowboy's Family Christmas Page 12
