Reuben pulled away. Leanne hugged Austin, then kissed him good-night. Reuben left the room, Leanne behind him. She kept the door open, following Reuben down the stairs. He walked into the family room but didn’t sit down. Instead he turned to her, looking anguished.
“I’m sorry I got angry with him. I shouldn’t have.”
“He was being a little stinker,” Leanne said, touching his arm to reassure him. He looked so distraught.
“But I felt... I thought I was...” He stopped, dropping his one hand on his hip, the other clutching his forehead.
She caught his raised arm and lowered it. “You thought you were what?”
He looked at her a moment, as if trying to get his bearings. Then he pulled his sleeve up and turned his wrist around. “This scar? Remember asking me about it all those years ago?”
She traced the puckered skin, remembering that afternoon, here on this ranch. Dirk had been inside the house, watching a football game with George. She and Reuben had been sitting on the deck. Just talking. She’d noticed the scar on his wrist and had taken his hand, had touched it. It was one of those forbidden moments, and it was then that she realized that she cared for Reuben more than she’d ever cared for Dirk. It was both exhilarating and frightening. “You told me you got it when you were putting up fencing with Dirk,” she said, her voice quiet. “You said you cut yourself on a nail.”
Reuben looked down at it, shaking his head and rolling his sleeve down again, buttoning the cuff. “I lied to you. I got into a fight with Dad over a horse. He hit me with the bridle, and the buckle cut my wrist wide open. I bandaged it and went back to work. He never spoke of it again.”
Leanne couldn’t stop her gasp of shock. Her eyes flew to his, but he was looking down at his arm, his expression grim.
“Dad had a horrific temper and he would let it fly anytime he got upset. I was on the wrong end of that temper too many times.”
Leanne had known Reuben had it hard but she never knew that George had been physically abusive.
“I’m so sorry. I never knew how bad it was.” She laid her hand on his chest, willing him to look at her. “I’m so sorry.”
“It’s in the past and Dad even apologized to me this afternoon.” He released a humorless laugh. “Never thought I’d hear the words I’m sorry come from the mighty George Walsh.”
He looked at her, and to her surprise he gave her a gentle smile, easing her hair back from her face with his hand.
“Dirk never said anything” was all Leanne could manage.
“I asked him to keep his mouth shut. It was humiliating and I didn’t want anyone else to know.”
“I wish I had known.”
“Would it have changed anything?”
“It might have.”
“I wouldn’t have wanted you to date me out of pity.”
“It wouldn’t have been pity—”
He stopped her there. “You know, deep down, there were other more important reasons we didn’t end up together. I know I wasn’t the best person for you. And I know that Dirk was.”
“But he had it so much easier than you,” Leanne insisted. “Now that I know what you dealt with, I think I might have been more understanding of who you were.”
He shrugged. “We don’t need to talk about that now. That’s all in the past.” He stroked her cheek, looking bemused. “Don’t look so sad. It wasn’t all bad. We had good times too. I remember trips to go fishing up in the mountains. Long drives to go to bull sales where we played road games. George taught me how to train horses.” Then he grew serious. “But at the same time, my dad had a mighty temper and I’ve seen him go out of control too often. And that’s why...that’s why...” His voice broke, creating more confusion for Leanne.
“Why what?”
He shook his head and was about to turn away when Leanne caught him by the arm, stopping him. “Please. No more secrets. Tell me.”
Reuben swallowed, shaking his head. “When Austin hit me with that book, I got so mad... I was afraid I would hurt him. That’s why I had to walk away. I’ve seen my father’s temper boil over and I couldn’t let that happen between me and my son. I can’t let him have that kind of father.”
“Of course you were angry,” Leanne said, concerned at the sorrow in his voice and the anguish on his face. “He was being a brat. I was upset too.”
“But you don’t have my father’s genetics. You don’t have to worry what might happen.”
“Nothing happened,” she said, feeling a panicky need to encourage him. It was as if he was withdrawing from both of them. “You didn’t do anything.”
Reuben didn’t look convinced and Leanne sent up an anxious prayer for wisdom and for him to understand. She grabbed him by the arm and gave him a small shake. “You said you can’t let him have that kind of father, but you’ll never be the father your dad was. I see you with Austin. You’re loving and caring and kind and patient. Way more patient than I am.”
He held her gaze and she was encouraged by the smile that slipped over his lips. “You sound convincing.”
“I don’t need to sound convincing. You need to believe that you are your own person. And that you don’t have to worry about being like your father. Two-year-olds are annoying and frustrating, and there have been times I wanted to leave him in his bedroom with the door locked all afternoon so I wouldn’t have to deal with him.” She gave him a reassuring smile. “That’s what being a parent is all about. And I’m not worried about what type of parent you are or will be.”
Reuben shook his head and then, to her surprise, pulled her into his arms. “Because of you I want to make better choices than I have in the past.”
“And you have. With God’s help you have made good choices. Your own choices.”
He kissed her again and she settled into his arms, his heartbeat reassuring.
But even as he held her close, even as they shared this moment of closeness, she knew those choices would take him away from her. She sent up a prayer for strength, knowing that they had come to the moment she had been anticipating but also felt apprehensive about.
It was time they talked about what lay ahead and what decisions they were going to make.
But before she could speak, his cell phone buzzed and he pulled away, glancing down at the number. He gave her an apologetic smile. “Sorry. I have to take this. It’s Marshall.”
She nodded, pulling away, wrapping her arms around herself. Reuben walked away, sounding animated and excited.
Leanne knew this man was Reuben’s future boss and they were talking about his job. In California.
She looked around the room, trying to imagine herself away from this place that she had woven so many dreams around.
Trying to imagine herself sitting alone in the middle of a large city while Reuben traveled around the world, or moving from place to place like she had with her father.
Could she do it? Was her love strong enough?
Chapter Eleven
“Is the arena worth fixing up, in your opinion?” Owen asked as Reuben put a cap on the felt pen he had used to make notes on the whiteboard in the meeting room.
Reuben looked around the gathering of the Rodeo Group and nodded.
“I believe it is,” he said, gesturing to the figures he had just written out on the board. “Like I told my father, Floyd used quality materials for the work he actually did.” The smile he gave Leanne gave her a surprising sense of peace. Her father wasn’t such a loser after all.
Reuben sat down beside her, giving her arm a gentle squeeze. They hadn’t seen each other this morning. Reuben had been busy getting his presentation together and she had been cleaning the house.
She made a few notes on her laptop, glancing at her phone as she did. No messages from her sister, who was watching Austin.
<
br /> She had left her son there because she had texted Reuben last night, after he left, saying that she needed to talk to him after she visited George in the hospital. The shadow of Reuben’s new job was hanging over her and she was tired of the uncertainty. Discussing their future couldn’t wait any longer and she didn’t want the complication of Austin’s being around, distracting them.
“Well, thanks so much for all your hard work,” Owen said, looking around the room at the gathering. “And thanks, everyone, for taking the time out of your Saturday afternoon to come out here.”
Owen had invited members of the Chamber of Commerce to the meeting, as well, so they could be kept in the loop. The small room was stiflingly full and Leanne felt a bit light-headed. She had missed breakfast and lunch, keeping herself busy with mindless tasks. Anything to avoid thinking of the conversation she and Reuben were going to have. Part of her dreaded it. It was so much easier to float along without making a decision when, no matter what they chose, it would be difficult for one of them.
I’ve made so many sacrifices for men, Leanne thought, memories of her father’s pleading, Dirk’s constant postponing of their wedding blending with what she guessed Reuben would soon ask of her. Can I do it again? Should I have to?
“Thanks again, Reuben, for doing this for us,” Owen said. “I think I can say for everyone here that we’re happy to know that we don’t have to tear down the arena. We won’t be having any more meetings until the New Year, when we can ask for contract bids to finish the arena.” He glanced at Leanne. “And I understand that Helen is coming back as secretary then?”
Leanne nodded, giving Owen a cautious smile. “I can’t juggle working on the ranch and taking care of Austin with this job.” She felt a niggle of unease as she laid out her reasons. Her decision was more complicated and would be influenced by what happened after she and Reuben talked.
Please, Lord, help me to make the right choice, she prayed. Show me what You want us to do. Show us what You want us to do.
“I understand,” Owen said, then turned to Reuben. “Will we be getting a formal report on this?”
“Complete with embossed folder,” Reuben joked.
“Does anyone else have any questions for Reuben?”
“I wouldn’t mind asking you about the possibility of adding to the building,” Mr. Rodriguez said. “My daughter, Shauntelle, has spoken of starting up a snack bar and had hoped to start a restaurant there, as well. It wasn’t in the original plans but she talked to an architect and can get some blueprints drawn up.”
“That sounds amazing,” Owen chimed in, standing up. “Why don’t you come with me and Reuben to the arena right now? We can see what the possibilities would be in terms of where we could put it.”
Reuben frowned at Leanne.
She gave him a reassuring smile. “I’ll meet you at the hospital whenever it works for you,” she said, gathering her things and standing. “Or at the back booth at Angelo’s for supper.”
The restaurant would give them more privacy than the Grill and Chill and it was quieter.
She slipped the laptop into her purse, and as she stood, he laid his hand on her shoulder, giving her a gentle squeeze.
“I’ll be there soon. But if I’m not at the hospital by seven, let’s meet at Angelo’s.”
She felt a flare of disappointment but then, as he brushed her hair away from her face, she saw the scar on his wrist. Now that she knew the story behind it, her perspective had changed.
How could she expect him to even consider staying on the ranch with his father?
But how could she ever leave?
Later. Later, she told herself.
“Okay. It’s a date,” she said trying to inject a happy note into her voice.
He nodded then brushed a gentle kiss on her lips.
“See you there” was all she said, then she walked away, head down, avoiding the curious looks of the people gathered in the room.
* * *
“I don’t want to be a burden.” George was sitting up in bed, arms folded over his chest, looking determined. “The doctor said I can go home Monday so we’ll have to see about getting help. I can hire a nurse to take care of me.”
Leanne wanted to object but she knew it was a smart move. No matter what happened, it would be better if George had someone else taking care of him. She wouldn’t have time.
“How are things going on the ranch?” he asked.
“Good in the minutes since last you asked,” she teased.
He nodded, tapping his fingers on his arm. “I know. I’m sorry. I feel useless and I hate being away from the place.”
“Well, no fears. The cows are doing well. This morning I talked to the guy Reuben mentioned yesterday about getting the hay hauled in and he said he could come in a week or so.”
“We don’t need it right away, do we? I thought we were good until January.”
“No. But Reuben thought it was a good idea to get it delivered before the roads get too bad.”
She saw his features tighten at the mention of Reuben’s name, and her thoughts flipped back to last night. To Reuben’s confession. To the scar puckering his wrist and the doubts he had expressed about being a good father.
So much of it was because of the man in front of her. A man she had come to care for in her own way.
“I’m glad Reuben has been around to help,” she said. “He’s done a lot.”
“More than he used to,” George grumbled. “Didn’t always work so hard.”
“He was only a kid then.”
“So was his brother.” George looked away then shook his head. “Too many memories I can’t shed in my brain. Sitting in this hospital bed, I’ve had too much time to think about the past.”
Leanne sensed an opening. “What have you been thinking about?”
George’s lips tightened and Leanne wondered if she had gone too far. But she was tired of the unspoken words. The broken-off sentences. The things he refused to speak of.
He had pushed Reuben so hard and done so much harm to him. Reuben’s revelation that he was afraid he would be a father like George was a blow Leanne still struggled with. She laid the blame for his fears square on George’s shoulders.
“Dirk. I miss him,” George said finally, giving her a melancholy look. “And I’m sure you miss him too.”
Leanne didn’t want to go there.
“And Reuben?” she asked instead.
“Well, he’s here. For what that’s worth.”
And suddenly Leanne was tired of it.
“Why do you dislike Reuben so much?” The words spilled out of her, born of frustration and sorrow for a man she cared so much for. George glared at her and fear rose up at the sight of his widened eyes, the clenching of his jaw.
“Doesn’t matter,” he muttered, looking away. “It’s in the past. Should stay there.”
“I don’t agree,” she said, thinking of Reuben’s expression whenever he talked about George. The fear that seemed to dog him, thinking that he could even come remotely close to being a father to Austin like George was to Reuben. If she and Reuben were to have a future, she felt she needed to deal with his past.
But by doing so, she knew she put her own future on the ranch at risk.
“Don’t ask,” he said in a gruff voice. “It’s old history.”
“What started it? Was it something he did? Because if that’s the case, then maybe we can find a way to fix it.”
“Can’t be fixed. Ever. It’s done. Finished. Over.”
“Please tell me. I want to find a way to bring you two together.” Even as she spoke the words, she felt a flush of guilt.
Was she thinking of her own self-interests? Did she hope that if George and Reuben reconciled, Reuben would be willing to stay around the ranch?
She pressed her fingers to her lips, a prayer for wisdom and guidance winging upward.
Help me Lord, she prayed. Help me to say the right thing for the right reason. Help me to think only of Reuben and Austin and what’s best for them.
The words the pastor read on Sunday slipped into her mind.
You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good. Could God use everything for good? Could he find a way to make good the things that George had done to his own son?
“All his life Reuben only wanted to be your son. I know he wasn’t always the best behaved but some of it...was...well...because of how you treated him.”
Surprisingly George didn’t respond to that.
“He was a good son and I know he loves you. All he wants is that same love in return.”
George blinked and Leanne wondered if she had imagined the glint of tears in his eyes. Or maybe it was wishful thinking.
“I know.”
His simple admission ignited a spark of hope. “He really cares,” she pressed, sensing his softening. “All he’s ever wanted was to be a part of your life and a part of this ranch.” Was she overreaching? Superimposing her own yearnings on Reuben’s actions?
And yet she sensed a peace about him as they worked with the cattle, as they rode the backcountry. She knew that, whether he wanted to admit it or not, the ranch was in his blood. In his soul. “I know it’s hard to believe, but he’s all you have left. He and Austin are the only family you have.”
George shot her a narrowed glance. Did he, on some level, know the truth about Austin?
“I think we could have a good life,” she pressed, making one last case.
“I don’t know if it can happen,” George finally said, closing his eyes. He looked tired today. More than yesterday and Leanne wondered if he would truly be able to come home on Monday.
“You know that we have been told many times that all things are possible with God,” Leanne said, her tone quiet, gentle.
“Maybe.”
Leanne waited, sensing that George wasn’t pushing back at her anymore. That maybe, if she could find the right questions, he would tell her why he felt the way he did about Reuben. A man who had always been so important to her and who she was coming closer and closer to love with every day she spent with him.
The Cowboy's Family Christmas Page 14
