Reuben felt a chill sneak down his spine. He and Leanne had faced so much, and now that they were finally together, he felt as if a huge part of what had been missing in his life had been restored to him. Did Leanne think she might not love him enough?
The thought gutted him.
“She loves the ranch,” Reuben said, his voice quiet.
“It’s security for her. She loves being rooted and grounded. Loves being a part of the cycle of life on the ranch. Loves her garden and seeing Austin growing up on a place his father grew up. But that’s not everything to her.” Then, to his surprise, Tabitha reached across the table and took his hands in hers. “I’m not telling you this about Leanne to change your mind about what you want to do or the decisions you need to make. I’m trying to give you some insight about my sister’s life and her reasoning.”
Reuben nodded, feeling as if his world was shifting. Realigning. The past few days had given him a different point of view. He wasn’t sure he liked it, but he knew one thing for sure.
He wasn’t letting Leanne go again.
* * *
Her head ached and her heart was sore.
Leanne stared out of the windshield of her car, not sure where she was going, but knowing that she had to keep moving. She’d been driving since she called Tabitha, aimlessly driving for the past few hours.
Reuben had sent her a text message when they were supposed to meet for supper. She had been tempted to ignore it but she didn’t want him to worry.
So she had sent him a cryptic reply then turned her phone off.
Snow swirled in a cloud behind her car, blinding her to what was behind, and all she could see ahead was illuminated by the twin cones of her headlights, stabbing the gathering dark.
She slowed down as she came to a crossroad. One road led north to Calgary, the other south to the Crowsnest Pass.
Maybe she could find a hotel in Calgary. Stay there for the night. She would call Tabitha when she got there.
She choked down a sob as she made her choice, thinking of what George had told her. Of what had happened between her and Reuben the past few days. The truths that had come out.
With each step in Austin’s growth, each change in his life, each stage he went through, she thought of Reuben and what he had chosen to miss. And each time that happened, her resentment and anger with him grew.
For so many years Dirk had been the hero, Reuben the villain and the ranch her home and safety net.
Now Reuben was back and she had discovered that she had been wrong about him and how he felt about Austin. Finding out that Dirk had created the circumstances of their estrangement had been the first tremor.
Discovering that her actions hadn’t been any different from those of Reuben’s mother, and seeing the condemnation back on George’s face after she had worked so hard to gain his respect had shaken her. Then for him to demand she leave...
She felt as if she had lost her foundation.
Help me, Lord, she prayed. I don’t know who I am or where I belong.
Living at the ranch had given her purpose and she felt as if she had finally found a place for herself and Austin. But no matter how hard she worked or how much she did, her future was always at risk because she had built her life at the ranch, on a shaky foundation.
She had built her house on sand and had not trusted in God. She had put her hope in living on the ranch to “save” her. She had put off telling George the truth about Austin because she thought it would jeopardize her position there.
And then Reuben had come back into her life, and for a while she clung to the hope that she could have both him and the life she had created.
He was leaving tomorrow to take the final steps toward a job that would mean a lot of moving. A job that would take them both away from the ranch.
And what will you choose?
She wanted to have things work for her. And yet she struggled to justify that the life she had built on the ranch would be best for Austin. But could she expect Reuben to live in a home where he’d been treated so poorly from the beginning?
“I love him. I love him and I want to be with him.”
She spoke the words aloud in the silence of her car and they seemed to resonate. Fill the space. She waited, and slowly everything else slipped away.
She’d always wanted to be with Reuben. She had fought against it and tried to work around it. She had been selfish by putting her trust in the wrong place.
She needed to go back to Cedar Ridge and back to Reuben.
As soon as she made that decision, it was as if a deep peace suffused her. She had stopped fighting, trying to plan and arrange. Only one thing was necessary. That she and Reuben and Austin be together.
She peered through the dark, trying to find a place to turn off the highway so she could turn around.
Two small lights reflected at her. A dark shape suddenly appearing on the side of the road.
A deer bounded onto the road, racing to avoid her.
Leanne hit the brakes and swerved the car. The back end blew around and the front tires spun in the snow. She fought to regain control and then, a split second later, she slid sideways into the ditch.
It took a few moments to realize what had just happened. She inhaled deeply, her hands tingling in reaction.
Then the reality of her situation soaked in. She was an hour from town, stuck in a ditch and who knows how long from getting a tow.
She grabbed her purse, yanked out her phone and turned it on. Her heart sank as the screen came to life and she could see that she had no cell service and how late it was. Which meant she had no way of calling Reuben or, even more important, a tow truck.
She dropped her head against the headrest, tamping down her fear and frustration. She had to get back to Cedar Ridge before Reuben left for Los Angeles. She simply had to.
* * *
Still nothing from Leanne.
Reuben shoved his phone into his pocket and turned his attention back to the breakfast he had ordered, wondering why he’d actually thought he’d be hungry.
Last night he stopped by the hospital after seeing Tabitha, but George was sleeping so he went back to his hotel and dialed Leanne’s number. When she didn’t answer, he sent a text message but again, nothing.
This morning he called Tabitha to see if she’d heard anything. All Tabitha would say was that Leanne had texted her early this morning saying she was okay. Nothing more.
Which only made him angrier that she hadn’t bothered to get in touch with him.
He pushed his food around on his plate, then sent another futile text to Leanne.
In two hours he had to leave for Los Angeles, and once there he had to make the final commitment to the job. Once the contract was signed, there was no turning back.
A Christmas song came on the radio playing in the café. Christmas was two weeks away. Where would he celebrate it and what would it look like? Would he and Leanne and Austin be together?
He swallowed down an unwelcome knot of pain, and as took a sip of his coffee, he sent up yet another prayer for peace and for wisdom. He kept his head down, feeling rude as people walked past him, a few calling out a quick greeting. He looked at his phone, trying to look like he was a man with purpose.
If only he knew what that purpose was.
“Reuben, I thought you were leaving today.” Owen Herne dropped into the chair across from him, making it impossible for Reuben to ignore him.
“I don’t need to be in Calgary for a couple of hours yet,” he said.
“Are you going to see George before you go?”
“Yeah. I’m picking up my...my...nephew to take him there.” He caught himself. He had almost said his son.
He wanted so badly to tell someone. Wanted to make that declaration. Except he coul
dn’t. Not until George knew.
“I stopped and saw George yesterday. After the meeting. He was pretty upset,” Owen said.
“Did he say why?”
Owen lifted his one hand in a vague gesture. “Something about your mom and Leanne being the same. I didn’t know where he was going with that, so I thought I would change the subject. So I asked him what he was getting Austin for Christmas. And then he started crying.” Owen shook his head, still looking surprised. “Seriously, I never thought I’d see your old man do that.”
“Crying?”
“Yeah. He just looked ahead, tears rolling down his face.”
Reuben couldn’t wrap his head around the idea and couldn’t even begin to imagine his saddle-leather tough father crying.
“They say that people who have had heart attacks tend to be more emotional,” Reuben said, still feeling shocked.
“Nah. This was more than that,” Owen said. “It was kind of hard to see. I hope he’s okay.”
“I’m going there now so I guess I’ll find out.” He wiped his mouth and signaled to Adana to get him the bill.
“But you’re not done with your breakfast.”
“What are you, my mother?” Reuben teased.
“Just seems a shame.”
“You can have it if you want it.”
“Nah. I’m good.” Owen got up and Reuben followed suit, still confused about what Owen had just told him.
Something about your mom and Leanne being the same...crying...
What had George been talking about?
But before he left the café, he pulled his phone out of his pocket and quickly dialed Leanne’s number.
Once again he was sent directly to voice mail. Stifling a sigh of frustration he shoved the phone back into his pocket, put the truck in gear and went to pick up his son and visit his father.
Three generations of Walshes, he thought as he left Cedar Ridge. Hard to keep that out of his mind.
* * *
Leanne tried not to rush. She didn’t want to end up in the ditch again. Fortunately she’d had enough gas in her car to keep it running while she waited for the tow truck to finally show up. The driver, who was the closest and most available, couldn’t come for four hours.
She’d had to walk down the road until she came to a slight rise, and there she managed to get one bar of service. Enough to call a tow truck and give him her cell number, for what good that would do. Then she went back to her car, running it a few times, just to stay warm.
When the tow truck finally came, the sun was pinking the clouds on the horizon and her fuel gauge was flirting with Empty. It had taken him only minutes to pull her out of the ditch, which only served to increase her frustration and anger with herself. She’d filled up her tank up as soon as she could and kept on driving, surprised at how far she had driven last night.
As she drove she could still hear George’s voice telling her to leave. Hearing the anger and betrayal in his voice. His rejection of her and her son.
She fought down a sob of despair as she finally reached the turn-off to Cedar Ridge. She glanced at the clock on her dashboard. Would Reuben be at the hospital or at the ranch by the time she got to town? She wished she could call him but her phone was dead.
As she played through the possibilities, she doubted Reuben would return to the ranch. He would be leaving for the airport this afternoon, so he would probably stop in to see his father.
His father?
Leanne shook off the confusion. One thing at a time. And right now that one thing was to get to the hospital. To see Reuben.
She prayed it wouldn’t be too little too late.
Chapter Thirteen
George was sitting up in a chair when Reuben came into the hospital room, carrying Austin. The remnants of his father’s lunch sat on a tray parked on a table and his father was staring out the window. Reuben couldn’t read his expression but as soon as Austin saw George he called out, “Gwampa, Gwampa. Missed you.”
George’s head swiveled around and the smile on his face when he saw his grandson eased Reuben’s worry. He still looked pale, however, and as they came closer, Reuben saw lines of weariness bracketing his father’s mouth and eyes.
“Hey, little guy,” George said, holding out his hands for his grandson, but Reuben held Austin back from climbing onto George’s lap.
“Missed you,” Austin said, leaning instead against George’s leg.
“So, I understand Leanne came to see you yesterday.” Reuben didn’t have time to play around. He needed to get directly to what he wanted to talk about.
George’s mouth narrowed and anger twisted his father’s features. He readied himself to pull Austin back, but then George shook his head as if ridding himself of whatever reaction Reuben’s comment made.
“I can’t talk about it. Not in front of the boy.”
Dread trickled down Reuben’s spine. “Did Leanne tell you the truth?” he said, digging in the pocket of his coat for the toy car that Austin had taken from Tabitha’s place. He handed it to his son to distract him, and thankfully Austin walked over to the other empty chair in the room and started running his car up and down the arm rest.
“The truth? About him, you mean?” George lifted his chin toward Austin who was making engine noises, engrossed in his play. “Yes. She did.” George looked up at him and the dread became a deep-seated fear. “And I told her the truth about you.”
“Me? What truth about me?”
“Your mother. She fooled around on me. I’m not your father any more than Dirk is his.” He pointed at Austin, who had his back to them. “Didn’t Leanne tell you?”
“Tell me what?” Reuben could only stare at his father, trying to sort out what he was saying. “I haven’t talked to her yet.”
George closed his eyes and rubbed them with the back of his hand. “The truth is...I’m not your biological father.”
Shock. Surprise. Confusion. Reuben didn’t know which emotion to deal with first.
“What?”
“Your mother cheated on me. She got pregnant by someone else.”
He stared at his father as his entire world crumbled around him. Was God playing some cosmic joke on him?
In the span of a week he’d gained a son and lost a father.
“Who? Who is my father then?” he asked, his voice cracking, still trying to find the ground under him. Again.
George shrugged, then glanced over at Austin who was, so far, oblivious to what they were saying. “Some guy who came through town one day. Your mother said she didn’t love him and that he didn’t want to have anything to do with her or you. So she stayed with me. But I knew you weren’t mine because, well, your mother and I hadn’t been intimate for some time. She hated being on the ranch. Hated the ranching life, and it got to the point where she hated me.”
Once again Reuben felt like his life had been rocked to its core.
“All these years, why didn’t you ever tell me?” Frustration and anger edged his voice as he tried to find his bearings.
“I was too ashamed.”
Which made sense to Reuben. His proud father wouldn’t want to admit that the boy his wife carried, the boy born while he was married to his mother, wasn’t his.
“So why didn’t my mother take me with her?”
“She was selfish and she didn’t want you from the moment she found out she was pregnant.”
Reuben fingered the scar his father gave him, thought of the anger George had rained down on him. Thought of how concerned he was that he would be the same kind of father.
And in that moment he felt a curious untethering from this complicated man who had defined so much of who he was.
He wasn’t his father’s son after all.
He was his own person
. He was a child of God first and foremost. But George Walsh’s angry, at times vindictive, blood didn’t run through his veins.
Reuben hadn’t even realized how much it had haunted him until it was no longer there. As he looked at his father, he suddenly saw him in a different light.
“Is that why you were so hard on me?” Reuben asked. “Because I wasn’t your biological son?” He leaned against the wall, looking for some support as he worked his way through this new place.
George looked up at him, his eyes narrowed slightly. “You were a difficult kid. Dirk was always easier. He was a happy, pleasant kid. He listened. Did what he was told. You fought me at every turn. Just like your mother did. But I was on my own with two young boys to raise. It wasn’t easy. You weren’t easy.”
This was hardly justification for how he was treated but, in fairness to George, he had given a boy who wasn’t his son a home. And, if Reuben were truly honest, some good memories.
Then George’s expression softened. “But you did love the ranch—I’ll give you that. More than Dirk ever did.”
“Still do,” Reuben admitted.
“Why didn’t you stay?”
“Because of how you treated me. Because of how you were always favoring Dirk over me.” Though now he understood better why, especially given George’s temperament. In fact, if he wanted to be gracious, George could be given some credit for giving a home to a child that was no relation to him.
“I know I did.” George sighed as he nodded. Then his eyes fastened on Reuben as if looking for something. “But I was trying. Believe me, I was trying.”
Reuben wanted to believe him. “You were so angry with me when I came back last week.”
“You made me feel guilty. About how I treated you.” He sighed again. “Having Austin around made me realize how much I missed by being so hard on you. And now, after coming so close to death, I’ve been thinking. I know what I did to you was wrong. You were just a little boy when your mother left. It wasn’t your fault, what she did.” Silence followed this, broken only by Austin’s jabbering in the corner of the hospital room. “I shouldn’t have been so hard with you. I should have been more patient.”
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