by Ryan King
Chapter 5 – Conquering Fate
Timothy “Brazen” Walker never believed in fate. He always thought each man made his own life by his own decisions. He lived that way and didn't question the purpose of it all…until recently.
Brazen sat near the back of the Freedom Baptist Church of Paducah. The church doors remained unlocked most times, but Brazen was the only person there at such an early hour. He never prayed anymore. People who knew him would probably be shocked by the idea of Brazen actually inside a church. Nevertheless, simply being here gave him some semblance of peace. It wasn’t that he didn’t believe in God, he believed in Him with all his heart; he simply did not believe in God’s forgiveness. At least not in his case.
Timothy Walker came from a broken home and was raised along with his little sister by a strict and religious grandmother. His mother was an infrequent and unreliable presence in their lives and the siblings never knew their father. Timothy grew up among numerous extended family, all of which made a living through various nefarious “trades” frowned upon by lawful society. Brazen’s friends were in gangs and most had been arrested at least once.
His grandmother, Noni had certainly tried, and at one point Brazen would have admitted she succeeded with him. She saw the dark path he was on growing up without a father figure, instinctively seeking that figure in all the wrong places. Noni convinced Pastor Lancourt of Freedom Baptist to try to mentor her grandson. It was a rocky road, and not one Brazen accepted willingly; but Noni could be very convincing. Brazen found himself smiling at the memories and dropped his head as they flooded through him.
Pastor Lancourt had been a hard man to figure out. He was tough and serious at the same time he was kind, sincere, and generous in all he did. In a world where manhood was defined by empty words and pompous displays of false courage, usually measured through illegitimate children and random acts of violence, Lancourt was something different. Brazen knew Lancourt had more stones than any gangbanger he ever met…and he knew why.
Lancourt firmly, and with all his heart, believed that God was with him at all times and in all circumstances. Brazen eventually came to believe it too and wanted the same. Pastor Lancourt showed Brazen the true nature of courage and manhood. He came to believe that he made his own fate through God’s help and did not have to lead a life like those he saw around him.
Still in high school then, the teachers were shocked at the depth of Brazen’s intellect. Beneath a shell of rebellion and disinterest lay a mind that soaked up knowledge and demanded more. They said he was a prodigy and held him up as an example of how the school district "turned around" a troubled teen. Eventually that got him noticed by good universities very far away.
Truth was Brazen was an absolute whiz with mathematics and engineering. The day he received a full academic scholarship to the prestigious Massachusetts Institute of Technology, in far off Cambridge, was one of Noni’s proudest. They all believed he had defied the odds and made it. That he had made his own fate.
The bright future was eclipsed by tragedy. During his senior year of college, he got the call from Noni. Brazen's little sister was dead, caught in the crossfire of rival gang activity two blocks from home. The target of the attack lived, despite suffering numerous gunshot wounds.
Noni was still strong, drawing strength from her faith, but to Brazen it all seemed like a bad dream. Pastor Lancourt took his hands on several occasions and talked about God’s will and why bad things happen to good people, but Brazen couldn’t hear any of it. None of it came home until the day he received the envelope that changed his life. If not for the envelope, he might have overcome his grief and gathered his dreams around him like a comforting cloak and found a life, but that was not to be.
The envelope came with little fanfare a few days after the funeral. The door buzzer rang, but by the time he got to the door no one was there, just a little kid running off down the street casting darting looks back over his shoulder at him as he ran. Brazen looked down at a large manila envelope with “Timmy” written on it. Inside was $10,000 in dirty bills in various denominations and a scrap of white paper with two words scrawled on it, “Sorry Bro”. Brazen let the money fall to the floor as he clutched the paper and stared at it in amazement.
That simple scrap of paper made everything real. He broke down and cried for the first time over the loss of his sister. Then his grief gave way to consuming rage and anger. He knew he should not think this way, but he embraced the hate and violence that welled within him. It felt better than the emptiness and pain.
Brazen very carefully picked up all the money and placed it back into the envelope, just as carefully he folded up the piece of paper and placed it in his wallet. He knew where it came from. Only one person in the world ever called him Bro.
Brazen took the money and deposited all but $500 into Noni’s savings account. He then went to a pawn store and bought a snub-nosed .38 caliber pistol and fifty rounds of ammunition. With no clear idea what he was going to do just yet, Brazen used the thinking skills from the best technical school in the world and put his brilliant mind to deadly use.
It was not too difficult to find the thugs involved. Chino, Two Tone, and Jams were part of the 15th Street Posse, a group with connections to larger gangs on the east coast. Brazen stalked each of them carefully and patiently. It was surprisingly easy. He walked up to each when they were alone on the street, and with no words or fanfare, shot them in the head and kept going. The last thing he expected to feel was nothing.
Killing the three directly responsible was not enough. He continued killing Posse members until it was rare to see them alone, and most thought rival gangs were to blame. Although there were plenty of Posse members to kill, Brazen decided that maybe if he could kill the gang leader, the man who called him ‘Bro’, then possibly he could go on with his life. Maybe that empty feeling in his chest would be filled. The Posse leader, Jaden, was once Brazen’s best friend, but there was a gulf between them now that could not be bridged.
The Posse was deathly afraid of nighttime attacks, but they felt safe during the day, especially in public places. Brazen realized could get Jaden if he really wanted, but there would be no walking away. Brazen decided he could live with those terms.
Paducah Sun Newspaper - Thursday, July 14th
Brazen Killing in Mall Food Court
On Wednesday, a lone male walked into the Food Court Area of 100 Oaks Mall and shot to death Jaden Brown, age twenty-two of Paducah, Kentucky. Witnesses claim an individual approached Brown and three of his acquaintances before reportedly pulling a pistol and shooting Brown in the chest. The assailant then kicked a wounded Brown over in his chair and emptied the other five shots into Brown's body. Witnesses say the assailant then tossed the gun away and sat down to wait for the police to arrive. The motive for the shooting is unknown at this time, but authorities suspect illegal drugs are involved.
The authorities took one suspect into custody. Timothy Walker, twenty-two years old of Paducah, Kentucky who was arrested at the scene.
Civic officials denounced this brazen attack as the latest in over a dozen unsolved murders in Paducah in the last two months.
Jaden Brown is survived by his mother Tonya Brown and grandmother Ester Liggins.
The subsequent trial took into account his loss and grief, and the judge only sentenced him to fifteen years. His lawyer thought he might only serve five with good behavior. Brazen didn’t care. The one thing he had not factored into his careful consideration was Noni. He soon suspected that his actions were more painful to her than the death of his sister.
In a year's time, the false rumors of his association with smaller gangs led from his protection in prison to his leadership. Various gang members followed him around and watched his back and did not resent his total lack of acknowledgement of their existence. Over time Brazen began to come out of his shell and started to exert influence. Although he felt confident in his damnation, he was not without a conscience.
Within two years, Brazen controlled a large network of smaller gangs known as Brothers for Life, a play on words in prison since many of the gang members were serving life sentences.
By the third year, Brazen’s leadership extended beyond the prison walls. He stopped drug sales, prostitution, and violent crimes and turned the gangs’ illegal activity towards extortion, robbery, and violence against other gangs.
In his fourth year, he blocked Noni from visitation. He could operate without pain and without considering what he had lost …except during Noni's visits.
She came every week and talked to him as if nothing had ever happened. "I love you, Timmy. I pray for you every night." Yet, Brazen could see she was dying a little each time she entered within those grey walls, which to her represented failure in so many ways. Eventually, Brazen could take it no longer and told her to never come back. She ignored him and kept coming. He finally convinced the guards to prevent her from visiting him due to health concerns for the old lady caused by the stress of the prison. The guards complied, and Brazen never saw Noni again. In less than a year, she was dead. Noni reminded him of who he had once been and who he had hoped to be. Such thoughts could not be borne.
The lawyer was right and Brazen was placed on parole at the five year mark based on good behavior and the education program he helped set up within the prison. He wanted out of the prison, but wasn’t exactly sure where he wanted to do or be. Going back to finish at MIT was now out of the question, so without thought, he drifted back home.
At first, Brazen tried to live a legitimate life of some sort, but he supposed he simply wasn’t strong enough. He accepted the role thrust upon him as leader of the Brothers. He continued his plan for getting away from crimes that carried severe prison sentences and attracted police attention, instead focusing on other activities. The one area where the Brothers remained violent was towards other gangs who did not accept Brazen's leadership or rules.
The Brothers set up a system borrowed from the Italian Mafia where they demanded protection money from the inhabitants of neighborhoods, but in return made them the safest in the city. Brazen severely punished any of his people who were impolite or rude to any of the people under their care. The Brothers were also fiercely protective and Brazen often told them to think of themselves as sheepdogs protecting their flock from the wolves.
Brazen was too honest to try to fool himself into thinking he was a good man doing good work for society. He could accept that they took a scourge on honest people and at least controlled it. That work became even more important after N-Day when the world turned upside down.
Many said the Brothers were lifesavers. They protected the citizens under their care while gathering food, water, and needed medical care. The Brothers continued to accept the “payment” for protection, but in other forms such as gasoline. This payment, in the end, caused all the problems.
The city demanded taxes, but did not provide anything in return. They could point to the electricity, but that ran regardless and was at best an unreliable commodity. The police and National Guard got more serious and attempted to force their way into the Brothers’ areas, but were pushed back. Three of Brazen’s men were shot along with six police and National Guard troops. Word reached Brazen just this morning that one of the policemen died. Brazen knew he was losing control and wasn’t sure how to regain it.
His thoughts were interrupted by the approach of someone from behind him. He knew his men would let no one sneak up on him, so he remained at ease; but looked around nevertheless. It was Pastor Lancourt, much older now, but still filled with that formidable presence.
“Timothy,” stated Lancourt with a genuine smile. “It is a blessing to see you in this place. I have missed you, my son.” Lancourt’s embrace took Brazen by total surprise. He had expected many reactions from this man, but affection was not one of them. Lancourt continued on, “How are you doing?”
With most people this question was simply a cursory passing question, not really requiring an honest answer, but Brazen knew Lancourt wanted the truth. Brazen quickly looked around to make sure none of his men were close enough to hear and whispered, “Lost, I think. Things got out of control. I didn’t want any of it to happen and now I’m not sure how to fix it.”
Lancourt nodded, “I know son. Your sister’s loss and your grandmother’s death were a tragedy, but neither were your fault.”
Brazen sucked in his breath in surprise and sudden anger, “That’s not what I’m talking about and you know it!”
“Is it not?” asked Lancourt. “Seems to me that ever since your sister’s death you have been searching for something to fill that hole in your heart, but you have been searching in all the wrong places.”
Brazen was nodding his head, “I know where you're headed preacher, but it’s not going to work on me.”
“What’s not going to work on you?”
“Your…” Brazen searched for words, “Jesus talk about love and forgiveness and redemption. My fate was sealed long ago. You don’t know everything I’ve done. If you did, you would know my sins are unforgivable.” As Brazen said these words he nearly choked on them. He hadn’t meant to verbalize his greatest belief and fear, but it was now out there.
Lancourt looked at Brazen for a long moment before speaking. “Son, I want you to listen to me. Have I ever in your entire life lied to you about anything?”
“No,” said Brazen.
“Well, I’m not going to start now, but there are some things you need to hear. I need you to listen to me very carefully.” Lancourt waved his hand dismissively. “After that you can go do whatever you decide to do.”
Brazen wouldn’t have listened to such talk from many men, but he owed Pastor Lancourt much and swallowed his pride. “Okay, shoot.”
Lancourt smiled, “Alright, I will. First of all, the only unforgivable sins are the ones you refuse to confess. God is eternally merciful. The only sins he can’t forgive are the ones you will not let go of.”
Brazen’s resentment welled up in him at this, but Lancourt continued on. “Second, I’m going to pray for you to let go of those sins every day until either I die or you die.”
“I wish you wouldn’t do that,” said Brazen.
“I know you do,” said Lancourt immediately. “That’s your pride talking. You want to hold onto your sins and wallow in them. But it’s not right and it’s not going to bring back what you’ve lost. I’m going to pray for you and there is nothing you can do to stop me.”
Brazen started to get up, but Lancourt pushed him back down forcefully, surprising Brazen with the old man’s strength. “And third, there is no fate. There is only the decisions we make and God’s will. Fate is a cop-out. You’re better than that. Take control of you own life now. It’s never too late, I promise you.”
There was silence between them for several moments before Lancourt spoke again. “God still loves you, son, and wants the best for you. And so do I.”
Lancourt stood and kissed the top of Brazen’s bowed head, before he turned and walked away leaving Brazen to his troubled thoughts.
