I shattered, muffling my cry into the pillow as I came.
Long moments later, body still pulsing in the wake of the most powerful orgasm I’d ever had, I rolled onto my back.
My heart was still racing.
My limbs fell loose and limp and pleasantly heavy.
I smiled.
Then just like that, I fell asleep.
Chapter Eight
Luke
DEVIN LEFT AFTER LESS than ten minutes. He’d told me he’d driven by the house on his way home from his shift and had seen the lights on.
I was still kind of wishing he’d just kept on driving, although it had been almost a year since I’d seen him for more than half an hour. The last time I’d been out here, he’d been working doubles, saving up money for the house he wanted to buy. I’d offered to loan him the money, but I hadn’t been surprised when he’d refused.
My thoughts didn’t remain on him too long, though. Almost as soon as the door closed behind him, I was back to thinking about Sabrina.
Sabrina.
Devin’s appearance, and his words after Sabrina had hurried off, had served as an effective downer and my erection had faded pretty fast.
But now the thought of her, the memory of how she tasted and felt, settled inside my head and my cock responded accordingly, hardening and lengthening until I was forced to duck into the half bathroom and make some adjustments. I grimaced as I pressed my hand against my cock, although I knew it wasn’t going to do any good. I’d just have to wait for it to fade and suffer until it did.
Why suffer?
Self-denial wasn’t exactly my strong suit and in most cases, if the chance was there to indulge, that was what I did.
This was...different, though.
I couldn’t treat Sabrina like the women who’d already come and gone from my life, because she wasn’t going anywhere. I didn’t want things to get awkward between us, and there was no doubt that would happen if I even thought about indulging.
Maybe what I needed to do was talk to her, apologize and let her know it wouldn’t happen again.
She’d been a spectator, and sometimes unwilling participant, in some of the relationships I’d had, stepping in to mediate when the occasional one-night stand tried to take things further. I was a horny, sometimes reckless bastard who didn’t always think things through as well as I should. Over the past few years, I’d done some self-reflection and I’d read enough psycho-babble to understand that shit from years ago still affected me, and my lack of relationships, not to mention my ability to trust people.
Sabrina had had a front row seat to every screw-up I’d made over the past few years. For the most part, I didn’t let myself think about the fact that I was something of a dog. I knew I was, but had no desire to change. There were only so many things that worked to drown out memories when they got too bad, and sex was one of the more effective choices.
But the past few weeks had been...sobering, and not just because Sabrina had made a point to drive it home how much this shit also affected my family.
It was time for a change. I’d known it was coming for a while and I had to deal with it.
Now, though, thinking about how all of this must look to Sabrina, who’d had an insider’s view to my life, filled me with disgust and anger—at myself.
Staring at my reflection in the mirror over the sink, I gripped the edge of the vanity.
I’d go apologize. I’d tell her it was a fluke and it wouldn’t happen again. Even as I made the decision, part of me balked at it, because I very much wanted it to happen again—not just the kiss, but...more. More of her.
Setting my jaw, I shoved away from the sink and headed down the hall to her room before I changed my mind.
Just as I went to knock on her door, a sound caught my ears.
I stilled.
It came again, a low, rough moan, just barely audible through the door.
Squeezing my eyes closed, I told myself to turn and walk away.
There was no doubt in my mind what had brought about that noise.
The very idea that she was lying in bed touching herself, not even ten minutes after the two of us had been grabbing at each other, turned my blood to lava and my decision-making ability to mush.
I pressed my hand to the door, imaging what might happen if I pushed it open and joined her.
Was she naked?
The thought of a naked Sabrina had been distracting me for the past few hours and now it wasn’t just a distraction. Just listening to her for those scant seconds had already caused a metamorphosis—from distraction to obsession.
The sounds from beyond the door grew more audible, almost frenzied before they faded again. Not because she’d stopped. I could still hear her...barely. As if she was smothering her cries of arousal.
Don’t do that, I thought. I wanted to hear her. Hell, I wanted to see her, watch as she touched herself. Was she stroking her clit? Was she fucking herself with her fingers?
My cock started to pulse and I swore silently.
You need to back away.
But I couldn’t make my feet move.
A sharp cry pierced the door, followed by silence.
She’d climaxed.
I knew it. Hand still spread across the surface of the door, I pictured her lying in bed, her dark hair tousled, her skin flushed.
Back away, I told myself again. Back away and pretend this never happened.
I did back away.
But I wasn’t good enough at lying to myself to even think I might have a chance at pretending this hadn’t taken place.
I WOKE UP TIRED AND out of sorts. I hadn’t slept worth shit, even though I’d spent a good ten minutes in the shower—first under a spray of cold water, then finally turning it up to blazing—before wrapping my hand around my dick and jerking off to thoughts of fucking my best friend.
I’d tossed and turned half the night and as I bent over a cup of coffee in the breakfast nook, I debated whether I should just go back to bed for a few hours.
Jet lag combined with just a couple hours of sleep did not make for a pleasant combination.
My mom stood at the stove, frying up bacon, and if my stomach wasn’t already growling in eager anticipation, I probably would have given up on the whole being-awake idea.
“Good morning!”
My mom’s bright, happy voice had me lifting my head and I looked over, my eyes landing on Sabrina’s face.
Our gazes locked and tension spread between us, unnoticed by my mother, who bustled over to the coffee maker and got Sabrina a cup. She was chattering on about something. I didn’t catch a word of it.
I was too busy staring at Sabrina and remembering the sounds I’d heard her making last night.
“Here you go, Sabrina,” Mom said, cutting in front of Sabrina to give her the coffee. It broke the connection and dragged my gaze away, once more focusing on the coffee in front of me.
“Thank you, Joanne,” Sabrina said. “Is there anything I can do to help?”
“No.” My mother laughed. “I miss cooking for other people. Even when London is home, most of the time she just eats a granola bar for breakfast and most nights, she’s out catching up with friends so we don’t even have a chance to eat dinner together.”
London was the baby of the family, but with medical school, she was only ever home on her rare breaks anymore.
Something occurred to me then and I realized my mother might be lonely. My entire life, she’d been focused on taking care of us, then providing for us alone after Dad was killed. A soldier, he’d been serving out his last tour in the Middle East when he died—friendly fire. Hell of a way to die—he’d been in the army since he was eighteen and on his last tour, he was killed.
Despite my intention to keep my gaze on my coffee until I’d ingested enough caffeine to be tolerable, I found myself looking up and watching my mother as she went back to working on breakfast.
I could hear her humming to herself and the sound made me smi
le.
If I hadn’t been watching her so closely, I never would have seen it—the way she stopped suddenly and pressed a hand to her head, shaking it as if to clear it.
After a moment, she lowered her hand and took a step back toward the stove.
She swayed and even as I lunged for her, she started to slowly tilt toward the floor.
“Mom!”
Chapter Nine
Sabrina
“WHAT THE FUCK IS TAKING so long?”
Luke’s sudden outburst caused more than a few reactions as we sat in the waiting room of the nearest hospital. It was small and somewhat rundown, and it was also crazy busy.
Apparently early mornings were a great time for heart trouble, patients going into labor, and the occasional power tool mishap.
That was how a woman had described her husband’s injury—he had a mishap with a power tool. Judging by the look on her face, it hadn’t been the first.
More than a few eyes slid our way. I bit back a sigh, knowing that if any of his brothers tried to calm him down, it would result in a shouting match. I could just hear Kelly’s voice as she wailed in my ear about how the production studio was after her hide for this latest debacle.
Of course, it was Luke’s mouth—and other body parts—that had landed her in trouble. I don’t know why it worked that way.
I slid from the seat and crossed the floor. Bella gave me a grateful look, while Devin and Chase seemed to be thinking the same thing—you’re wasting your time.
Half of the family was there.
Two of the other brothers, Chris and Liam, were on their way. London had been contacted and Bella was keeping her up to date.
Of all the Cochrans, there was one thing that was very obvious—Luke was the most volatile, prone to doing or saying whatever he felt or was thinking.
He swung around mid-stride and came up short at the sight of me.
I half-expected him to snap at me.
I was more than a little startled when he reached out and grabbed me by the arms, hauling me up against him.
It was awful, but some small part of me lit up at his touch. The rest of me, the saner parts, ached for him. I wiggled my arms free, then I curled them around his neck, doing my best to console him.
Giving in to the urge, I stroked my fingers through his over-long hair. He still hadn’t remembered to get his hair cut, so I’d have to make the appointment for him.
“She’s going to be fine, Luke,” I said as he pressed his face against my neck. “Your mom is a tough cookie. She’s going to be fine.”
“You don’t know that,” he said, his voice low and tight. I could tell just by the tone that he was struggling to keep it together. “Why haven’t we heard anything?”
“The doctors and nurses are doing their very best, Luke. That takes time.”
He took a deep breath. I could feel his chest moving against me as he sighed and I rubbed my hand in soothing circles over his neck.
“I don’t know what I’ll do if something happens to her,” he said, his voice even quieter now.
Pulling back, I stared up at him. “You’d go on. Your mom raised strong, smart kids, Luke. But...you shouldn’t be thinking about that right now. She’s going to be just fine.”
His mouth opened, but before whatever argument he wanted to present was voiced, somebody called out, “Cochran family!”
I backed away from him with a smile. “See? They’re coming out to talk to you now.”
I started to turn away so I could return to my seat, but he snagged my hand in a death grip. “You’re coming, too.”
I started to argue.
The look Luke gave the doctor was steely. The doctor held up his hands, a silent, I’m unarmed!
Bella fell into step next to me and nudged me with her shoulder. “Why didn’t we have you around when we were growing up?”
Her brothers heard her and chuckled, but the humor drifted away as we were led down a hall to a small room. It was a tight fit getting us all in there, but we managed.
“What’s going on with our mom?” Luke demanded before Chase, the oldest of the crew, had even managed to cross the threshold.
Bella’s phone vibrated and she grimaced, tugging it out. She’d been in almost constant contact with her younger two siblings, Liam and London. London was stuck down in New Orleans, but she’d mentioned that Liam had already left school in Louisville and was heading our way.
“If that boy is texting me while he drives, I’ll rip his hair out,” she muttered. She breathed a sigh of relief. “It’s London.”
The doctor started to talk. Luke’s hand tightened on mine to the point of near pain, but I held silent, listening to the doctor.
“Your mom has developed an arrhythmia of her heart,” the bespectacled man said.
He looked like a doctor, I decided. Either that, or a professor. The kindly sort who would stay after with a student, or at a patient’s side, carefully explaining things through.
Bella asked him something and he gave her an appraising look. It sounded like gibberish as they launched into a technical, medical conversation that I couldn’t possibly follow.
“Speak English,” Chase suggested from his position in the corner.
He shifted his attention to Chase, then swept up the rest of us in a quick glance. “My apologies. You all are aware that your mother has had several small heart attacks, yes?”
As they all indicated yes, Luke’s hand continued to clutch mine. I rubbed the back of his with my thumb, wishing I could do more to offer comfort. He clung to me like a lost child and my heart broke for him.
My heart ached more than a little. Although I only saw Joanne a few times a year, she’d been more of a parental figure for me in the years I’d known her than my own mother had been. We were friends on Facebook and every year, on the anniversary of my mom’s death, Joanne would send me a note online or text me and let me know she was thinking of me, and if I ever needed to talk, she was there for me.
But the sadness and fear I carried inside me was nothing compared to what the Cochran family had to be going through.
As we listened to the doctor explain that Joanne seemed to have developed an arrhythmia after her heart attacks, I forced myself to pay attention to the details, his phrases and explanations, so I could research everything later.
It had nothing to do with not trusting the doctor.
Bella had addressed him as Dr. Stanish and her tone conveyed one of respect, so I figured he knew his stuff. But I was a firm believer in patients and their families being their own advocates. At first, my mom had tried to get help, but eventually, when nothing seemed to work, she stopped trying and I’d been too young to be of much use. That wasn’t the case now.
“So what are we going to do?” Luke asked, barely waiting for Dr. Stanish to finish speaking before demanding to know more. “Arrhythmias are treatable, right?”
“They are,” Stanish acknowledged. He went on to speak in a bit more detail.
Next to me, Luke practically vibrated with impatience and worry. I knew him well enough to understand that he didn’t want words or explanations, but action. When he opened his mouth to cut off the doctor, I squeezed his hand. “Give the man a chance to finish talking, Luke,” I said in a low voice.
He darted a look at me, eyes flashing.
But to my surprise, he just gave a short nod.
A good twenty minutes later, the Cochrans present had voiced their concerns or asked questions and Stanish had been patient, answering everything in that obscure but knowledgeable way doctors had.
“Can anybody go in to see her?”
Bella asked the question and, one by one, all gazes turned back to the doctor.
His expression was...well, under most circumstances, I would have laughed. I did find myself smiling a little as he took in each one of them individually before addressing the Cochrans as a whole. “Right now,” he said carefully, “it’s important that she get some rest and not be stressed out
any more than necessary. As I’ve already mentioned, I’d like to transport her to Louisville. Their hospitals are better equipped to handle cardiac cases like hers and it’s in her best interest that she remain calm and rest.” He tugged off his glasses and pulled a white handkerchief from his pocket to clean them.
“That said...” He shot Bella an amused look. “I have some history with your family, Bella. And with your mother. If I tell you that she needs to rest and she later finds out that I limited your contact with her, not only will she stress her heart, she may well stress mine. So I propose that three of you go in to see her now...and don’t do anything that could upset her. And in an hour, the rest of you can go in.”
His glance skimmed over me, the odd one out.
“I’m just here to help the family,” I said.
“I want to go in and see her now,” Luke said in a flat voice. “I was there when she passed out and...”
He didn’t continue. But Bella moved to stand by his side. “That’s fine with me. Do you want to see her alone or do you want one of us with you?”
Chapter Ten
Luke
SHE LOOKED FRAIL.
Her hair was a mess—she’d hate that—and the thin tube feeding oxygen in via her nose was pressing into her skin too hard. Without thinking, I started fiddling with it. Just as I figured how to loosen it a bit, her eyes opened and I found myself staring into a gaze as blue as my own.
“Luke,” she whispered.
I laid a hand on her cheek. “Mama.”
She sighed, the sound heavy and raspy and weak.
My strong, determined mother. I’d never thought I’d see her look weak. Or frail. My heart turned to a stone lump, sinking down, down, down until it settled somewhere in the vicinity of my knees.
“You look so worried,” she said. A faint smile flickered across her face. “You worry so much about everything but what matters the most.”
Cocksure (The Cochrans of Cocker County) Page 6
