“Talk to me,” I said softly.
A hard breath escaped him.
Bracing myself for another diversion attempt, I tilted my head up to study him.
He had his eyes closed, the mostly empty bourbon glass pressed to his forehead, rolling it back and forth so the condensation transferred to him. “I got a text from Mindy earlier—apparently she got into my mom’s file to get my number.”
“That...” I snapped my jaw shut. “Unless it’s related to your mom’s health, that’s not legal, I don’t think. And Bella’s the primary contact.”
He made a vague gesture in the air with the glass he held, sending the bourbon in it sloshing. “Yeah, well, it wasn’t about Mom, and Mindy knew it wasn’t legal because she told me. Apparently, she considered all the consequences and decided to hell with it.”
Dread, slippery and cold, descended on me. “What did she want?”
“I don’t know.” He finally met my gaze with hollow eyes. “She wouldn’t talk to me about it on the phone and I pointed out that I was rather occupied all day. She’s expecting me to come in to the rehab center tomorrow...” He snorted and glanced at the big, ornate clock hanging over the bed. “Hell, today. She was rather emphatic that it was personal—and urgent.”
“I’m going with you.”
He was going to argue. I could see it in his eyes. I clapped my hand over his mouth, stepping out from the protective, possessive arm he had wrapped around my shoulders. Tossing back the fine bourbon in the same manner he’d been using, I set the glass down on the nearest flat surface with a decisive click before looking back at him. “No arguing, Luke. I’m going with you. You and I both know what this is probably about, and I’m not letting you try to fight this on your own.”
“It’s my problem,” he said quietly, tugging my hand from his lips.
“No.” I twisted out of his grip and cupped his face in both palms, tugging his head down until I could press my brow to his. “It isn’t your problem—it’s your pain, it’s your past. It’s a lot of things, but to say it’s your problem makes it sound like you brought this on...and you didn’t.”
Furrowing his brows, he shook his head. “That’s...Sabrina, I’m not...”
He stopped, clearly frustrated.
“You’re not what?” I challenged him. “You’re not arguing with me? Good. I don’t want you arguing with me.”
“Fuck,” he muttered. He looked away and drained his bourbon then all but threw the glass down on the table next to mine. I was surprised it didn’t shatter. He snagged me around the waist and backed me up until I was pinned against the window. His eyes fired as he glared at me. “I’ve been dealing with this since I was a kid, Sabrina. I can handle it—”
“You didn’t deal with it,” I snapped. “You buried it. You were so ashamed, you let him and his mother chase you away from your family, Luke. That’s not dealing.”
His face spasmed. “What in the fuck do you know about it, Sabrina? Shit, aren’t you one of the people always advocating that survivors determine when and if they speak out? Or does that not apply to guys?”
I shoved him back.
He went, but only because he wanted to.
“Don’t,” I said, shaking my finger at him. “That’s not what this is about and you know it. I’m not telling you to go public. I’m not even telling you that you have to tell your family—although I do think you should at least tell your mother. She thinks she failed you and she has a right to know it wasn’t anything she did.”
He flinched slightly.
I didn’t let it deter me.
“This is about the fact that you ran from it and hid from it. You are still hiding.”
“No, I’m not,” he bit off.
“Oh?” I crossed my arms over my chest, tapping my right foot. “Let’s put that to the test. There are a couple of reasons why she might want to talk to you, and not on the phone. Hey, I’ll be generous and even allow that maybe it’s for a reason not even associated with her sick fuck of a brother. But that’s not likely the case. The number one reason at the top of my list is that she knows something—not the whole story, of course, because her mother is the only one who could have told her and that bitch sees everything through a twisted, ugly lens. So whatever Mindy knows, I’m almost positive she’s not calling you to offer her condolences about how her older brother tried to rape you when you were fourteen!”
Luke’s face had gone tight, features pale, save for the stark red flags flying on his high cheekbones.
Tears blurred my eyes and I blinked them back. I wasn’t letting him do this to himself.
“Do you really think she has some pleasant agenda in mind, Luke?”
He didn’t answer.
“How much money are you willing to pay?”
Now he looked away, shoulders slumping. And I knew. He was thinking the same damn thing—and he was willing to pay.
“You’re not doing it, Luke,” I said, voice shaking.
“It’s not your choice.” His words came out sharp, flaying me to the bone.
My feet slapped against the bare hardwood floor as I stalked over to him. Grabbing his shoulders, I shook him. “You think it will end with whatever you pay the first time? People who demand money for silence are leeches, Luke. You’ve had friends go through this—you should know better than to even consider it!”
Once more, he looked away as if he was having a hard time holding my gaze.
“Luke...” I reached up to touch his cheek.
He caught my hand and stopped me. “This isn’t your call, Sabrina.” Carefully, he nudged my hand back to my side, then stepped away. “I need to be alone tonight.”
He turned and headed toward the door.
A hollow ache spread through me. “This is your room, Luke.”
“I’ll sleep on the couch.”
I wrapped my arms around my middle, staring at his retreating back. It was going to destroy everything between us, but I didn’t care. If he did this, it would destroy him. “If you go through with this, I’ll go to Devin.”
He froze, going so still, it was like he wasn’t even breathing.
After what felt like an entire lifetime, he turned to look at me, the betrayal on his face so intense, it cut me to the core. “That’s not your place, Sabrina.”
Lifting my chin, I glared at him. “My place is more than just keeping you organized and on focus. We’ve talked about this a hundred times. More. I’m supposed to help keep you out of trouble, watch out for you, do everything I can to protect you and your best interests. And it’s not in your best interests to pay a blackmailer.”
He started to laugh, the sound bitter and ugly, echoing around me until I wanted to block the sound out of me. “So, you’re threatening me with this because it’s your job? Is that it?” He came back to me, each step predatory, a cutting, cruel look on his face—a look I’d never seen directed at me. “You’re threatening to share something I told you in confidence because you’re protecting me? Betray me because it’s your job?” Luke scoffed, eyes raking me up and down. “That’s fucking rich, Sabrina. But then again, you’ve proven you’re willing to do plenty of things for your job.”
His meaning was clear.
My face scalded as humiliation slammed into me. “Don’t do that, Luke,” I said, my breath hitching in my throat, misery so intense I thought it might obliterate everything inside me until I became misery. “Don’t...”
Tears blurred my vision and I averted my gaze.
“You threw it on the table, sweetheart. You’re going to fuck me over because it’s your job,” he said with a sneer. “But...hey, I’ll make it easy for you. You’re fired, Sabrina.”
I whipped my head around, gaping at him.
For a long, taut second, we stared at each other.
A sob rose, choking me. I swallowed it back.
Luke just watched me, absolutely emotionless. After what felt like forever, he turned and left. The door slammed shut and I flinched at
the sound. A few minutes later, there was another slam and I flinched yet again.
Lifting my face to the ceiling, I clamped my hands over my mouth to silence the screams that wanted to break free.
Chapter Thirty-Two
Luke
SHE WAS GONE.
Fury, dismay, self-disgust, hurt...an entire morass of emotions spun inside me and I tried to pick through them to get to the very bottom of them.
I kept running into one thing—a memory.
I’ve just loved him.
Standing in the doorway of the room she’d used, looking at the perfectly made bed, the empty surface of the desk, I searched and searched for some sign—any sign that she hadn’t left.
But there was nothing.
I moved back into the living room.
Nothing.
Even the goofy, jeweled coffee cup I’d bought for her on our way to the airport back in California was gone.
Slowly, feeling like I’d aged a thousand years in the past few hours, I moved back into my room.
There, finally, I found some sign that somebody other than me had once stayed in this condo with me.
Velvet boxes.
Two of them, a long, thin oblong one, with a small one stacked on top.
Clenching a fist, I glared at them, wishing in vain it would be enough to make the damn things burst into flame, then melt down into nothing but ash.
The jewelry boxes sat in the middle of the neatly made bed—typical Sabrina. She’d made the bed in here, too, as well as collected the glasses and tidied up before leaving.
And she’d left the necklace and ring I’d given her right in the middle of the vivid red blanket, where I’d have to be blind to miss them.
There was nothing else.
No note.
Nothing.
With a fist closing around my heart, I sat on the bed and reached for the ring box and flipped it open. The gold glimmered under the light, while the diamond reflected it back at me—cold, icy perfection. I dropped it down onto the bed and picked up the other box.
Spilling the pearls into my hand, I rubbed them between my fingers, remembering the dazed look of pleasure and surprise that had lit her eyes as she opened the box, how she’d touched them with a trembling hand.
I’ve just loved him.
I’d wanted to ask her about it last night, but my head had been a mess. I’d still tried, pushing her while I had her wrapped around my dick, but she hadn’t realized what I’d been asking from her—what’d I’d needed from her.
And I did need it.
Now that it was too late, I could admit that.
I’d needed to hear those words.
She was in love with me. Apparently, this wasn’t anything new to some of the people who knew us. News to me, yeah. But it seemed that plenty of my own family knew it. Friends of mine had speculated. I’d brushed it off at the time.
But I could see it now.
Just like I could see the other thing I’d been ignoring.
I loved her, too.
I checked the time. I had an hour before I was supposed to meet Mindy, but at that point, I didn’t really care if I made it or not.
I needed to talk to Sabrina.
I pulled out my phone and dialed her number.
It went straight to voice mail.
“Ina...” Closing my eyes, I blew out a breath. “Ina, I...”
What did I say? I had no fucking clue. Life didn’t come with a script and the bottom line, without one—I wasn’t much good at expressing myself.
“Ina, call me. Please.”
I disconnected, then called Kelly.
She answered on the third ring, voice husky and thick with sleep. “’Lo?”
“It’s me, Kelly.”
“Hey, Luke.” She sighed, yawned. “Tired. Gimme a minute.”
Impatience bit at me, but I waited, counting off the seconds in my head and listening to her on the other end of the line.
“Watched things unfold in Louisville last night. Everything went well, it looks like. You and Sabrina...” She paused, then said in a neutral tone, “You two actually looked pretty happy. Natural, even.”
I cleared my throat. “Yeah. Um...about that.” Shoving to my feet, still clutching the pearl necklace in one hand, I moved to the window and stared outside. “How long has she been in love with me?”
Dead silence from Kelly’s end.
“Kelly?”
“It’s about time you saw it,” she said in a caustic voice. “What happened? Did somebody skywrite it?”
“Are you going to answer?” I asked, embarrassed and off balance.
“What does it matter?” My manager and friend sounded aggravated. “It would have just made you uncomfortable. She was able to do her job regardless, and nobody can handle you the way she does. If she was able to handle her feelings for you and still do her work, then that was all that mattered.”
“How long?” I snapped.
“Years, you dumb ass!” she snapped back. “Years! And you’re too self-centered to see it. Which was probably for the best—after all the manipulation tactics her mother constantly put her through, the last thing she needed was to have some Hollywood heart throb play on her emotions.”
“I wouldn’t have done that!”
“Oh, please. You played on her friendship and loyalty when you conned her into going along with the fiancée shit, Luke. I swear, if you’d been within reach, I would have clobbered you for that. You knew she’d say yes, simply because of how loyal she is, and how much she loves your family. But you have no idea just how vulnerable she really is. She has absolutely no defenses when it comes to you. There’s no line she won’t cross when it comes to you—you’re her heart and soul, and the past few weeks, this fairy tale that’s been playing out in the media between you two has probably just been salt on an open wound for her.”
I opened my mouth to argue.
But nothing came out.
What could I say?
“Fuck,” I whispered as the reality of what Kelly was saying finally sank in.
She sighed. “Luke...look. Sabrina’s tough. She knew going in this wouldn’t end well for her. When this is all over, I’m going to take a few weeks off and I’ll drag her with me. We’ll take a vacation. You can get through your next project—”
“I fired her, Kelly.”
Once more, Kelly went silent. But this time, it only lasted maybe five seconds and then, with a rage that I felt even here in Kentucky, she shouted into the phone, “You fucking did what?”
“I fired her.”
“You...” Kelly sucked in a breath. “You self-centered, selfish, manipulative son of a bitch. Why?”
I looked down at the necklace. Convulsively, I tightened my hand on it. I opened my mouth, uncertain what to say.
“A guy I knew tried to rape me when I was fourteen.”
The words came out on their own. I had no conscious plan to say anything about what had happened nearly twenty years ago. No plan at all. But the words were out there, all but vibrating between us.
Kelly’s harsh intake of air snapped me out of a fog. “What?”
There was no turning back now, was there?
A TEXT CAME JUST AS I pulled into the parking lot.
In the back garden.
I deleted the message, my skin stretched tight, my temper on edge. If I’d done that the very first time I’d heard from Mindy, maybe I wouldn’t be waiting, desperately, for Sabrina to call me back.
Maybe I wouldn’t be snatching up my phone every time it vibrated to let me know I had a notification.
Maybe I wouldn’t be going slowly out of my mind, wondering if she’d respond to any of the texts I’d sent.
Kelly had reluctantly agreed to call Sabrina, but she’d made no promises beyond that.
Look, Luke...I understand you were in a bad place. I can’t imagine how you felt then—or how you feel now—but logically, I suspect you know Sabrina is right. You can’t give in to
a blackmailer. Unloading on her was wrong. You lashed out at her because you’re afraid. You hurt the woman who probably loves you more than anybody else ever will—and you know, deep down inside, that she was doing it to protect you. You can’t honestly tell me otherwise, can you?
Well, she’d been right about that.
It was part of why I’d stayed out until after four, first drinking, then just wandering up and down Main Street, desperate to empty my thoughts. But everything had gone back to Sabrina, and I’d realized I had to go back and talk to her.
At the time, I’d still been furious, hurt, angry.
All of that was gone and now I was just sick inside.
As soon as this was over, I was going to take a few minutes to talk to my mother—she needed to know the truth about me and Sabrina. And...shit. I was going to tell her what I should have told her ages ago.
Once that was done, I was going to find Sabrina. If I had to crawl, then I’d crawl. But she was going to take me back, if it I had to drag myself over across shattered glass and fiery coals, choking on my pride and stubbornness and broken pieces of the boy I’d tried to bury.
I parked the SUV, spine still rigid with tension. Grabbing my sunglasses, I shoved them on my face before climbing out. The tinted lenses didn’t do enough to blunt the vivid intensity of the sun and I squinted, waiting for my eyes to adjust. It wasn’t even nine, but it was already sticky and hot. Nothing like an Ohio Valley summer. Not even a hint of a breeze stirred the air. Within ten minutes, I’d be sweating and I’d wear the heat of the day on my skin because the humidity all but ensured the sweat would never evaporate.
Shoving a hand through my hair, I started for the little garden, searching for the petite form of Mindy Wine.
I spied her sitting on a bench, her hands tucked into her lap and her face solemn as she watched me.
I was just a few feet away when somebody else made his presence known.
I went rigid as Devin peeled himself off the wall.
Blood pulsed in my temple at the sight of him and yet...I wasn’t surprised.
“When did you talk to her?” I demanded.
Cocksure (The Cochrans of Cocker County) Page 24
