One was Maureen’s nephew, and after he gave his statement, she kicked him out of the house he leased from her. He had a wife and two daughters. Mo claimed she was moving out west and needed to sell it for money. Apparently the nephew had several lawyers offer to take the matter to court, pro bono, but he declined.
The stories that really pissed me off, though, were local sources that had been on hand when Luke gave his statement. They’d been invited, each of them, in one way or the other, to the facility, by Maureen Wine, on Joanne’s behalf according to the information provided. Maureen denied it, claiming that somebody, likely me, had impersonated her.
She’d gone there with reporters planning to ambush Joanne with some twisted version of what she wanted to believe happened.
Luke had been there and figured out what she was planning, and decided to go public.
Pride mingled with sadness by the time I decided I’d read enough.
I considered going to Twitter, but without access to my phone, it was useless. I’d long since enabled two-factor authentication to prevent hacking and since my phone was worthless up here, there wasn’t any point.
Sighing, I went to power down the tablet, then stopped.
Eyes burning, I went back to Luke’s website and read his statement again.
When I was done, I looked up at the front door of the cabin.
I had to make a choice...and I was so fucking scared to even consider the options.
THIRTY MINUTES PASSED before I heard the screen door scraping open. I’d opened the front door then poured myself some tea and gone out onto the deck in back to wait.
He’d wanted me to open a door.
Fine. I’d done it. It was up to him to walk through it, though. I couldn’t give up any more of myself to him.
I sat on the back porch, sipping a glass of tea and staring out into the trees. It was late, the sun dipping ever lower toward the horizon.
Footsteps moved through the house and my skin prickled as I heard them finally veer back in this direction.
When the back door opened, I closed my eyes.
It was weird how much emotion footsteps could convey, I decided.
Anger came out when a person stormed. Happiness when one walked lightly, feet barely touching the ground.
And nervousness when each step was placed carefully, as if not certain how to proceed.
That was definitely the case now.
The floorboards creaked, as if they, too, weren’t certain of anything. Long moments of silence passed before Luke cleared his throat and spoke. “Ah...the front door was open.”
I lifted my lids and saw him standing several feet away, hands jammed into his pockets. “You said you couldn’t force the door open—it was up to me to open it. The door’s open.” I sounded hard, almost unrecognizable.
He must have thought so, too. His jaw went tight and he looked away.
But that only lasted a few seconds because his gaze came flying back to mine, wide with surprise. “I thought you couldn’t get online up here.”
“Kelly’s never without some way to access the internet.” Looking away, I stared back at the fiery orange of the sunset. “She had a tablet with a satellite connection tucked away in her closet for emergencies. After she finished scolding me earlier, she must have decided this was an emergency because she told me to get it out and do some reading.”
Mouth turning down in a frown, Luke asked, “Why was she scolding you?”
“Does it matter?”
“Yes.” Shoulders going tight, he stared at me with grim features. “I fucked up. You don’t need anybody guilting you into talking to me.”
“Please.” Getting up, I cut around him and walked to the far end of the L-shaped patio. Fall came early to higher altitudes and the temperatures were already cooling off. Shivering a little, I crossed my arms over my chest. “One thing that my mom made sure of, Luke—guilt trips stopped being an effective tool against me before I even made it out of my teens. I either had to learn that lesson or let her drive me crazy.”
“Then why are you talking to me now? After ignoring me for the past two days?”
I turned and looked at him. “Would you rather I tell you to get out?” Shoving my chin up in the air, I added, “Because I can do that.”
“Shit.” He rubbed his hands over his face. “You’re making things really fucking difficult here.”
“I am making things difficult?” Sputtering out a laugh, I gestured toward him. “Tell me something—what’s more important to you, Luke? That I opened the door? Or why I opened the door?”
I saw a retort forming. Crossing my arms over my chest, I waited.
But then he started to laugh. The sound of it, warm and deep, rubbed over my skin like a caress and I suppressed a shiver. “I’m my own worst enemy, aren’t I?” he said softly, moving toward me.
“You won’t find any arguments here.” I sniffed and looked away.
Maybe I shouldn’t have, because he took advantage of that to close the distance between us. When I looked back, he was just a foot away, closer than he’d been in over two weeks.
I fought the instinctive urge to take a couple of steps back, fixing him with a cool look instead. “You really should take that advice about a hotel, if for no other reason than so you could get a shower. You smell like you’ve been living in a tent for a few days.”
If I thought I’d distract him with that, I was mistaken. A grin curled his lips as he reached up and tugged on a lock of my hair. “Maybe if you’d let me use your shower, I could do something about that. Only so much I can accomplish with disposable washcloths and deodorant, especially as hot as it gets in the daytime.”
“Again, a hotel...”
“If I went to a hotel, how long would it take you to pack and disappear again?” he asked.
Running my tongue along my teeth, I elected not to answer. Sure, I’d packed most of my things this morning, figuring he had to leave sooner or later.
“Not going to answer, are you?”
“What if I do take off? Right now? Tonight while you sleep? In a few days? Sooner or later, you’re going to get tired of waiting me out.” I glared at him.
“No. I won’t. After all, I figure I owe you a few years of waiting at least, don’t I?”
My cheeks flushed hotly and I looked away once more.
“But...if you run, I’ll just keep looking until I find you. And then I’ll wait again. I’ll keep waiting until you’re ready to let me apologize...or until you tell me you want me out of your life.”
He cupped my cheek.
His touch made me shiver.
His words made my ache deep inside.
Tears pricked my eyes and I closed them so he wouldn’t see.
“I wasn’t going to tell Devin anything about what happened,” I said, the words spilling out of me. “I just—”
“I know.” He cut me off, pressing his thumb to my lips. “I figured that much out after I talked to him. You just wanted somebody there...in case I needed it.”
Moving my head out of his reach, I stared at him, the remembered hurt still slicing through me over some of our last words together. “You all but called me a whore. You made me feel like one.”
His face spasmed. “I’m sorry. Fuck, Sabrina. I’m sorry for that. I went back a few hours later to apologize for that, and to keep fighting with you. But I regretted those words almost immediately and I’ve kicked my ass a hundred different times, wishing I could take them back.”
I blew out a slow breath, trying to find some semblance of control.
“If you really want me gone, just tell me that, Sabrina, and I’ll leave. I won’t bother you anymore.”
Damn him.
A choked sob escaped my throat, followed by another.
“Don’t cry,” he whispered.
“You stupid ass. I’ll cry if I want to. You make me cry.”
“Okay,” he responded. “Cry then. Whatever you need.”
His immedi
ate reversal made me laugh, even through the tears. Then he pulled me against him and I was too weak to pull away. Face buried against his chest, I let the tears and sobs tear out of me and while he hugged me and rocked me and whispered against my ear.
“I’m sorry...you were right...I was an asshole...I’m so sorry...please forgive me...”
The words all ran together, but those underlying words—I’m so sorry—were clear.
I don’t know how long I cried, or how long we stood there. My throat was raw when I finally eased away from him and my head ached. I should have been cried out by this point—well before this point, but I was still on fragile ground and I knew myself too well not to realize it.
His arms lingered around me even after I nudged at his chest, holding me tight a few more seconds before finally falling away.
I swiped at my face and turned, resting my hands on the railing and staring up at the sky. It was full night now, the stars blazing so brightly overhead and looking almost close enough to touch.
He came up behind me. I sensed his touch even before it happened, but still, as he ran his hand down my hair, I shivered.
“I know you’re angry about Devin. I didn’t want to hurt you, but I couldn’t figure out how to make you understand how dangerous it would be to pay somebody off. It would have eaten you alive.”
“I know that. And I’m not angry about it anymore. I just...fuck, Sabrina. Maybe we both screwed up a little there, but I do know you were trying to keep me from making what would have been a big mistake.” He grimaced. “Mindy wasn’t trying to burn me or anything, but that’s not the point.”
“You have no idea how much you hurt me,” I said softly. I’d built walls around myself when it came to him, inuring myself to the small hurts he inflicted on me without realizing it. He couldn’t be blamed for those—he’d had no idea that I’d loved him and even if he had, he wasn’t responsible for my feelings. Each time he was seen kissing some new, pretty star or hot young socialite, it had been like acid in a wound, but that was something I had to deal with and I’d learned to cope.
But this was different. I’d let down those walls without even realizing it.
“No,” Luke said. “I don’t. But I can tell you that I’m sorrier than you’ll ever know, and if you’ll give me a chance, I’ll do my best to make it up to you.”
I couldn’t stop the scoff that erupted from me.
Turning, I stared at him. “Why?”
“Because I love you.”
If he expected that to melt me, he was in for a disappointment. “I think you’ve decided you like the idea of love,” I said bluntly. “You had two happy parents who loved each other. You’ve had people pushing the idea of romance on you, and for the weeks you and I were faking an engagement. People all but swooned over pictures of us. It was cute. And having me around—somebody who had already proven herself useful in your daily life, and somebody who doesn’t put up with your bullshit—hasn’t exactly been a burden. Then it turns out we’re sexually compatible, so hey...that just makes it more appealing. Everything goes to shit, though, and things start to fall apart around you. You don’t like chaos, but you can’t pull things together on your own without help because you suck at focusing. So why not just bring back in the woman who pulled all the threads together for you anyway? And bonus, now you can use her as a fuckbuddy and maybe sell the idea of you two being in love for real.”
He yanked me against him, his eyes firing into mine.
“You know, if that shit had come from me, it wouldn’t be such a surprise,” he said in a deceptively mild voice. “But you’re the levelheaded one who isn’t supposed to be afraid to take chances. So...why the bullshit, Sabrina?”
I shoved against his chest.
He backed me up into the railing and looped his arms around my waist.
I could get away from him, if I wanted to. The problem was...I didn’t.
“Bullshit?” I demanded. “I’ve loved you for years and you were clueless. Then all of a sudden after a couple of weeks of faking it, you decide you’re in love with me and I’m just supposed to believe it? Which one of us is sputtering the bullshit, Luke?”
“You are.” He bent down until we were eye to eye, until he filled my entire vision, became my entire world. “Because you know exactly what I feel when I look at you. You can see it in my eyes...it’s the same damn thing I see when I look into yours.”
Tears welled up again and I blinked them back. I opened my mouth, another lie forming.
But what came out was the truth. “How can I trust you again, Luke?”
He flinched as if I’d stabbed him. “Baby...” He feathered kisses over my face, cradling my cheeks like I was something precious and fragile. “I’ll do whatever it takes to prove to you that you can. No matter how long it takes.”
Finally, his mouth reached mine.
I really, really wished I could have pushed him away.
But the needy, greedy love I felt for him swamped me and all I could do was cling to him.
He kissed his way down my throat, along my jawline, up to my ear. “Please, Ina...just give me that chance. Let me prove to you I can be worth it...worth you.”
He lifted his head and looked down at me, uncertain, unsure, but determined.
I thought of the cocksure bastard he’d been—or at least, the cocksure bastard he’d pretended to be just weeks ago—and the last of my resolve crumbled.
Luke Cochran had never been a man who’d bother trying to prove himself to anybody. But he was in front of me now, asking for a chance to do just that.
Dropping my head onto his chest, I drew in a ragged breath.
“Okay,” I said softly. I loved him too much for anything else. In the end, I probably hadn’t even stood a chance.
His hands convulsed. “Did you say okay?”
“Yeah.” Tipping my head back, I looked up at him. “Okay. We can try to make this work...for real.”
A grin, sharp and real and bright, lit his face and he caught me by the back of my head, hauling me against him for another kiss, his tongue delving between my lips and demanding a response. He tasted of toothpaste and coffee and Luke, and I curled into him as the weeks away from him coalesced into a hot, vicious need.
When he lifted his head, both of us were breathing hard.
“So does that mean you’ll take this back?” He pressed his brow to mine. “For real, this time.”
Still breathless and dazed, I smiled at him, thinking I’d take whatever he wanted to give me—but then I felt the cool, hard press of the small object he pushed into my hand. Confused, I eased away from him and lowered my eyes.
The ring I’d picked out just weeks ago lay in my palm.
Shaken, I jerked my head up.
Luke stared at me and the naked, vulnerable expression on his face laid my heart open.
“Will you marry me, Sabrina?” he asked.
“I...” Tears flooded my eyes. I tried to blink them away but that just sent them raining down my cheeks. Dashing them away with my free hand, I swallowed and tried again. But words wouldn’t come.
Whoa.
I’d been thinking we were going to try dating.
But...whoa.
I cleared my throat and opened my mouth once more to try to form even the simplest statement.
I couldn’t.
A soft smile curved Luke’s beautiful mouth as he took the ring from my hand.
I gaped at him, stunned, as he went to one knee in front of me. Around us, the night was alive with the song of birds and the odd, rhythmic beauty of various night creatures calling to one another. Somewhere out there, the wild sound of coyotes howling joined in and overhead, stars twinkled like a banner of tiny diamonds.
And none of that compared to the beauty of the man in front of me, on bended knee, with his shaggy hair and a good week’s worth of scruff, wearing clothes that looked like he’d been sleeping in them.
Luke Cochran stared up at me as he reached for my left
hand and lifted it.
“I spent years with all these broken, jagged edges inside me, slowly bleeding to death,” he said, slipping the ring on my finger. As he did so, he focused on the task, almost as if he was too afraid to look at me while he did it. “Then you came into my life and bit by bit, somehow, you smoothed away those edges. I was still broken inside, but the bleeding stopped. Maybe it was the way you faced all the hard things with your mother...or the way you let me hold you when you cried. Maybe it was the way you made me face things about my family, without even realizing you were doing it—you gave them back to me.”
His eyes came back to mine. The light from the house barely reached us but the raw emotion I saw made it almost impossible to speak. “Luke, I didn’t do anything you didn’t do for me.”
“You were there. You were you.”
Those simple words grabbed me by the heart, a tight, yet oddly gentle fist. But...
“We’re friends,” I said, forcing the words out as I looked back at the delicate beauty of the ring. “I was there for you, just like you’ve always been there for me.” That ring, with its elegant stone and delicate setting, had suddenly become a millstone, for all the weight it seemed to have taken on. “That’s what friends do. But I—”
“Look at me.” Luke, ever impatient, wasn’t content to wait. He stood and cupped my chin, gently urging me to comply until our gazes met. He kissed me, backing me up against the railing so that his heat pressed into me. Arms wrapping me, he fisted one hand in my hair with the other gripped my hip. That kiss carried a thousand unspoken words, whispered a thousand untold secrets. When it ended, he didn’t lift his head. He trailed his lips in a burning path to my ear where he murmured, “We are friends, Ina. But we’re more than that...and you know it. I’m a fool for not seeing it sooner.”
He caught my hand—my left hand—and did that funny thing he’d been doing for weeks, stroking his thumb over the stone before dragging my wrist up to his chest. “Feel that,” he whispered to me.
Cocksure (The Cochrans of Cocker County) Page 29
