by Minkman, Jen
“I’ll pick you up in my car tomorrow,” Josh told Ben after their trout dinner. “We should go fishing. Grilling your own fish is so much better.”
“You have your own car?” Hannah asked in surprise, temporarily forgetting she wanted to stay out of the conversation.
“Yeah, a Mustang. My family gave it to me when I passed driver’s ed.”
“How about that motorcycle? Don’t tell me you own a vehicle fleet on the rez.”
“No. I borrow the bike from my cousin sometimes.”
“You have a license for the bike, too?”
Josh shrugged. “No one’s ever pulled me over,” he replied placidly. “Don’t tell on me.” He gave her a conspiratorial smile, and her heart skipped a beat. Why did he have the power to do this to her?
“Are you planning on passing the test at some point, though?” she quickly went on.
“Yeah, when I turn eighteen and get some extra money.” Josh leaned into her. “It’s my birthday soon, so maybe that will ease your mind.”
“That’s right!” Ben exclaimed. “Beginning of August, right? Are you going to have a party?”
“Of course he will,” Hannah said. “He’s going to be a real man!” Hopefully, Josh hadn’t caught her scooting away as he leaned into her like that. She thought he was man enough now to make her heartbeat go through the roof when he came so close.
Josh laughed. “Actually, I already am. In our tribe, the initiation ritual where a boy turns into a man takes place on the boy’s fourteenth birthday. We all take a vision quest.”
Ben whistled. “Wow, you grew up early.”
“You’re right.” Josh grew silent, staring into the distance. He suddenly seemed lost in thought.
Hannah observed Ben in surprise. How strange Josh had been through an important ritual without telling Ben about it. Judging from the confused look in Ben’s eyes, this was the first time he heard about Josh’s vision quest.
“Well, I still think you should throw a party,” she said, breaking the uneasy silence.
Josh blinked and nodded slowly, coming back to reality. “Yeah, I will. Consider yourselves invited.”
The waitress showed up to clear the table and put down three dessert menus. Ben quickly picked out what he wanted, and took Hannah by the hand when the jazz band in the corner started playing ‘I ‘ve Got You Under My Skin’.
“Come on, let’s dance,” he suggested, pulling her from her seat.
Hannah followed her brother to the edge of the deck, where they stepped onto the sand. Within minutes, more dancing couples had joined them on the beach.
“I’m so glad I’m going to be here all summer,” Hannah sighed, beaming at Ben. “My first year of teaching was kind of stressful. I needed this. It’s just like old times.”
Ben smiled. “That’s why I said you should spend your vacation in St. Mary’s Port. It’s the best place to relax and let go of things. I knew you’d enjoy a nostalgic summer.”
The song had come to an end. With a start, Hannah saw Josh coming toward them from the corner of her eye. Her heart sped up to a hum. Was he going to ask her to –
Josh casually tapped Ben on the shoulder. “Can I have the next dance?”
“Sure.” Ben shrugged, letting go of his sister. Hannah felt her heart in her throat when Josh lightly put one hand on her back and used the other to grab her hand.
“Do I have your permission too?” Josh asked with a smile as Ben walked back to the table.
“Y- yes.” She was momentarily lost for words.
“Wow, you sound eager,” he said dryly.
Hannah laughed nervously, realizing she sounded just like the giggling freshman girls she’d taught this year. Maybe she should have been more understanding toward them – she wasn’t doing a whole lot better at the moment.
“Uhm…” Hannah started out, fumbling indecisively. “I don’t really know what to do.” Because obviously, she’d been wasting her money taking dancing lessons for two years. She couldn’t come up with anything. Anything. Except pressing her body against him and hoping it would look like some sort of dance.
Josh smiled. “Come here.” He pulled her even closer. Hannah felt his body against hers, his hand on her lower back.
“Put your chin on my shoulder,” he mumbled into her ear.
“But – I won’t be able to see where we’re going.” Immediately, she realized just how stupid that sounded. Like Josh would abduct her while dancing on the beach, with her brother in plain sight.
She heard him chuckle. “I’ll give you a live report. Okay?”
Hannah gave up and put her head on his shoulder. She stared at the tables on the deck, the beach stretching out behind them, and the blood-red evening sky. If only the beauty of the surroundings would calm her, but it didn’t. The warmth coming off Josh’s body and his arms around her completely confused her. Although Josh had promised her a live report, he didn’t speak at all during their dance together. He turned her around in a circular dance that had no name, but she didn’t care. It felt perfect.
Did Josh even have the slightest idea of the effect he had on her? She would have loved to glance up and see the look in his eyes, but she didn’t dare. Hannah’s gaze wandered over his shoulders, where small grains of sand were stuck to his skin, catching the light from the setting sun. They reminded her of stardust, and of the starry skies she’d always looked up at when she was a little girl, lying in the grass, finding the constellations.
Her eye fell on a birthmark under Josh’s collarbone. It was shaped like an animal. Strange – she couldn’t remember seeing it before.
“Did you always have that mark?” she wondered softly, absently touching his skin with her index finger. Josh stopped breathing, and she looked up. He was staring at her hand, and then briefly at her. His gaze drifted to the sand below their feet.
“No,” he replied after a long, awkward silence. “Last time you saw me I didn’t have it yet. I got it – after that.”
“Oh.” Well, that was weird. After all, they were called ‘birthmarks’ because people were born with them. “It’s shaped like an animal,” she pointed out, suddenly realizing her hand was still on his chest. She quickly let it slide down.
“A bear,” he said crisply. He avoided her eyes and scanned the deck behind them. “Let’s go eat our ice creams.”
Hannah frowned. Something in his attitude had clearly changed after she mentioned his birthmark. “Look, I’m sorry if I was prying.”
He looked down at her, a sudden touch of tenderness in his eyes. “You’re not prying,” he said softly. Then he pressed his lips to her hand – the hand he was still holding – in a quick, soft kiss. He stepped back and headed toward the table. Hannah let her hand fall to her side, exhaling slowly.
With a sour face, she rubbed her forehead. Yep, Ben was absolutely right. St. Mary’s Port was definitely the best place to relax and let go of things.
3.
That night, Hannah strolled back home in silence, Ben walking next to her. She would have liked to share with him how the evening with Josh had confused her, but perhaps she wasn’t ready for Ben to know yet. Still, it felt weird not to say anything to him. She always talked to Ben about everything that was on her mind, and he was the same with her.
Absently, she looked up to see some people sitting on the porch of the neighboring house, their faces illuminated by the large candle on the table they were sitting at.
“Let’s go and say hi,” Ben said, following her gaze. He waved at the new neighbors and pulled Hannah along to their front porch.
Hannah was quickly introduced to the Greene family – Ivy and Amber, two red-haired sisters, and their parents Paul and Sarah. She and Ben sat down on one of the porch benches to tell the neighbors some stories about their previous summers in St. Mary’s Port.
As Ben told Paul where the best fishing spots were, Hannah’s gaze wandered to the book Amber had in her lap. “Herbal Remedies,” she read from the cover. “You re
ading that for fun or for school?”
Amber shrugged. “I’m going to study naturopathy after the summer, but I haven’t started yet. So I guess that means it’s for fun.”
Hannah chuckled. Yup, she and Amber would get along well. “Well, if you like picking herbs and wild plants, you should help me and Ben sometime. We’re going to do a barbecue with some friends from the reservation soon. We used to do those at the lake every summer. Ben and Josh would catch fresh fish, and Emily and I would pick berries. Like real hunter-gatherers.”
“We’d love to join you! Dad taught us how to fish,” Ivy offered. “With us on your team, you’ll never go hungry.”
Hannah groaned. “What? Nobody wants to help me pick berries?”
Ben chuckled, a large grin taking up his whole face. “Oh, don’t worry. Josh will help you out. I bet you can’t wait to go off into the woods with him.”
Hannah opened and closed her mouth again, trying to suppress the blush creeping up her face. “Ben,” she hissed indignantly, shooting him a withering look.
“What?” He shrugged vaguely, turning away from her to light a cigarette.
After talking to the neighbours for a few more minutes, they decided to go home, wishing the Greenes a good night.
As they trudged back to their own cabin in awkward silence, Hannah bit her lip. Shouldn’t she say something? Finally, Ben cleared his throat, sitting down on the porch steps. “Uhm – sorry I offended you before. You know.”
“What do you mean?” Hannah replied softly.
“About the woods.” Ben glanced sideways. “About Josh. I didn’t want to tick you off. You just seemed to have, like, a really great time with him tonight.”
Hannah shifted. She couldn’t really deny Ben’s joke had made her uncomfortable – he’d seen her go red.
“You didn’t tick me off,” she finally said, because Ben kept staring at her, his face a big question mark.
“Then what?”
Hannah sighed. She brushed an imaginary speck of dust from her skirt. “I felt caught.”
“So you like Josh.” It wasn’t a question, but a statement. Hannah looked sideways, suddenly so nervous she wished she could take a drag of Ben’s cigarette. He followed her gaze and held out his cigarette. “Want to share?”
“No, thanks. I shouldn’t start smoking again.”
Ben shrugged. “So – do you?” he asked.
“I don’t know,” Hannah muttered, staring at a dark stain in the wooden floor of the porch, suddenly thinking of Josh’s birthmark. “I mean – I’ve known him since forever.”
“Seems like a good starting point.” Ben put an arm around her shoulders.
Hannah snatched the cigarette from Ben’s fingers. “Just one drag,” she grumbled, displeased with herself and her bad habits.
Ben gave her a warm smile. “I’m sorry, sis. I’ll stop goading you, okay?”
Together, they finished the last bit of the cigarette and then went into the cabin for a good, long night’s sleep.
The next morning, Hannah was woken up by bright sunlight streaming in through the window, shining directly in her face. Oh crap – she hadn’t closed the curtains yesterday. Groaning, she turned her back to the window.
Still a bit groggy, Hannah heard Ben talking on the phone in the kitchen. “No, she’s still asleep. I’ll say hello to her when she wakes up. How’s Paris?”
That must be Katie on the phone. Her brother’s girlfriend was touring Europe by train during her summer break. Paris was the third city on her list.
“You want more coffee?” a familiar voice suddenly addressed Ben.
Oh. Josh was here, too. A slight smile tugged at her lips as she sat up in bed.
Hannah listened absent-mindedly to one end of the conversation between Ben and Katie on the phone, not quite ready to step outside just yet. She was eager to talk to Josh, but the thought of having him around all morning actually made her nervous.
Oh, geez. She was really into Josh. She couldn’t deny it.
Hannah sat up straight, staring at herself in the mirror on the wall above her bed. She’d been in a steady relationship for years. It had been a while since she’d fallen in love. Was it even real? After all, what did she really know about this new, seventeen-year-old Josh? The thirteen-year-old boy from four summers ago seemed like a different person.
She got dressed slowly, trying to get the creases out of her red linen dress. She put on a pair of black flip-flops and quickly dragged a comb through her hair before stepping out of the room. After all, there was no reason to show herself sporting a disastrous hairdo yet again.
“Good morning,” she hollered upon entering the kitchen. Ben and Josh looked up from their breakfast plates with wide grins. “Enjoy,” she went on with a glance at the pile of pancakes on the table.
“Did you sleep well?” Ben asked.
“Like a log.”
“Would you like some pancakes too?” Josh asked, nodding at the pile.
“In a minute. First I’ll grab some O.J., and then I’ll have a shower.”
“Why did you get dressed if you still need to take a shower?” Ben asked with a grin. “Were you wearing silly pajamas unfit for public display?”
“Didn’t have any on. I forgot to pack them,” Hannah said without thinking. She could feel her cheeks flush and quickly turned around to pour herself some juice from the carton on the counter. “I’ll buy a pair of PJs in the village later on. And while I’m at it, can I get you guys anything?”
Ben chuckled. “How about getting us some more fishing rods?”
Hannah glared at him. “Sure, I’ll get the neighbors new fishing rods so I’ll be my own berry-picking team for the barbecue.”
Josh looked up. “What barbecue?”
“Why don’t you tell him about our barbecue plans while I hit the shower?” Hannah quickly stalked out of the kitchen before Ben could crack any more jokes about berry-picking and teaming up with Josh in the woods.
When she got back to the kitchen freshly showered and made-up, the breakfast table was empty. That was a bit disappointing – Ben and Josh had already left without saying goodbye. Hannah sat down to make herself a small stack of pancakes with butter and syrup, humming along to the radio. Still whistling, she walked to the fridge to get some more orange juice, pouring herself a large glass. When she closed the fridge door, Josh was suddenly back in the kitchen, standing right next to her.
“Oh, hi,” she said, a bit taken aback. “I thought the two of you had already left.”
“We’re leaving in a minute.” He smiled at her. Hannah shuffled past him and sat down at the table again, gulping down a large swig of juice and cutting off a piece of her pancake.
When she looked up. Josh was leaning against the kitchen counter, resting his hands on either side, staring back at her. She swallowed hard. Wasn’t this silence awkward? Maybe she should make conversation.
“You want some?” she asked, pointing at the pancakes in front of her. “I can’t finish them all by myself.”
He shook his head. “No, thanks. I’m full.”
Hannah put the fork in her mouth and slowly chewed a bit of pancake.
“So, what do you think?” Josh asked, a small smile dancing on his lips.
“Uhm – tasty,” she mumbled with her mouth full. Puzzled, she looked back at him, and then it clicked. “Oh! Did you make them?”
“Yep. Used special flour from the rez. Don’t look so baffled, I have many talents you have yet to discover.” He sported a cocky grin, and Hannah blinked, literally forcing the blood away from her face. He was doing it on purpose, she could feel it.
“So it would seem.” She laughed nervously. “Well, at least they taste a lot better than Ben’s baking blunders.”
“Hey, that sounds like a cool name for a bakery. Can’t you just picture it as a store sign - ‘Ben’s Baking Blunders’?” He made a stately gesture.
Hannah burst out giggling, nearly choking on her pancake. Josh qui
ckly walked over to her and carefully patted her back. “You okay? I’m sorry I’m so hilarious.”
“You’re too modest.” Hannah coughed, catching her breath again before she looked up at him, suddenly registering that his hand was still on her back. It made her insides turn to goo.
Right at that moment, Ben entered the kitchen. “I found the air beds,” he told Josh, his gaze wandering from Josh’s hand to Hannah’s flustered face. Why did she feel like he’d caught her doing something naughty?
Josh let his hand fall from her back, taking a step toward Ben. “Good, let’s go then,” he said, suddenly in a hurry. He joined Ben and they clattered out of the kitchen.
“See you tonight,” Ben shouted over his shoulder. “I’m cooking for us. You can invite Emily too!”
“Yeah, I will.” She didn’t dare ask who exactly he meant by ‘us’.
At noon, Hannah threw her cell phone, keys, and purse into her handbag and left the cabin. It didn’t take long to find Grassroots, the vegetarian restaurant in the village center. Her gaze drifted to a Navajo girl sitting at a small table outside.
“Uhm... Emily?” she ventured.
The girl looked up from the magazine she’d been reading, a wide smile appearing on her face. “Hannah!” she exclaimed enthusiastically, getting to her feet. “You’re back!”
“Em!” Hannah hugged her old friend tightly. “It’s great to see you again. You look good.”
“Well, I should look good. I just had four weeks of vacation, so I’m well-rested. But I’m also really enjoying my new job now. I finished my studies in Tuba City two months ago, and I still had four weeks off before starting my job at the practice. I went camping by the lake near Navajo Mountain with my sister, and after that Yazzie and Josh helped me build my own hoghan in Naabi’aani. I don’t live with my parents anymore.”
It turned out nothing had changed in the past four years – Em still talked at two hundred miles an hour.
They went inside, chatting excitedly, and chose a table near the window. Emily ordered the day’s special for the two of them before pouring Hannah a glass of water from the jug on the table.
