by Clara Cody
I sent her my best glare.
“What? I thought all you WASPs were bred from the same line of snooty, weak-chinned Englishmen.”
“I don’t have a weak chin,” I whined, rubbing my chin.
“Shut up, it’s Eclair o’clock.”
Stephi’s Diner was legendary in those parts. The coffee was only decent, and the eggs were runny, but the chocolate eclairs were to die for. Stephanie’s mom made the best donuts and pastries ever, and people didn’t mind spending a couple of dollars more for her stuff instead of going to Tim Hortons. As soon as I walked in the door, the smell of coffee brewing and bacon frying surrounded me. I drank it in with a big whiff. “Uh, it’s heaven!” The place was crowded as usual, even for ten o’clock on a Monday morning. Groups and pairs of little old ladies and big burly men and families probably from the National Park down the highway sat at tables enjoying their breakfasts. It was like one of those Rockwell paintings.
As usual, Stephanie stood behind the counter, a hot pot of coffee steaming in hand. “What can I get you?” Her mom, Penny waved at us from the back as she kneaded some dough.
We ordered coffee and chocolate eclairs and sat down at a table by the window. This was my favorite part of the day. Emma didn’t usually come with me since she always seemed to be trying to lose weight. She was already supermodel thin, so I never knew where she expected to lose it from. She must have been between diets, or she never would have suggested coming there. It was nice to be there with company, though. I lifted my eclair and bit into it, my teeth sinking into the doughy perfection. My eyes rolled back as I moaned my delight. “Uh, it’s better than sex.”
Emma giggled. “I wouldn’t go that far.”
“Yeah, well I can actually have this, so it’ll have to do.” Now that I was single again, sex was even further away than when Christopher and I were together. A thought which was eased only with another bite of my eclair.
“You don’t have to repress your sexual urges with food, you know? I mean, there are some guys around here. And trust me, this is a small town, and there isn’t that much competition.”
“Gee, thanks.”
“I didn’t mean it like that. All I’m saying is that if you want to enjoy a little rebound action, it wouldn’t be hard to find.”
I thought about what Christopher had said. I need something more…you can’t give it to me. A little more activity. I wasn’t exactly a lay about in the sack, but what if he had a point? Maybe I wasn’t good in bed. I let the eclair drop to the plate. “A rebound? No, thanks. I’m done with guys for now.”
“Oh, yeah? Is that why you were making googly eyes at Sean all night?”
“What? I was not!”
“Bullshit. It was actually kind of freaking me out.”
“What are you talking about?”
“You with Sean, acting like the blushing little bride. What was with that? I’ve never seen you shy like that. I didn’t think it was even possible.”
I couldn’t argue with that part. It was true; I wasn’t myself Saturday night. I’d never been the girl that sat in the corner staring longingly at a guy, or the girl that couldn’t work up the nerve to hit on someone I found attractive. “I don’t know. He just sort of…had an effect on me. I guess.”
“Yeah, either that or Chris did.”
“What? What does this have to do with Chris?”
She lifted her shoulders, apologetically. “He did a number on you, Lacey. It’s only natural that you’re feeling a little insecure after catching him in flagrante.”
I scoffed. “I am not insecure.”
She made a face. “I’m not insulting you, Lacey. I’m just saying it wouldn’t be weird if you were feeling a little more vulnerable after what happened, that’s all.”
“Well, I’m not. So there.”
She held up her hands in mock defense. “Whatever.”
I narrowed my gaze at her. “Okay, I’ll prove it to you. Tonight. At the Den. You’ll see that my confidence is just fine.”
“Really?”
I nodded.
“Okay, it’s a date.”
My stomach fluttered. Shit! Why the hell had I just said that? What did I just do?
####
The smell of fried chicken wafted up making me think of chicken fingers. Lacey likes chicken fingers. Her lips, a dark red, just a hint of sauce in the corner. I thought of my hands rounding her soft ass, lifting her—
The phone rang yanking me from my thoughts. I’d been letting my mind wander all day, constantly going back to Lacey. Her eyes, her voice, her body. I grabbed the phone, shifting awkwardly in my desk chair, my pants far too tight for the state I was in. I groaned out a weak hello into the receiver.
“Hey, boss.”
“Ryan? You sound like shit.”
“I feel like shit.”
“Did you go to the doctor like I told you?”
“Yeah, she says it’s not an infection. Flu, probably. I’m not feeling too bad, though. I could still work the back. Bringing cases of beer and—”
“We’ll survive a few more nights without you. Just give me a call when you’re feeling better.”
“Okay—” His voice broke up a second before flickering back. “I—talk—you—”
“Ryan? I can’t hear you. You’re breaking up.”
“Sor—”
“Where are you?”
“Out at Kodiak Cliff,” he answered, his voice coming in clearer now. It was the cliff that overlooked the National Park. The town was named after it, but it was probably the worst place in the area for cell phone reception.
“I like it out here, man,” Ryan said with a sigh. “You should come out with me one day. It really clears the head.”
Yeah, I bet. Go out into the middle of nowhere so I couldn’t run off when he starts talking about his high school English teacher or whatever. I didn’t have the patience for it, not today, not with how hard my cock was and with Lacey still running through my mind. “I gotta go,” I said, hanging up the phone before he had a chance to go off on some tangent that would take an hour to extract myself from. I never should have offered him the job in the first place. I ground my teeth, wondering what the hell had gotten into me. Between Ryan and Lacey the other night…
The phone rang again saving me from conjuring images in my mind of what she might look like out of the tight jeans and white t-shirt she’d been wearing Saturday night. I growled, lifting the phone. “Ryan, I told you—”
“Sean?”
I stopped, my breath catching in my throat. Jason.
My mind raced back to the last time I’d heard his voice. My big brother.
“Where are you going, Sean?”
“I can’t talk about it.”
The scared, tear-filled eyes of my younger brothers and sisters looked up at me. Dana stepped forward, arms crossed in front. “You’re leaving? Now?”
I turned throwing my duffel bag over my shoulder. Pressure built in my chest, my breath caught. It was unbearable.
“You can’t do this!” Jason grabbed my arm, stopping me. “Please, brother. You can leave us like this. They need you. And I—” His voice broke. “I can’t do this alone. I don’t know what I’m doing.”
I shrugged him off, fighting to maintain my cold stare. “That’s not my problem.”
“Sean, is that you?” His voice pulled me back to the present.
Lie, say anything. Make up a name. But nothing came out.
Click. I looked down to see my hand on the phone resting in the cradle. My stomach twisted. They’d found me. I didn’t even know they were still looking. The guilt stung, fresh as the day Dad died. They didn’t understand. Couldn’t. He’d left it up to me. It was my responsibility. It was on my shoulders and mine alone. The only way to keep it that way was to be alone.
The phone rang again. My hands practically shook with the need to answer it. I knew I couldn’t, though. Instead, I launched myself from the chair and out the room. Time to cut some
firewood. It was the last thing I needed now that it was hot as hell outside, but I would need all I could get in a few months, and the activity would be good for me. If only forgetting about Lacey were as easy as that phone call.
CHAPTER SIX
After trying on a dozen different outfits and spending an hour more than usual on my hair, I was ready. More or less ready. Okay, I was a mess, internally at least. Maybe Emma was right, and the thing with Chris had put me off my game. That had to be it. I’d never reacted this way to a guy before, so what else could it be?
“Sure you don’t want to chicken out?” Emma asked, putting her car into park in front of the bar.
There were only two cars in the parking lot and a couple of four-wheelers, which did not bode well. We were going to stand out like sore thumbs. “No, of course not,” I lied, praying that there were more people than the sparse parking lot suggested. It would be a little obvious if there were only a couple patrons there, especially since I’d only gone there for the first time the other night. The last thing I wanted was for Sean to think I was stalking him now. My shoulders slumped a little as we walked in. There were a grand total of five people in the bar. Three older men, scruffy and sweaty looking, sitting at the bar, and two young guys throwing darts.
Great. The only chicks there, and I was dressed up like we were going clubbing. Way to be inconspicuous. All I needed was a neon sign pointing at me, blinking the words Desperate to Get Some!
Luckily, I didn’t see Sean at all. It wasn’t too late; we could still get out of there. I ground to a halt. “You know what? I’m not feeling—”
“Don’t even try that with me, Lacey.” Emma took me by the arm, dragging me to the bar. “I gave you a shot outside, now you’re doing this.” I took a stool and sat down glaring at her from the corner of my eye.
Sean appeared almost immediately from the back room, his big hands clutching the door frame. His eyes went wide for a split second and narrowed suddenly. Was it just me or did he look…rattled? His eyes met mine. He cleared his throat. “Be right with you.” He came out a moment later wiping his hands on his faded jeans. “Beer?” he said, not meeting my eyes this time.
“Sure.” Emma nudged me hard in my side.
“Yes…please.” I chewed my lip, working up the nerve to open my mouth. Emma apparently had the exact same sentiment and mouthed the words say something and kicked my heel.
Okay, here goes! “Uhhh, do you—”
“Larry!” Sean yelled, pouring the beer. “You forgot to put the ketchup out.” He looked back at us. “You guys want something to eat?” Beer spilled over the side as he slid one glass towards Emma.
“Uh, no thanks.”
He slid my glass in front of me with a push. “’Kay.” He disappeared back behind the door before I could say anything else.
“Wow,” Emma said. “That was the fastest service I’ve ever gotten here. Or anywhere else for that matter.”
I watched foam bubble and tip over the side of the glass. “Is he always like that?”
“No. I mean he doesn’t talk much, but I’ve never seen him quite that…short. Maybe it was a rough day.”
I snatched the glass off the bar and took a long drink. “Maybe he’s just a jerk.”
Something fell in the back, a glass smashing on the floor. “Dammit!” Sean cursed, sounding far away.
I looked at Emma, who raised an eyebrow. Lowering my voice, I said, “You don’t think he heard that, do you?”
She shook her head. “No way. No one could hear that far away.”
“Hey, ladies,” a voice said from behind us. The guys that had been playing darts stood on either side of us leaning on the bar. The one beside me wore a baseball hat, a bit of scruffy, blond hair peeking out from underneath. He was kind of cute, with his puffy lumberjack vest and ripped jeans. “Can we buy you girls a drink?”
“We’re already covered,” I said, holding up my beer.
“Want to get us one then?” asked the other one.
I chuckled. “Tempting offer.”
Sean appeared immediately at the bar glaring at the guys. “The bill?”
“Uh, no. A couple more beers.”
That didn’t seem to cheer Sean up anymore. “Fine.”
“I’m Mike, by the way,” the guy said, looking at both me and Emma. “That’s Chunk.”
I looked over at Chunk, who was tall, broad shoulders that led down to a narrow waist. “Really? You don’t look like a Chunk.”
He shrugged. “I was a chubby kid. Puberty was good to me.”
Emma grinned. “I can tell.”
At least Emma made a friend.
The guys challenged us to a game of darts, one that Emma gladly accepted, following them back to the corner. It wasn’t how I pictured the night going, but at least one of us had a chance to get lucky.
After losing miserably for three games of darts, I was half in the bag and ready to go home. My only consolation was that I’d caught Sean watching us out of the corner of his eye about a hundred times, the furrow in his brow deepening each time.
I looked at my watch. It was half past ten, and the night had been a bust. Well, except for Emma meeting Matt (who she refused to call Chunk). They were currently in the corner next to the riddled dartboard canoodling.
Time to go. I went to the bar where Sean stood pretending to look busy.
“The tab, please?” I said, forcing my voice to stay even.
He punched numbers into the cash register and printed off the bill. His fingers brushed mine as he handed it over. “You know those guys?”
I grabbed my wallet from my purse. “Yeah. They’re Mike and Chunk.”
“They’re not from around here.”
I slapped the money on the bar. “What do you care?”
The money crumpled in his hand. “I don’t.” He handed over the rest of my change. “Look, it’s late. Too late to walk home. Let me give you a ride.”
“I think we’re just going to get a cab.”
“We?”
“Me and Emma.” I glanced over to where she was sucking face with Matt. “And maybe plus one.”
“Getting a cab to come out here is going to take a half hour, minimum. Larry can watch the bar for a few minutes.”
“It’s really not—”
“I’m taking you,” he growled.
“Okay.” I walked over to Emma to give her the good news. She didn’t seem to care either way, and Matt just seemed annoyed at the interruption.
“What about you?” I asked Mike. “How are you getting home?”
“We came in the quads.”
“And? You’re walking home then?”
“Nah, the quad is fine. There’s no one on the trails at this time of night. Besides, I don’t go that fast even sober.”
“That sounds stupid. Just call a cab or something. Walk, even. Hell, you can sleep over at our apartment. I have a feeling your friend is gonna anyways.”
“Don’t worry about it. I do it all the time. I drive better when I’ve had a few, anyway.” He turned to go and walked straight into Sean’s chest, stopping mid-step.
“I’m giving you a ride,” he said, in a voice that brooked no argument.
Mike shrunk a little under his gaze. “Oh, okay, man.” He scratched his head. “Uh, thanks.”
“Let’s go.”
We followed Sean outside. The air was fresh and clean, but Sean stopped before opening his truck door, sniffing at the air. He pulled a face and turned, looking out into the woods on the other side of the road. Tall pines were all you could see through the pitch black forest. He stared.
“What?” I asked, curious. “See something?”
He gave his head a shake. “No. Nothing.”
“There’s gotta be a fox around here somewhere.”
“Why’s that?” He yanked open the truck door. I climbed in, settling in the middle. His truck smelled like leather and pine needles. Emma and Chunk got in the back, and Mike sat on the other side of
me. I was squished between two great big, burly, men. Things could be worse. Then again, one was drunk, and the other seemed pissed off, so things could have been better too.
“We saw a dead rabbit when we left the other night. Just outside the bar. I’m surprised you didn’t see it.”
The furrow in his brow deepened. “A fox. Right.”
Sean followed Mike’s slurred directions to the next town over. About a twenty-minute drive. I sat next to Sean, our legs inches from each other. But we didn’t touch. He was careful to keep to himself, and so was I. Sitting with my arms crossed, I pretended to be unaffected.
Once we’d dropped off Mike, we headed back to town. I shifted over in the seat distancing myself from Sean. Emma and Chunk were going at it in the back seat like a couple of teenagers. Their sloppy kissing noises made the atmosphere in the truck even more awkward than it already was. I noticed Sean grip the steering wheel until his knuckles turned white.
“Turn right up here,” I said when we finally got to our street. “It’s the third one down.”
He followed my directions without a word. We pulled up to the house, and the horny teenagers in the back jumped out, Emma giggling all the way to the front door.
“Sorry about them,” I muttered with a chuckle. “Beer seems to be an aphrodisiac to her.”
I paused, but he said nothing. The muscles in his jaw worked back and forth. I couldn’t tell if he was pissed or…something else.
I reached for the door. “I guess I should—”
He turned, suddenly. His hands cradled my face, pulling me in. I barely had time for a breath before his lips were on mine. His scruff scratched roughly against my skin, but I didn’t care. I slipped into the kiss, my lips following his, fitting against his. His cologne was rich and sweet, mixed with the smell of beer.
I moaned against his mouth as one hand fell from the side of my face to reach around me. I leaned into him. My whole body tingled, the sensation rooted in my core. I arched my back, hoping, begging for him to touch me. But he didn’t. His lips left mine just as a pop sounded from behind me, and a cool breeze slapped my neck. The passenger side door was open. Sean jerked away from me, leaving me opened mouthed and confused as hell. He hadn’t been putting an arm around me like I’d thought. He’d opened the door. A cruel dismissal.
