“Aren’t you hungry?” Cristiano asked quietly at my ear so as not to pull the others’ attention to us.
“Not really.”
“Eat a little something,” he urged. “Ryan’s watching you. He won’t eat if you don’t.”
Turning my eyes to the boy, I saw he really was watching me. As if he knew I needed comforting, he put one hand in mine and lifted his fork to his mouth.
“Anya.” Scarlett pulled my focus to her. “Tor and I are meeting up with Allegra and all the kids tomorrow for a late lunch. Do you and Ryan want to join us?”
Without my even realizing it was happening, it seemed like everyone was quickly including Ryan with me, as if he were mine. I liked that notion, but I tried to remind myself that it wasn’t my reality. Ryan wasn’t my son, no matter how much I wished he were.
Chapter 17
Cristiano
Anya’s patience was never-ending when it came to my son. Proof of which was sitting in a chair in the middle of his bathroom, a towel draped around him as Anya cut his hair. He kept asking questions about what she was doing or telling her horror stories of the few times he’d had his hair cut in the past. She listened to everything he said, making the appropriate noises when it was necessary, never once losing her cool or scolding him for not sitting still enough.
Ryan hated having his hair cut, yet he hadn’t even hesitated to ask Anya to cut it for him that morning. Under that towel were small burns from where Sheena had burned him with whatever she could get her hands on if he did anything she didn’t like. If she was having a bad day, she would take out her aggression on our child. It wasn’t until after she was dead and Ryan could finally talk about it, that I found out exactly how bad it really was. After seeing the proof on his grandson’s body, Cormac O’Brion had been speechless. Her death hadn’t been questioned after that, and Cormac had been guilt-ridden that he hadn’t seen the monster his daughter had become.
Now, I could see Ryan wasn’t completely comfortable, yet he was still letting Anya trim his shaggy locks. His trust in her was absolute, his love for her shining out of those eyes identical to my own.
“There,” she said with a smile as she took the towel off and folded it so most of the hair didn’t fall on the floor. “Much better. What do you think, l’venok?”
Holding her hand to steady himself, he stood in the chair and examined himself in the mirror. After a few seconds, he nodded. “I like it. Thanks, Anya!”
She helped him down and bent to start cleaning up the hair on the floor. “Now it’s bath time. Get all the hair off or it will itch.”
“Okay.”
As she finished cleaning up, I helped Ryan rinse off before running his bath water. The domestication of the whole situation wasn’t lost on me, and I found myself enjoying every second of it. Whether Anya wanted to admit it or not, the three of us were a family.
When Ryan was done with his bath, I helped him out and wrapped him in a towel. Leaving him to dry off and dress himself, I went back into his bedroom where Anya was turning down his covers and straightening up a few of his toys on his bedside table.
“Don’t forget to brush your teeth,” she called to him.
“I won’t!”
I walked up behind her, wrapping my arms around her waist and touching my lips softly to the side of her neck. “Marry me,” I murmured against her ear, and she went stiff as a board in my arms. Knowing she was about to argue with me, I locked my hands at her waist, refusing to let her turn around and tear me apart verbally if not physically.
“Shut up,” she hissed, but she couldn’t disguise the catch in her voice. “Don’t you dare do this to me right now.”
I pressed the side of my face against hers. “I want this every day for the rest of our lives. Me, you, and Ryan. The three of us a real family. I love you, Anya. Marry me.”
“I said shut up, Cristiano. We are not doing this here.” She broke the hold I had on her and put the bed between us. “You have no right to even ask me that, let alone command it like you own me. We are not together. We won’t ever be together again. Everything we once were, you destroyed when you went to Chicago. Every part of me that belonged to you died the moment you married someone else.”
“I told you I am sorry, Anya—”
“You honestly think telling me you are sorry will fix what you broke?” she demanded in a half whisper. “We were together for almost a year, and you just walked away like I meant nothing to you. I would have given my life for yours, and you. Just. Walked. Away. Now you expect me to fall back into another relationship with you? Do my feelings mean nothing to you?” She laughed scathingly. “Of course they don’t. What am I even talking about? All you have ever cared about is yourself.”
“You’re wrong. I would do anything to make up for what I’ve done. Tell me what I have to do to get you back.” I put my hands on the mattress and leaned forward, imploring her with my eyes to help me make this right for us. “I want a life with you. I want the future I stupidly threw away. Give me a chance to make this right. Give me a chance to show you how much I love you.”
“You’ve already shown me,” she whispered, turning away from me. “I’m done with this conversation, Cristiano.”
“Damn it, Anya!”
“Are you two fighting?” Ryan asked cautiously as he stepped into the bedroom. His eyes flicked from me to Anya and back again apprehensively.
Anya gave him a bright smile that only I could tell was forced. “Of course not, l’venok. We’re just having a difference of opinion.” She grabbed a book off the small shelf by the toy chest and returned to the bed. Sitting on the edge, she patted the mattress. “Come on, now. We have a few more chapters to go before we finish this book.”
Almost in his usual spot on the bed, he froze at her words. Falling onto his bottom, he looked up at her with eyes that glittered with tears. “Does that mean…you’re gonna stop coming to tuck me in when the book is finished?”
She hesitated, and I knew she was debating the pros and cons of what to say, how to answer. Her lashes lowered, blocking me out, and my breath caught. Ryan was my link to her. If she stopped coming every night, I knew she would lock me out of her life for good.
Moments later, she lifted her eyes, and I saw a sheen of tears in them. “No, l’venok. I’m not going to stop coming to read to you and tuck you in when the book is finished. As long as you want me to be here at bedtime, I will be.”
Ryan’s shoulders drooped with relief, and I was able to let out the breath that was trapped in my lungs. She lifted him and set him back against the pillows, kissing his brow before sitting back.
“Are you ready?”
He nodded, his smile huge on his little face, but when I didn’t make a move to leave them, they both looked up at me. “Is Papa staying?” Anya asked with lifted brows. Her eyes told me to go, but at least they were no longer filled with the threat of tears.
“Papa is going,” I assured her. “I’ll wait for you so we can handle the package I got for you.”
“Did Papa get you a present, Anya?” Ryan asked excitedly.
“No, l’venok. It is for work,” she told him, and I heard her turn a few pages in the book. “Are you comfortable? Yes? Then let us begin.”
In my room, I shut the door and leaned back against it. My heart was pounding, the sound of my blood rushing through my veins echoing in my ears. I wiped my sweating palms on my pants before raking my fingers through my hair.
Fuck. The woman could make me shake. With need. With anger. With desperation. I didn’t know what I could do to prove to her that she was my world, but I had to figure out something quick, or I was going to lose her for good. I couldn’t let her go. Not just because of Ryan and his attachment to her, but because I knew I wouldn’t be able to survive without her again.
First, I needed to find out what the hell happened after I left. Something had. I could sense it. I doubted Anya would ever supply those details of when I left her, but I needed to know what
happened so I could figure out how to best make up for my mistakes.
Pushing away from the door, I pulled my phone from my pants pocket and dialed.
“You need me to go with you tonight, after all?” Dante asked when he answered.
“No, I’ve got that covered. I’m calling…” I scrubbed my free hand over my scruffy jaw. “How close were Anya and Jenny after I left?”
“I can see where this is leading, and all I can tell you is, don’t go there, Cristiano. You won’t like the answers you get.”
My palms started sweating all over again. “Maybe not. But I need the answers regardless. Will she talk to me?”
He snorted. “Doubtful. Jenny is loyal to a fault. She’s not going to tell you shit on her friend.”
“I would still like to speak with her.”
“Allegra won’t like you questioning her,” he cautioned. “Not without one of us with her.”
“I would prefer you over my little cousin, but whatever gets me what I want, I don’t give a fuck who is present.”
“How soon?” Dante asked after a few seconds of hesitation.
“Sooner, the better. Tomorrow, if possible.”
“Fine. Be here at seven in the morning. She’s more malleable first thing in the morning,” he advised. “But if you upset her, I can’t promise it won’t blow up in your face. Jenny and Anya are tight, man. And Anya is deadly when those she cares about are threatened in any shape or form.”
“I’m willing to chance it,” I assured him.
I was willing to chance anything as long as it meant getting Anya back.
Chapter 18
Anya
I wiped my hands on the rag Cristiano offered as I looked down at the masterpiece I’d made of Martina Sorrentino’s face. She wasn’t nearly as full of energy as she had been when I’d first arrived. Then she’d been screaming expletives at me, threatening me with all types of things she must have thought would scare me. With a sadistic laugh, I’d only started to work, giving her plenty of payback for what she did to my beloved club.
As I finished cleaning my hands, then the blood-laced spittle she’d blown my way after my first backhand to her face had split her lip, I bent so that I was eye level with Martina. Her head lolled on her shoulders, and she was struggling to lift her eyelids. One eye was already swollen nearly shut, but she would live. Nothing I’d done was life-threatening. Her children would still have a mother.
Grabbing a handful of her hair, I jerked her head back. “Thank your babies, Martina,” I advised in a soft, soothing voice. “It’s because of them I didn’t kill you tonight. But fuck with me again, and I won’t hesitate to slit your pretty little throat. Understand?”
With a whimper in affirmation, she let a few tears leak from her eyes. I smiled down at her, but it was an evil kind of smile that had her shivering in fear. “Go home to your children. Get clean. Give those two little babies the life they deserve and stop being a selfish bitch. Because I will be watching you, and if I don’t like what I see, your children won’t ever have to worry about finding Mommy’s overdosed body lying on the floor.”
Releasing her with a jerk, I straightened and headed for the door. It was a short walk through the small, abandoned building that was in the middle of nowhere about an hour outside of the city. “Have your men release her in the morning. Make sure she gets home to her children safely.”
Cristiano followed me out to my car. “Where are you going?”
“Home.”
“Come back with me. Spend the night.” I opened my car door and got in. “Anya, do you want me to beg? I fucking will if that’s what you want. Right now, right here. In front of my men.”
I rolled my eyes and shut the door. Starting the car, I rolled down the window. “Tell Ryan I will see him tomorrow night.”
“Anya.” His hands grasped the window frame of the door as he leaned down, pushing his face into the car and mere inches from my own. I pulled back, hating how hard it was to breathe when he was so close. “I just want to hold you,” he whispered. “I won’t try to make love to you. I won’t kiss you. Just come home with me and let me hold you.”
That offer was so tempting. I couldn’t forget how much I’d liked waking up beside him the night before, or how good it felt to fall asleep in his arms. But I had to be stronger. I was weak when I let myself succumb to the intense pleasure of his body. If I kept allowing my body rule over my head, I was only going to sink deeper later down the road.
“I’ll see you tomorrow,” I told him coolly and put my car in reverse. “Goodnight, Cristiano.”
Cursing, he stepped back. “Goodnight, tesoro. I love you.”
My fingers tightened around the wheel. How could words that were so beautiful hurt so damn much?
It was late by the time I got to my brother’s place. I quietly made my way through the house, hoping to avoid having to speak to anyone. My body was tired, but I already knew sleep was going to be elusive.
“Anya.”
Victoria’s soft voice coming from the family room had me changing direction. Stepping into the room, I found her sitting with her legs curled under her, a blanket spread over her lap and cup of tea in her hands as she enjoyed the quiet of the night and the warmth of the fire blazing in the fireplace.
Her hair was disheveled, and her face was pale. Normally, she was so put together I didn’t know what was going on under her makeup, but now that I was seeing her fresh-faced, I could see something wasn’t right with my sister-in-law.
Concerned for her, I joined her on the couch she was sitting on. “You okay?” I asked quietly, soothingly, hoping she would tell me what was wrong so I could fix it for her.
She reached out, clasped my hand in hers, and gave it a reassuring squeeze. “I’ll be okay.”
“Why don’t I believe you, myshka?”
“You should. It’s the truth.” She tried to give me a brave smile, but it fell a little flat. “I will be. Eventually.”
“Victoria.” I hated it when she was evasive like this. “Either talk to me, or I go wake up Adrian and make him tell me what’s going on with you.”
“I’m just feeling drained, Anya. I have a dialysis treatment in two days, and I always feel worn-out a few days before. I suspect at my next doctor’s appointment, she will up my treatments to twice a week now.”
“You’re getting worse, aren’t you?”
“The dialysis will be enough until Scarlett has the twins and recovers enough. But I’m also on the donor list. As soon as 286 other people get their kidneys, I’ll get mine. Or when Scarlett is able to provide one. Whichever happens to come first,” she teased with a soft laugh.
Realization of just how sick Victoria really was hit me like a ten-ton weight to the chest. For over five years now, she had been one of my closest friends, an ally who had my back even during my breakdown after her brother left me. She remained loyal and by my side as much as I would allow her, loving me and giving me a reason to get out of bed. I loved her fiercely. The idea that her illness could take her away from me, away from my brother and their children, caused a pain so intense, it hurt to breathe for a moment.
Yet there she was, sitting so calmly, joking about getting a kidney. I didn’t have that kind of strength, but I wished I did.
“Don’t bring this up in front of the children, okay?” She grimaced as she shifted to face me. “We haven’t told them yet. Honestly, I don’t even know if I ever want to tell them. It will scare them and make Theo worry. Adrian does plenty of that for all of us.”
“Tell me what I can do to make things easier on you,” I demanded, clinging to her hand.
“Just stick around. Be happy. I know things haven’t been easy for you lately, and that my brother has made things more difficult on top of that. But promise me you won’t run back to St. Petersburg. I…I don’t know what the future will hold, but I know I need all of my family around for the next few months. Papa is dying, Anya. And I don’t know how to handle that on top of my
own illness. I don’t want to lose my father. I don’t want to be sick. I…”
I pulled her head down onto my shoulder, letting her cry out her fear, her grief, her pain. She couldn’t do this with Adrian or the kids, probably not even with her sister. They would only worry and treat her with kid gloves. Especially Adrian, who loved her more than his own life. She knew, with me, she could lean on me and I wouldn’t treat her like she was going to break at any moment. For them, she had to be the strong one, the one who took on the entire world for them—with them. But with me, she could let go for a moment and be weak, even if it was only for a few minutes.
A while later, when her tears were dry and she was smiling again, she left me with a kiss on my cheek and a thank you for letting her break down without judging her. I, of all people, couldn’t judge a mini cry-fest. Not when I’d nearly drowned from all the tears I’d cried five years ago.
--
I’d been at my desk at Iron Hand for about an hour when I heard someone downstairs. Checking the clock on my computer, I saw it was still too early for the staff to have arrived. Frowning, I got up and went to see what was going on.
The sight of Scarlett walking through the first floor, one hand holding Ciana’s, the other holding a crying Ryan’s, caught me by surprise. Two guards walked behind her. But what really sent me rushing down to meet them was the tantrum Ryan was throwing.
“I want Anya!” he was screaming through his tears.
“What’s the matter, l’venok?” I called as I hurried toward them.
Hearing my voice, he snapped his head around, looking for me. Spotting me, he jerked out of his aunt’s hold on his hand and ran to meet me. I bent, catching him up in my arms. His legs wrapped around my waist, and he clung to my neck. Straightening, I lifted my brows at Scarlett in inquiry.
She blew out a long, frustrated breath. “He was fine at breakfast, but as the morning went on, he kept asking for you. I told him we would all have lunch together later, but he wouldn’t listen. Then he started crying, and it only escalated from there. Cristiano is in meetings all day, so I didn’t want to bother him. And since it was you he wanted anyway, I figured I would bring him down to visit. I took a chance on you not being busy or minding the intrusion.”
Her Mafioso King (The Vitucci Mafiosos Book 4) Page 13
