“I am very happy for you, Kat. What a beauty! You will attract all the attention from the boys!”
Katrina blushed and looked down at the floor. Bella tipped her friend’s chin with her fingers. They both giggled. “Mama says I’m still a bit young to be attracting that kind of attention but I think she’s actually pleased.”
“I think she is, too. She’s proud of you, dear one.”
Katrina took the dress and laid it over the chair in front of her dressing table. “All right, enough about me. Now you tell me what is on your mind, Bella?”
Bella pulled in a deep breath and let it out slowly, turning to walk to Katrina’s bed and throw herself over it. She spread her arms out wide and stared up at the soft pink fabric of the canopy. “Oh, Katrina. I didn’t even know I had this problem until Jonathan proposed to me a sennight ago! And now I am at a loss what to do.”
Katrina came over to the bed and sat on the edge, staring at Bella curiously. “Whatever could be the problem? He is the son of a Baron, is he not? Your parents and brothers approve of him. He is about as handsome as a gentleman can be. What could be wrong?”
Bella hesitated, almost fearful to tell her own friend of her troubles. “Well, Kat, I find that my mind is filled with a man who I am not betrothed to.”
Katrina’s eyes opened wide in surprise. “You are? Who?”
Bella pressed her lips together. “Our gardener, Joshua Foster.”
Katrina looked stunned. She sat back and stared at Bella. “Your gardener?”
“Yes.”
“Oh Bella, I don’t know what to say. How did you come to this conclusion? Have you had feelings for this man before?”
Bella sat up, holding herself up with her arms extended behind her and her palms flat on the bed. “I have always been friends with Joshua. He is a good- looking man and has always been kind to me. He helped me when my brothers were not there for me. I find that ever since Jonathan asked me to marry him, I realize that I cannot be friends with Joshua like I was before. I realize that I desire his attention and I want to talk to him more often than I did before.”
“Does he have the same feelings for you?”
“I cannot tell. I don’t think so. He is a good man. One of the kitchen maids, Elena, is around him more often than I would care for. I think she can tell how I feel. If she can tell, surely he can, as well.”
Katrina shook her head. “I don’t know about that. Boys seem fairly oblivious to the emotions of women, if you ask me.”
“My brothers always know what’s going on with me.” Bella countered. Katrina raised her eyebrows.
“Do they know how you feel about Joshua?”
Bella blushed and looked down at the sash on her dress as if it was the most fascinating thing she had ever seen. “No. No one knows. I have told only you.”
“You know I will never tell anyone. But I encourage you to explore these feelings and talk to Joshua about them.”
Bella felt a chill of nervousness run through her entire body. How could she possibly tell Joshua how she was feeling? It would be a burden to him. “It doesn’t seem appropriate for me to be going to the gardener and telling him I have these feelings for him. What if he returns them? I cannot run away and marry the gardener. And what would this information do to Jonathan? He is a wonderful man and loves me. I know he does.”
“Are you sure of his love for you?”
“Yes, I am positive.”
“And do you love him or do you only love Joshua?”
“No, I do love Jonathan. There are many reasons why I should marry him and not Joshua. Not that Joshua would ask me to marry him. I don’t even know how he is feeling.”
“You need to find out. You need to figure this out before everyone gets hurt.”
Bella nodded. “This is something I know. I had to tell someone. I think about Joshua so often and, for the past several years, I have gone out to speak with him every morning before or after breakfast. He likes to work early in the morning because the sun has not yet come out and because it often rains all day long. He works in the garden whenever it is clear weather.”
Katrina didn’t say anything for a moment. She just stared at Bella.
Bella tilted her head and sat up straight. “What are you thinking, Kat?” she asked.
“Tell me what you think of Joshua?” Katrina asked.
Bella paused before speaking. “Well… he is very kind. He is handsome and strong. Sometimes when I am talking to him, he will continue to work and I can see how… how strong he is. He has hazel eyes that turn from blue to green, depending on how he feels. He has wavy blonde hair and very nice hands. Working hands. I like that. I have never been very attracted to smooth hands on a man. When I can see that they have been working hard, I… I am attracted to that.” She smiled. “Is it the dirt that I like? Dirty hands?”
The two girls laughed at that thought.
“All right, now tell me why you are marrying Jonathan. Tell me what you like about him.” Katrina instructed in a firm voice after their laughter died down.
Bella thought about Jonathan for a moment, picturing him in her mind. “He’s very tall and his shoulders are very broad. He has a big, strong chest. His hair is brown and wavy and his eyes are the color of chocolate. A lighter chocolate though, not a deep color of chocolate. Like the little balls your mother ships in from Sweden. You know the little ones wrapped in the gold wrappers.”
Katrina nodded. “I know the ones you speak of. They are delicious.”
Bella laughed. “Yes, I could have one right now and be very satisfied.”
“It always puts me in a good mood to eat the little chocolate balls. James puts them in his coffee sometimes. It makes the coffee even more delicious, if you ask me.” She pulled her legs up and wrapped her arms around them. “Is there anything else you can tell me about Jonathan?”
Bella looked up as if her answers could be found on the ceiling. “Well… he is very intelligent. He is going to be a wonderful father someday and he will run the toy company in London with ease. I am very impressed with his ability to take everything in stride. Joshua is like that, too. They never seem bothered by anything. My brother, Nicholas, is sometimes on edge. He has a temper. I do not mean to speak ill of him, it is just how he is. I do not see those things in either Jonathan or Joshua, though I feel both would protect me, just as my brothers do. I feel safe with them both.”
Katrina nodded.
“Why did you ask me these questions?” Bella asked, blinking rapidly at her friend.
Katrina looked away, appearing to gather her thoughts. “I can sometimes tell by the way someone talks about someone else what their true feelings are. When Mama talks about Papa, there is a warmth in her voice that cannot be mistaken. She does not talk about her brother that way, or any of the men she has encountered in her life, not even her own father. I wanted to see if the tone of your voice was different when you talk about one as opposed to the other.”
Bella was very interested in this attempted review on Katrina’s part. “And what was your conclusion? Did I speak more warmly about one than the other?”
Katrina lifted half her lips and gave her friend a sympathetic look. “I cannot say.”
CHAPTER NINE
BELLA’S CONFUSION
BELLA’S CONFUSION
Bella stared at Katrina in confusion. “What do you mean, you cannot say? Is it that you will not tell me? Am I doomed to pine for Joshua whilst married to another? Will I betray Jonathan if I marry him, by making the wrong choice and dooming him to a life of misery with a woman who does not truly love him?”
It was Katrina’s turn to blink rapidly at Bella. “You are asking me too many questions, Belle!” She exclaimed. “I cannot tell you what to do with your life. It is not that I do not want to tell you what my conclusion was. It is that I cannot tell much difference in the way you speak about Joshua or Jonathan. You appear to be equally in love with both.”
“Oh!” Bella cried out, e
xasperated. “That is no help at all!”
“I am sorry, my dear,” Katrina went back to looking at her friend with sympathy. “I would be happy to point you in the direction you ought to go. But I cannot. Both are good men. You are in love with both. Perhaps if you find out how Joshua feels about you, it will make it easier for you to decide.”
“I should not,” Bella shook her head. “I cannot. I must make this decision without bothering Joshua about it. He cannot be burdened with this, especially if he does not share these feelings.” Bella thought about it some more and changed her mind. “That is, if he does share my feelings, we will be in quite the quandary. My parents would not approve of such a union.”
“Your parents care not for titles and wealth. They would allow such a union, I am sure of it.”
“I cannot agree. It is true that they do not care about an individual’s status in society. However, since I am already betrothed to Jonathan, they would take it as a betrayal. This would not be a good thing for us. Especially since my papa has business dealings with the toy company, owns stock in it, and this would be a boost to our personal family wealth. It would establish many new business contacts for my papa.”
Katrina sighed. “I am glad I do not have to be burdened with such things. I can marry a commoner and if a young man with title showed interest in me, my family would be blessed beyond measure.”
Bella narrowed her eyes, taking on a conspiratorial look. “You are only slightly younger than Cameron. Have you considered speaking to him on a more… intimate basis?”
Katrina’s cheeks flushed a deep pink. “Oh, Bella! Do not say such things!” She exclaimed. “You cannot just bring about feelings for another where there are none.”
“Have you even considered it? Cameron is a very handsome boy.”
“That he is! But we are simply friends. Nothing more.”
“That can change.”
Katrina shook her head. “If it does, it does. But I will wait till such time as those thoughts are more appropriate.”
Bella pushed herself up from the bed. “If you must take that attitude, I will accept it.”
“I do not mean to insult you, or Cameron, or your family, Bella.” Katrina got up from the bed and looked at her friend, pleadingly. “Do not be angry with me.”
Bella gave her a solemn look before breaking into a smile, giggling, and pulling Katrina into a tight hug. “I am not mad, dear Kat! I was only teasing you.”
Relief flooded Katrina’s face and she returned Bella’s hug with a mighty squeeze. “Oh, Bella! You had me worried! I am so glad you are not upset with me.”
Bella released Katrina from the hug and moved toward the door. “Let us go down and see what everyone is talking about.”
As they left the room, Katrina said, “They are talking about the vandal. That is all they have been talking about since yesterday morning. That is when it happened, you know.”
Bella raised her eyebrows. “How is it that I did not hear of it before?”
Katrina grinned. “Perhaps you had something else on your mind?”
Bella giggled. “Yes, I suppose so.”
The two girls went down the stairs and rejoined the crowd, still moving about in the lobby, talking among themselves.
Bella spotted Jonathan at the same time as he saw her. He excused himself from the Cornwall boys and came over to her. “Would you care to go see the progress being made to clean up the vandalism? I would like to inspect it myself. There may be some way that I can help. They may need my financial assistance.”
“Yes, Jonathan, that would be nice.” She turned to Katrina. “Would you like to go and inspect it as well?”
“No,” Katrina shook her head. “I was there yesterday and late last night, speaking with the Huntington's. Eliza does not know what she will do now. However, I do know that she recently had a large sale that brought them some very good income. This tragedy might be a result of that or it could just have been a coincidence.”
“A coincidence and a blessing.” Bella said. “She will be able to order more flowers if she completed a large sale.”
Katrina nodded. “Yes.”
“Then I will offer to help with clean-up.”
“You cannot do that,” Bella objected. “You are a lord. You should not be lowering yourself in such a way. My brothers have surely already offered to help. And my father, as well. You needn’t concern yourself with the events in Bainbridge.”
Jonathan cocked his head and gave her a confused look. “My dear, this is your home. This is your village. These are your friends. How can I not assist in some way when a tragic event occurs?”
Bella could see Katrina staring at her out of the corner of her eye. She didn’t turn and look at the young girl because she knew what she was thinking. However, Bella had told Katrina that Jonathan was a good man. She knew that he was. It was why she had fallen in love with him in the first place.
Her feelings for Jonathan, and being the gentleman that he was, made her feelings even more unreasonable. How could any man take her heart from such a good man? If not for the previous love for and experiences with Joshua, there would be no chance.
She suddenly wished that Joshua was not such a good man. Perhaps he had a bad temper. Perhaps he was a scoundrel, a gambler, or a liar.
The thought made Bella want to giggle. She said goodbye to Katrina and followed Jonathan out to the carriage, thinking that the same things might be wrong with Jonathan. How could one really tell?
Jonathan didn’t speak as he helped Bella up into the carriage. After they were on their way, Bella finally spoke to him instead. “I did not mean to sound so harsh with you earlier, Jonathan. I apologize.”
“There is no need for you to apologize.” Jonathan said softly, resting one of his large hands over her small ones, which were clenched together in her lap. “You are a good woman and only looking out for my best interests. I, on the other hand, am only looking out for your best interests. Therefore, we will meet in the middle and take care of other people’s interests. How does that sound?”
Bella laughed, throwing her head back. “Yes, we will take care of other people’s business, shall we?”
“Well, I don’t know about that…” Jonathan joined her in laughter. “I don’t want to take care of their business. I just want to help. People must rely on themselves at all times. But when something like this happens, their only recourse is to lean on others and hope that they have been a good enough person that God will bless them with an angel. That is how I feel about you, my dear. God has blessed me with you. You are a treasure to me. I do not want to live without you.”
“You will not have to live without me,” Bella said, hoping her uncertainty was not present in her voice. She felt like a scoundrel herself. What if her heart did not let her follow through with the marriage? What if she found out that Joshua harbored the same feelings for her and she was unable to keep him from occupying her mind? So many things could go wrong with this, it felt like its own tragedy. “We will be married soon. Then we will always be together.”
“I can understand if you are hesitant,” Jonathan looked directly at her. Her eyes opened wide in surprise. “Many women are hesitant before they marry. Where will they live? How will things change? How will they change? Will they see their parents and family less often? There are many questions that we shall discuss before we exchange our vows. I want to assure you that I only want the best for you and I will not keep you from doing the things you enjoy. You are welcome to move freely in our marriage. I will not tie you down.”
Bella’s heart filled with love for Jonathan. She looked up at him with grateful blue-green eyes, wishing he would kiss her. “Oh, Jonathan. You are such a gentleman. Such a good man.”
He smiled and lifted her hand to his lips, giving it a gentle kiss. “My dear, you are precious to me. I am blessed to have you and want to court you in the best way I can.” His smile widened just a little when he cast his eyes down the street some ways.
“I suppose this cannot be recorded as the best way to court a woman, though. I am taking you to a crime scene!”
“No one was hurt,” she replied. “I really do not mind. Perhaps afterward, we can go to the Tree of Life. I want to show it to you.”
“The large ancient tree you have written to me about? I am excited to see it! You say it is hundreds of years old?”
“James Ellingham, the young cohort of the Cornwall sons, says it is thousands of years old. But even he will tell you there is no known recording of the tree ever being planted. It’s just always been there.”
“I must say that is quite interesting. Thousands of years old, you say. Hmmm.” Bella had to admit the look of interest on Jonathan’s face made him even more attractive. His brown eyes sparkled in the sun when he looked at her. She smiled at him, wanting to throw her arms around him and hold him close.
They pulled up to the flower shop, where many people were gathered, picking up items that had been left behind and sweeping up the mess the vandal had left. Flowers were still crushed into the floor. The broken glass had been picked up, but the shattered window remained, waiting to be replaced. Bella could see Eliza Huntington inside the small shop, barking instructions to the men working around her and to her three small children, who were not helping out.
“Joseph! Andrew! Grace! Come here this instant! You are only getting in their way! You must find something else to do!”
As Jonathan helped her down from the carriage, the touch of his hand sent pleasant chills through Bella. She resisted the urge to throw her arms around him once again and settled with giving him the warmest, loving smile she possibly could.
CHAPTER TEN
THE TREE OF LIFE
THE TREE OF LIFE
Jonathan and Bella didn’t stay at the flower shop for very long. There was little they could do to help the situation. They left only fifteen minutes after having arrived, taking the carriage down the street for several miles before coming up on the lower half of the hill that would lead them to the Tree of Life.
The Lady’s Dangerous Love (The BainBridge - Love & Challenges) (The Regency Romance Story) Page 6
