“Yes, that is what everyone keeps saying,” her smile was weak. “And that is just what I have been doing. I have not left this bed in a sennight, other than to visit the chamber pot. Bess has helped me move around the room, simply to get some exercise. The doctor says my muscles will ator… atro… they will get weak. I don’t want that. I want to take a walk. As soon as I am better, will you take me for a walk around the garden?”
Joshua swallowed his sorrow and nodded. “You know that I will, my dear.” He could say no different. Whatever the case may be, he would not burden her with what he was going through with Elena.
She sighed and snuggled into her pillow. He couldn’t resist brushing her hair back from her face, running his fingers through the strands that had once been soft but were now somewhat brittle and thin. Her face was still very pale and her cheeks were slightly sunken in. A week of being bedridden and unable to eat properly had taken a toll on the already small young woman.
His heart ached for her. He could not believe that, in part, it was his fault that this had happened to her. If not for his love for the sweet woman, Elena would not have attempted to poison her and kill her. The thought of Bella dying gave him a sharp pain. He wanted to gather her in his arms and hold her close until she was better.
“Would you like to make a trip around the room now?” he asked softly, not caring whether Elena knew or not. “Do you feel strong enough?”
Bella opened her eyes and smiled at him. “I will try, Joshua. For you.”
He helped her sit up slowly. She pushed the blankets aside with surprising strength and gave him a big smile to show she was feeling better. He could see her struggle, however, and leaned down to give her as much support as he could. She tried to stand but her knees were weak and she slumped down. He caught her and helped her right herself. She wobbled on her small feet.
He wrapped his arm around her waist and held on to one of her hands. They took two steps forward and Bella stopped.
“My feet are hurting me.” She whispered. “It feels like I am being bitten by a thousand insects.”
“It is the circulation of your blood,” Joshua whispered back. “You have not been getting the right amount of blood in your legs because you have been in bed so long. Would you rather I carried you? I will take you to the window. You can see what I’ve done with the garden over the past week. I have added something I think you will like.”
Bella looked up at him. He wanted to kiss her so much, the feeling swept over him like an ocean wave. He almost did but restrained himself. “If you want to. I don’t want to spoil your surprise. If you would rather wait until I am better, it is all right with me.”
He shook his head, leaned down, and scooped her up into his arms. He was dismayed by how light she was. She had surely lost weight since the poison had taken affect. He wondered quickly how long Elena had been feeding her the poison. It had to have been just the day of Jonathan’s arrival. He didn’t believe Elena knew of their feelings until that day. Or perhaps the day before.
He carried her to the window and pushed the drapes aside, lowering Bella to the cushioned window seat. She lifted her hand to block the bright sun and waited for her eyes to adjust, blinking several times. He sat next to her and looked down at his creation. It was the first time he’d seen it from her window, from above.
He smiled. It was a beautiful sight.
“Oh my.” Bella said softly. “Oh my. That is lovely, Joshua. So very lovely.” Bella leaned forward, placing one hand flat on the window, pressing her nose against the glass as if she wanted to smell his flower creation through the window.
Joshua had planted a bed of bright blue Hydrangeas in the middle of the garden, just beyond the small pond and the fountain sculpture. He’d planted them so they spelled out her name in large letters. He’d surrounded it with red rose bushes.
He looked at her when she leaned toward him with her arms open wide. He moved closer so that she could grab hold of him and pull her to him.
“Thank you, Joshua,” she whispered. “I do love you. I wish I could be your wife and love you forever and ever.”
“Oh Bella.” Tears clogged his throat. “I feel the same for you. You don’t know how much.”
CHAPTER NINETEEN
JOSHUA AND TYLER HAVE A CONVERSATION
JOSHUA AND TYLER HAVE A CONVERSATION
For the next two days, Joshua tried to avoid everyone in the family, which proved to be much more difficult than he thought it would be. He told the brothers that he was feeling a bit ill and did not want to give anything to Bella that might aggravate her already fragile condition.
After two days, however, Bella was feeling much stronger. Her young body was fighting the poison off and the herbal medicines she was given were helping to detoxify her system. She began to insist that he come and visit her.
As much as he wanted to, Joshua feared what Elena might do. His mind was preoccupied with the situation and it was increasingly more difficult to do his job. Any moment, he expected Bella to come out to the garden. If Elena saw them together, there was a good chance she would do something rash. After what she had tried to do already, Joshua had no idea what her next attack might be.
She had spent the last two days gloating, touching him whenever she passed him, giving him side-eye glances, and whispering behind her hand to Patricia and Tabitha. He didn’t know what they were saying and he didn’t want to know. While he had tried to avoid seeing Bella, even though she wanted to see him, he had struggled to give his attention to Elena. Every look at her was forced. He would never have believed he could detest someone so much and be forced to give them the kind of attention a man would give to a woman he loved.
Sooner or later, it was bound to catch up with him. He wasn’t going to be able to keep up the charade forever. She wasn’t going to be satisfied with his halfhearted attempts to “love” her. There was no way he ever would love her. She had to know that.
He shook his head, lost in his thoughts, staring down at the name of the woman he truly loved spelled out in blue Hydrangeas. He almost regretted it now because he was forced to look at it. He wouldn’t look up at her window, afraid she would be standing or sitting there, looking at him. She would wave and beckon him to come up to her, he was sure of it. And he wouldn’t be able to do it.
He fully expected one or all the brothers to come and find him eventually. They knew what was going on. Their love for their sister was strong. They wanted her to be happy. He wondered if they would be angry with him because he was avoiding her, or if they would respect him for it because she was already taken by another man.
It was early afternoon when the inevitable happened. He had just stepped up from having lunch in the kitchen with the rest of the staff. He was irritated because Elena insisted on sitting next to him now and she constantly touched him under the table and gave him loving looks. It disgusted him.
He was walking toward the south side of the garden, where he was trimming the bushes, when he heard his name being called from the front of the house. He turned to see Tyler waving his hand in the air.
“Wait for me, Joshua!” Tyler called out. “We must talk!”
He stood in one place, a forlorn look on his face he knew was there but couldn’t prevent.
Tyler jogged toward him, an anxious look on his face. When he was in hearing distance, he slowed down, saying, “Joshua, Bella has been asking for you.”
Joshua nodded. “I know. Bess has told me several times.”
“Why have you not gone to her? She is unhappy without you.”
Joshua pulled in a deep breath. How he wanted to tell Tyler what was going on. Even if he did and he was believed, the mess that would be started when Elena told the people in town was bad enough. Bella would be ruined. The Cornwall's would be disgraced. He just couldn’t bring himself to do that to a family he cared so much for.
“I have been very busy.”
Tyler snorted, pulling away slightly and staring at Joshua in confus
ion. “Please do not give me that excuse. We see what you do throughout the day. You have set your work to the side many times to ensure Bella is safe and happy. Now she is beginning to recover and you refuse to go to her?”
Joshua shook his head. “I don’t mean to hurt her feelings. I… You know that she has strong feelings for me.”
Tyler nodded. “Yes, she loves you.”
Joshua closed his eyes for a moment. Hearing the words from Tyler’s mouth made them even more real to him. “I know. And she is betrothed to another. A good man, you have said as much yourself. Lord Humbridge will take care of her. He will make her happy. I cannot allow the feelings between us to continue to grow when there is nowhere to take them. I cannot marry her. I cannot love her. She is not mine.”
Tyler’s confused look turned to one of understanding. “You are wise, Joshua. I know this hurts you and it hurts Bella, but you are proving yourself to be even more of a gentleman than we already thought you were.”
Tyler began to walk in the direction Joshua had originally been going. Joshua walked alongside him. “However, it leaves us with a dilemma.”
“Oh? What is that?”
“She is started to get angry. It hurts her that you will not come and see her. When she is allowed to leave her room and come outside, she is going to and she is going to confront you about this.”
Joshua nodded. “I fully expect that to happen.”
“When it does, how will you react? I know that she is safe with you and you will not hurt her. But how do you expect to handle it?”
Joshua hadn’t thought about that. Bella was not the type to stay away from him. She had no idea what was going on with Elena. He briefly pictured Bella and Elena getting into a fight over him. That would not be good for anyone.
He sighed. “She is not the insecure little girl she used to be.” He murmured.
Tyler chuckled. “That she is not. We have you to thank for that, in part. You have given her much confidence over the years. I do believe that is why she has fallen in love with you.”
“Tyler, you are her brother. You know the situation. What do you suggest I do?”
Tyler was quiet for a moment. Joshua could see him thinking, struggling to come up with some kind of solution for the situation. Finally, he sighed deeply and shook his head.
“I do not know what to do, Joshua. This is a situation I myself have never been in and would never have imagined could happen. Bella has been such a woman since she grew up.”
Joshua chuckled. “I see we are both of the same mind.”
“I don’t know why she would agree to marry Lord Humbridge when she had feelings for you. Why would she put herself in such a situation?” Tyler shook his head, confused. “She may have been insecure as a child and quite delicate. However, she was never ignorant or stupid. She is smart. She has a good brain in her head. She should have thought it through.”
“I don’t think she realized it until it was too late.” Joshua replied. “I know for my part, I did not discover how I truly felt until I heard that she had become engaged. I must deal with the fact that she is going to marry another man. I am glad it is Lord Humbridge. I feel he will be a good husband to her. He will protect her and care for her. He obviously loves her. How can I stand in the way of that?”
Again, Tyler sighed. “I am going to think of something to fix this,” he said. Joshua looked at him with raised eyebrows.
“This situation cannot be fixed, Tyler. She is already betrothed. If she were to break that promise, it would ruin her reputation and the family name would be tarnished. That can’t happen.”
“But if she marries Lord Humbridge, she is not going to be completely happy. I saw the way she looked at you and the way she talks to you and about you… Joshua, you are the man she wishes to spend her life with, not Lord Humbridge. She does love him. She would never have agreed to marry him if she didn’t. She knew she was not being forced into it because of the connections it would give our family in London. Mama and Papa would never make her do that for business purposes. They might, if it were me or one of my brothers. But not Bella. We all want her to be happy, pure and simple.”
Joshua nodded. “Yes, I know.”
“She may not be the baby of the family, but she is the only girl. We are all very protective of her, even you.”
You have no idea how much, Joshua thought. He just nodded in response without speaking.
Tyler’s frustration came out in a loud sigh. “I will speak to my brothers. In the meantime, please take a few minutes to see Bella. I don’t want her to be angry with you.”
“Would it not be better for me to wait until she is well enough to come outside?” If he went to see Bella, he feared Elena would find out and start talking. If she came to see him, he could possibly steer Elena away and make excuses that he couldn’t help what Bella chose to do. Either way, it wasn’t going to end well. He would still have to deal with Elena’s cruel mouth.
“No. We would like for you to go and see her. Talk to her. She just wants to be near you for a few minutes. It should not be a problem. We know you will not do anything inappropriate. You spent a lot of time in her room alone. We trust that you always have her best interests at heart.”
Joshua nodded. “I truly do. I am glad that you trust me.” The urge to tell Tyler what was going on pushed urgently at him. They trusted him. They knew him. He turned and opened his mouth but closed it again. Elena would be dismissed, if not taken to prison, but not before she had a chance to say that he had violated Bella while she was sleeping. The Lord only knew what she would make up. It would all be devastating. And what if Bella believed Elena’s story? Either way, she would never look at Joshua the same. It would linger in her mind for the rest of their lives.
No, Joshua decided, it was better to let things stay as they were and just do his best to avoid seeing Bella. Somehow, he would find his way out of this mess. Even if it meant never seeing Bella again. And that was not what he wanted by any means.
“I will see what I can do,” Joshua said. “I will need to clean up. I’ve been working hard all day and it has been uncommonly warm.”
“Yes, it has, hasn’t it?” Tyler seemed almost relieved to change the subject. On the other hand, it could have been that he was relieved Joshua was going to see Bella. As strange as it was, the brothers wanted Bella’s happiness more than what would appear to be the right thing to do. Jonathan would surely not be pleased, if he knew what was going on at Bellhouse. “When you go see Bella,” Tyler said. “Tell her we want her happiness. Tell her we understand.”
“Have you not told her these things yourself?”
Tyler shrugged. “We don’t talk to her about you. It makes her uncomfortable.”
CHAPTER TWENTY
JOSHUA TAKES A CHANCE
JOSHUA TAKES A CHANCE
Joshua worked in the garden for another two hours before he was given a chance to go to Bella. His heart jumped up into his throat when he heard Elena’s voice calling to him. He turned to see her approaching, along with Patricia and Bett. She was waving one hand in the air, a smile on her pale lips. He nodded his head and turned back to drop his trowel into the dirt and push himself to his feet.
He pulled out a cloth and wiped his hands, watching as Elena got closer. When she was in front of him, she leaned forward and gave him a kiss on his cheek. He tried to smile at her.
“I am heading into Bainbridge with the girls, Joshua. Do you need me to pick up anything for you at the market?”
Joshua blinked at her. He had never asked for anything and had never been asked if he wanted anything. He shook his head. “No.”
“Are you certain?”
Frustration spilled through him. If he had wanted something, he would have said so.
“I cannot think of anything I could possibly want,” he replied. “I have everything I need here.”
“All right. Good bye then. I will see you in a while.” Elena leaned forward and kissed his cheek again. Over h
er shoulder, Joshua could see the women grinning and suspected they were trying not to giggle. When Elena rejoined them, they put their heads together and whispered in high-spirited voices to each other as they walked toward the stables to get a carriage.
He walked very slowly behind them, watching them. He stood by the side of the house, keeping himself hidden until he saw the carriage they had taken riding down the path toward town. Once he felt they were a safe distance away, he rounded the front of the house and took the porch steps two at a time to get inside as quickly as possible.
“Andrew,” he said upon entering and seeing the butler standing outside the Duke’s study. “I must wash my hands and go see Miss Bella. Is there fresh water in the wash basin?”
Andrew raised his eyebrows and nodded. “Of course there is, Joshua.”
“Thank you.” Joshua went around him to the water closet and passed through the doorway. After quickly washing his hands and splashing water on his face, he ran his hands through his hair and emerged from the room to dash upstairs. He didn’t see Andrew behind him, giving him a confused look.
He knocked lightly on the door to Bella’s room, hoping Bess would not answer. Bella didn’t require round the clock care anymore. She might be alone, which would be best for the situation at hand.
Bella’s soft voice came through the closed door. “Come in,” she called.
He opened the door and stepped in, closing it swiftly behind him.
Bella was seated at her writing desk, a blank piece of paper on the desk and a writing quill in her hand. When she saw Joshua, she dropped the quill and jumped to her feet. “Joshua!” she dashed over to him and threw herself into his waiting arms.
“I am so glad to see you, Bella,” he lowered his head and hugged her to him, one hand grasping her waist and the other clutching her soft hair. He pulled away quickly, afraid he would go too far. The last two days had seemed like an eternity. It was apparent by her response to him that she felt the same way.
The Lady’s Dangerous Love (The BainBridge - Love & Challenges) (The Regency Romance Story) Page 12
