“I didn’t see that. I must learn to be more observant. I spent at least twenty minutes talking to her about the boys, praising them and building them up. I assumed she was looking for a man with wealth and title.”
“Is that why she is in Bainbridge? If so, she chose the wrong village to visit. There is no one here for her except the boys.”
“Yes, that is true.”
“We’re the only people in town with both of those qualifications. I do hope she plans to marry for love, as well as money.”
“She is set to inherit a small fortune that will hold her well throughout her life. Her uncle has established the requirements from her father’s estate. She travels the countryside for a husband with her companion, Clara.”
“Has there been any news about the vandalism?”
“I am unaware of anything new. That would be a matter to discuss with your brothers. They are much more informed about that than I am.”
“I almost don’t want to disturb them. Look how intently they speak to one another. Whatever could they be saying that is so important? Why are they not dancing with the pretty ladies? I fear they will never marry, Mama. They are too busy being responsible men.”
The women laughed softly.
“They will find the women they love eventually, I’m sure of it,” her mother responded. “In the meantime, we allow them the space and freedom they need to make their own choices. It is appropriate that you are marrying first. You are the young lady in the family. They will have the opportunity to concentrate their minds on their women because Jonathan will be your protector.”
Bella just nodded. She looked away from her mother and gazed at the dancers as a new song started.
“Darling, do you plan to move to London after you wed Jonathan?”
Bella didn’t want to talk about Jonathan but her mother was determined to do so. She responded shortly. “I don’t know.”
“Have you not discussed it with him?”
“We did not have a great deal of time to discuss the details, Mama. It was something we would have talked about had he been able to stay. But his cousin being abducted put a hold on those plans.”
“I see that you have gotten close to the gardener, Joshua. You were very concerned for him when he had the argument with Elena today.”
“You could tell?”
Her mother nodded, trying to catch her daughter’s eye. Bella was still looking away. Her mother would read her feelings on her face. She was sure of it.
“He has always been a good friend to me,” Bella managed to say. “I care a great deal for him.”
“Does he know of your feelings?”
Bella did look at her mother, wondering if she knew the extent of Bella’s feelings for Joshua. “What do you mean, Mama?”
“Does Joshua know that you love him?”
Bella licked her lips and sucked in a deep breath. “Mama!”
“You cannot deny it, Bella. It is written all over your face. I suspect he does know and he shares your feelings.”
“Mama! Why do you say that?”
“A mother knows. Moreover, a mother of four sons knows the look a man gets when he feels the same. When he saw you in the window today, his face displayed that same look I have seen on Steven’s face when he sees Miss Drummond. If you watch him, you will see him casting glances in Miss Drummond’s direction. She looks back at him the way you look at Joshua.”
“Oh Mama, I did not want to let anyone know about this.”
“You cannot hide such things from your parents, my dear. We know you too well.”
“Are you saying that Papa knows about this, too?” Bella felt sick inside. What could her father think of her now? She felt ashamed. Her cheeks burned a deep red.
“You must not worry about it so much, Bella. This is a decision you will have to make on your own. You have already promised to marry Jonathan. Lord Humbridge is a good man with an established business, authority, wealth, and so much more. He will be a Baron someday and you will be a Baroness. These are things you must take into consideration. Is your love for the gardener worth giving all of that away?”
“I… I don’t care about the wealth, Mama.”
“Why did you agree to marry Lord Humbridge?”
“I… I thought I was in love with him. He is such a good man, Mama, so strong, kind, and patient. He is very smart. He is so much a man and has so much to offer.”
“But yet you do not love him?”
“I do love him or I would not have agreed to marry him.” Her mother just nodded. “I did not realize that I had these feelings for Joshua until I had already agreed to marry Jonathan. Joshua has done much for me over the years. I don’t want to hurt Jonathan, Mama. I am still trying to decide how to relieve myself of this quandary.”
“To whom have you gone for advice?”
“I have really only spoken with Cameron and Katrina.”
Her mother chuckled. “You’ve discussed this with two teenagers?”
“Cameron is very wise, Mama, you know that.”
The Duchess nodded. “Yes, that is true. He is an old soul. Perhaps like Solomon. He analyzes, probes, and observes. His conclusions are always logical and sound.”
“And Katrina had some very good advice for me, as well. They are both mature and wise for their ages.”
“I wonder sometimes if they will end up marrying.”
“You only wonder that because they are the same age and we have a close relationship with the Ellingham's.”
“You are right. I do agree with that. But they would make a wonderful couple and the grandchildren I would have would be some of the best- looking in all of England.”
They laughed together.
“Oh look, there they go.” Bella pointed but withdrew her hand quickly so her brothers would not think they were being observed and talked about. She and her mother watched as Lady Wiltshire and James Ellingham met and spoke together. James led the Lady to the floor and they began to dance.
“Oh, what a fine dancing couple they make.” Bella observed breathlessly. “I do wish Jonathan was here so that I could dance.”
“You may dance with Joshua, if you wish.”
“I do not think he is here.” Bella looked at her mother. “I am surprised that you would encourage me to dance with Joshua, knowing that I harbor feelings for him. I am destined to marry Jonathan.”
Her mother shrugged. “You must not attempt to predict the future, my dear. Men make a lot of plans but it is God’s will that will prevail. And in this case, I believe a little prayer will be necessary for you to have the wisdom you need to do the right thing in this situation.”
“Mama, I wish I knew what the right thing to do was.”
The Duchess nodded. “We all do, my dear. I have made bad decisions in my past and…”
“You? No!” Bella shook her head. “I cannot imagine you making a bad decision. Never.”
“Oh, I am perfectly capable of doing just so. Marrying your father was not one of them. Having my five children was also not one of them. But I am not perfect, my dear, and have shown blatant signs of ignorance in the past.”
“No. I do not believe you.” Bella truly couldn’t imagine her mother making a bad decision. She had always thought of both of her parents as perfect in everything they did. “You cannot do wrong.”
The Duchess placed on hand over her heart and looked passionately at her daughter. “Oh my, how you flatter me! Yes, dear, I can make mistakes. You have successfully steered the conversation away from your own predicament. I suggest you seek out the young gardener and speak with him. You are holding in your strong feelings. You will need to decide whether you want to be with Jonathan or Joshua.”
“You would approve of Joshua, should I choose him?”
“You know we will approve of any choices you make, Bella. However, we will be sure to caution you about what the consequences of your choice might bring. In the case of Jonathan, you will be destroying Joshua’s heart by
choosing him. If you are to break Jonathan’s heart by choosing Joshua, there will be different repercussions. The business deals will most likely not take effect. Some of the people in London will side with Lord Humbridge. All of the citizens of Bainbridge will side with you. Many of them know and love Joshua. They know that we – your father and I – have no difficulty accepting a commoner in the family. We are all commoners in the eyes of God.”
“This is very true, Mama. I’m glad I talked to you about it.”
“I am very glad to hear that.”
“But I do not wish to search for Joshua. If he decides to attend the dance, I will go to him. But I will not seek him out.”
“That is wise of you.” The Duchess nodded. Her eyes moved back to the dance floor. “Oh, look, Steven is dancing with Lady Drummond. Miss Drummond. Do you see how they look at each other? Their eyes are soft, with an honest love that cannot be mistaken. That is what I saw today when you and Joshua were looking at each other.”
“He was so angry with Elena. I wonder what she did to deserve that.”
“Perhaps it was she who destroyed the garden and he was upset about it.” Realization dawned on her mother’s face. “Oh my, you are caught in a triangle. She pines for Joshua, while you pine for him and he pines for you.” The older woman shook her head and patted the hair piled up into a soft beehive. “Perhaps when Jonathan comes back, you can introduce him to her. That would solve both problems at once.”
Bella looked at her mother in awe. The woman was taking the news of her love life in a stride she didn’t expect. She smiled and sighed softly. Poor Jonathan. She didn’t want to introduce him to Elena. She wouldn’t introduce Elena to her worst enemy.
CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT
JOSHUA TELLS THE TRUTH
JOSHUA TELLS THE TRUTH
When Bella went to sleep that night, after a long party watching other people dance, she had a contented smile on her face. It would have been nice if he had come to the party, but she hadn’t really expected him. There was too much going on. She hadn’t seen Elena either but thought nothing of it. Patricia and Tabitha had stayed away. Bella assumed the ladies had chosen to forego the party for something they found more interesting.
She woke only a few hours later to a room that was pitch dark. Her eyes opened and she was wide awake but felt confused. She turned over to her right side and plumped her pillow under head. She closed her eyes.
Her brain replayed the events of the previous day. She could see Joshua outside arguing with Elena. She recalled the conversation she’d had with her mother. This time, her mind moved in a different direction and she wondered why Joshua had not attended the party, when Elena wasn’t there either. What if they had spent the evening together?
She frowned and turned over to her other side. The bed felt uncomfortable and her body wanted to get up and move about. The air around her was warm, uncommon for a spring night in England.
Bella felt with her hands on the night table until she found the lantern. She blindly lit it with the tinderbox, glad that she had done the task so many times she didn’t really need to see to do it. When light flashed through the room, she squinted until her eyes adjusted.
She slid from the bed and pushed her small feet into the slippers she always left beside the bed and reached for her robe.
The sky was bright and the stars were shining like small diamonds against black fabric. The work Joshua had done to the garden yesterday was highlighted by the bright moon. She focused her eyes on the new flowers he was planting, wondering if he would recreate her name, the way it had been before. It didn’t appear he was going to do that, which disappointed her.
A slight movement to the side of the flower bed caught her attention and she focused in on it. Someone was sitting on the stone bench, leaning forward with their head down. A chill ran through her when she recognized the broad shoulders and blond hair.
Her heart beat hard and she turned away from the window. She hurried to her door, forgetting the lantern. There were small lanterns set to a low setting placed throughout the foyer, lighting her way down the stairs and to the front door. She hoped he wouldn’t leave before she got to him.
She pulled open the door quietly and went out on silent feet. She peered toward the garden bench to see if he was still there. When she saw that he was, she went down the steps and nearly ran to the gate.
She pulled it open and he looked up.
“Bella!” he stood up. “What are you doing? It’s so late. It’s dark out here. You don’t even have a lantern. You could get hurt coming out here at night.”
By the time he was done speaking, she had reached him. She put out her arms.
“Joshua. Joshua.”
He gathered her in his arms, holding her to him tightly. He pulled away slightly, lowering his head to whisper in her ear. “I worry about you, Bella. You should be careful.”
“Do you think something is going to happen to me, Joshua?”
“I don’t want anything to happen to you. Ever.”
“I want to talk to you. I missed seeing you at the party last night.”
Joshua released her, took her hand, and they both sat on the bench.
“I couldn’t come, Bella. I hope you understand. Things are not going well for me. I have a lot on my mind and I don’t want you to get in trouble or be harmed by my actions. I fear that if anyone sees us together, they will know what is going on and your reputation will be ruined.”
“We have done nothing wrong.”
Joshua shook his head. Technically, their kiss had been wrong. Everything they felt for each other was wrong. He couldn’t see it any differently.
“I would have wanted to dance with you.” Joshua said in a low voice. “And I would have been forced to watch you dance with other men. I don’t want to be… I don’t want to feel that way. It… seems wrong to me.”
“What did you do?”
“I went to Bainbridge.”
“You went to Bainbridge?” The vague answer made Bella confused.
“Yes.”
“What did you do there? The whole village was at the party.”
“I went to the Tree and sat for hours.”
“You just sat there? All by yourself?”
Joshua nodded, sitting forward and lowering his head. It was the same position she had seen him in through her window.
“Oh Joshua. I hate to think that you were so alone and lonely.”
“I was not lonely, though I was alone. I just spent the time praying and trying to decide what I will do next. I think it might be wise for me to find other employment. If I cannot bear the sight of you dancing with other men at a ball, I cannot imagine how I will feel when you marry Jonathan. If you stay here…” He shook his head again.
“I didn’t dance with anyone, Joshua.”
He looked up at her. “You didn’t? Why not? I know there must have been gentlemen asking.”
Bella shook her head. “No, they would not do that. They know I am betrothed to Jonathan. However, I did spend a good deal of time talking with Mama. We had a good conversation.”
“Oh?”
Bella smiled at him. The moonlight was so bright that it was almost like the sun. Although she could not read his expression perfectly, she could see that he was curious and interested. It was one of the things she liked so much about Joshua. Over the years, when he spent time with her, he would listen to all her stories with great interest. They had conversed on many topics. She hadn’t realized how well she knew him until their conversations had stopped, when she began visiting London. She’d missed that look on his face and was glad to see it, however dim the light was.
“She knows how we feel about each other.” Bella said.
Joshua lost his look of curiosity. It was replaced by alarm. He pulled away slightly. “She does? Oh. That is not a good thing.”
“It is a good thing,” Bella responded, reaching over to take his hand. “She does not want to stand in the way of our love, Joshua.
”
“Your father… your family… if word gets out about this, you will be ruined. No one will look at you the same. Jonathan will be angry. I cannot let that happen to you.”
Bella squeezed his hand but he pulled it away from her. He stood up. “I can’t let you do this, Bella. It will ruin all the plans your family has. It will end up badly for all of us.”
Bella stood up, standing directly in front of him to prevent him from leaving the garden. “No. You must not worry about reputation and anger. We deserve to be happy, do we not?”
Joshua looked at her with soft eyes. He placed both hands on her cheeks and pulled her into a hug. “Oh, Bella. You do deserve to be happy. Nevertheless, it cannot be with me. I am a gardener and Lord Humbridge is a man of station, title, wealth…”
“I do not need any of those things.”
“You love him. If you did not love him, you would not have agreed to marry him.”
“I care for him a great deal. I cannot deny my feelings for you. If you leave, I will follow you. If I cannot be with you, I do not want to be with anyone.”
The words were like silk in Joshua’s ears. He wanted nothing more than to take Bella as his own. But it wasn’t to be. He shook his head.
“Even with your mother’s blessing, there are other factors involved that must be taken into consideration.”
Bella frowned. “There are no other factors.”
“You cannot see this logically, my dear. You are so… wrapped up in your feelings for me that you cannot see the bigger picture.”
Bella stuck out her bottom lip, pulled away from him, and crossed her arms over her chest. “I can do this if I want to, Joshua. Papa will not force me into a marriage of convenience. He wants me to be in love with my husband.”
“He believes you are in love with Lord Humbridge.”
Bella nodded. “Yes, but I will tell him otherwise in the morning.”
Joshua pulled in a deep breath, held it for a moment, and then let it out slowly. “I should be gone in the morning.”
The Lady’s Dangerous Love (The BainBridge - Love & Challenges) (The Regency Romance Story) Page 17
