by Vixen Kane
Finally, I break the silence. “Hey, Val?”
She looks my way.
“I like you… You get that, right? I’m not trying to make this a one night stand kind of thing. I’ll wait as long as you want.”
“Why do you like me? Why now?”
I feel my face tick when I can’t think of an answer fast enough. For a minute there I wasn’t thinking about the fact that I had to be here, do this. For a minute there I wanted to be. So maybe that’s why I’m not at all prepared for the question.
“You kissed me,” I settle on, saying it like it’s obvious. “I know it didn’t mean anything to you when you did it, but I felt something… I thought you felt it too.”
She pauses a few moments, chewing on her lip before she sets it free. “I did.”
“So do you have a reason why?” I ask, starting to get curious myself.
She shakes her head.
Taking her face in my hand, I kiss her forehead. When I pull back, I look her in the eyes.
“Then I guess we both have some things to figure out.”
15
Valerie
“He’s not going to be able to keep his hands off you.”
Lexie’s smile is the biggest I’ve ever seen. I think she’s more excited about this party than I am.
“You sure this looks okay?” I glance down at the denim skirt that doesn’t even reach mid-thigh and the pink tank top that rests just above my navel.
“You look hot as hell. Seth’s gonna lose his mind.” She walks to her closet and pulls out a pair of shoes and tosses them at me. “Here. These are the final touch.”
I slip my feet into heeled sandals and am instantly two inches taller. It hits me that I’m not dressed to go to a party. I’m dressed to get laid. And I’m not all that bothered by it. A knock on the door startles me, and I whirl around to face it, not moving an inch.
“Come in,” Lexie calls.
My gaze doesn’t waver as the door opens and Seth steps into our dorm room. My mouth goes dry, making it difficult to swallow. Holy smokes! In jeans and a black henley, with the sleeves pushed up on his forearms, he’s gorgeous. The tee hugs his torso perfectly, and the dark color contrasts with his blue eyes, making them pop.
“Hey, Val. You ready to go?”
His voice pulls me out of my stupor, and I shake my head to clear the lusty fog.
“Uh, yeah. Ready.” I turn to Lexie just in time to see her flop down on her bed. “You’re not coming?” I really need her at this party. I have no idea what I’m getting myself into, and only she can guide me through the night.
“Maybe later.” She looks to Seth and winks at him. “Have fun.”
Not wanting to cause a scene, I say goodbye and allow Seth to walk me down to his car.
When he pulls away from the curb, he reaches across the seat and rests his hand on my knee. Electricity shoots up my leg and I flinch. He doesn’t comment, but I know he noticed because he squeezes my knee.
“You look great, by the way.”
I catch Seth looking at me out of the corner of his eye and duck my head. Heat infuses my whole body under his scrutiny, and tension coils my muscles. This might be a date, but despite my outfit, I’m not a party-girl, and my nerves are starting to get the best of me.
“Watch the road,” I snap, regretting it immediately.
Get a grip, Valerie Lynn.
“I am watching the road.” His hand slips a little higher on my thigh. “And you.”
“Seth, if this is how the night’s going to go, you can take me back.” Why am I being such a bitch?
“Not happenin’, babe.” He pulls his hand away and takes all of the heat with him. “You agreed to this date, and we’re gonna fuckin’ enjoy it.” His knuckles turn white on the steering wheel, and when I chance a look at him, his jaw is ticking.
“Look, I’m sorry.” I huff out a breath and try to reign in my temper. He didn’t do anything wrong, not really. I’m just scared and nervous and excited and all of those crazy emotions that make me feel out of control. “You’re right. I don’t want to fight.”
“That’s better.” His whole body relaxes, and he reaches back across the seat and returns his hand to my thigh.
The rest of the drive to the party is silent, other than my heavy breathing, which I’m convinced he can hear, despite my best effort to be quiet about it. I have no idea what he’s doing to me, but something tells me that, whatever it is, it’s going to end in a way that I couldn’t even begin to speculate about.
When we walk into the frat house, Seth’s holding my hand, his grip tight, like he thinks I’m going to bolt at any second. I understand why he might think that, but what he doesn’t know is that I am exactly where I want to be. And that scares the shit out of me.
“Bro, you made it!” Nate walks up to us and slaps Seth on the back. Seth’s eyes narrow, but it’s almost imperceptible and I’m sure I’m the only one who caught it. Nate turns his attention to me. “Val, looking fuckable, as always.”
“Watch your fuckin’ mouth, bro. She’s here with me, and you will show her a little respect.”
“Dude, chill. She knows I don’t mean nothin’ by it, don’t ya?” Nate turns his attention back to me, clearly unfazed by the vehemence in Seth’s tone.
“Yeah, I guess.” I know no such thing, but I desperately want the tension in the air to go away. I smile brightly up at Seth. “How about we get a drink?”
I try to tug him away from Nate, but he digs in his feet. I squeeze his hand and tug a little harder, and he finally relents and follows me.
As we’re walking away, he looks back over his shoulder and says, “Watch yourself, Nate.”
When we’re out of earshot of any other partiers, I stop in my tracks and yank my hand out of his and face him. “What the hell, Seth?”
“What?” He raises his eyebrows and crosses his arms over his chest. Everything about him screams ‘don’t fuck with me’.
“I can take care of myself,” I hiss, not giving a damn about his anger.
“You sure about that, babe? Because something tells me you have no idea how to handle men like the ones at this party. Good ol’ Josh is a pussycat compared to them.”
“Compared to you, you mean?” I was egging him on, instigating an argument that I had no idea how to win.
“Maybe.” He shrugs. “Stick around long enough and find out for yourself.” He blows out a breath and drops his arms. “Let’s just get a drink and try to have fun.” With that, he turns and walks away, moving toward the kitchen.
“Seth, wait!” I call out to be heard over the music. He stops but doesn’t turn around. I catch up quickly and stand facing him. “I’m sorry. Again.” I hate apologizing to this guy, but it seems I can’t help but to put myself in positions that require it. “Can we…”
“Can we what, Val?” He arches a brow over one blue eye.
“Can we just… start over?” I drop my hands to my side and stare at his face, instantly feeling relief when he smiles.
“Sure, babe.” He reaches out and brushes a strand of hair out of my face, leaving his hand to cup my cheek. I lean into his touch, and my eyes slide closed. “Whatever you want.” He must have leaned in because his breath skates across my ear.
My eyes snap open and he’s close. So close. Too close. I take a tentative step back. “Drink. I need a drink.” I turn and walk into the kitchen, not bothering to wait for him to follow me.
“Hey, Val. Glad you could make it.” Connor is standing next to the keg, holding two cups filled to the brim with beer. “Seth.” He nods at Seth, who is now right next to me.
“Connor.” Seth’s hand touches the small of my back, and it feels possessive. And right.
Right? What the hell?
Connor hands Seth both cups and Seth hands one to me. I take a long drink, not bothering to stop when the bitter taste registers. I need the liquid courage if I’m going to make it through this party. This date.
“Whoa, Val,
slow down.” Seth tips the cup away from my mouth, and I lean forward so none of the amber brew dribbles down my chin. “We’ve got all night. Don’t go getting drunk on me too soon.”
He’s right, of course. I’m not a big drinker, and it wouldn’t take much to get me hammered.
“Well, you two have fun.” Connor shoots Seth a look. “Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.”
Seth snorts abruptly and laughs. “So basically, do anything I want?”
“Pretty much.” And with that, Connor is gone, leaving me at the mercy of Seth and apparently ‘whatever he wants’.
I look around me and take in everything going on. Some people are dancing, others are playing beer pong, and others are standing in small groups laughing and genuinely having a good time. I tip my cup up to take another sip of my beer and smile behind the brim.
“What’re you smiling about?” Seth leans in and whispers in my ear.
“Nothing.” I shrug. How do you explain to someone that what is a normal part of their lives is something new and exciting to you? Everyone around us is having fun. A lot of fun.
“C’mon. Something put that smile on your face.” His tone is light, teasing.
“It’s just… everyone’s having such a good time.”
“It’s a party, Val. They’re supposed to have a good time.”
“I know but…”
“But what?”
“I’ve missed so much, haven’t I?”
“What do you mean?”
“I’ve spent so much time and energy on studying and my grades. Don’t get me wrong, I had to do that, and I’m glad I did. But I never really let myself just live, let loose and have fun. Not until recently.” I lower my head, my smile disappears and suddenly I’m engulfed in sadness.
“Don’t do that.” Seth’s finger slides under my chin, forcing my head up. “Don’t think about all of the shoulda, coulda, woulda’s. There are things we all wish we could change. But we can’t go back.” He leans in and kisses my cheek, his lips lingering a split second longer than necessary. When he pulls back, he grins. “What we can do, right here, right now, is fuckin’ enjoy this date.”
I laugh, the sadness gone, as I imagine he intended. He grabs my hand and pulls me through the doorway, back into the throngs of people. We bump into several along our route, and I’m not sure where he’s taking me. When we reach the back door, someone calls Seth’s name. Seth looks behind him, and his body immediately tenses.
“Be right back, babe. Connor needs my help.”
I turn around and watch him wind his way back through the crowd. When he reaches Connor, they talk for a few seconds and then head toward the front door. I follow their progress and notice a guy harassing a drunk girl. That must be what they need to deal with. I can’t tear my gaze away from the scene unfolding at the door, but everyone around me seems oblivious to the trouble.
“Ah, Val.”
I spin around at the voice and come face to face with Nate. He’s got a beer in one hand and a bowl of gummy bears in the other. I reach into the bowl and grab a few, toss them in my mouth.
“Hungry?” Nate smirks, immediately causing my defenses to rise. He shoves the bowl closer to me. “Have some more.”
I grab a few more of the colorful treat and quickly eat them. Screw Nate and his shitty attitude. I’m starved because I hadn’t been able to eat all day, and now that I’m drinking, I realize how stupid that was.
“So, how’s the date going?” The curiosity in Nate’s tone causes the hairs on the back of my neck to stand up, but I chalk it up to the alcohol. Even though I haven’t had that much.
“My date’s going fine.” Something in me wants to needle him just a bit. “How about yours?” His smirk disappears as mine forms.
“I don’t date.” He sneers. “I fuck whoever I want.”
“I’ll be sure to let everyone know that. For sloppy seconds, find Nate. That should get you laid.”
Nate takes a threatening step toward me. “Well aren’t you a little—”
“Byers.” Seth’s voice cuts through the music clearly as he sidles up beside me and puts his arm across my shoulders. “Don’t make me tell you again to respect my fuckin’ woman.”
His woman?
“Is there a problem here?” Connor steps up on my other side, and his eyes go from Nate to Seth and back again.
“No problem, pres. Just trying to make all of our guests feel welcome.” The charm Nate exuded during my first party experience is back. “Didn’t realize that Seth had made Val his girlfriend already.”
“I’m not his girlfriend.” I glance at Seth and see him wince. When I look back to Nate, he’s smirking again. “Am I missing something?” I think back over the last few minutes and realize that I’m struggling to recall all the details. When I drop my head and look at the floor, everything seems to blur. “Seth?”
“Valerie, are you okay?” I can hear Seth talking, but it sounds as if I’m under water. His voice is muffled, but I can still make out the words.
When I lift my head, Seth is in front of me. He reaches out and grips my shoulders. “Val, talk to me. What’s wrong?”
I open my mouth and try to tell him that something isn’t right. That my heart is racing so fast it’s going to jump it’s tracks and fly out of my chest. No sound comes out. I grab onto his waist and squeeze.
“What the fuck did you do?” Seth is yelling now but not at me. He’s yelling at Nate.
“Nothing, man. She just ate some gummy bears. She’ll be fine.”
Seth’s hands leave my shoulders, and he grabs Nate by his collar. “Why the fuck would you let her eat those? You know she doesn’t do drugs.”
Drugs?
“I’m not about to tell a woman she can’t eat,” Nate snarls.
“And what if I hadn’t come back when I did? Would you have taken it further than just ‘letting her eat’?”
“What the fuck’s that supposed to mean?”
“Seth!” Connor interjects. “You take care of Val, and I’ll take care of Nate.”
Seth releases Nate and faces me again. The look on his face is one of concern, and fear floods my system. What the hell is going on? What is happening to me?
“Babe, look at me. I need you to look at me.”
I am! I’m looking right at you! Why can’t you see that?
“You got this?” Connor asks Seth.
“Yeah. I got this,” Seth grates out. Connor starts to lead Nate away before Seth stops him. “How many did she eat?”
“How should I know?”
I reach out and grab Seth’s arm, but he doesn’t react. I scream at him to get his attention. I had ten, maybe fifteen. What is happening? What drug?
Seth still doesn’t react. He’s yelling but I can’t make out the words. My legs start to shake, and I know I’m not going to be able to hold myself up much longer. I take a step toward Seth and reach out to grip his arm again. When I make contact, he spins around just in time to catch me as I crumble.
Seth scoops me up in his arms. “I’ve got you, Val. You’re going to be fine.”
I am not fine. I’m dying. I feel like I’m dying. Make it stop.
I can feel Seth carrying me but I have no idea where he’s taking me. I hear him talk to others as we pass, and they respond but the voices are muffled. Almost like they all have something over their mouths. I can’t make out what anyone is saying. The music is pulsating through my head and I’m convinced it’s going to explode.
Make it stop. Please tell me it’s going to stop.
“Val, I need you to calm down. I promise you’re going to be okay.” Seth presses a kiss to my forehead. I’m shaking uncontrollably, and he tightens his hold on me. “Shh, babe. It’ll pass. You just have to ride it out.”
It’s not going to pass. It’s never going to stop. I’m stuck here. In my head. Trapped. Make it stop.
I’m vaguely aware of Seth kicking open a door and walking into a room. I can see shapes and colors change ar
ound me, but nothing registers to indicate where we are specifically. He places me on a soft surface, a bed maybe? I’m still shaking, and I’m so scared that it will never stop.
“I’ll be right back. I’m going to go get you some water.”
Cold envelops me, telling me that he stepped away.
Don’t leave! I can’t be left here. I don’t want to be alone.
No one can hear my screams. Tears stream down my face at the thought that I’m never going to be free again. He stuck me here, in this place, and he’s never coming back. No one is ever coming to get me.
“Here, take a slow sip.” Whatever I’m sitting on dips with the addition of his weight.
You came back!
Something cold hits my lips and I greedily gulp the liquid down when I realize it’s the water he said he was going to get.
“Slow down, Val. You’re gonna make yourself si—”
“Sick,” I croak out.
Suddenly there is a trash can in front of me, and I slide off the bed and onto the floor. Seth sits next to me as I vomit the meager contents of my stomach. He holds my hair out of my face. My body convulses, and my muscles ache. When there’s nothing left, I lean back and reach a shaky hand out to him.
“Give me a sec.” He takes the trash can away and disappears from view.
I close my eyes and try to take deep breaths, but I can’t. No air is getting into my lungs. Something cold hits my skin, and my eyes snap open. I slap at whatever is in front of me, desperately wanting the cold to go away.
“Val, stop. Please stop. It’s just a washcloth. It’ll feel good. Just let it feel good.” Seth’s back, and his tone is soothing.
I let my hands fall to the floor and let my eyes slide closed again.
Ahh, so good.
“I’m going to pick you up and lay you on the bed.”
“‘Kay.”
One arm slips under my knees and the other cradles my back as he lifts me up. When I’m lying on the bed, I immediately curl in on myself. Seth sits down next to me and brushes my hair out of my face.
