It may not have been the most mature thing to do, but making fun of strangers made me smile. We used to do that all the time in college. We’d sit in the square and make up stories about the people walking by. We’d give them each a name and a major. Sometimes they had a funny backstory about how they arrived at college. Others were there on scholarship. That was how I met Tim, actually. He strolled by on a crisp, fall morning wearing a pea coat and checkered scarf. He strutted by like he was the top professor at the school when he was really a student. I guessed his major as pre-med so he could operate on himself to pull the stick out of his ass. Of course, Tim overheard me and confronted me. We had a laugh about it.
Now that I thought about it, maybe that was the only time he’d made me laugh.
I liked Asher’s idea, and after we finished our meal, we skipped dessert and headed to the auditorium where the talent show was to take place.
The last time I attended a talent show I must have been in sixth or seventh grade. I didn’t participate. No special talents here. I did have fun watching, though. The best act ended up being a garage band that did a cover of “Smells Like Teen Spirit” by Nirvana. That auditorium sure smelled like teen spirit by the time the song had finished and the mosh pit that had formed had scattered. A closed space with a hundred sweaty preteens smelled like a dirty armpit.
We both surveyed the room as if we were looking for something in particular. Rows of chairs were set up with a small stage located in front of them. A long table set up with finger foods caught my eye. I’d have to check that out later.
“I wonder if you had to sign up in advance?” Asher asked as if he planned on participating.
I shrugged. “It doesn’t really matter. It’s not like we’re going to do anything.”
“No? Why not?”
“Why not? What would we even do? I don’t have any special skills or talents.”
“I’m sure you do. But in the interest of time and coming up with something quickly, what if I did some card magic? You could be my assistant.”
I rolled my eyes, making sure Asher saw. “I know you can do a little card magic, but that’s not really that interesting, is it? Cut me in half and then we’ll talk.”
Asher leaned back and rubbed his thumb under his chin, eyeing me up and down.
“No!” I pointed my finger at him as I backed up a few steps. “I’m joking. I am not letting you try to cut me in half. I want to, you know, live. Let’s just find a table and watch these other schmucks make fools of themselves.”
I didn’t want to sit right in the front, so I headed toward a table in the middle. I stopped when I heard my name. As I turned around, Heather and Dan raced toward us.
Heather wore a long, elegant black dress with pearls that dipped in between her cleavage. The heels she wore were like daggers that could be pushed through a vampire’s heart. Dan matched his bride in a modern fit tuxedo complete with satin edging. I looked down at my muted green sundress and flat white sandals and immediately felt underdressed.
“You two look rather nice tonight,” Asher said because clearly I couldn’t speak.
“We’re dancing in the talent show. West Coast Swing.”
“You should see Heather move her body.” Dan placed his hands on either side of Heather’s hips.
“You should do something. Sing, maybe?” Heather reached out and touched my arm, Dan’s hands never leaving her.
“No, thank you. The only places I sing are in my car and in the shower.”
Dan raised his eyebrows in interest. Heather must have sensed it as she elbowed him. “Sweetie, she’s not interested. Leave the poor girl alone.” Heather placed her hand on my arm again. “It’ll be fun.”
I didn’t know if she meant singing or participating in a sexual romp with her and Dan. I assumed, and hoped for, the former. “Asher already tried to convince me. It’s a big fat no for me.”
“Are you sure?” Heather did seem disappointed, but I wasn’t going to do it just for her sake.
“Maybe another time.”
“Another time? Are you asking Dan and me to go on another cruise with you?” She pressed her hands against her chest.
“No. I just mean—I don’t know what I mean. I’m not going to do it.”
“Fine. Suit yourself. But please stay and watch us! Bye!” Heather and Dan waved as they headed backstage.
“I thought she was going to drag you onto that stage.”
“Me too.” I hated being forced into doing things I didn’t want to do. Like in the fourth grade when Kara Moss convinced me to paper mâché Melissa Scott’s chair in art class. It totally ruined her pants. I ended up in detention, and Kara got off without punishment.
“Want to get out of here?” I asked Asher. I didn’t feel up to sitting down and watching a bunch of performances. I wanted to move around.
Asher didn’t argue and stopped trying to convince me to be his assistant in a crappy magic show. Instead, he followed my lead out of the auditorium. We started walking, not sure where we were even going.
There were so many different things to do on the ship. We ate ice cream at a parlor, tried a surf simulator (I surfed better than Asher), played trivia with a bunch of other passengers and kicked butt. Eventually we came across a staircase that seemed hidden. We hadn’t been in the area before.
“Where are we?” We were on a deck of the ship that didn’t look familiar. The oddest part was no one was on it—just us.
Asher searched around for an indication of where we could be. “I think this is the crew deck,” he said.
“The crew deck? Are we supposed to be here?”
“Probably not.” Asher took a few steps forward to the railing and leaned against it.”
“We should leave then. We’re breaking the rules.”
“Oh, I’m so scared.” Asher lifted his hands up and shook them at me. “Isla, it’s not like they’re going to arrest us and put us in cruise ship jail. Loosen up.”
I shook my shoulders and arms, taking what he said literally. Don’t be so uptight. Be adventurous. Live in the moment. All things Charlotte said to me in the past. All things Asher thought this entire trip, no doubt.
“Look at this view,” he said as he propped himself back up against the railing. “I can’t believe that tomorrow we’ll be back in the states and then soon after back to reality.” I stepped up next to him and put my hands on the railing, tight and sweaty as I waited for someone to find us.
As I kept my gaze forward, in my peripheral vision I noticed Asher turn his head toward me. “I like this reality. Right now.”
The way he said right now made my heart beat faster. My grip tightened, and I swallowed so hard I almost choked on my own saliva. Our eyes slowly met, and the tenderness in his eyes made my knees weak. If I hadn’t been holding on to the railing, my knees would have buckled and caused me to fall to the ground.
“It’s . . . it’s nice,” I whispered, not even sure if he could hear me. “I like it too.”
“Isla,” Asher said with intention. What did he need or want to say to me?
“Yes?”
“I . . .” Whatever it was, he couldn’t say it. Asher wasn’t one to not be able to find words. He always had a comment, something to say. Both of us seemed incapable of speaking.
I waited for him to say something, anything, as I stared into those eyes that reflected the beauty of a planet in space. The corners of his mouth turned up slightly as his lips parted. Just when I thought he was about to speak, he closed the gap between us, our lips touched, and our tongues intertwined with one another. I sucked in a breath as we kissed, this moment we’ve built up to this entire trip, one that I didn’t think was going to happen, and then, there it was, and it was the most incredible kiss I could have ever imagined.
When we separated, I wanted to pull him to me again. I didn’t want to ever let him go. Those lips needed to be with me every single second of every single day as if they were a part of me. I craved for them to be a
part of me.
I didn’t realize how much I wanted that kiss until our trip. Maybe I’d wanted it before the trip and didn’t even realize it. I ran my hands up his tattooed arms as I maintained eye contact with him, a gentle smile on both our faces. This was Asher. I cared about him. He cared about me. Did I dare say I loved him?
“Hey, what are you two doing up here?” a stern male voice interrupted us. “You’re not supposed to be here. Crew only. How did you even get in here?”
“Sorry, we’re lost.” Asher quickly took the lead. Though we certainly didn’t look lost, if only in each other’s eyes.
“You’re going to have to leave. Now.”
I wanted to be brave and ask what he would do about it if we didn’t. The man’s lips that were pressed so hard together his face could pop along with the throbbing vein on his forehead changed my mind.
“Sure thing,” Asher responded as he grabbed my hand. As we ran, I giggled like a schoolgirl who just got caught kissing her boyfriend in the hallway. Maybe being a little bad wasn’t such a terrible idea.
“Wow! That was wild!” I couldn’t stop smiling. Every moment of the evening was turning into the best moment ever. I didn’t think we’d ever finish the kiss we almost shared a few days ago. Now that we had, my heart pounded like I’d had five cups of coffee, and my mind worked at the same pace. What did this mean for us? Were we going to be together? Was it only one kiss? Would I be a girl on his Rolodex of flings, or would I be one of the ones he went all in with? Did I want to go all in with him? How would this affect our friendship?
“Asher, about the kiss.” I didn’t want to go back to our room until we talked about it. This was kind of a big deal.
“Yeah.” He ran the back of his hand against his forehead. “The kiss. I’m sorry. I’m not sure what came over me.”
“It’s not that.” I liked the kiss. I wanted that to happen. More than anything.
Asher crossed his arms, pulling at his skin. “You were vulnerable, with Tim’s engagement announcement and all, and I got caught up in the moment. You know, the moon overhead, the open water. I mean, we’re friends. There’s no way we’d ever be more than that, right?”
Was that a rhetorical question, or did he really want to know?
“We should forget it ever happened,” he said before I even had a chance to gather my thoughts to respond. “It was a mistake.”
“Oh. Um, yeah. I was going to say the same thing.” I couldn’t even look at him. I refused to beg for his heart. If I learned one thing from my breakup with Tim, it was that you couldn’t force someone to stay who didn’t want to be there.
“We should get out of here. You coming?” He pointed to the elevator.
“No. You go ahead. I’m tired.”
And I was tired—tired of trying to hold my heart together when it seemed to always break apart.
Chapter Twelve
As Asher faded from my view, I tried to process what he had said. His words blurred together, and I couldn’t even remember where he said he was going. I touched my fingertips to my lips trying to hold on to any trace of his kiss, but that, too, started fading away. I wanted it to last forever.
Maybe forever wasn’t for me.
As I slumped against the wall, I hugged my legs into my chest and buried my head against my knees. Why did it go this way? He couldn’t deny the way his eyes locked with mine, connected us on a level my heart struggled to comprehend. No. That kiss was anything but a mistake.
I stood up, grabbing ahold of the wall as the blood rushed to my feet. Once I regained my composure, I raced back to our cabin, nearly knocking people over in the process. The keycard fumbled in my hands, so many thoughts filling my head. I wanted to open the door and see him standing there, waiting for me, ready to tell me he didn’t mean what he’d said. He’d take me in his arms and we’d make love, sweet, sweet love, solidifying this romance I knew to be true.
When I opened the door, only silence greeted me.
I pulled out my phone and debated texting him. I didn’t want him to ignore my message either. If I warned him I was coming, I could very well lose my nerve to say what I had to say. As I turned to leave the room, I caught sight of the list of ship events. The talent show. That’s where he was going.
Without wasting a second, I left our cabin for the auditorium. The place was packed by the time I got there. Every seat was occupied, and people were left to stand. I didn’t see him anywhere. I saw Helena, though, on stage singing. Ugh, she even had a beautiful voice. She reached her hand out, and a man stepped into the spotlight and began to sing.
Asher.
Asher and Helena stood on stage together, singing, gazing into each other’s eyes. My lip quivered as I watched them, appearing like the perfect couple, as if they’d been together for years. Maybe they were meant to be together. Maybe he’d come back to the auditorium to find her.
I struggled to find any breath in my body as my heart throbbed in pain. I came to declare my love for him while he found himself reconnected with someone from his past—someone with whom he clearly felt a connection. I watched them on stage, and Asher broke his eye contact with Helena long enough to gaze into the crowd and see me.
But he turned back to her. She was whom he wanted.
Happy birthday to me.
I turned and walked out of the auditorium, determined to find some way to erase that kiss from my mind, rid myself of these feelings I had for him. I’d go wherever my legs took me, as long as it didn’t end up with me in a pool, soaked in my clothes again.
As I passed by one of the bars, I heard my name. I glanced over and saw Jack waving at me from the bar. He didn’t appear to be with anyone, which came as a surprise. He signaled me to come and join him, but I wasn’t sure if I wanted to do that. He’d been such a jerk, moving on to the next woman when I refused his advances. Did that matter, though? He knew I wasn’t interested in him that way, and there was no reason I shouldn’t enjoy myself. It was only a drink.
So I did what any uncertain but determined to prove myself wrong person would have done. I hiked up my big-girl panties and waltzed right into the bar and parked myself next to Jack.
“Hello, beautiful,” he said to me as I slid onto the stool next to him.
I managed not to throw up in my mouth even though I wanted to in the worst way. I guess he could have chosen a cheesy pickup line, and I wasn’t about to not accept a compliment. Jack probably told every woman he met she was beautiful, but it wasn’t wrong of me to feel the words he spoke.
“No talent show for you?” I asked after I ordered a white wine.
“Not a chance. If I wanted to see a bunch of people making fools of themselves, I’d turn on American Idol.”
I liked that show. They made a lot of changes over the years, though, so it wasn’t quite the same as it had been in the past. I sort of missed the Simon Cowell days and the terrible auditions. And I gave all those people who auditioned credit. They were either going to make it big or land on their asses, possibly becoming a laughingstock of the nation, and either way they were fine with it. It took guts.
“I just came from there. There are two fools singing onstage like it’s karaoke.” Asher and Helena actually sounded amazing, but I didn’t want to say that out loud. That’d be like almost admitting they were good together.
“I’m glad you decided to join me. We didn’t see each other much at all the last few days.”
No, we hadn’t, and I made sure of that. Tonight I didn’t want to think about our last meeting, though. I vowed to have a good time and that meant letting go of uptight, serious Isla and welcoming carefree, fun Isla.
“I’m happy we rectified that. I thought I’d find you with that woman I saw you with the other day.”
“Woman?” Jack hid his face as he took a drink.
“Yes, woman. Don’t worry. You’re not on trial here nor am I jealous. The other day you and a gorgeous woman were chatting and looked pretty comfortable together.”
“Oh, her. Her name is Vanessa.” He said her name much like I said Helena’s—with disgust. “She’s nice. We hung out that one night and that was it.”
I doubted that. Based on his behavior the other night, I was certain his only goal on this cruise was riding a wave of women. I didn’t intend to be one of those women, but as my mind kept pushing the thought of Asher and Helena back into my head, I started second-guessing myself. Charlotte told me to let loose, take chances, have fun. A random hookup.
I thought I had found the perfect man and that turned out to be fluke. I spent the past year searching for someone to replace him. Then when I thought I found him, he told me it was a mistake. Maybe all I needed was a good screw.
“Jack,”—I touched his arm—“would you like to get out of here? Maybe go back to your cabin?”
He coughed as he set his drink down. “Did I hear you correctly? You want to go back to my room?”
“Why not? We’re here to have fun, right? So let’s do it. Let’s have fun. No strings attached.” I said the words, but it didn’t sound like me. I wanted to go with it, though. I didn’t have fun like this in my twenties. This could be the time for me.
“Have I told you that you have the most amazing eyes? They’re so mysterious. Very sexy.” He placed his hand on top of mine.
“Look, you don’t need to impress me. I don’t require any sweet talk.” The bigger the compliment, the kinder the words, the bigger chance I had of falling for him. I didn’t want that to be an option.
“Can I at least kiss you?”
Considering what I planned on doing back in his cabin, a kiss wasn’t an odd request. “Sure.”
He leaned in and put his lips on mine. I welcomed the kiss, though no spark went through my body or electricity to my heart. Was this what it felt like to put yourself out there just for the sake of doing so? No romance. No connection. Would hooking up with him even feel good?
We pulled away from each other, and neither of us said anything for a minute. Jack touched his finger to his chin and smiled. “Well.”
Circle in the Sand (Oceanic Dreams #3) Page 9
