by P. Creeden
Inside she found dates, notes, and journal entries. She flipped through the book and found that the entries had started last spring and went through half of the notebook. Liz had taken note of things she was thankful for, goals she wanted to meet, and goals she had met.
Felicity closed the notebook. This felt so personal, like she was truly looking into her birth mother’s brain. It could help her understand her mother a bit more, get a little closer to her, and maybe even figure out the question that was eating her up ever since she’d found out Liz had taken her own life. Why?
After spending a little more time looking through some of Liz’s things, she glanced at the time on the alarm clock. With surprise, she discovered she’d been upstairs for nearly an hour. Jay’s collar jingled against the hardwood floor as he looked up at her. “You ready to go home?”
He leapt to his feet. She smiled down at him. Together they headed for the stairway, the journal in Felicity’s hand. When she reached the living room area, she found Darren sitting on the couch, looking down at his phone. He looked up at her as she came in the doorway. “Sorry for taking so long.”
Shaking his head, he stood and put his phone in his back pocket. “No worries. You seem to be doing okay. Find something?” he asked, gesturing at the notebook in her hands.
“Yep. It’s Liz’s journal.”
“That’s great. I hope that you find some closure in there.”
Felicity’s heart ached in her chest. “Me too. But it’s getting late. You want to grab a bite to eat on the way home? My treat.”
He lifted a brow. “What if I want to eat at La Pierre’s?”
She laughed. “If La Pierre’s is open and it’s what you really want.”
“Only if La Pierre’s has a good burger. That’s what I’m in the mood for.”
“Oh, man. I could really use a milkshake too.”
He laughed. “Let’s do it.”
Darren guided Felicity back down the path through the field on the way to the wine store where his car was parked. JJ ran ahead, off the leash. Part of Darren wished he could have the kind of freedom and joy only ever found in a dog running loose.
“Wow.” Felicity stopped suddenly, making him almost run into her.
He shot a glance toward her and found her looking upward. His gaze followed hers, and he found the most beautiful skyscape he’d ever seen. His heart leapt in his chest. The winery was only a little outside of the town limits, but it was enough that the absence of the glare of the lights from the city allowed the night sky to shine through. With just an open, moonless sky, and no buildings blocking the way, it felt like they could see almost every star in the Milky Way. “Wow is right.”
Felicity’s eyes were filled with wonder as she focused on the stars overhead. Darren couldn’t help but slip his gaze toward her. She’d changed her hairstyle when she was upstairs, and now that she had it in a ponytail, she really looked much more like the freshman girl who’d been over to his house a few times right before he graduated high school. He vividly remembered her. She was shy and quiet but would occasionally say something surprisingly snarky. If she hadn’t been like that, would he even have remembered her?
They continued walking, but it was hard to keep their eyes focused on the dark path in front of them, or the lights of the wine store up ahead. Still, Darren stayed watchful to allow Felicity the chance to admire the sky.
“Beautiful night, isn’t it?” Heath Anderson leaned against a post on the covered porch at the wine store.
Felicity tripped a little when he spoke because her eyes were still glued to the sky. Darren caught her by the elbow to steady her. She shot a glance toward him with a nod of thanks and then straightened.
“Is the sky always like this out here?” she asked.
Heath nodded. “Pretty much.” He rolled a pen between his fingers, letting it move between them in such a smooth and regular motion that it seemed like a frequent habit. “I always told Lizzy that we should consider opening a bed and breakfast out this way, just because of the view, but she was friends with the owner of the one in town and didn’t want to take customers away from them.”
“The Redwood Cove Inn,” Darren added.
“That’s the one. But we’d hardly compete with them. They’ve got the ocean view there, but we’d have this open sky and the vineyards which create a view of their own.”
“It really is a gorgeous view on its own.” Felicity rubbed her bare arms as the breeze picked up. The sky overhead still had most of her attention.
“Well, we really should be going. It’s getting late.” Darren opened the back door of his sedan to allow JJ to hop in. The Golden Retriever happily followed his hand gesture.
Heath pushed off from the post and took a step off the porch. “I’m sorry we didn’t get much of a chance to talk, Felicity. I’d love to talk to you some about Lizzy, the winery, and everything else, if we could make the time? I’m happy to help you with making the funeral arrangements or settling the estate. Anything at all, I’m here for you.”
Felicity’s brow furrowed a little. “Thank you. I have work in the morning, but I’ll be back out sometime in the afternoon. I’d be happy to meet with you then.”
He rushed forward and grabbed hold of her hand again. Darren ground the back of his teeth. He didn’t like this guy getting so familiar with Felicity so quickly. Heath had touched her more times in their two meetings than Darren had the entire time he’d known the girl. And Felicity didn’t seem keen on the frequent contact, either, though she didn’t pull her hand away.
“That sounds great. I’ll see you tomorrow afternoon.” Heath squeezed her hands a bit and then let them go.
Darren opened the passenger door for Felicity, and she offered him a shy half smile as she slid into the seat. He eyed the vineyard vice president and noticed that the man had backed away a bit from the car, but still kept his gaze focused on the girl inside. Darren narrowed his eyes at the man. The pen in Heath’s hands had started to go to work again. Was it a nervous habit? Outwardly the man seemed relaxed and welcoming, but that constant movement in his hand made Darren wonder what else the man might have up his sleeve.
When Darren slipped into the driver’s seat of the sedan, he glanced over at Felicity, who had a hand covering her mouth as she released a big yawn. He started the car and made sure the heater was turned on low. “It sure got late awful quick. Hopefully we’ll find a burger joint on the way that’s still open.”
She nodded, yawning again, and talking in the half-yawn state. “It’s almost nine.”
Darren pushed the car into reverse and pulled out of his parking spot. The headlights shined over the man on the porch one last time and exposed an expression that Darren hadn’t seen before. For the first time, Heath Anderson wasn’t smiling, and his eyes were still focused on Felicity.
Chapter Five
It was nearly eleven when Felicity watched Darren drive away from the small ranch home that she rented. A light was on in the master bedroom, letting her know that her roommate, Georgia, was still up. She stepped inside the house and hung Jay’s leash on the hook. The Golden Retriever danced his way inside, happy to be home after the long day.
“Honey, I’m home,” Felicity called out.
The master bedroom door sat open, and Georgia stood in the doorway wearing fuzzy pajamas with a brow raised. Her curly red hair was held back by a crystal headband, and her face was unnaturally shiny, from the moisturizing mask she’d applied. Georgia spoke through taut lips, as though any movement might interrupt her mask’s effectiveness. “Who was that who dropped you off? Where have you been?”
Felicity sighed. “I forgot to call you after everything happened.” She frowned. “Liz is gone. She committed suicide.”
Georgia’s eyes went wide. “What? Are you serious? Oh, honey!” She rushed forward and pulled Felicity in a tight hug. “That’s awful news.” She pulled away, looking up into Felicity’s face. “Are you okay?”
“I’m sad, b
ut not a wreck, you know? As much as I wanted to get to know Liz, I didn’t really know her yet, you know?”
Georgia lifted a brow at her again and put her hands on her hips. Even though she was only five-foot-one, she was all attitude, and honest to a fault. “You know? That’s something you say when you’re lying to yourself some, Felicity. Like you want me to confirm something that you already know isn’t true. That means the truth is, you are a bit of a wreck over it, and you did know her well enough to be a wreck over it.”
A frown tugged at Felicity’s lips and her eyes welled. She blinked the tears and swiped them with her hand. She shook her head. “Fine. I’m upset about it. I’m even a little mad. I wanted to get to know her, but what I did know about her was that she wasn’t very interested in getting to know me. I wanted her to be like a mother should be, but she’d given me up for adoption because she knew that she wasn’t capable of it. I’m grateful that she was smart enough to see that in herself. I’m grateful for the parents I have. But I can’t help this emptiness in my chest now that I know she’s gone and I’ll never get the chance to see her become the mother I wanted her to be.”
Georgia opened her arms wide and Felicity stepped into them. She hugged her roommate, which could have been awkward since she was nearly six inches taller, but it felt much more comforting than anything else. Georgia had been her roommate since junior year at college. They roomed together while Felicity pursued her master’s degree, too. Georgia’s degree was in hotel-restaurant management, and she’d gotten a great job managing a high-end seafood restaurant near the marina, which is why they chose this house to share for the proximity. She patted Felicity’s back. “Doesn’t it feel better to open up about your feelings? You’re allowed to have them, you know. Isn’t that saying, ‘Physician, heal thyself?’ You can’t just go around helping everyone else and not letting anyone help you. What am I here for otherwise?”
“You’re right.” Felicity squeezed her roommate, pulled back, and swiped her eyes again. “Thank you for being here for me.”
“Of course.” Georgia said.
A plastic tub banged against the wall of the kitchen as Jay came through the narrow doorway with his dog food dish in his mouth. Felicity blinked at him in surprise. He hadn’t done that since he was a puppy. She laughed. “I guess someone’s hungry for real food. Half my burger wasn’t enough for you, huh?”
She stepped toward him and pulled the dish from his mouth.
“Let me go pull this mask off and we’ll sit down and talk as much as you need.” Georgia started toward her bedroom again.
Felicity stopped with the feed bowl in her hand. “No. I’m fine. Really, I am. It’s late and you’re tired. And I’m just going to feed Jay and then head to bed myself. It’s been a long day.”
She eyed her for a moment and then shrugged. “If you say so. But if you change your mind, wake me up. I’m here for you, babe.”
Everything her roommate said put a smile on Felicity’s face. She nodded to her and then headed into the kitchen where she put a scoop of dog food in Jay’s bowl and set it at her feet by the kitchen table as she sat down. Then she opened up the journal and decided to read a few pages while Jay was eating.
Darren had never been one for taking the elevator in order to just go up to the second floor of his apartment building, but because it had gotten so late, he half considered it when he passed the bay of doors. Out of habit, though, he continued to the stairwell.
His cell phone notified him of a text message as he spilled out onto the hallway of the second floor. He checked his message and found that it was from his youngest brother, Tony.
Need money for food.
Darren frowned at the message. His thumbs worked across the small keyboard on his smart phone. Really? You starving to death?
Yessss. Only eating ramen is hard. Haven’t eaten in forever.
Don’t you have a meal card for the cafeteria? Darren’s brother was nineteen and a sophomore at UCLA.
But dinner was like five hours ago and some friends want to go out. Come on, bro, just twenty bucks?
Darren rolled his eyes. Fine, but not a penny more until you visit dad. Got it?
Got it :)
He’d always been closest to his younger brother. He rarely talked to Kent, since Kent was busy being a husband and father. But they all stayed in touch with their father as much as they could since their step-mother passed away two years ago.
As Darren stood in front of his apartment door, he pulled up his bank on his smartphone and made a quick transfer to his brother’s account. Then he slipped his phone in his pocket and unlocked the door. The darkness in the room felt especially heavy and oppressive today. It wasn’t like he hadn’t been living alone in this same apartment for the past three years. Darkness was the absence of light. And today he’d spent the whole afternoon with a surprising source of brightness: Felicity.
A lamp sat on the side table next to his hunter green sofa, and he felt for the switch in the dark. After clicking it on, he collapsed into the faux suede seat. He normally would have been home hours before. Maybe he would have stopped for a burger on the way home like he had with Felicity. Thinking of her now, while he sat on his couch, warmed his heart in an unexpected way. She hadn’t changed much since high school. Snarky, clever, with a pretty smile. But he liked her better now. Maturity had made her more confident, and nothing was more beautiful than a woman who knew who she was.
It was unfortunate that they had to meet again under these less-than-ideal circumstances. He closed his eyes for a moment and sunk into the sofa a bit, letting the muscles in his neck and shoulders relax for a moment. A frown tugged at his lips. He didn’t want to fall asleep on the couch, but if he stayed like he was for very long, that was exactly what he was going to do. Steeling himself, he opened his eyes, stood, and started for the bathroom. He had that sticky feeling on his back, under his shirt, from sitting in the car for most of the day.
The ringtone on his phone went off. He shook his head. An unrecognized number flashed on the screen of his phone. Did Tony already blow through that twenty? Was he calling from a friend’s phone? Darren sighed. He needed to make sure he stood firm and not give into his kid brother’s every whim, no matter how badly he wanted to spoil him. He prepared himself for the inevitable argument and was ready to stand his ground.
“Hello,” he said in a grumpy tone as he flicked on the overhead light in his bathroom.
“Um, hi. Darren?” a female voice asked with hesitation.
The sound of her voice sent a chill through him, and he stopped dead, facing the mirror in the bathroom. His maple brown eyes had widened a bit as his heart picked up speed. “Felicity?”
“Yeah, it’s me. I’m sorry to bother you when you only left like forty-five minutes ago, but I’ve been reading through the last couple entries in Liz’s diary, and even the one she made last night. She really doesn’t seem depressed at all about her break up with Heath, as the suicide note suggests. In fact, it seems, according to this, that she was the one who broke up with him, possibly.”
“Hmmm. It’s not unusual for anyone to lie to themselves over a break-up situation. Maybe she was trying to make her feel better by fooling herself. People do that.” He didn’t want to discourage her completely, but it certainly wasn’t enough evidence to discredit the suicide note.
“That might be true, but the journal goes on to talk about plans she has for the next week or two… even on to the next month,” she said quickly as though afraid he’d try to discredit her before she could even finish.
He took a deep breath when she was done. The last thing he wanted to do in this situation was play devil’s advocate, but as a detective he needed to stick with the facts and not let hunches or emotions dictate the truth. “Even people who deal with depression put things into their calendar they intend to do in the future when they are up. They throw all those things away and forget about them when they are down.”
She chuckled a little t
o herself. “I guess you’re right. It’s just that my gut tells me that Liz wouldn’t do this to herself. In no way did she seem depressed or unstable in any of the times we spent together. I can’t believe she’d put herself into that kind of place emotionally over a break-up.”
“It’s okay to feel that way. As family, it’s perfectly normal to look for evidence to the contrary. But I’ll tell you what. The points you’re making are valid, but not enough to refute the evidence we have that point in the direction of suicide. Keep digging. It can’t hurt as long as you don’t let yourself get too obsessed and you still listen to reason, and it seems like you’re still willing to listen. I’ll keep the case open all day tomorrow. If you find more evidence, let me know. I’m willing to listen.”
It was her turn to take a deep breath. “Darren, I’m so glad that it was you who was assigned to this case and broke the news to me. I don’t know what I would have done all day without your help.”
“Are you getting sappy on me now?” He laughed to break the tension.
“Maybe just a little. A girl is allowed to get sappy now and then, right?” She laughed back, and it hit all the right musical notes to send a thrill through his chest.
He frowned. He couldn’t be falling for this girl already.
“Anyway. Thank you for listening to a crazy chick like me get a little irrational, blow things up out of proportion a bit, and even get a little sappy.”
“No problem. Try to get some sleep tonight. Don’t stay up all night reading that journal.”
She sucked in a breath. “How’d you know?”
“Maybe you’re a little bit predictable?”
A gasp rang in his ear. “No way. I’m going to have to work harder. A girl is supposed to have a little mystery.”
