I can feel my heart softening a bit, though I don’t want it to. I want to think this out on my own, but having him this close to me telling me this makes me wonder if we could actually have something again. No. No. I can’t let him wear me down.
“You need to leave,” I say, starting to turn away. “If I was ready to see you, I would have done it already.”
“Please, Matthew.” God, the way he says my name makes my body react and there is no way I can hide it. I’m pretty sure this is exactly why he chose this moment to show up. He wants to see if he can still affect me, if I am still attracted to him.
My resolve is challenged when he puts a hand on either side of my face, turning me back to him, and kisses me soundly. I want to melt into it, into him. I want to let go and just be. He breaks the kiss and places our foreheads together and it takes me back to that night years ago when he asked me to leave with him. Of course, this brings Xenobia to my mind because she witnessed that whole encounter through the fucked-up vision connection we have.
I pull away from Onyx. “Go. Please. I can’t do this right now.” No longer hungry, I shift into my wolf and run.
CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX
Xenobia
The night meeting with Chi went well. The man is amazing, and by that I mean HOT. I’ve gone from virtually no interest in relationships with men to being attracted to two. Maggie will be so happy, if I decide to tell her.
Thankfully I didn’t have to think too much about it because Chi was very professional. To my amazement, Chi explained that he is centuries old. His family gave up their ability to operate in daylight hours in order to protect their people from powerful, nocturnal enemies. The guardians bond with a human as daylight emissaries because the body of a guardian turns to stone during the daylight hours. Occasionally a guardian will be drawn to protect a specific person. As Chi tells it, he has not been drawn to someone in quite some time, but he feels the pull with me.
He thoroughly surprised me at the end of our meeting when he asked to make an appointment as a client. Secretly it grated on me, the idea of him spending time with someone other than me. But as a professional, I began suggesting the girls I felt he would be compatible with. He vetoed them all, suggesting that maybe I had forgotten someone. I assured him that I know my business and I would not have left anyone out. I was a little irritated that he would think so little of me as a businesswoman. He then pointed out that I had not named myself.
***
I’m sitting in the room I use to see my clients when Chi’s body darkens the doorway. This is the first time I have ever had a case of nerves when seeing a client. Maybe that is because my clients are usually human, and I have no true relationship with them. I’m a temporary fix for their loneliness or base urges. But Chi, he’s different. He’s going to be around for a while, at least until this situation with Javier is cleaned up. What if doing this is a mistake? I would have to be around him until he is called to protect someone else. What if this becomes a relationship? There is the possibility the next person he is called to assist is a woman, and he walks away from me like I’m nothing to him. Ugh! I’m making up stuff that may never happen.
Shake it off, Xenobia. He’s here as a client, treat him like any other one. But I can’t; he’s not just any other client, he’s someone I could see myself pursuing.
“I came here to see the real you, Xenobia, drop the glamour,” he says as he closes the door. I let the glamour go.
It feels good simply to be who I am for once during an interaction. Taking the hand extended to me, he pulls me gently out of the chair. It feels odd to let him touch me because none of my other clients are allowed. They don’t know that because I control the situation in a way that downplays it. But I feel like I can let go a little with Chi. Well, I felt like that until he pulls me toward the bed. Nope. I like him, but I’m not ready to go that far.
He must feel me tense up because he smiles reassuringly. “I just want you to be beside me when you send me on the journey, nothing else. I know you don’t usually let your clients touch you. It would be an honor if you would give me this much.” Exactly how much does he know about what goes on with my clients? And how does he know it? I know he said he’s been watching me, but what happens in this room is private. We’re on the second floor so it isn’t like you can just peek in the window, and he’s never been here before.
I don’t have to wait too long for my suspicious curiosity to be assuaged. He lets go of my hand and lifts his shirt over his head. I’m staring at his back when I see his skin ripple, and then two huge wings burst out. I gasp involuntarily. How many surprises does the Universe think I can take in such a short span of time! And that explains how he knows what goes on in here, the sneaky bastard can fly. Note to self: put up better window treatments because apparently there is a such thing as a flying peeping Tom. Oi vey!
“You know it is a violation of privacy, both of myself and my clients, for you to be peeking in on our activities. How many other girls here have you been spying on?”
“My intention wasn’t to spy for the sake of entertainment. I was keeping an eye on your clients to make sure you weren’t harmed. And, I haven’t looked in on any of the other women here. It is flattering for you to be jealous at the thought of it though.” I want to smack that impish grin off of his handsome face. Too smart for his own good is what he is. “However,” he says as a serious look comes over his face, “I can tell you that many times I wished that it was me in here with you.”
I know I should be more pissed about this than I am, but that look on his face has me wishing it had been him all of those times too.
CHAPTER THIRTY-SEVEN
Matt
My weekend went downhill after the unexpected visit from Onyx. Instead of clearing my head, which was the whole point of going out to the cabin, I spent the entire time brooding. I didn’t make any progress on deciding what I want. I’m pissed, and my wolf is pissed. I may or may not have prevented her from taking one last run before we returned to the city.
I’ve been slammed with work for two days. I’m ready to go drink away my troubles, which is no easy feat for a shifter, but first I have to make one last stop to check in on Mercy. The last time I came over to do it I was blindsided by the damn vampire and dropped the ball. My personal life has gone to shit ever since I started this case and it is starting to affect my work, which is not good.
The welcome sign is on the door, so I walk right in. What fresh hell is this!? It appears I have shit timing because Xenobia is receiving a kiss from a man I don’t recognize. I think I growled. I must have because Xenobia breaks away and gives me an irritated look.
Mercy happens to walk through at that moment and I grab her elbow. “Hey, let go! That hurts!” she gasps.
I catch myself because I know I’m much stronger and in my anger I’ve nearly forgotten it. “I’m sorry,” I said.
“What do you want?” she asks, wrenching her arm from my grip.
What do I want? What do I want? I want that guy to take his hands off of Xenobia and get the hell out. That’s what I want. But instead of saying it, I’m going to do an extremely shitty thing. I know it’s shitty, petty, and immature,yet I can’t stop myself. “I want an appointment with you,” I growled. Old habits die hard. When I get hurt, I fuck my way through the pain. And, yes, I know I’m fooling myself here. It didn’t work the first time I did it, and it won’t work this time. I’m so jacked up in my head right now I don’t know which way is up.
“Mercy doesn’t take appointments, and you should know better than that after what she’s been through.” Xenobia is livid. “What the hell is wrong with you!”
This should be where I ask Xen to step into the other room and talk this out like mature adults, but I’m too far into my own angst that I’m lashing out. Somewhere in my clouded mind I know that Xen has no idea I want to be with her. If she did, we might actually be able to pursue something. That part of my mind is screaming at me not to fuck this up any
more than I already have. Am I listening? Hell no.
“Xen, it’s ok. I’ll take this one,” Mercy says, shocking us all. I know I should stop this. The poor girl has been through so much trauma. I’m feeling like a piece of shit, as well I should. Hell if I am going to let on in front of Xenobia and her sex toy though. Unfair? Maybe. As I said, I’m not in a good head space.
I follow Mercy to one of the second-floor rooms leaving Xenobia both dumbfounded and pissed as hell. I know I’m not going to go through with this. I just let my anger get the better of me. This situation with Onyx has me wound up tight and I just reacted. It doesn’t help that Xenobia and I haven’t spoken about that last vision. We just kind of left things up in the air.
“So, what are you looking for tonight? What are your preferences? Usually, the girls have all of that information from the interview, but since this is a last-minute request, I need you to let me know.”
“Listen, Mercy, this isn’t right. We both know it. Why did you even agree to do this?”
“Because I can tell you are wound up and hurting and need to let go of some of that angst. I can feel emotions, you know. Powers, remember? If it were anyone else, I wouldn’t have agreed. But, Xenobia trusts you, so you can’t be all bad, right?”
“Xenobia trusts me?”
“Well as much as she can trust someone. She hasn’t booted you out and banned you, so she must think you are trustworthy enough. Although after that stunt you just pulled, you are probably walking on thin ice. You want to talk about it?”
“Yes. No. I don’t know.” I run my hands through my hair in frustration as I sink down onto the bed. “It feels like this should be going the other way around. I came here to check on you, and instead you are supporting me.”
“I’m good. I haven’t remembered anything new. And, I’ve been working on controlling my powers. There, now you know. Let’s get on with your stuff. I have a feeling it is a lot more interesting.”
“Ok, but one of these days, you are going to have to tell me about how you got these powers.” She nods and makes a motion for me to continue. I don’t even know where to begin, but I’ll take a stab at it. “Meeting Xenobia has been…unexpected. I want to get to know her, but I haven’t said anything because I’m not sure how to approach it. She’s a complicated person. Then, the whole thing with Onyx happened. She and I shared a vision about a piece of my past with him. Now everything is in chaos in my head…” I don’t realize I’m rambling until I feel Mercy’s hand on my arm. “Slow down and take a breath, ok. Tell me about this vampire, what does he have to do with this?”
Oh, shit. I definitely did not think this through. No one else knows about my previous relationship with Onyx except Xen because she saw the vision. Oh what the hell, things can’t get any more complicated than they already are, right? “He and I used to be in a relationship.”
“Ohhhhh. Got it.” Again, she motions for me to continue. Inwardly I sigh in relief. You never know how people are going to take the fact that you had a same-sex relationship. “We got together shortly after he was turned. His maker left him to fend for himself, and he was starving for blood. I found him in the woods one night. He had been trying to survive on animal blood, but he wasn’t very efficient at hunting yet. He still had enough humanity about him to not want to kill a person. He was slowly wasting away. There was something about him that called to me.
Vampires and shifters have truces or treaties. We don’t often get along outside of the agreements, and relationships between the two are strictly forbidden. I kept him in an old cabin and gave him my blood over a period of several days. Shifter blood is potent and often a slight rush for vampires. But I wasn’t about to give him human blood. Anyway, we fell in love.
He was my first and only male relationship. We were found out, and my sister was killed. I found Onyx holding her body, covered in blood. I went out of my mind. I thought he killed her. When he came here the other day, and you made him tell the truth, he told me he didn’t do it. It was a consequence of us being together. They killed her to make a statement. I’ve spent years hating him, and for what? I lost him. No, I gave up on him because I jumped to a conclusion. I should have known better. He would never have betrayed me like that.”
Somewhere in the middle of my tirade I started crying. And no, I’m not ashamed of it. Men have emotions too, damn it! “Why, when I finally started getting interested in pursuing something with someone else, does he show up? I want to believe there is another chance for us, but now I also want Xenobia. And to make it all the more confusing, Onyx came to me. He came to me and told me he wants to try again. I sent him away.” God, it feels good to get this all out. Maybe I can start to make sense of it now.
Mercy gently squeezes my arm. “So first of all, you definitely have to go fix things with Onyx. I mean, even though you are carrying anger around from that whole experience, I can feel love coming off of you in waves. You love him, and he loves you. Fix it, together. I’m not saying it will be easy. There is a lot of history to work through, but isn’t it worth fighting for? Some people never find love, you did. Go with it. Secondly, Xen does have a lot of idiosyncrasies. If you had her past, you would too. It doesn’t mean deep down she doesn’t want a relationship, even if she tells herself that. It is hard for her to let her guard down completely. Although that new guy is softening her up.”
A growl escapes me before I can catch myself. Shifters are naturally territorial, so sue me. It looks like my wolf has already staked a claim. Too bad for her this has a major chance of bombing, big time.
“I’m just saying, if one man can get past her guard, there is a chance you can too. But, you have to talk to her, openly and honestly. And might I suggest apologizing profusely about what happened tonight. You embarrassed her not only in her own house, but in her business, in front of a client.”
She makes this all sound easy. Fix it with Onyx. Talk to Xenobia. Maybe it is that easy. Why do emotions have to get everything all fouled up?
Mercy continues, “You know you are going to have to back off with the possessive shit, right? That’ll send her running. She won’t be owned, or feel like she is. You’ve got to decide if you can deal with her being around other men. If you can’t, let her go. Now, before it goes any further.”
She’s right. I’ve got to decide whether I want to be with Xenobia enough to embrace the life she chose for herself. Even if I can’t, I still need to clear the air with her.
“Thanks for listening, Mercy. I appreciate you taking the time to sit with me. I’m sorry I acted like a first-class ass earlier. Would you do me one more favor?”
“Thank you for the apology. I accept. As for the favor, it depends. What are you thinking?”
“I need you to set up an appointment for me with Xenobia, but in a way that she doesn’t know it’s me. I want to have her undivided attention so I can grovel appropriately.” I’m smiling now. It is amazing what having a good rant and cry can do.
“I’ll see what I can do. But you know once she sees you, you’ll have to work quickly. She’ll be pissed that we pulled one over on her.”
I kiss her on the cheek. “Thank you, Mercy. I’m going to go find Onyx and try to start fixing this mess.”
CHAPTER THIRTY-EIGHT
Onyx
I didn’t think I could hurt any more than I already do, but when Matthew dismissed me it cut me even deeper. He wasn’t even willing to talk. It was so obvious that I still affect him. I know he wants me. I know he loves me. I felt it when I kissed him. Why does he have to be so damn stubborn? Can’t he see that we have a rare opportunity at a second chance?
After days of brooding over it, I decided I can’t deal with it anymore. I’m going to fix it, at least temporarily, or so I tell myself. I know where this road leads, but I just don’t want to hurt anymore. Javier walks in to my room. He is pleasing to look at, but he is human. The only thing that makes him special is, somewhere in his bloodline an ancestor paired with a Fae and made his bloo
d a drug to us. Shifter blood is a rush, but Fae blood, we would do almost anything for it once we’re addicted. I should know, I went through it after I lost Matthew the first time. It was the only way I could endure the torture I was going through, both from losing my love, and the abuse of the previous Master vampire that took me in. No one else knows, but the only reason the Kage won’t turn Javier is that he doesn’t want to give up his blood addiction. Humans with potent Fae blood are rare. It isn’t like he can go down to the corner and pick one up. Javier is a blood whore willing to give up his soul for the chance of power. He is so blind that he thinks if he re-acquires his former “property,” Kage will find him worthy enough to turn. Imbecile. Unfortunately for me, he is the only one that can end this pain in my heart for a while. I abhor the idea of touching him because God knows where he’s been. It isn’t that I can catch a disease; it’s just the principle.
“You finally want a taste, Onyx? I knew you’d come around eventually. Once an addict, always an addict.”
I hate his smugness. I should drain him dry, but then we would have other problems. I would either go stark raving mad, or Kage would behead me. Either way, it wouldn’t be worth it. I want to get high, not go crazy or get dead. I’ll have to put up with his shit, but I won’t make it easy on him in bed. Oh, yes, I forgot to mention, his price for the blood is your body. He has a thing for vampire lovers. Male, female, it doesn’t matter. He likes to feel like he has the power. The only one who doesn’t give him payment is Kage, no he takes blood and body. He is teaching Javier well. I’ve heard stories.
“Let’s get on with it. I’m not here for games, Javier,” I say as I remove my shirt. I’ve sunk to a new low, taking blood from someone I can’t stand, allowing him to have temporary power over me. Javier is under strict orders not to seriously harm any of us, so I’m going to take enough blood to keep me out of it for days. Maybe the high will erase not only my pain from Matthew but what I’m about to let Javier do to me as well.
The Rise of House Valdis Page 7
