"If the smoking jacket fits...I was greeted by a lovely note under your door from 'Vicky' when I got back today. She said she watered your plants and would be around for you to thank her in your 'special way.'"
"What? I haven't spoken to Vicky in weeks. I had no idea she'd do that."
"It doesn't matter. When all this started you told me you didn't have relationships. That you just do sex. That's your lifestyle."
"My lifestyle? Seriously, Althea..." he said through clenched teeth.
She softened, "Look, I know you think I'm being crazy, but please, don't be mad. I wasn't even going to mention the note, but it did make me even more sure that sticking to the plan makes sense. It's just too much for me to think about to be more than that. I'm really sorry, but going back to our own lives is going to be for the best." Tears started to sprout in her eyes and she could see his anger fade.
He hugged her close and whispered in her hair. "Please don't cry, gorgeous. I didn't want to upset you."
"Thank you so much, Griffen. For the necklace, for everything." Her voice broke on the words. "It all makes me feel very special."
She could see he wanted to say something, but he cleared away a frown and said, "You are very special. I want you to remember that every day." He touched the pendant gently, then lowered his head to inhale her neck deeply. "Mmm. I had to buy you something, I couldn't help myself. I thought it looked like tributaries on a stream, it reminded me of how much you like watching the rivers."
"What a poetic gift from my favorite writer," she said with a smile. "I love it. It really is beautiful, it's perfect for me."
He cleared his throat and she could see he was forcing a smile.
"Now, I think it's time for you to surprise me, right?" he said kissing his way up her neck, rubbing his fingers into her hair. She could tell he wanted to lighten the mood and she let him.
"Oh yeah," she said, as he began running his hands over her breasts until she felt the familiar tightening and twitching in her core.
"Let me show you what I got before you make me too stupid to think again."
"I like making you stupid," he groaned, sliding his hand down her body then pressing the heel of his palm against her mound and licking little circles against her neck.
Althea giggled, "I like you making me stupid, too. That's why I bought what I did." His head jerked up, and she felt his dick follow suit against her leg. "Now I have your attention, stud. Give me a minute."
"You got it," he said, eagerly dropping his hands.
"And Griffen."
"Yeah?"
"I think we should order dinner in."
He smacked her ass, making her squeal. "Hot damn, gorgeous, you'd better get in there and get my presents before I burst with excitement...literally," he added with a wink, looking down at the significant bulge in his pants.
Althea giggled and ran into the spare bedroom where she'd hidden her purchases. This is going to be fun, she thought with a grin.
She smiled as she laid out the vibrator, silk scarves and lace blindfold. She called Griffen in and laughed as he stroked each of them lightly and smiled. "Holy shit, Althea, are you trying to kill me?"
"You like?"
"I love."
"And I know boys love toys, so I got one of these, too." She held up a ring with a vibrating bullet on the top and bottom of it.
"Well, that's certainly new to me. How does a sweet little thing like you even know about this stuff?"
"Well, I may be a good girl that has only had sex with four guys in her whole life..."
Griffen grimaced, "Can we not talk about your prior sex? Please."
"Oh, right. Okay, well my point is I have had to, er, entertain myself for the last almost six years, I've learned a lot about this kind of, you know, stuff."
"I'm looking forward to enjoying this with you, that's for sure. Where'd you get it?"
"A few different places near here, Lower East Side, Soho. Did I mention I love the location of your apartment?"
"You did once or twice, and I'm starting to love it even more. You'll be happy to know, I didn't even know this was around here."
"Sure you didn't," she teased.
"You better get into that bedroom and teach me what I've been missing all this time."
He swatted her bottom till she grabbed her goodies and ran into his bedroom. After their intense discussion, she was eager to get back to enjoying each other and teaching this sexy man a thing or two.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
Althea laughed and it warmed Griffen's entire body. They'd taken an early flight back to Pittsburgh that morning and were grabbing a coffee and pastry downtown before Althea needed to go to work. He noticed a crumb at the corner of her mouth and reached across to move it gently between her lips. They curled into a smile while she trapped his eyes with her powerful gaze.
"Why thank you, sir," she teased, the word reminding him of all the naughty games they'd played the night before in his apartment. God, just the thought of seeing how sexy she was when he'd walked in the night before was enough to make him hard, but add in the toys and her complete openness to him and he felt completely undone. He'd used the vibrator on her in the bedroom. The ring on himself in the shower. Then they'd both had a round of the blindfold and ties in his study.
It was a miracle he could walk today, much less make the flight. But it wasn't just the erotic fun they shared that stuck with him, it was the warmth of her in his arms in his bed, the way her smile made his apartment finally feel like a home, instead of a cold place he simply used as an outpost.
Griffen couldn't stop smiling and suddenly felt something so powerful working its way through his limbs, his throat, his heart, and his head. It was as though an electric shock had started in his center and moved out to his fingertips and toes, up into his mouth — forcing him to tell her how deeply he cared for her. He fought it down, fixating on the bitter memory of how soundly she'd rejected even the simple proposal of them visiting each other. She didn't want more from him and he needed to accept that.
She would never let herself love him and that made Griffen want to punch a wall.
Althea's phone buzzed and she looked at it with a scowl.
"What is it?"
"A text from Curt."
"Curt? The doctor from Johnny's party?" Griffen's hands clenched around his coffee.
"Yeah, he's asking me to go to dinner with him tonight. It's so awkward since he's friends with Jenna."
The thought of her with anyone else made his chest hurt and his blood boil. She'd made it clear she wanted him to stick to the plan, the whole point of which was to help her be able to move on...probably with a guy like Curt. He wanted to do the right thing even if it felt like chewing on glass.
"Maybe you should go."
"What? I thought we would spend tonight...I mean..."
"Your plan was that I leave soon, right? And you get back out there, ready to take a risk without guilt, right?" Griffen said through clenched teeth, hoping she wouldn't see the fists at his side and the grimace on his face, "now's as good a time as any, right?" He swallowed through bile and what felt like sawdust in his throat.
Maybe I'm getting the flu, he idly thought in a lame attempt to fool himself. Yeah, you've come down with a case of acute dumbass. You fell for her and she doesn't want you.
"Baby steps, right?" Griffen added as lightly as he could through the acid rising in his throat.
"You think I should say yes to dinner tonight?"
"Is there a reason to wait?"
Please say there is. Please.
"Uh, I guess not," she said softly.
Fuck.
"So, okay, that's great then."
Why can't I just shut up?
"Yeah, great," she said, and her downturned eyes and quiet voice stabbed straight into his heart. He wanted to kill anyone who put that look on her face, but he was the one doing it. "I guess I better call him and
see if he can still do it. I, uh," she looked up and Griffen thought he saw her eyes water but she quickly blinked them away. When she looked back at him she was beaming with a huge smile that didn't reach her eyes. "Thanks for breakfast and the advice. I think it is a great idea!" She stood up, grabbed her bag and rushed out of the café, almost knocking over a chair in her haste.
Griffen followed her with his eyes and saw his reflection in the glass — miserable, angry and definitely alone. He slammed his fist down on the table, gathering the attention of multiple other patrons. "Sorry, I just can't get over last night's Pirates game. I really thought we had that one." His lame statement was grudgingly accepted and a couple folks muttered their agreement. Griffen gathered his trash and started to leave thinking that the most disappointing loss was the one to which he'd just surrendered.
He didn't deserve Althea. He'd hoped that maybe he could, but every time he tried for more with her, she pushed him away or simply shot him down.
That damn note from Vicky certainly didn't help matters. Althea was already skittish and then she gets written evidence of what a man-whore I've been.
She was right to keep their time together limited. He just needed to forget that his heart felt like it had gone through a wood chipper.
Griffen threw down his briefcase as he slammed shut the door to his suite after returning from class. Tugging off his jacket, he threw it on his overnight bag, still packed from their trip to New York.
Fuck. He looked away, ripping off his V-neck T-shirt, trying to force away the thoughts of so many hot private moments with Althea running through his brain. Then he remembered how opposed she was to extending their arrangement to even another goddamned visit.
She was so ready to let these last few days fade away while he was slowly losing his mind. Griffen felt like he wanted to hit something, anything, a lot. Every time he closed his eyes he saw her — was going crazy about her — but she was content to let him go.
He turned on the TV, but couldn't sit still. Flipping it off, he stood and walked across the room, opening his laptop and glancing at emails. His jittery fingers closed the lid and he crossed the room to stand by the floor to ceiling windows.
Griffen felt hot all over and placed his hands against the cool glass, but that was no help. He could almost picture the steamy imprint of her perfect body against the glass from the first time he touched her and pressed into her so her bare ass and back were pressed fully against that glass.
Every inch of her body and each word from her lips drove him insane even then. Before he knew who she was and the grief that prevented her from letting him truly near her. Before he knew she would rather push him away then take a risk on him — and damned if he could blame her.
What could he truly offer a great woman like that? His father had been right — he was a piece of shit. He'd spent his whole life avoiding any attachments, sleeping with lots of women, running from every responsibility, and the worst sin — deserting Jack when he needed him most. His best friend, who — if Griffen was honest with himself — had apparently been desperate enough to betray his own country.
Griffen didn't deserve Althea. No matter how much he tried to fool himself that he could.
He slammed his hand so firmly against the glass that it reverberated around the impact.
He breathed deeply and rested his hot forehead against the window, looking down at the streams of people below, unaware of the desperate man above.
Is she getting dressed now for her date? Is she going to wear something red? She looks fucking hot in red. What is she going to eat? Will she like him? Will she end things with me early? I want more time but, fuck, if I lose the precious few she'll actually give me, I'll go nuts.
Every inch of this room was coated with memories of her — pulsated with them. He needed to get out of the room, the hotel. To go anywhere but here. He put on running clothes and grabbed his ear-buds, wallet, and iPhone as he stalked out of his room.
He walked briskly through the lobby, waved to the doorman, and then he ran for miles and miles. Threatening gray clouds pressed down from above, while below, each of his steps pounded the frustration through his body and down into the sidewalk and back into him, as though they were trying to beat each other into submission.
The streets, buildings, and people passed by him in a blur, all he could think of was the next pounding step, because beyond that there was nothing but loneliness, a return to his life before Althea.
It wasn't until his last step took him to the gates of the historic Allegheny Cemetery in Lawrenceville that he realized he'd run straight to Jack.
He grabbed the wrought iron gates for a moment, as the impact of where he was passed through his heaving lungs like oxygen. It had started drizzling and when he licked his lips they were tinged with a hint of the metallic rust from the gates he clutched.
Stepping back he looked in front of him to the acres of perfect trees arching over the rows of the dead. Some were famous, some were rich, some were poor, some had been here for centuries, some had been young, some had been old — but what they had in common was that they all were dead. And Jack was with them.
Griffen finally let his feet move forward, so slowly it felt like he was pushing through wet cement as he moved closer to his greatest shame. He bought white daisies from the guy at the gate, more to have something to hold onto instead of simply clenching his hands into fists.
His fear and regret had kept him from Jack's funeral. Instead, he'd stayed holed up in his New York apartment, sitting on the floor in the dark, drinking himself into oblivion and counting all the things he hadn't done.
Because often when you do nothing it's worse than doing the wrong thing.
And Griffen had done nothing for Jack.
Griffen followed the route to Jack's grave, having studied the map of the cemetery, and Jack's location in it, more times than he could count. It was a testament to the deep connections Jack's family had in this town that he was given a place of rest here.
His grave was marked by a simple, masculine tombstone in a patch of ground that looked like it would be bathed in sunlight on nice days:
Jack Taylor - Beloved husband, son and friend.
There was a framed picture of Johnny as a baby, apparently added later. It was engraved to say, "To my Father with Love." The sight twisted Griffen's heart in a fist.
"Hi Jack. It's me, Nicky." Griffen's childhood name came out of his mouth on a twisted cry and he sat down in front of the tombstone to keep from falling down. The sweat from his run and the gentle rain were chilling on his skin, accompanied by warm fresh tears that fell silently from his eyes. His shoulders shook from the force of the emotion but he stayed silent as his body expelled the years of loss and pain.
"I'm so sorry, Jack. So sorry. I don't know why I didn't respond to you. I planned to, but I was too late. I let you down."
Griffen was finally able to catch his breath and stared straight ahead, his heart beating through the emptiness inside him.
"I've been hanging out with your son, Johnny. He looks so much like you. And he's awesome — so funny and smart. But someone really should work with him on his ‘R’s.’ Plus he drops back to pass too slowly, just like you," Griffen added with a light laugh.
"I'm working on his passing with him. I've been coaching him. I forgot how much I actually liked about the game. I tell him about you. What we did together. I read him one of our stories the other day. He loved it. He always wants to hear all about you.
"I hope that you can see him from where you are. I don't believe in much, but I want to believe that's true. And I hope you forgive me for letting you down. For putting myself first. I've missed you so much, man. So much.
"I found your flash drive. I'm trying to figure out what happened to you. I know I let you down when you needed me, but I want to do everything I can to make it right. It's just…everything looks like you were into something really messed up, man. Like you did som
ething bad." Griffen picked up a piece of wet grass and balled it between his fingers.
He looked straight ahead and finally said, "While I'm here, I should probably tell you that I think I'm in love with your wife. I know, its all kinds of screwed up and you probably want to beat the shit out of me. I guess you know how great she is, man. She makes me so happy. I don't feel angry or sad when I'm with her. And I think I make her feel better — because she's sad, man."
"She still loves you and won't move on. But I just want her to be happy. I'm not good enough for Althea but I want to try to be."
Standing up he rubbed his face hard with the palm of his hand and he knew he had to see her.
"Goodbye Jack." Griffen slowly turned away and pulled his phone from his pocket.
"Hi Jenna."
"Griffen?"
"I'm sorry to bother you, but do you know where Althea is? I need to talk to her."
"She's still out with Curt. Hold on...Johnny, let me go get something from the kitchen. Watch SpongeBob, I'll be right back. Griffen, what's going on? When Tea called me to babysit for a date with Curt I was pretty surprised."
"I thought I was doing the right thing."
"What did you do?"
She sounded stern and he felt like an errant child.
"I've asked her for more. First I said I didn't have to leave right away, but she shot that down."
"Not surprising from her," Jenna said gruffly.
"Then I offered to visit her after I leave. I don't know, I guess I wanted to test the waters...but she's pretty stuck on just two weeks with me, so I thought maybe this guy could make her happy. I just want her to be happy."
"So you told her to go on a date with Curt?"
"Yeah."
"And you're turning yourself inside out thinking about her with someone else?"
"That about covers it, yeah."
She sighed and said, "Look, Curt's fine. I pushed her on him myself. He's kind of annoying but he's solid and steady — two things I look for in a guy myself, but he won't make her happy. You do."
Three Rivers (A Gateway to Love Novel) Page 21
