"I don't know, I think it's best if he just sticks with the plan and returns to New York."
"Why?" Jenna asked.
"I don't know, it seemed so much easier when he was going to leave."
And take all the confusing feelings he caused with him.
"Did it ever occur to you that maybe Johnny wants a father in his life, not some memory of a man that died before he was born? A man you cry over in the dark when you think no one can hear you? Jack wouldn't want Johnny to grow up without a father figure. Jack wouldn't want you to spend your life like this — lonely and miserable," Aubrey demanded.
Althea bristled at her words, standing to look Aubrey in the eyes, emotion rushing through her veins, she said, "You know, everyone acts like they know what's best for me. Like they know what Jack would've wanted for me. That Jack would want me to move on. But all I know for sure is Jack would want to be alive, holding me and his little boy forever. That's why I'll never be able to move on."
"Bullshit," Aubrey answered.
"Excuse me?"
"I said — I call bullshit. Christ, you're really starting to veer into the 'girl who's too stupid to live' category. Have you thought that maybe you're just a coward?"
"I'm the coward? When you won't let any guy stay long enough for the sheets to cool down?"
Aubrey stepped closer to her and said, "I'd rather do that than spend my life hiding behind a ghost. You don't have to be a nun or a martyr to honor Jack's memory. You've cloaked yourself in so much guilt that you don't even know what you feel anymore!"
Althea was so angry and hurt it ran like fire through her veins, but worse, she felt ashamed. Ashamed that Aubrey could be right. For a moment she clenched her fists and gulped air like a goldfish, with the round blank eyes to match, until Jenna broke in with a shout.
"Christ, guys — stop this! Now!"
Jenna never yelled. The mere shock of it stopped the argument and began to sap the angry out of their bones.
"I'm sorry," Althea and Aubrey mumbled out to each other.
"It's just...Why do you guys keep pushing me?" Althea asked.
"We haven't pushed you enough! We should've pushed you sooner. We kept waiting and letting you wallow and be stuck. Never mentioning anything that could remind you of losing Jack. Doing anything to keep from upsetting you," Jenna said emphatically.
"But why can't you just let me do things my way?"
Jenna took her shoulders in her hands, "Because we love you, dummy! And you won't push yourself. And because we're selfish. It hurts to watch you let life just pass you by."
"For years to go by knowing you're still so afraid and we'd rather not feel like that anymore. So, for us, will you cut the crap?" Aubrey asked quietly.
"Seriously," Jenna said in a much gentler voice. "Why would you fight this offer? He's crazy about you and clearly loves Johnny and it would be really good for Johnny to have a strong guy around. And he grew up with Jack, it would be like having a piece of him around."
Panic started to grip Althea tighter.
Why does this offer bother me so much?
"I don't know. Griffen is great with Johnny, and I love being with him, too, but I get so scared whenever I think of him staying. And Carol will lose it if I get involved with Griffen of all people."
"Carol needs to get over it," Aubrey stated defiantly.
"I agree with Brey," Jenna said. "And I think you've used Carol as a shield for too long. She's been another excuse to hide from life. I think this thing with Griffen scares you because you love being with him. Because he makes you want to try for something real, too."
"What? That's crazy."
"Is it, Tea?" Jenna asked. "Could it be that you feel guilty because it's not just sex with him? Do you have feelings for him?"
The room began to feel small around Althea. She could taste the words in her throat, feel her belly flip-flopping. She stood there thinking silently, but to their credit, Aubrey and Jenna patiently waited for her answer. Althea put a hand on her chest, as though she could press all these terrifying emotions down and away from her. It didn't work, they just pushed up faster, out of her mouth on a quiet breath.
"Yes," she whispered, "I'm pretty sure I have feelings for him. But it's just too complicated and I'm still the same woman I was two weeks ago. I'm still Jack's wife raising his son."
"You're Jack's widow, there's a big difference. That's why it's a whole different word! You're a living woman and you need someone to share that life with. You were so quick to think Jack sent you Johnny after he died. If that's true, then maybe he sent you two to each other, too," Jenna offered softly.
"I'd never thought of it that way," she said, her voice strengthening. "But it doesn't matter, he's not the kind of guy to want to settle down for real."
"How can you be so sure? From what he said to me last night he sounds pretty crazy about you. He thinks you want him to leave, but I know he wants to be a part of your life," Jenna said
"You're right," Althea said. "And that means I have to go."
"Good for you, girl. Now get out so we can enjoy our sleepover with Johnny," Aubrey said with a smile.
"Thanks guys. What would I do without you?"
"Well, you'll never have to find out," Jenna said, pulling her into a hug and releasing a "humph" when Aubrey roughly threw her arms around the both of them and squeezed.
Althea used the key Griffen had given her and pushed into his room on an excited breath. He must have been pacing because he was standing in the middle of the room, shirtless with only jeans on and his face was tight. God, he was so stunning. The muscles of his well-developed back were rippling with every breath. At the sound of the door, he turned to look at her and the intensity on his face floored her.
"Althea."
She took a breath and said, "Hi Griffen." He walked over and pulled her into his arms, stroking her back gently. She rested her head on his hard chest and inhaled deeply. He was so warm and in that moment she couldn't think of anything other than how wonderful he made her feel.
"Please say something. I'm dying over here," he muttered into her hair as he moved his hands lower to rest right above her bottom.
"You know you distract me when you do that."
"If it's a persuasive distraction, I'll keep it up."
"You know it is."
"Tell me what you're thinking."
She breathed again and looked in his eyes. "Griffen, I never thought of myself as a woman that would let a man take care of her and rely totally on him, but I know now that's what I did with Jack. I completely surrendered my life to him, built my world completely around 'us' — the future we were trying to build — so that when he was gone, I was lost. I can't let that happen again."
"I don't want to take over your life, Althea. I just want to be in it."
"Wow, look who's gotten so serious all of a sudden."
"You have that effect on me gorgeous. You turn me inside out. All I can think about is being with you. Seeing you again. Please tell me you're with me on this." He pulled her more closely to him, his arms wrapping around her waist.
"I'm still scared, Griffen," she said quietly, her eyes downcast.
He tilted her chin up and kissed her lips so softly it was barely a whisper of a touch.
"Because you haven't tried for more with anyone since Jack?"
"Not exactly. Everyone acts like it was a conscious decision to be alone. And maybe that was the way I looked at it at first, but it has always been pretty easy not to be with anyone. No one really appealed to me so there was no reason to question my decision to just be alone."
"But now?" he asked, kissing each of her cheeks and then her forehead.
Althea sighed and looked in his eyes, "You've turned everything upside down."
"Is that a bad thing?"
"It is if I get broken again."
"I told you. You're the strongest person I know," he ran his fingers through he
r hair, resting her head against his chest.
"Griffen, I feel like I'm barely held together as it is. There's just a mess of invisible strings and chewing gum keeping my heart in one piece. A stiff wind could knock it all apart and you...the effect you have on me...it feels like it could be a tornado."
"I refuse to believe you're broken. Yes, you're hurting. You've been hurting for a long time, and so have I, but I think maybe we can heal each other. Together."
"And that's what makes me want to give this a shot. Griffen, I don't know where this is going, but you're right, we can't just let it end. I know that. My nightmare last night, my day without you today, all of it just proves that to me even more. I think it's only fair for me to give this a shot until the end of the semester like you asked. I know you want more, but I appreciate you being willing to accept another baby step."
He grinned and picked her up, spinning her around until her legs were shooting out like a pinwheel. Setting her down with a kiss he said, "You've made me so happy, you know that? That you're willing to see this through with me for however long...thank you, gorgeous."
"Yes, but for how long will you be willing to wait for me? What if I'm never ready to move on for real?" she questioned softly, voicing her deepest concern.
He placed his hand on her chin, rubbing his thumb lightly back and forth across her bottom lip. "Please don't do that."
"What?"
"Think about what may go wrong. When the other shoe will drop."
"What should I do instead?"
"Be here. With me. Now. We'll figure the rest out. I promise. Just trust me."
He kissed her and it went from soft and sweet to hot and intense quickly. He palmed her ass and pulled her into his hardness with enough force to make her gasp at the sensation.
He leaned back, gripping her shoulders tightly, grunting out, "Fuck!"
Althea pulled back quickly, "What's wrong?"
"I wanted to take this slowly. Be sweet with you, but Christ, Althea. You were driving me crazy today. Not talking to me. Not letting me know if you wanted to give whatever this is a chance. I've never wanted all this before. And not knowing if you were just going to let me go. Shit. It's just…"
"I know."
"Yeah?"
"I thought about you all day. I was going crazy, too."
"A text message might have been nice," he chuckled. She laughed with him, suddenly feeling her shoulders relax a bit. "Come here," he said. He pulled her in closely and kissed her. It started sweetly, but as was always the case with them, passion and madness rapidly took them over.
They kept kissing as they walked across the suite to the window where they'd first made love. He pulled off her dress and she quickly tore at his shirt. Clothes were flying as they reached for each other and kissed between each garment.
Griffen suddenly held her face in his hands and controlled their kissing, saying so much to her with his mouth and tongue. He handed her a condom and she opened the packet and slid it over his length.
He pulled back, blue eyes blazing and grabbed her waist, spinning her around. He whispered in her ear, "Put your hands on the window."
She obeyed, placing her hands against the cool glass.
Griffen growled at her, "Open your eyes Althea. Watch us together. I want you to see how beautiful you look when you come with me deep inside you." She gasped as he entered her and gently smoothed away her hair so he could kiss her neck, face, and back with each thrust.
She felt him lean back from her as he ran his hand along her spine, his beautiful face reflected back at her in the glass — so intense and sexy, it aroused her even more. With each thrust, she could see her face contort with pleasure and need. His hands moved to her shoulders, using the leverage to drive more deeply into her, making her scream out. He leaned down, his hard body blanketing her smaller, softer one. One hand cupped a breast while the other reached down to stroke her throbbing clitoris.
It felt so good she thought she might shatter from the overwhelming feeling of joy that overtook her. To feel so complete with this man, after so many years of emptiness — it was almost too much.
Tears welled in her eyes but Griffen kissed them away, then licking and kissing her face, neck, and shoulders.
"Look at us, gorgeous, look at how perfect we look together," he whispered in her ear.
She forced her moist eyes open and looked at the two of them in the window's reflection as he commanded. Their joined reflection was so beautiful to her, from their faces pressed together, to their bodies joined as one, to the faintest hint of the city bustling and glowing beneath them.
He stroked her hair as she blinked her hazy lust-filled eyes. She could barely recognize the wanton woman in front of her, but seeing them as one — he was right — they did look so perfect.
The moment finally took over as tremors started deep within her core, making her fingers almost numb and just as Griffen leaned to her ear again and whispered, "Althea, you're mine, all mine," she fell into a million pieces around him.
Yet, she had no fear, because his arms were wrapped around her and as he came with her, she knew he would be there to put her back together again.
CHAPTER NINETEEN
Griffen was jarred awake by the vibrating of his cellphone on his bedside table.
He answered it quickly, sliding his arm out from underneath Althea's warm body and breathing a sigh of relief when he confirmed she was still sleeping soundly.
He whispered into the phone as he walked to the external room of the suite. "Trey, what's up?"
"Sorry to call so late, but it can't wait. Let me warn you — you're really not going to like what I have to tell you."
"Just say it," Griffen's heart rate started to pick up, alternately eager for a resolution of his investigation and terrified at what negative information Trey was about to give him.
"You know how Jack's widow told you he got a bonus?"
"Yeah."
"Right. Well, he did get a direct deposit from an account that on first glance looked like it came from CMU, but when I peeled away the layers I discovered the source was actually a Chinese-based account with a fictitious name."
"How'd you do that?"
"It was surprisingly easy, let's leave it at that. Griffen, it was the same fictitious name I traced to the accounts on Jack's spreadsheet."
"Shit."
"I also checked out his phone records. Home and cell were clean, but there were multiple calls from a Chinese number to his office line."
Griffen was silent as the words felt like knives to his chest. "Shit," he whispered again.
"Griffen, I know you don't want to hear it..."
"I know. It looks really bad for Jack."
"And this is real evidence now, dude. I know I'm not usually the voice of the law, but this is the military we're talking about here. Treason type shit. I think we need to report what we've found."
"I know. Christ. But what about you? Won't you get in trouble over what you did to find this stuff?"
"I covered my tracks pretty well. Not my first rodeo dude. Besides, with what's at stake here, our use of my special skills is going to be the least of their concerns. Fact is we can't wait anymore man. When we report it they're gonna look at the timing of our knowledge. I mean, it really looks like his death wasn't an accident. These Chinese purchasers may have killed him, or he could've panicked and taken matters in his own hands and..."
"Enough! I get it. Look, I know you're right. Just give me until the morning, okay?"
"Sure."
"Thanks."
"Goodnight man."
"Yeah, goodnight."
Griffen felt sick. He'd hoped he'd have more time to sort through everything, especially before telling Althea. It killed him to tell her and break her heart all over again, but it was better she learn about Jack's secret life and suspicious death from him rather than the Department of Defense.
He walked back into
the bedroom of the suite and looked at Althea's lovely face and parted lips, illuminated by the sliver of moonlight peaking through the hotel curtains. Her massive fall of hair surrounded her and fanned out on the pillow.
She was so beautiful — and she could be his — but he knew telling her the truth meant he might lose her forever. He sat on a chair next to her, trying to memorize every inch of her soft skin, every eyelash, every soft muttering as she mumbled nonsense quietly in her sleep.
Griffen watched her chest rise and fall, only to feel his own constrict increasingly. Each breath she took felt like the ticking of a bomb counting down what may be the last remaining seconds of his only chance at love and happiness in life.
Althea slowly awakened to the feeling of Griffen's rough hand stroking her hip. She opened her eyes to see him leaning over her, tracing a circle around her three birds tattoo.
"Good morning, stud. You keep beating me to waking up," she said taking in his perfect bare torso, reaching up to place an open-mouthed kiss on his shoulder.
"Morning, gorgeous. I do like this tattoo, but I think you should get one of cherries, too. Maybe a cherry blossom."
He kissed her as he gripped her hip over the tattoo. She reveled in his now familiar masculine taste. His mouth tasted of bourbon and mint and she couldn't seem to get enough of it.
"Why cherries?" she asked when they came up for air.
"I always think you taste and smell like cherries, and you're so sweet. That and you look fucking smoking hot in red."
Althea preened at the compliment and curled closer into him. "Well, now that you're staying around and we're giving this a real shot, maybe you can go with me to get one."
His eyes looked haunted and he kissed her forehead then looking deeply into her eyes, "Maybe."
"Griffen, you are very bad at hiding when something's bothering you. What's going on?"
He smiled, but there was no happiness behind it and Althea started to get worried.
"Althea, I need to tell you something."
"Well, I'm pretty sure you aren't secretly a woman, so what is it?" she asked with a wink, masking her concern.
Three Rivers (A Gateway to Love Novel) Page 25
