Miss Daphne murmured her assent.
Louisa pressed her lips together and held back the swift retort. Whatever this party was about, it was not for her enjoyment. ‘Do we know when the Blandishes will arrive?’
‘I wish I had considered sending Rupert with the Blandishes. He could have done with the company.’ Miss Daphne gave an exaggerated yawn. ‘Travelling from Newcastle exhausts aged bones.’
‘In a few weeks’ time when the railway line opens, it will be much quicker. You can drive your carriage down to the train and take it back to Newcastle. It will take no more than three hours.’
‘Three hours.’ Miss Daphne shook her head. ‘We truly live in an age of miracles. I can remember the wagon-ways of my youth. And the steam engines at the pit heads—great rattling things that belched smoke. It is a wonder that they ever were able to move. You will never get me behind one of those monsters.’
‘You should rest, Miss Daphne,’ Louisa said firmly, preparing to offer the old lady her arm. ‘Supper on a tray might be good. I could sit with you to give you company.’
The dimple flashed in the corner of Jonathon’s mouth as if he knew what she had planned and refused to let her win that easily. ‘Miss Daphne should be the judge, but I assure you that tonight’s entertainment will be quiet.’
‘And you should take a turn about the garden. It clears the young mind after a carriage journey,’ Miss Daphne said. The wrinkles on her face seemed more pronounced than ever but a calculating gleam appeared in her eyes. ‘I have a memory of a great cedar tree in the centre of a maze.’
‘The cedar still exists, but the maze is gone,’ Jonathon informed her. ‘My uncle must have done away with it in his youth … when he changed the garden. I think there might be some sketches.’
‘The maze was near a stream, before you came upon the Roman ruins,’ Miss Daphne replied. ‘Mattie adored it.’
‘Ah, I know where you must mean.’ Jonathon’s brow cleared. ‘I can take you there on the way to the house.’
‘Louisa, you may give me a report of the tree. My old bones need to rest.’ Miss Daphne looked at her with a stern expression. ‘I am certain Lord Chesterholm’s servants can show me to my room.’
Miss Daphne swept away as Louisa stared after her in astonishment. Miss Daphne had not complained of feeling tired before. She glanced up at Jonathon, who stood so the shadow from the yew hedge obscured his expression.
Jonathon snapped his fingers and the dogs came to him immediately, sitting by him with expectant faces. Louisa was impressed at how he was able to command such obedience.
‘Miss Elliot appears determined to leave us together. Do we oblige her or not?’ Jonathon murmured, putting his gloved hand under her elbow.
‘Miss Daphne is starting to show her age. It is why she wanted to return to England and say goodbye to the places she loved as a girl while she could. Of course, she also hates it if one reminds her of the fact.’ Louisa tightened her grip on her reticule and attempted to breathe steadily. The last thing she wanted to explain was Miss Daphne’s misguided and utterly obvious attempts at matchmaking. Or the fact that Miss Daphne had guessed that Louisa wanted to build castles in the air.
Just because Jonathon was standing next to her did not mean that her body had to be aware of his every move. She fought the temptation to lean into his light touch and moved her arm. Instantly he released her.
‘How ill is she, Louisa?’
‘Not ill, old. There is a difference. The journey must have tired her out more than I imagined. Oh!’ Louisa cried as a bramble wrapped around her boot and held her fast.
‘Allow me.’ Jonathon bent down. ‘Save getting your fingers dirty.’
‘I can do it myself,’ Louisa replied firmly and she tugged at the bramble, overbalanced and fell to the ground, sending her skirts flying up. The dogs thought it was a great game and began to lick her face, putting their muddy paws all over her travelling dress. She looked up at Jonathon. The corners of his mouth twitched. ‘Don’t you say a word!’
‘I would not dream of it.’ His face instantly became serious.
Louisa’s shoulders shook as she failed to suppress a laugh. Then Jonathon joined in the laughter as she shook her head. ‘I must have looked a sight with my petticoats all in the air.’
‘I was a gentleman and looked away.’ His eyes danced as their laughter mingled. ‘After a brief glimpse to make sure you were uninjured.’
‘My gloves remained clean at any rate. And the mud will sponge off.’
‘Next time, remember—accepting help can be beneficial to one’s dignity.’ He held out an arm. ‘Do you wish to go to the house?’
‘A bit of mud will not hurt me.’ Louisa ignored his hand. ‘I am capable of walking without assistance.’
‘That’s the old Louisa spirit! I had wondered where it had gone.’
Louisa allowed him to stride off a few paces. She shook her head. It was no good. The old Louisa kept threatening to appear. She had to do it. She had to be honest with him. They had to get the rules and boundaries clear or she’d be tempted to fall into old habits again. ‘I…I refused your help as I had no desire to pay the price.’
‘What price would that be?’ He stopped and turned. His face was a cipher.
‘A kiss. I know you of old, Jonathon.’
He raised his eyebrow. ‘What is this in aid of? You keep saying you have changed. Am I not allowed the same courtesy?’
‘Your past actions speak louder than words,’ Louisa said quickly before she lost her nerve. Things needed to be said. Rules drawn up and adhered to by both of them. It was the only way she’d survive this house party. She should have seen that earlier. ‘Will you give me your promise that there will be no attempts at seduction while I am Chesterholm?’
‘Who don’t you trust—me or yourself?’ He crossed the distance between them in a few short strides.
‘It is important we have the rules clear and precise. It makes for an easier life.’
‘Does it? Why?’
‘Your actions … what we shared before … things are different now.’ Louisa twisted the handle of her reticule about her fingers. He was going to understand the boundaries before she went into his house if she had to write them in blood and pin them to his forehead.
‘Which actions? When haven’t I behaved like a gentleman?’ Jonathon’s eyes shone with fire.
‘You think that kissing me at the Assembly Rooms was the act of an honourable man?’
‘There were two people involved in that kiss, Louisa. Stop trying to twist the facts. Or are you saying only gentlemen should refrain from acting on their desires?’
Louisa examined the pearl button on her gloves. He was seeking to twist things. Had he not kissed her, she would have withstood the attraction, but right now her body hummed with awareness. ‘A lady should expect protection from a gentleman. You initiated the kiss. Deny that at your peril.’
‘You recently refused my protection. Does this mean you wish to be kissed?’ There was a steely determination in his features that had not been there the last time they had met. Louisa’s stomach tightened. ‘Do you ever wonder what happened to the girl you used to be?’
‘She and all her dreams vanished, buried under the weight of reality.’
‘It is a pity, as I rather liked her.’ He leant forwards so his hot breath caressed her cheek. ‘And rescuing her.’
‘She made far too many mistakes.’ Louisa stared down at the dogs. ‘She was overly inclined to believe in her dreams and to act before she had considered the consequences. I am far happier being independent and taking the time to consider what is best for me.’
‘Independent? Relying on no one? You were never a naïve fool, Louisa. You had admirable qualities. You grabbed life with both hands. Now you want to run away from it.’
‘I stopped searching for a white knight, Jonathon. I no longer need rescuing, especially from myself.’ Louisa breathed deeply and tried to regain control of her tongu
e. The conversation had strayed beyond the bounds of politeness and it was all her fault. But she also knew that she could not stay, worrying about this. ‘Will you give me your promise, Jonathon? You will stay within the bounds of propriety for my visit here.’
‘Do you truly expect me to answer?’ He regarded her for a long moment. Then his face cleared, and tiny sparkles came into his eyes. ‘Be careful what you wish for, Louisa. I agree to your rules. However, if you should break them, I will consider the agreement null and void. Do we have a deal?’
‘Yes, we do.’ Louisa held out her gloved hand.
He took it for a moment longer than was strictly proper. ‘I look forward to seeing you keep your rules.’
‘I must freshen up after the journey, particularly after falling. The tree can wait until Miss Daphne feels strong enough to accompany me.’ Louisa gave the dogs another pat. The simple action helped distract her. How hard would it be?‘It is amazing how soiled one can get, travelling.’
She started to sweep away, deliberately turning her back on him. She could keep to her rules.
‘I never meant to hurt you, Louisa.’
Something in his voice curled around her insides like an invisible thread and held her there. When she had been on the boat steaming towards Italy, all she had wanted to do was to die. Then she had discovered that one never did die of a broken heart, one simply existed until one day her heart had stopped aching so much. Hurt! He did not even know the meaning of the word. And whatever happened between them here, she would not let him in her heart again. She refused to give him a third chance.
‘It is in the past.’ Her voice sounded thick to her ears as something deep within her flickered and then flared to life. And she knew she lied. The hurt was with her. And what was worse, she wanted to forgive him. ‘In the past, Jonathon. Where it stays.’
‘And the past is to be forgotten and never referred to.’ Jonathon’s words were a statement, rather than a question. She longed to know if it was what he believed, or what he wanted to believe. The past for her could never be forgotten.
Louisa turned around and saw him standing there with the two dogs sitting at his feet. A faint breeze ruffled his golden-brown hair. He was the very picture of masculine temptation. And she knew if he made one gesture towards her that she would be lost. And it was pointless as whatever should have been said between them needed to have been said years ago. He made it sound like she should forget everything that had happened and start again. It was not that easy … not for her.
‘I find it best to keep the past in the past,’ she said. ‘I turned my face towards the future years ago.’
‘Have you, indeed? Then why are you so afraid of it?’
Jonathon took a step closer, watching the way Louisa worried her bottom lip. An errant curl of red hair skimmed her cheek and her bonnet was askew. He was very tempted to forget his resolutions and kiss her. His mouth longed to taste her. But he was greedy. He wanted to possess more than just her body.
‘Why does your past frighten you if it means nothing?’
‘I am not frightened of anything,’ Louisa said quickly, far too quickly. ‘You know about Sir Francis. I want to be able to look him in the eye when I return to Sorrento.’
‘Tempted, are we, Louisa?’ he asked in a low murmur, forcing the jealous rage back down his throat. ‘You are making paper-thin excuses. You have no intention of marrying Sir Francis. You value your independence too highly. His name is a shield, nothing more. He does not make your blood sing or your body thrum with desire. But every time you want to kiss me, you mention him. Are you going to marry him, Louisa, or are you going to be true to your ideals?’
His entire being tensed as he waited. The last time he’d been this tense, Arthur was being born and he was waiting to hear if he might live. Louisa had to tell the truth or the temptation to seduce her and claim her as his own would grow too great. And if he did that, he’d lose her. She had to come to him. Their desire had to be a mutually acknowledged thing.
Louisa crossed her arms, glared at him. Suddenly a broad smile broke out across her face. ‘Yes, you are right. I will never marry him. I have no plans to marry anyone. I have decided to follow Miss Mattie’s example and remain a spinster. Satisfied?’
Jonathon ground his teeth. She had relinquished the myth of Sir Francis, but had raised a formidable shield in its place and he had allowed it to happen. Spinster? Louisa was far too alive to become a dried-up old maid. ‘Did Miss Elliot desire you to become an ape leader?’
Louisa wrinkled her nose. ‘Miss Mattie was a shining example of why spinsters should not be pitied, but admired.’
‘Which is why you want to create rules to keep your independence.’
‘I want to make sure that we both understand the rules before this house party of yours begins. Too much is unsettled between us.’
‘Some rules are meant to be broken.’ He lowered his voice to a purr.
‘And others need to be kept. Rules keep people safe.’
‘The enjoyment is in deciding which is which. Taking a risk.’ He paused. How far could he push her? He had to time her shattering. Too soon and she’d slip through his fingers. ‘Do you know how to take risks in this new life of yours, Louisa? I can remember when you caught that horse, the one that shied with Margaret on it. When everyone shouted at you to stay away. You broke the rules then.’
‘That was a long time ago and I acted on pure instinct.’ Louisa spoke quickly, blotting out the memory. Instinct was not something to be proud of. Instinct led to trouble. ‘I thought everyone would understand that I acted out of the purest of motives. It was not to attract attention, like some accused me of.’
‘Perception is all.’
‘It is indeed and it is important that Miss Daphne does not get any ideas in her head.’ Louisa attempted a sophisticated laugh, but it came out like a strangled cat. ‘I doubt she is very tired. She is normally an excellent traveller with far more stamina than I, but generally very little interest in cedar trees.’
‘Why would she want to do that?’ He reached out and adjusted her bonnet so it sat squarely on her head. ‘Why would she possibly think that we had any interest in each other? Particularly after you told her the truth about what happened four years ago.’
Louisa scuffed her kid boot in the dirt and ignored the way his finger happened to lightly brush across her temple. ‘Perhaps she thinks a relationship with you will make me stay in England. She seeks to fan embers where there are none.’
‘How can she meddle when we both know what she is on about? And if you say there is no attraction … she will believe you as you never change your mind.’ Jonathon’s eyes danced.
‘I suppose you are right. After this conversation, we both know where we stand.’ Louisa wrinkled her nose. Jonathon appeared amused rather than annoyed by the situation. Perhaps she was unduly worried. Perhaps he felt none of this insistent attraction when they were together.
‘I know I am right. You are worrying over nothing.’ His eyes crinkled. ‘I am anxious to show you the comforts of Chesterholm Grange. It has become my home and I could wish for no finer place to live.’
‘It seems very austere and grand from the outside.’
‘It is what is on the inside that counts, its heart. It is my creed. You said it to me when I despaired of my carriage not being up to the minute.’
‘I may have done. I used to be impertinent.’
‘You were perfection that day.’
‘Only the memory is perfection.’
He was silent for a long moment. And she knew he remembered the incident as well as she did. It was after he had returned a victor from the race that he had asked her to marry him, declaring that she was the best thing to ever happen to him, his personal lucky charm. ‘It was a long time ago. We agreed. The past stays in the past.’
‘I have written out a schedule.’ Louisa dug into her reticule. ‘It came to me during one of our all-too-brief stops. I trust you will find it a
dequate.’
He barely glanced at it before tearing it into four pieces. ‘That won’t be necessary. Not today. Possibly not ever.’
‘But … but …’
‘The walk to the cedar tree can wait for another day. Be sure to schedule it,’ he said, lifting his chin and becoming every inch the disdainful aristocrat whose smile only showed pity for a lesser mortal. ‘I have no wish to quarrel with you, Louisa.’
‘Then this conversation is over as we are quarrelling.’ Louisa forced her lips to smile as sweetly as possible. Once such a display of arrogance would have sent her blood boiling but she had learnt the value of keeping a cool head and sticking rigidly to the rules of politeness. ‘I think in future, Jonathon, it would be best if we kept Miss Daphne with us and the topics safe.’
‘Do you have a list of safe topics? Or am I to guess?’ His lips quirked upwards. ‘And I thought you were immune to my charms.’
‘I am, but this goes beyond charm. It is provocation.’ Louisa tapped her foot on the ground. ‘I will not be held responsible if I am driven beyond all civility.’
The colour in his eyes deepened to a storm-tossed green. He moved closer—so close that if she breathed deeply her chest would brush his frock coat. ‘You have no idea how provoking I can be.’
‘I know exactly how provoking you are right now.’ Louisa straightened her shoulders and gave him a quelling look. She could ignore her racing pulse and the way her breath came a little quicker. ‘I have no time for such things. Our rules.’
He looked down at her. His face betrayed little emotion as his gaze travelled slowly down her form and then back up again, lingering on her curves. ‘Some day, Louisa, you will not feel the need for shields with their rules and regulations. Schedules and lists chain you and keep you prisoner rather than free you.’
‘And I devotedly pray that day will never come as then I will cease to be me,’ she said, looking him directly in the eye.
‘When that day comes, you will prefer the person you have become.’ He tilted his head and silently assessed her. ‘Or maybe it will be the old impulsive you. I find I miss her.’
Breaking the Governess's Rules Page 10
