Conversion to PET #3: Yes, I’m scared, but I’ll get on with it anyway.
PIT #4: I shouldn’t do it because I might fail
The fear of failure is very common among those with Imposter Syndrome. This PIT is so deeply ingrained that it prevents them from progressing with action. The risk of failure is real with any action. But just because you failed, doesn’t mean that you are a fraud. It only means that you are willing to do something, even if it means risking failure.
Once again, the difference between having a FIXED mindset (which is common among those with Imposter Syndrome) versus having a GROWTH mindset can mitigate this fear of failure. With a FIXED mindset, failure is the end. There is nowhere else to go. Whereas with a GROWTH mindset, failure is just part of the learning experience. It is not the end. There is still much that can be done and lots of room for improvement and growth.
Adopting a GROWTH mindset can help those with Imposter Syndrome to embrace opportunities despite the potential risk of failure because having a GROWTH mindset will help them to see the opportunities for learning. Without action, you remain still. Without action, there will be no progress. Ask yourself, “what would you miss out on because you were too scared of failure?”
Conversion to PET #4: Yes, I might fail, but I could learn from the experience even if I do.
PIT #5: I can’t do it because it has to be perfect (and I am not)
Maladaptive perfectionism can stop those with Imposter Syndrome from taking action. With maladaptive perfectionism, standards tend to be set too high, too rigid, and overly unrealistic. Considering that those with Imposter Syndrome have self-doubt to begin with, it is not surprising that setting standards of perfection will only heighten feelings of inadequacy.
When confronted with this PIT, reflect on your goals and expectations:
Are your standards too high, too rigid, or unrealistic?
If so, what adjustments can you make?
Some might answer "yes" to the first question and possibly complain that I am attempting to encourage my readers to lower their standards.
This is not my intention.
Far from it.
Addressing this PIT does NOT mean succumbing to mediocrity by delivering substandard outcomes.
What it means is understanding the goals and expectations that we set for ourselves, and for others, and recognizing what is possible to achieve on our own, and what is possible with the help of others, within a given timeframe.
In her book, “The Secret Thoughts of Successful Women,” award-winning author, Dr Valerie Young, stated that competence does NOT mean you need to know everything; nor is it about doing everything on your own. It doesn’t even mean that you must do everything perfectly, every time.
“Instead,” Young says, “competence means knowing how to identify the resources needed to get the job done.” You just need to do what you can, to do what you must (even if it means asking for help from others sometimes).
Learning to recognize that we are “mere mortals” can help those with Imposter Syndrome to understand their own abilities and access available support if they need it.
Therefore, when you're setting goals and expectations and you’re confronted with the questions, “are these too high, too rigid, or unrealistic? Do I need adjustments?”… consider adjusting your plan of action, not your target:
What is the first, small, baby step I need to take to START working on this?
When will I take this first step?
How much time will I need?
What resources will I need?
Do I need help from others?
In other words, assess your abilities, resources and plan of action first, before even thinking about moving your goal post. You may have very high, rigid, and seemingly unrealistic (end) goals to begin with, but by seeing these as long-term aspirations and by taking one small baby step at a time, you may be able to achieve what you aspire to achieve in the long run, however impossible it may seem at the start.
But remember to take your COACH with you on this journey (see Chapter 2), so you can keep your commitment, stay accountable, and have someone to cherish these moments with.
Conversion to PET #5: I am not perfect, but I can still do this with a bit of time and support from others.
PIT #6: I will do it, even if it means I burn out
This inner critic PIT is dangerous. While the first five PITs could stop you from taking action, this one could potentially make you over-do things until you get completely burnt out.
Action is good.
But too much of it (just as with anything else in life) can be bad for your health.
For those with Imposter Syndrome, working until complete burn out is not uncommon. Because of their self-doubt, they believe that they need to work very hard and exert a lot of effort to get something done because they are afraid that if they don’t, they won’t be able to produce what is expected from them.
I have experienced this myself on countless occasions. Despite my credentials and track record of academic competence, I worked very long hours, sometimes clocking in 80-hour work weeks, because I feared that if I didn't put in the hours, the work I produced wouldn't be good enough. I read, re-read, and re-wrote research papers numerous times, even if it was already good enough for submission after the 3rd draft.
I’ve always doubted myself. I keep saying, “it can be better, it can be better, it can be better”, even if continuing to work on it doesn’t add any further value. Sometimes, doing more work even makes it worse!
(Thank goodness for the "undo" and "save as" functions on my computer.)
But I just can’t let it go. I felt the need to continuously work on drafts and will only let go when I absolutely need to (i.e., it’s time to send it over to the boss).
When it comes to addressing this PIT, the economic law of diminishing returns comes to mind. This refers to how the effectiveness of effort when applied to a task starts to decline after a certain level of result has been achieved. In other words, once your efforts have reached a certain level, its impact on the overall outcome will start to decline. Therefore, it will be futile to exert more time and effort on a task after this level has been reached because it is no longer adding value to the final output.
In my case, I was forced to confront this PIT by limiting the amount of time I spent on specific tasks. This became especially relevant when my son was born. In the past, my life revolved around my work and I devoted most of my time to it. But when my son was born, I realized how precious my time was. Extra time spent at work meant extra time lost with my son; time which would be better spent building wonderful childhood memories with him and my husband.
To be honest, it was extremely hard for me to limit my working hours initially because old habits kept creeping back in. I even had a nervous breakdown at one point because of the pressure I felt to maintain the same work expectations I had achieved before I had my son.
But it was just not possible.
My time was limited; and yet the amount of work I pushed myself to complete stayed the same. Something had to give. In the end, it was my mental health that caved in.
Recovering from my nervous breakdown was tough, but making the choice to get better became easier as my son grew and started to show his fun and delightful personality. When I realized that what I do, how I am, and how I spent my time impacted him, suddenly, it was not just about me anymore. It was never just about me after all. I had to make a choice and prioritize my time accordingly. Therefore, I chose to limit my work within the 35-hour working week in my contract and only do work that is possible within that timeframe.
My Imposter Syndrome kicked up a huge tantrum as it kept insisting that I needed to perform as much as I used to, otherwise people would find out that I was not good at what I do. But I brushed that thought aside and answered, “as long as I provide value for my students and get the job done to the quality that is required, then I am doing what I’m supposed to be doing. No mor
e, no less.”
Did my performance at work decline?
No, not at all.
In fact, I surprised myself with how much I managed to do during the time I needed to be at work as I had to keep laser-like focus to ensure that I completed what I had to do during my allocated working hours.
Things that needed to be done got done without me agonizing over trivial details that didn’t really matter.
Did people say awful things about me or my work?
No, not at all.
In fact, several students have extended deep appreciation for my contributions in their learning experience. Some colleagues have also been extra supportive, especially during the rough times when my Imposter Syndrome was at its worst.
Did my wellbeing get better?
In time, yes, it did.
It took me two years to recover, but I eventually got there in the end.
5
GO FROM STRENGTH TO STRENGTH WITH JUST A BIT OF T.L.C.
YOU ARE MAKING GOOD PROGRESS. You identified inner critic PITs that stop you from taking action; you converted these into PETs; and you got on with it.
Great! What’s next?
Simple: keep up the momentum.
And you tried. But just when you thought you were free from Imposter Syndrome, your inner critic comes up with new tricks to get you back to questioning yourself again.
In this chapter I will show you how to give your inner critic some “TLC” so you can examine constructively whatever PIT it throws at you and maintain your momentum to stay out of the Imposter Syndrome Cycle.
(And erm, no, “TLC” does not mean tender-loving-care in this context.)
Are you ready to give your inner critic the TLC it deserves?
Then PAME!
(Let’s go together!)
The “TLC” questioning sequence
According to Albert Ellis, pioneer of Rational Emotive Therapy, our beliefs contribute to the way we respond to adversity. He developed the ABC model, which explains how our response to A (adversity) is influenced by B (our beliefs), which leads to C (consequences).
However, sometimes, the beliefs that we hold can be irrational (i.e., untrue, illogical, or destructive). Thus, Ellis (together with Dryden) extended the ABC model to include D (dispute over irrational beliefs) and E (new effect), to help people to challenge their irrational beliefs so they can respond to adversity in a more constructive manner.
In the same way, adjusting irrational beliefs and adopting a more positive mindset when confronted with challenging tasks can help individuals escape the Imposter Syndrome Cycle.
To assist in this process, I developed the TLC questioning sequence as a guide to encourage people to ask questions that can help them to challenge, reflect and act upon their inner critic PITs and convert these into PETs.
TLC is a questioning sequence that stands for:
TRUE
LOGICAL
CONSTRUCTIVE
Let’s break it down into its components and explore some examples of how we can use this in practice.
Question 1: Is it TRUE?
Some thoughts perpetuated by your inner critic are just blatant lies. Which is why it is important to distinguish between thoughts that are true and thoughts that are not.
For example, you may be starting at a new job and you begin having thoughts like:
“I am NOT qualified to do this.”
Just ask the question:
“Is it true?”
“Reeeeaaaally??? You’re NOT qualified to do this?”
Asking these questions (out loud, if you must), will force you to look for an answer based on FACTS. On this occasion, you may need to check your resume to answer this question.
If this PIT is a lie conjured by your inner critic, then you will probably find relevant qualifications and/or experience that got you hired to do this job in the first place.
The trouble with Imposter Syndrome is that it pulls you into the habit of doubting yourself to the extent that even facts about who you are and what you have accomplished get thrown out of the window.
Stick with the FACTS.
Deal with the TRUTH.
When you are convinced that the PIT is a lie, discard it and replace it with a more useful PET.
For example:
PIT: “I am NOT qualified to do this.”
PET: “I AM qualified to do this – that’s why I got hired.”
If you are doubting whether something is true or not, then you may need to look for evidence to help answer this question.
This evidence must be:
Valid – does this evidence provide a sound basis to answer the question?
Reliable – will this evidence provide the same answer consistently?
Sufficient – is this evidence enough to answer the question?
Let's consider this inner critic PIT as an example:
PIT: Everyone seems to know what they are doing except me
Is it true? I’m not sure.
Do you have evidence? Yes, I've observed it myself.
Is this evidence valid? No, my observation does not provide a sound basis to answer the question. Just because people appear to know what they are doing, it doesn't mean that they actually do.
Is this evidence reliable? No, my observation may not be able to provide the same answer consistently. My observation could be influenced by my mood and current feelings of self-doubt (i.e., I can only see what I want to see).
Is this evidence sufficient? No, what I can observe may be limited.
Ask the question again: is it true? No, based on the quality of the evidence provided, it is not true.
PET: Everyone may seem to know what they are doing but I can only observe what other people are showing. There could be a lot more going on than meets the eye.
***
If you don’t have evidence to assess whether the PIT is true or not, then you may need to either assume that the PIT is untrue due to the lack of evidence, or you can generate evidence through action. For example:
PIT: People are giving me too much credit for what I do.
Is it true? I’m not sure.
Do you have evidence? Not really. I never bothered to collect evidence.
ACTION: Collect evidence
Create a list of the good things people are saying about what I do
Reflect on whether each item is true or not
OUTCOME: People are very complimentary about what I do. It makes me feel uncomfortable sometimes, but I must admit that some of what they say has a grain of truth to it. It does feel nice to be appreciated sometimes.
PET: People are giving me credit for what I do because I deserve it.
***
Here’s another example:
PIT: My work is rubbish – people are just being nice to me.
Is it true? I’m not sure.
Do you have evidence? Yes, I've seen my work – it’s rubbish!
Is this evidence valid? No, my judgment does not provide a sound basis to answer the question.
Is this evidence reliable? No, my judgment is dependent on my mood and current feelings of self-doubt.
Is this evidence sufficient? No, I should ask for feedback from someone who can judge my work and be honest with me. Perhaps I can do it anonymously so they won’t feel the need to be nice to me.
ACTION: Get honest, anonymous feedback.
OUTCOME: Based on the anonymous feedback, it turned out my work was just fine. It needed some minor amendments to make it better, but it wasn’t completely rubbish like I first thought.
PET: My work is not rubbish. It only needs minor improvements which I can fix.
***
There may also be circumstances wherein multiple sources of evidence may be required to answer the question more reliably. For example:
PIT: I am not qualified – I just got the job because they like me.
Is it true? I’m not sure.
Do you have evidence? Yes, they were nice to me.<
br />
Do you have further evidence? Yes, I have my resume, job description and person specification from the job’s ad.
Ask the question again: Is it true that you only got the job because they liked you? Based on the evidence provided, it is possible that I was hired because I fulfilled the criteria from the job description and person specifications and outranked the other candidates based on those standards.
PET: I am qualified. I got the job because my credentials fulfilled the criteria required for the job.
Question 2: Is it LOGICAL?
Some PITs may be true, but that doesn’t mean that their implied consequences follow a logical order.
What does this mean?
This means that although sometimes the PIT’s premise may be true, the conclusions that we infer from them may not be.
For example, there are people who feel different from the rest of their colleagues because of factors such as sex, race, sexual orientation, religion, educational background, and so on. Their inner critic may develop a PIT that sounds like: I am different (premise), therefore, I don’t deserve this job (conclusion).
Imposter Syndrome Remedy Page 4
