Awkward.
"Sorry." I mumble and scramble out of his lap.
We haven't been close like this for a while and it seems a little awkward. A sad smile crosses his face.
"Good you found her Manolos.” Hope’s mom steps into the room and picks up the discarded show box from the floor. “I know she wanted you to have them."
"Really?" I squeak.
"Yes, dear don't you remember the day I gave them to her? You two were prancing around the living room in them.”
A hint of a small smile crosses her face at the memory.
"Umm, okay if you're sure." I mumble still feeling a little weird about it.
She only just now notices my face which is no doubt blotchy with bloodshot eyes from my ugly crying.
"Are you all right, Hailee?"
No. No, I'm not. I'm an epic mess.
"I will miss you.” Mrs. Kennedy sighs not waiting for an answer and uncharacteristically pulls me into a tight hug. "I hope you know how much Hope loved you."
"I do." I choke out, silently praying the tears don't start again.
"You too, Nick," she says before advancing on him for a hug. "I think Hope would see poetry in the fact that she will always be known as the young, wild and carefree spirit that she was."
Mrs. Kennedy muses looking around the room. "Which is why I'm sorry to rush you kids, but the movers will be here shortly, and I need to make a start in here."
And there she is. Mrs Kennedy back to business.
"Yes, of course, sorry." Nick says.
"I might take some of the pictures if that is okay Mrs. Kennedy?" I ask as I approach the dresser.
"Yes, dear.”
"Thank you." I smile back before beginning to untack them from the mirror.
A few minutes later the doorbell rings to signal the arrival of the movers and Mrs. Kennedy rushes to greet them.
"Is there anything you want to keep?" I turn to Nick as I stack the photos neatly.
"No, I don't need anything else." he simply says, shrugging.
We walk down the stairs in silence to find Hope's mom and say goodbye. She thanks us for coming and pulls us into another hug but not before giving us each a piece of paper with her new address.
“Keep me updated on graduation and college,” she insists and we both promise we would. Still carrying my bag, which I can't even remember how he ended up with, Nick pulls out my keys and unlocks my Jeep.
"I'll drive," he states walking around to open the passenger side door for me. I start to argue but the determined look on his face gives me pause. I know he means well but it's too much.
The lies, Hope's mom, Nick, it's too much. I just can't right now.
"I'm going to have a lie down. I have a headache." I mutter when I get back up to my room.
I don't really, but I just need some space.
"I'll get some aspirin." Nick offers quickly.
And that's when I crack. I can't take it anymore.
"No!" I cry out annoyed and frustrated.
"Nick, just stop. I'm not an invalid, I can get my own damn aspirin."
"Uh sorry, I was just trying to help." His shocked and hurt expression breaks my heart, but I need to just rip the band-aid off. Now. I sit down on the edge of my bed.
"I know. I'm sorry." I whisper numbness taking over. He comes over to sit beside me and rubs my back with his comforting hand, but I flinch and move away.
"Nick, I'm sorry but I can't do this. It's too much, too soon. I just can't." I grimly comment, avoiding his eyes like the coward that I am.
"It's all right, Hails. Have a rest and I'll just chill with your Dad downstairs." He smiles sweetly at me.
"No…" I trail off hanging my head afraid if I look at him, I'll change my mind.
"Wait what?… You don't mean…" He questions gruffly, as the realization hits him like a tonne of bricks.
"No, Hails, don't. Don't do this, just give it time and….and…" He trails off unable to find the words.
I don't say anything, just stand there pathetically.
"Dammit, Hailee!" He stands suddenly, pacing the room. "I thought we were past all this shit? I thought this was it now? What happened?"
"What happened?!" I screech needing to just make this end.
"What happened is you lied to me! What happened is my best friend died and not even six months later, I'm dating her boyfriend! You remember her, right?" I spit nastily. "Tall, gorgeous, kindest person ever? Ring any bells?"
"But-"
"How could we even think this was okay?" I mutter and notice the photos from Hope's room spilling out from my discarded bag on the floor.
"I mean, you're in as many photos here as me." I pick them up and throw them at him. "See, this one." I pick one up. "This was when you threw that surprise party for her birthday last year because she was devastated she'd be away for her actual birthday. And this," I pick out another photo pushing it in his face, "Was when she sprained her ankle and you carried her around for a week because she hated the crutches and was so slow on them.”
"But that-" Nick starts to explain, and I know I will cave with his reasoning, but I just can't.
"But nothing, Nick. This was a mistake. None of this should have ever happened." I try to exude conviction, but I can feel it wavering and the tears rimming.
"I think you should go now."
"Fine. If you want to use Hope, as an excuse to shut me out again then so be it. But don't think for one second, that I believe that bullshit. We have something. Something fucking epic. You love to read about the happy endings in your books, but when you might actually have a chance at it yourself, you turn your back and run scared. I want to be here for you Hails, I really do, but I just can't do that if you won't let me."
He storms towards the door, halting suddenly just before he reaches it. Not turning around he pulls something out of his jacket pocket and places it on the dresser against the wall.
"This is yours." he whispers, and it's laced with heartache. Then without another word or glance back he strides not only out of my bedroom but out of my life. I already know what's sitting on the dresser. It's my necklace. The one he had specially made for me as a Christmas gift. The one I threw at him.
I slowly pick it up before clasping it against my chest and collapsing onto my bed letting the misery and tears engulf me.
Chapter 35
“Happy Valentine’s Day babe! I love you.”
“I love you, more.”
“No, I love you more.”
“Just shut up already!” I slam my locker shut with such force the loved up couple leaning against the one next to mine, arguing about who loves each other more, finally come out of their stupid bubble.
“What did you say?” The girl snarks back at me. I recognize her as a JV cheerleader. Makes sense as I look over at the guy and he’s the JV Quarterback.
“I said, shut up! No one wants to hear that shit.”
“Just because you got dumped.” The cheerleader who’s name is maybe Victoria, hisses back.
So many emotions are boiling up right now, anger, sadness, grief and now annoyance just to top it off.
“I did not-” I’m about ready to blow my lid, when Issy grabs my arm and steers me down the hall.
“Oh no, you don’t.” she warns. “There’s no need to go all psycho on random people. You’re past that remember?”
“Not today I’m not.” I mumble.
“Hails, I know today isn’t a good day. But it’s just one day. Tomorrow will be better, I promise.” She squeezes my arm.
“I gotta go. Better get my pep on for cheer practice.” I mock and clasp my hands together.
Guilt sets in instantly and I turn back around to Issy.
“I’m sorry. It’s just a shit day.”
“The shittest, I know, but you don’t need to apologize. Now go to practice so you can go home and be rid of people for the day.”
“You’re the best.” I give her a quick hug before running off to
practice.
"Hailee! You're out of step again!" Natalie shouts causing her way to high ponytail to swish around like a horse's tail.
I swear she is enjoying it.
"Yeah sorry, my bad."
I am not on my game today. Frustrated with myself more than anything, I try to focus. I know this routine like the back of my hand but today I am distracted. Today would have been Hope's eighteenth birthday. Double gut punch as it’s also Valentine’s Day.
"Hailee! Get your shit together, you're messing everyone else up!"
“No need to get your knickers in a knot," I mumble as we step back into formation to start again.
"What did you say?" She steps up to my face, with pure anger radiating off her.
“Dammit Natalie! What the fuck is your problem?" I scream and everyone on the field stops, the squad, the football team, the track team, everyone.
I don't care, I'm so over this bitch's attitude towards me, it was a couple of missteps. It's not like she is Miss Fucking Perfect.
"You're my problem, Hailee! You waltz around here like you own the place and think it's all right to do whatever the fuck you please. It should have been you instead of Hope!"
Oh no, this bitch didn't. I let out a shriek and lunge for her, knocking her straight to the ground.
"You, stupid bitch! You don't know anything!"
"Whoa, girls. Girls!" Ms. Evans pulls me off Natalie kicking and screaming.
She calls out to the rest of the squad. "Practice is finished everyone, off you go. Not you, Hailee"
"What! She started it!" My arms are flying around in my defense.
I don't need this shit. Normally, I'm not a why me person but fuck can't I just catch a break?
"I know, but you jumped at her. You know the school's zero violence policy. I should be suspending you.” She eyes me sternly.
“But I won’t this time. If this happens again though, I'll have to put it on your record.”
Fuck that means colleges will see it. Yale! Shit, I could have lost Yale.
"Sorry. It won't happen again. I promise"
I mean it. I can't lose my future, especially over that bitch Natalie. Just two months and I'm gone. Outta here and never look back.
"Good. Now two laps of the field and then you can go.”
That's fair, I'll take it. Breaking into a slow jog around the field. Stupidly I let my gaze wander over to where the football team are doing their drills. They train year-round, even though some of the team are graduating, the Junior Varsity players moving up need to get ready for next season.
I catch Nick regarding me with narrowed eyes and stay locked on for longer than I should before turning away. We haven't spoken since that night. The night I ended it.
He texted me a few hours after to apologize for yelling and said he would keep his distance. Then that was it. No more messages or contact of any sort, nada.
I know I wanted space and it helped, but as much as I hate to admit it, I didn't think he would actually do it. I thought he'd fight for us. For me.
Instead, he walked away that night and hasn't looked back. I've hardly even seen him at school, I got the distinct impression he was avoiding me at all costs. Which I more than deserve. He was one hundred percent right. I was just creating an excuse to push him away. I've wanted to call him a million times and tell him I was a world-class jerk, but it almost seems too late now. Like too much time has passed. Plus, obviously he isn't losing sleep over it.
That’s because you broke up with him. Shut up brain, no one asked you.
"What the fuck are you doing?" I growl as I shove Natalie away from Hope's locker in the now empty girls change rooms.
She doesn't fight me or retaliate in any shape or form. She just slumps down on the timber bench that sits between the two rows of lockers, staring at her hands in her lap. I turn away from her to check the damage. Stupid bitch is not going to get away with this. Inspecting the locker, I can't see anything new there. It's just Hope's name sticker and the handwritten gold song lyrics which it looks like someone has started to retrace….
I snap my head back to Natalie and the sharpie now sitting at her feet on the floor. A gold sharpie.
"You? Y-You wrote this?" I accuse with a hint of bitterness.
I have my answer when she doesn't respond or even look at me, I gape at her with astonishment.
"But you hated her."
"I didn't hate her," she whispers. “I loved her.”
For the first time, that I've seen anyway, Natalie's face isn't twisted into a scowl. Her face is expressionless, but I can see she is wary, and her eyes are bloodshot from crying.
It should have been you instead of Hope!
Wait? What! Realization dawns on me like first light. There were rumors last year that Natalie liked girls, but I didn't really take too much notice.
Firstly, who cares if someone is gay. Love is love. Secondly, it's high school, the amount of rumors and gossip that circulates is just ridiculous. Only those who have been the subject of the vicious gossip would understand fully. Another reason I can't wait for it to end.
"You loved her?" I repeat not bothering to hide my surprise at this development.
"Yes." she states with more vigor. "And she loved me."
Hold the phone! WHAT!
Before I can say anything, Natalie hands me her phone. It's opened at a picture of her and Hope. Natalie has her eyes closed and is kissing Hope's cheek. Hope's eyes are also closed tight with a huge grin across her face that makes her look like she's glowing.
"But what about-"
"He knew. Nick knew the whole time. Their relationship wasn't real."
I stagger to the bench and sit down. Absorbing. Processing.
"I don't know all of the specifics with them." Natalie starts to explain wiping her face with her palms.
"Hope and I first started hanging out last Summer before Junior year started. She was extremely confused and tried to fight it. I knew I liked her, but she struggled to accept her feelings as easily. She tried to ignore them.
That’s when she came up with the Nick plan. People were already talking and speculating about them. You know what this place is like. Before long they were being referred to as the next golden couple of Sanctuary Cove. It was also around that time that rumors started about me. I'm sure you heard them?"
I nod in agreement but don't say anything, letting her continue.
"Hope wasn't connected to the rumors, but she freaked out. She was scared her mom would find out and she was petrified that you would think differently of her. Nick was so kind and understanding. He agreed to the fake relationship to protect her. Initially, it was only supposed to be a temporary thing, but then it blew up and suddenly there was talk of Prom nominations. The way she talked about needing to win Prom Queen, it's like she was possessed. She knew her best bet was with Nick. They were such good friends anyway, what was the harm in just a few more months, she had said.”
Natalie shakes her head sadly.
“I could tell Nick wasn’t as sure, but he reluctantly agreed. I knew something else was up with him even before he confessed one night over winter break, totally wasted, that there was someone else and it was killing him not to be with her."
Lucy. He was with Lucy last winter. That's who Hope was talking about in the car, before the accident. A hot poker pierces my heart as the truth slowly destroys every part of me. That's why he didn't fight for me, for us and why would he when he is in love with Lucy.
Chapter 36
Natalie and I talk for a while longer before she leaves to go to work. I am still trying to process everything but it's all clicking together in some strange way. Hope was dead set against PDA and consistently refused to talk about her and Nick's 'relationship', always citing it was personal and no one, not even her best friends’ business. I never questioned it because, well, I didn't have a reason to. It's so obvious now though.
A crack of thunder makes me jump just as I'm walking out to my Jeep
. I tilt my head up to the sky, large ominous black clouds are merging and taking over the sun. Perfect match for my current mood. Thanks Zeus.
Thankfully, I get to my Jeep just before the sky opens up and drenches the ground with so much ferocity I would have been soaked in seconds. I sit there staring out the windshield but not focusing on anything in particular. Just thinking and contemplating if I should do what I'm thinking about doing.
Before I chicken out, I pull out my phone from my gym bag and open a new text to Nick. I'm not brave enough to do this in person so text it is, the 21st century tool for the cowards of the world.
Me: I know about Natalie and Hope. Thank you for being there for her, she was lucky to have you.
I watch my phone, waiting for a response, my heart hammering, my fingers tapping on the side of my plain black case. The three little dots pop up causing me to hold my breath but then disappear without a reply. Well, I guess it's official then. Zero hope of us even being friends again if he won't accept my olive branch.
Your own stupid, stupid fault, Hailee.
Another two simultaneous bursts of thunder rip me from my pity party and back to the fact that I'm still sitting in my car. In a nearly deserted school carpark. In the middle of a raging storm.
Feeling even more deflated than before I go to start my car, an overwhelming need to get home consumes me. The sooner I can curl up under my covers in bed, the better. Except my car isn’t starting.
What the hell? Tick, Tick, Tick then nothing.
"Are you fucking serious?" I scream and smack the steering wheel with both hands.
Tears were already streaming down my face. Resting my head against the seat I close my eyes and attempt a few deep breaths. Dad's at work so he's out. Issy is in Seattle for something with her Dad. Mads? I call her but it rings out to voicemail. Dammit. Natalie is already gone as I saw her drive out a few minutes ago.
I crane my neck around to check out the cars still in the lot, but the heavy curtain of rain makes it impossible to see a thing. Twisting back a flash of red crosses the grass in front of me catching my eye. I narrow in on it. Mason! Still committed to memory I quickly dial his number, my knee bouncing impatiently waiting for him to answer.
Just a Little Complicated: A Highschool Sports Romance (SANCTUARY COVE Book 1) Page 15
