“Uh, that’s good to hear,” he swallowed nervously again.
Although I had been holding on to my laughter, Carson couldn’t. He started busting up laughing and I looked up at Jack and winked. His face contorted to a shocked one and I couldn’t hold in my laughter any longer and began to laugh as I walked back to Carson. He wrapped his arms around me and kissed my lips.
“You are the best, you know that? Putting my brother in his place so easily, I love it.”
“You’ve got one amazing girl there.” Jack said adjusting himself.
It made Carson laugh harder. I felt bad. Jack had been nothing but kind to me. However, he did interrupt us right when it was about to get good.
“Thank you,” I said overly sweet.
Jack rolled his eyes, “Come on, let’s get you checked out.”
I kissed Carson one last time before walking upstairs with Jack. Stopping at the top of the stairs to try and catch my breath. Sitting on the top step, my chest was heaving. I felt like I had run a marathon, instead of just climbing twenty-three stairs. Jack hadn’t noticed my troubles. He continued on his way to the bedroom. I dropped my head to my knees and grabbed the banister squeezing with all I have. Little squeaks escaped as I continued to struggle to catch my breath.
I felt hands on me as hazy words started to fill my mind. My head was tingling and partially numb.
“Colleen listen to me, you are having an asthma attack. I need you to focus on my voice and lift your head up.”
I lifted my head up and it lolled back. “Hel…p…mmm…ee”
“I am. I am.” He started messing in his bag and the next thing I feel is a stick and his hand rubbing my neck. “Try to take slow, calm deep breaths. Watch and copy me.”
He started taking long deep breaths and I did my best to copy them. Slowly things became less blurry and I started to get feeling back in my face. Eventually my breathing returned to normal and Jack smiled at me.
“Thank” deep breath “you,” deep breath.
“You’re welcome. Now let’s get you back to the room, shall we?”
I nodded my head and he helped me up. Jack was just helping me sit on the bed as Carson walked in the room carrying a tray. Setting the tray down, he moved next to me.
“What happened? What’s wrong?”
“She had a severe asthma attack. I had to inject her with epinephrine to help her breath again. She’s doing better. CJ, this is only my suggestion, but I think you should go back to your house. Your bedroom is on the main floor. You’ll be able to slowly work her lungs back up to what she had them before doing much of nothing for ten days.”
“Will you stay with me for a little while until you're better, at least?
“At least.” I smiled up at him and winked.
Carson started laughing and Jack went about doing the checkup. I just agreed to stay with Carson and even joked about it being longer. A smile spreads across my face. I’m taking my life back. Kelly Clarkson’s song “Catch My Breath” popped in my head and I felt so much lighter than I have ever felt before.
I love Carson.
Whoa, wait…what? Wow, I love Carson. God, I hope it wasn’t a mistake.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
~CARSON~
As I pulled into my house through the secret entrance, I was suddenly nervous. For the first time, I was going to share my bed and house with someone. It wasn’t because of having to share them, but it was because of whom I was sharing them with. I really wanted her to be happy here. I wanted her to feel safe here. If I were honest with myself, I wanted her to want to stay here after she was better.
Kayla threw a fit that we were leaving, but she understood too. I think. I hurried around and helped Colleen from the car. Leaning down I kissed her long and passionately. The wait to kiss her like that was killing me. Every time I went to kiss her someone was walking in the room. I was glad to be home, if for no other reason than privacy.
“Welcome home, Angel.” I whispered before bending down and picking her up.
“What are you doing?” She squealed.
“There are a few steps here. Just want to make sure you make it inside and in my bed, my Angel,” adding a playful wink.
I carried her inside and into the kitchen setting her carefully down on a stool. She smacked my arm.
“I’m not broken Carson.”
“I know that, I just…”
“Then don’t treat me like it. Can we please talk? I need to tell you something. Please.”
“Of course.” I walked her back to my room.
Once in my room, I helped her up on my bed. It was higher off the ground than most and she was a bit shorter than I am.
“Looks like I might need to buy stairs for your side of the bed.” I commented after climbing in bed myself.
“Why? I like you picking me up.” She smiled.
Laying back against my pillows, I pulled Colleen close to me. At this moment I realized, I’ve become addicted to holding and touching her. Oh, but what an addiction it was to have.
“You know that nightmare I had at your sister’s?”
“Yes…”
“The guy kept trying to…” She paused. “I didn’t want him to, so I did whatever I could to stop him.” She sits up and she looked terrified. “Harriet, she never cared about me. She stayed with my dad for his money and slept with every Tom, Dick, and Harry she could find. She drank all the time and brought strange men home. The last four years I was with her got so much worse than when she was with my dad. I had to take precautions, to keep myself safe.” She swallowed and looked distressed. I didn’t like it.
“Angel, you don’t have to tell me this now. You don’t need to…” I was cut off as she blurted out the rest of the story.
“I killed him. I stabbed him over and over again. He wouldn’t leave me alone. He wouldn’t stop trying. I didn’t know what else to do.” She sobbed.
I sat there a moment just holding her not saying a word. It wasn’t because my opinion changed about her, but because I was trying to control my rage. She must have hated life growing up. Not being able to trust the one person she should have been able to above all others. She began to shake. I did the only thing I knew how to get her to quit thinking about it. I kissed her. I kissed her with everything I had and felt. Everything was poured into that single kiss. I shifted on top of her and she parted her legs to welcome me in.
“Make love to me Carson. Make me forget.”
“Angel, when we make love, it won’t be for you to forget. When we make love, it will be for you to remember.”
“God, Carson. You can’t say things like that!”
“Why not when they are true?”
“Because it makes it harder not to believe you.” She said, moving out of the bed.
“Why can’t you believe me? I wouldn’t lie to you ever Colleen.”
She was pacing now and I was worried she would send herself into another attack. She was mumbling to herself. I couldn’t make out what she was saying, but her face told me that she was not in a good place right now. It had me worried. After a few more minutes, I walked closer to her and could hear her.
“…and look what happened with Brice.”
“Who’s Brice?” She didn’t respond. “Angel?” I reached out and touched her arm, causing her to scream. Pulling her into my arms, I held her. “It’s okay, Angel. I have you. I have you.”
“When I was in college, Brice was my boyfriend. Or I thought he was. He said he loved me and we had sex for the first time. A little time later I heard girls talking about how he was cheating on me. So instead of calling like he asked me to before going over, I just went over to his place and let myself in. I heard the noises, I should have left. When I opened the door, he was having sex with someone else. He was…”
“Shh you don’t have to finish.”
“He was sleeping with Harriet. He had been sleeping with her the whole time. She told him where I’d be the day we met. It was all set up by her. S
he planned it all to break me more. The worst part is…I found out I was pregnant about two weeks later. My mom and Brice continued to be together. I…don’t know how they found out, but they did. Brice and my mom showed up one day and they beat the shit out of me. They broke my arm and leg, caused severe damage to my kidneys, broke several ribs and fractured my skull in two places. They…they left me for dead in my dorm room. Thankfully, I had plans to work on a project and told the girls to just walk in. I was taken to the hospital and after three weeks I was finally able to go home.” She paused looking up at me.
I wasn’t sure what she was trying to figure out, but she seemed to have her answer because she dropped her head and continued with her story.
“The minute I walked through my door, they were there. They came at me again before I could scream and left me again. I couldn’t chance the hospital again so I went to clinics because amazingly my baby had survived. They started tracking the clinics and Hunting me down like I was some kind of animal. I ran and ran. One day, I was bleeding badly. I had no choice, but to go the hospital. I was seven and a half months pregnant and they made me deliver my stillborn baby. They killed her. They took her from me. I know that I didn’t like him and I wasn’t in the best position to raise a child, but she was mine. She was my baby. Now every time I go to the doctors or hospital, they find me or my panic attacks come back. Carson they killed my baby and they won’t leave me alone. They killed my baby…” She cried.
All I could do was hold her closer; tighter. It was unfamiliar territory. How do I help her? I feel like a fish out of water right now. She went limp in my arms and her breathing evened out. She cried herself to sleep. Scooping her up, I laid her in bed and walked out to my kitchen.
“Jesus! How can I help her?” I screamed as I hit the counter.
My phone started ringing, breaking through the anger. Looking at the number on the phone, I laughed.
“Hey you.”
“How are you doing?”
“Not good. How do I help someone with a problem I cannot relate to? How can I help ease pain I cannot even fathom?”
“Baby, what’s wrong? Are you in trouble?”
“No, not at all.”
“Thank goodness. Baby the best way to handle things that you don’t understand is to be sure to be there when and how they need you. Being there for someone isn’t always about fixing the problem, but more making it less painful when they think about it. You can’t take a problem away no matter if it can be solved because the memory stays behind. Just sharing it will lessen it.”
“You are a genius. You know that right?”
“So I have been told. Is this about Colleen?”
“Yes. She’s telling me some of her past and why she’s scared to believe me when I say things to her and why she didn’t want to go to the hospital. What she just said, I want to take her pain away, but I don’t know that I will ever be able to do that.”
“Baby you can’t take that the pain away. If you try you will only drive yourself nuts. What you can do is help give her things that will help override the bad. Give her things to hold on to; to look forward to. Help by teaching her how to protect herself. Don’t expect her to forget her past; that would be selfish of you.”
“Again, you’re a genius. I gotta go. I love you, mama.”
“I love you too my boy.”
Hanging up, a new idea formulated in my head and it would help protect her from the unknown. I busied myself with cooking supper for us while Colleen slept. There really wasn’t much of an option considering the fact that I haven’t been shopping in a while, but I managed to scrape up enough for spaghetti and meatballs with sandwich bread for garlic toast. I laughed as I began cooking. She was probably definitely going to be missing Jeff’s cooking. If I wanted it to be edible I needed help.
Me: Bro, I need your help with making sure my supper is edible.
Jeff: Yeah, I can’t offer that kind of help.
Me: You’re an ass. Will you help me or not?
Jeff: LOL yes I’ll help. What do you need?
Me: Explain to me how to make a meatball and spaghetti sauce and garlic toast using sandwich bread.
Jeff: Holy shit, bro! The only thing you didn’t ask was how to boil the noodles. You know you have to use water to boil the noodles right?
Me: Quit being an ass and help me. I am not the cook and never claimed to be, but I am a damn good fighter and if you keep this up and make me screw this up for my girl then you will get to feel how my opponents feel.
Jeff: Well, you’re lucky I really like Colleen. But we are going to need to talk this out not text it. Give me five minutes and I will call you. Okay?
Me: Yup, talk to you in five.
After a very lengthy conversation and a lot of ‘what’s and ‘you do what’s on my end, I finally had supper cooked and it didn’t look bad or taste bad either. I was actually pretty proud of myself. The supper was actually going to be a decent one. Suddenly I had butterflies in my stomach as I walked to my bedroom to serve the woman of my dreams supper.
Once inside the room, I set the tray on the stand beside the bed and gently woke her up.
“Hey Angel, I made supper for us.” She didn’t wake up. “Angel?” Nothing. Panic started to creep in. “Colleen? Wake up for me.” I said louder. Still nothing. “Damn it! Colleen wake up!” I screamed.
She jerked up screaming and guilt hit my stomach hard. I cupped her face and made her look at me. She stared at me blankly for a few seconds as if she didn’t know who I was. Slowly a smile spread across her face.
“You didn’t leave me.” She breathed.
“Why would I do that?”
“Because of what I’ve told you.”
“Angel, that past, albeit it horrific, has made you into the woman you are today. The woman sitting in my bed. The woman…” I couldn’t finish my sentence.
The need to taste her was overwhelming. Leaning forward, I took her lips with mine. She opened for me immediately. As my tongue touched hers, I moaned and eased her back down on the bed. Desire poured fiercely through me. I have never felt anything like this before.
“If you don’t want this, stop me now.”
“I need you, Carson.”
That was all it took for any control I had to snap. Pulling my shirt over my head and throwing it across the room, I reached down and pulled hers off too. Seeing her beautiful body below me had me harder than I have ever been. Her breasts were perfect and calling for me to take them in my mouth.
Slowly leaning down, I took her breast in my mouth causing her to suck in a breath and arch her back off the bed. There was still far too much clothing between us. Easing her shorts down, I trailed kisses down her stomach, her sighs and moans only turning me on more. Throwing her shorts to join our shirts, I leaned back over her.
The look on her face was breathtaking. She looked happy and relaxed. Colleen rose up and began to kiss me. I pushed my still jean clad hips into her and heard the sexiest moan. It was a sound that I would never forget and even better than the ones I heard on the phone. I lost myself in the kiss and slowly rocked into her. If I wasn’t careful I would become a teenager again and lose it in my pants.
Kissing her deeper and with more fervor, I lost myself in the feel of her lips and her bare chest on mine. It wasn’t until I felt her hands on my ass, skin to skin, and the warmth of her, wrapping around me that I realized she had gotten my pants down. I slowly pushed myself in, allowing her to get used to my size, slowly rocking in and out of her. The feeling was beyond words.
“God you feel amazing,” I breathed.
Her legs came around my waist and she raised her hips into each thrust allowing me to take her deeper each time.
“Yes, Carson!” She half moaned, half screamed.
She threw her head back into the pillows and arched her back off the bed. I could feel her clenching around me. Trying to focus on something other than the tight pulses around my cock, I took one of her breasts into my mo
uth, biting the nipple slightly before running my tongue over it.
Sweat began to cover my skin and hers as our love making continued. She continued to meet me thrust for thrust. Her hands trailed down my back, when she reached my ass she grabbed and dug her nails in.
“Oh God!” I moaned.
“Carson, I’m close. I want you…to…Oh shit! Carson!”
“Yes, Angel. Yes! Shit!” I roared as my orgasm started to take over me. It was the most intense orgasm I have ever had. I collapsed down to my forearms as I continued to pulsate inside of her and trying to catch my breath. Cupping her face, I kissed her with everything I felt for her. I knew in that moment for certain how strongly I felt.
I pulled back from the kiss and stared down at her with a smile on my face. God, she was beautiful.
“I know you don’t want to hear this, but I have to tell. I love you, Colleen Austin.”
Her eyes widened and she stared at me. I watched as tears trickled down her face. It wasn’t exactly the reaction I was hoping for, but in all honesty, I knew it was too soon for her. The urge to tell was too strong and I just had to say it. It hurt me that she reacted this way; I just hope that I was able to cover up the pain I was feeling. She didn’t need to know she hurt me. Regardless if she said it back or not, I still loved her and I don’t regret saying it.
“Angel, please don’t cry.” I kissed the trail of tears that disappeared into her hairline.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
~COLLEEN~
That was the most intense experience I have ever had in my life. The feelings I had for Carson were scaring me. He is such an amazing guy and I’m so…damaged, I just don’t understand what he sees in me. Hell, it was even before he saw me. Then he said it. The three words that scared me to the core, but I longed to have the real thing one day.
“I know you don’t want to hear this, but I have to tell. I love you, Colleen Austin.”
Fantasy Attraction (Hidden Secrets) Page 13
