I sat at the table while Dad put a CD into the player and then they got stuck into cleaning up, dancing and bumping bums along to the music. I wanted to join in so much. I wanted to put on the Marigolds and get stuck in with them. Nothing made me feel happier than seeing a gleaming counter surface in the kitchen or smell the lemon-clean scent of a freshly washed floor, especially when it had been very dirty. I found it so satisfying to make things better. Before my eyes, Mum and Dad were transforming the kitchen back to its usual pristine appearance. I could start on the living room, I thought, and almost got up to go and get the vacuum out from the hall cupboard. I pushed down the urge and sat on my hands.
I was chilling. I was letting go. Wasn’t I? I went back to watching Mum and Dad cleaning and polishing. Dad began brushing the floor and dancing with the broom. He missed a bit of dust under the table. A feeling of frustration began to rise up from deep within me. I tried to push it back but it kept coming.
“Arrrrggghhhhhhhhhh.”
Mum and Dad stopped what they were doing and turned to stare at me.
‘What is it, baby?” asked Mum. “Somethin’ bite you?”
“No. No. It’s hopeless. I am hopeless.” I got up and stood in front of them as if they were a jury and a criminal. “My name is Thebe Battye and I am a control freak. I can’t help it. It’s who I am. I’ve tried to fight it. I really have but I am beyond help, even the help of the stars. And I am sorry but I have to give in to it.” I hung my head. “It’s bigger than me. It’s bigger than all of us.” I took the brush from Dad and began brushing under the table. “See Dad, you missed a bit. You weren’t doing it properly!”
Chapter Thirteen
Yasmin
“I guess you’ll be going soon?” I asked Yasmin when I found her upstairs later, still lying on her bed. For once, the room was quiet and she didn’t even have her headphones on.
She nodded but she didn’t look happy. “Mum’s flying back tomorrow so I’ll be going home.”
“You okay?” I asked.
“Like you care,” she replied.
I went over and sat on the end of her bed. “It will be nice to have my room back. I’m not going to lie but you’re still my cousin and I do care.”
Yasmin’s eyes filled up with tears which she quickly brushed away.
“What’s the matter?”
“N… n… nothing,” she said but her eyes were still shining with tears, which she once again attempted to brush away. “J…just… waghhhhhhhhhhh.”
I let her cry for a few moments but I felt so awkward not doing anything. I tentatively put my hand out and found hers. I was half expecting her to shove it away but she didn’t. She held it fast and then she sat up, wrapped her arms around me and sobbed into my shoulder.
“Ohmigod. What’s the matter, Yasmin?”
She sobbed for a few more minutes then sniffed, reached out for a tissue and blew her nose. “Sorry,” she said.
“But I’d have thought you were happy that your mum and dad had got back together,” I said.
“I am. I really am but… just… well…”
“What?”
“Oh everything’s wrong in my life.”
“In your life? How? Like what?”
“I’m going to miss being here.”
“I thought you hated it and thought that we were all mad.”
“Not really. I like it here. I love that all the rooms are done up in different colours and different styles. I like that your dad dresses like a beach surfer. My dad is so straight and our house is cream. And beige. And boring.”
“Oh but it’s so tidy.” (Aunt Maggie was a control freak like me and kept the house spick and span).
“I know that but it’s like living in a hotel, nothing out of place.”
“But won’t it be good to be home?”
“In one way but… I love that people are coming and going all the time here and… you never know what’s going to happen next.”
I was amazed at what she was saying. “I didn’t know. I…”
“No one knows the real me,” she said. “I’m really good at keeping my feelings to myself apart from today because I feel… well… I feel rubbish.”
“You can always come and stay.”
“No I can’t. There’s not room and I know you haven’t liked sharing with me. You made that very clear and I don’t blame you either. I wouldn’t want to share my room with me.”
“I haven’t minded that much Yasmin,” I said and I attempted a smile. “It’s got easier.”
“How?”
“I realized I had some things to learn.”
“You? Like what?”
“Like I don’t know everything and I don’t have to try to be perfect and I have to chill.”
“But that’s what’s awesome about you. You are so perfect.”
“Me? No way. I’m the black sheep of this family. The odd one out.”
“No. It’s me who’s the odd one out. Like your whole family are so colourful and interesting. I feel so drab compared to you. Miss Ordinary.”
“No. That’s me. I’m not colourful or interesting.”
“Yes, you are. You’re amazing. You do everything so well and are so organized. I so wish I could be like that.”
I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. This wasn’t the Yasmin that I knew. “Yasmin, are you on drugs?”
“Course not.”
“But I thought you hated me.”
“No. Never hated. I envied you and your naturally sunny nature. It made me want to rub you out because you showed me up for being such a Miss Misery. Like you’re so thoughtful – you left me oranges and flowers and in return I was mean and spiteful.”
“I thought you hadn’t even noticed.”
“I did. And I’m sorry I didn’t say. I was so angry when I got here.
So mad with my mum and dad for falling out and not even considering how it affected me.
It was me who got turfed out of my room and my home. No one asked what I wanted. I was mad with them and I took it out on you, but it wasn’t your fault and I… I am sorry.”
“I think I took it out on you too,” I said and I gave her another hug and laughed.
She pushed me away. “Why are you laughing at me?”
“I’m not laughing at you. Just… we’re more alike than we realized and here we are competing for the title of the dullest member of the family. It’s… quite funny if you think about it.”
Yasmin regarded me for a moment and then her face split into a grin. “I suppose it is, but it’s definitely me. I get the prize.”
“No, I do,” I said. “I’m the black sheep.”
“No, it’s me,” said Yasmin but she was smiling.
“Tell you what,” I said. “We can be black sheep together.”
Yasmin held her hand out. “Deal.”
“Deal.”
I should have known, I thought as we shook hands. There was me on my side of the room with all my stuff and there was her on her side and both of us pushing the other away when we could have been getting on instead. “And I’m sorry we wasted so much time not getting along. We could have had a nice time together.” And then I had the most brilliant idea.
While Mum, Dad and Pat got to grips with the rest of the house, Yasmin and I attacked the spare room. We threw out a pile of junk onto the front lawn ready to be taken down to the charity shop, took all the merchandise that Mum wanted to keep and stacked it in the garage, then we got to work cleaning. I was happy again as I dusted and hoovered and polished with Yasmin at my side. When the room was sparkling, we moved the spare bed in and a few of Yasmin’s belongings that she didn’t need to take home with her. The Saturn room was only a small room but we made it look cosy and welcoming with some of Mum’s posters and zodiac merchandise. Dr Cronus would be happy with it if he ever made it up the stairs and Yasmin was absolutely delighted.
“Voila,” I said. “One spare room that is yours whenever you want to come and stay, b
ecause you are and always will be very welcome here.”
“Thanks, cuz,” said Yasmin and flopped onto the bed with a satisfied sigh.
Chapter Fourteen
Hermie’s return
“Here he comes,” said Dad as we heard the roar of a motorbike in the distance on the Saturday morning.
Mum, Dad and I went and stood in the front garden. Mum put an arm around my shoulder and gave me a squeeze. “Now remember, Hermie’s about communication so you make sure you have a good talk to him and tell him all you’ve been going through.”
I nodded. “I’ll try.” I wasn’t sure I could explain to anyone the turmoil that had been going on in my head in the last few days. I wasn’t sure who I was any more. How I was supposed to behave. My feelings were all mixed up and nothing seemed to help. My zodiamobile had started ringing the exact date that Mercury began to go direct and all the various planet people had been in touch. Suddenly they all had a lot to say as if they were making up for the first three weeks.
Trust in your dreams, Captain John Dory had texted. Hah! I thought when I’d read that. My dreams were more like nightmares lately. I’d be cleaning and cleaning a floor but it remained dirty.
Selene had called to tell me to trust my feelings. Double hah! My feelings were all over the place. One minute I was happy doing my usual thing: making lists, organizing my life, then I’d feel guilty because I was supposed to be letting go. So I’d try and let go and be chilled and not succeed, and then I’d feel bad about that. So, trust my feelings? How could I when they were so confused?
Mars sent a note saying: make goals, Thebe, that’s the thing. Pff. I used to have clear goals and knew exactly where I was going, but now I didn’t know what to aim for – to be chilled or to be sorted. Like with the ice-skating thing – should I let it go and admit that I was a failure? Or should I have another attempt at it and succeed by letting go on the ice? It was so confusing.
Enjoy your life, Mr O said. Easy for him to say, I thought. Being the Sun, he brightens up everyone’s life by simply showing up.
Just make sure you do your lessons and hand your homework in on time, said Dr Cronus in an email. But hadn’t trying to be the best at everything been what got me into such a mix-up?
Eat, drink, be merry, said Joe, the Jupiter man when he popped round one night to see Dad. I tried my best to do that. I ate, I drank, but being merry seemed to have escaped me for the time being. I’d never felt so wound up.
Venus also came over one evening and braided my hair into a funky new style with red wool threaded through. “At least you can look chilled, even if you’re not feeling it,” she said, and my new style did look cool. At least she didn’t try to tell me what to feel or how to be.
Uri sent me a rubber fish and a bag of potatoes. No note. Dad said that was typical of him as he is the eccentric of the group. “One thing you can always expect from Uranus is the unexpected,” he said. I put the rubber fish in the sink and wondered if there was some secret message in Uri’s gift, just as there had been when he walked the washing line throwing off parcels. If there was, I couldn’t fathom it.
I was hoping that Hermie was going to make sense of it all. His motorbike slowed down and he jumped off, took off his helmet and shook out his hair. He looked tanned and handsome, every inch the Greek god, and I could see that Mrs Janson was peeking out from behind her curtains. I turned, gave her a wave and she darted back out of sight.
“Presents from abroad,” said Hermie and he reached into the box on the back of his bike. He handed Dad a bottle of something called Ouzo, he gave Mum a tiny statue of a Greek god and a bracelet made of shells to give to Pat later. I waited for my turn and hoped that I wasn’t going to be forgotten again. I needn’t have worried, he pulled out what looked like two shoes boxes. “This is for Thebe, my Zodiac Girl,” he said.
“What are they?”
“A surprise,” he said. “One is for me, one for you.”
I opened my parcel to find that it was indeed a shoebox but inside there weren’t shoes, there was a pair of beautiful white ice skates. I gave them straight back. “No,” I said. “I can’t skate, and as part of my letting go of trying to be the best at everything, I am admitting it here, in public.”
Hermie looked disappointed that I didn’t want his gift.
“But what about that party?” asked Dad. “You’re still going to come to that, aren’t you?”
“I might come and just watch,” I said, but even as I said it, I knew that if I went and all the others were skating and I wasn’t, I was going to go straight back to feeling like the boring one of the Battye family.
Hermie regarded me closely. “Come with me and I’ll look after you.”
“Yes. Why don’t you go, baby?” Mum said, “and Dad and I will come and join you.”
“I could give you a ride on my bike,” said Hermie. “I have a spare helmet.”
“I can’t,” I said. “I can’t skate and I’ve never been on the back of a bike.”
“You just hold on and let go,” said Hermie.
“That’s contradictory. How can you hold on and let go at the same time?”
“One’s physical, the other’s mental. Give it a try.”
I didn’t want to appear ungrateful or difficult. “Okay,” I said, “I’ll come on the bike, but I’m not skating.”
He gave me a helmet which I put on, then Mum and Dad helped me up behind him onto the bike. “Hold on, let go,” said Dad then laughed.
It was all right for him, I thought, he’d be coming in a nice safe car.
Hermie started up the bike, and va-voom, we were off, whizzing down the street. I clung onto Hermie’s waist and shut my eyes tight. Air whooshed past making a roar in my ears. After a few minutes, I dared to look to my left. Our neighbouring houses were a blur of terracotta and I felt as if I’d left my stomach back at the house. I shut my eyes again.
“You okay back there?” asked Hermie.
“Errfff,” I called back and clung on even tighter. Okay, I’m doing the holding on bit, I thought, that seems to be going all right, now I need to do the letting go bit. “Let go, let go, let go,” I whispered to myself. I opened my eyes again. I stared at Hermie’s back, I didn’t dare look around in case I threw up. I decided to shut my eyes again. One thing at a time, I told myself. I could hold on, but letting go was still an alien concept.
Ten minutes or so later, we slowed down and stopped. I hopped off and Hermie took the bike to the car park area while I waited for him on the steps and tried to stop shaking. Mum and Dad weren’t far behind, they parked alongside the bike and got out the car with a cheery wave.
Once inside the foyer of the rink, Mum and Dad went to hire skates from the cloakroom for her and Dad, while I went with Hermie into the skating rink. It was empty.
“Where are all the skaters?” I asked.
“They’ll be here this afternoon,” said Hermie. “We’ve got exclusive hire of the place for the rest of this morning. My gift to you for having had a rough first three weeks of your zodiac month.”
“I’m still not skating,” I said. “I… I’m not being difficult. I just can’t.” The thought of it terrified me.
“We’ll take it a step at a time,” Hermie said, and he slipped his trainers off, sat down and put on his skates. “Watch me first.”
In a flash, he was up and on the ice. He was wonderful to watch as he moved with the grace of a dancer and the speed of an athlete.
“Almost as if he had winged feet,” said Dad, as he came up behind me.
“Well, he would, wouldn’t he? Being Mercury,” said Mum coming to join us.
Mum, Dad and I watched in awe as he sped around the ice, span around, skated on one foot, the other held aloft, skipped, leapt, then held positions as if he was a statue. After a display worthy of the best professional skater ever, he came back over to where I was and pointed at the skates. “Ready to give it a shot?”
I laughed, or rather snorted. “I don’t thin
k so.”
“Just give it a try,” said Mum. “We’ll all hold each other up.”
Dad nodded encouragingly.
The three of them stood and looked at me with pleading eyes.
Mum started doing a silly dance, walking back onto the rink and beckoning me with her arms. “Thebe, Thebe Battye,” she said in a daft dreamy voice that I supposed was meant to sound like she was trying to hypnotize me or put me into a trance. “Come on to the ice, come on to the ice.”
Dad took his cue from her and joined in, doing the same beckon and silly voice. “Come on to the ice.”
“Okay. Okay. If only to get you to be quiet and stop being so embarrassing.” I gave in and sat down to put the skates on. “But I’m not going far.”
Dad gave me the thumbs up. “That’s my girl.”
When I had the skates on, Dad and Hermie helped me to my feet and I walked to the rink like I had bricks on my feet. “Don’t let go,” I begged.
“We won’t,” Dad promised.
As soon as we got onto the rink, I let go of Hermie and grabbed the surrounding wall with my left hand. I hadn’t even tried to skate but already my feet felt clumsy and my knees were giving way.
“Now can you see?” I asked. “I am not going to be able to do this. I’ve tried, I really have and I can’t.”
Hermie stood by my left side. “Give me your hand,” he said.
I shook my head. “Can’t.”
“We’ve got you,” said Dad. “You can let go.”
I shook my head again. In the meantime, Mum had skated off into the middle of the rink. She lacked the grace that Hermie had and wobbled as she skated but she was staying up. As she was wearing a pink tracksuit, she resembled a blancmange and I couldn’t help but smile.
Dad giggled too. “If your mother can do it, you can,” he said.
I took a deep breath and gave Hermie my hand again and between Dad and he, they pulled me out into the middle of the ice.
“I don’t like it,” I said as we began to move across. “I don’t want to do it.” I wanted to go home to something familiar and do something I knew I was good at.
Zodiac Girls: Star Child Page 10
