Kai chuckled. He started looking for the ingredients and placed them on the table as I watched his shoulders and chest muscles move. The chest muscles stopped moving, which meant he stopped moving too. I lifted my head to see he was looking right at me.
“What?” I asked.
“Stop looking at my body like that. I can practically feel you licking me in your mind.”
I looked around innocently. “Who, me?”
“Shut up.” He threw a napkin at me, and I laughed.
“You can’t be shirtless and not expect me to ogle. That’s why I’m here.”
His lips spread into a wonderful smile, warming my heart. God, this guy will break my heart one day.
“I have an idea,” he announced. “Let’s play a game. Let’s take turns asking each other questions. It might help distract us while I bake. I’ll start,” Kai said, mixing butter and sugar in a bowl. “Describe me in one word.”
I watched as he swirled the spatula around, and only one word came to my mind. “Edible,” I breathed.
His smile turned devilish, making it difficult for me to breathe. He raised one dark brow at me. “Not bad. Your turn.”
I had so much to ask him, but I went with one of the most important ones. “What do you think of homosexuals?”
“What’s there to think about?” he asked, concentrating more on the cookies than on my question.
“No, I mean, do you think it’s wrong to be gay? Or do you hate them or anything?” I tried not to cringe asking this question.
His gaze flicked over to mine. “Why would I think something like that? They’re people who want to be with the person they love just like anyone else. And what’s your opinion about them?”
My fingers twisted the edge of my T-shirt. “I think they make the best parents.” I kept my gaze on the ground waiting for him to speak. I was not planning on revealing this to him, but after hearing his answer, I couldn’t stop myself.
“Your parents are gay?” I’ve been asked this question so many times but somehow his voice carried only surprise and not shock, which made me look up.
I shrugged. “Madison and I are adopted.”
A smile tugged at his lips. “That’s so cool.” He returned to the mixture, leaving a small smile to linger on my face. I had never told Kai about my dads, and each time I’d talked about them, I had used the term “parents” because I was not ready for his reaction to this little news. But damn, how could I not fall for him after this? I was screwed! “My turn.” He looked at the ceiling in thought, and I took the time to stroll my eyes over that Adam’s apple and admire how it bobbed as Kai gulped—maybe even find him more attractive now after hearing his opinion about my parents.
“Is there a song that comes to your mind when you think of me?”
Can't Help Falling In Love! I bit my lips to stop myself from saying those words. “Hmm … ‘Our Song’ by Swift.”
“What? Why?”
I chuckled, buying time. “Just that we write songs too. My turn—what physical feature of mine do you like best?”
“Your smile,” he answered without delay as he added flour and baking soda to the mixture.
His answer widened my smile. “Is that a physical feature?”
“It is, Phoenix.” The intense look he gave me stopped me from arguing further. “My question: if you wake up tomorrow morning as me, what will be the first three things that you’ll do?”
Oh, my. Your penis is definitely my priority. I shook my head and cleared my throat. “Three first things, huh? Okay, first I’ll scream really loud, dance, and celebrate because no more periods.”
He threw back his head and let out a hearty laugh. “And then?”
Then the penis, of course. I shook that thought away and suppressed a smile. “Then, I’ll take my T-shirt off and walk outside and see how it feels to have people staring and admiring me.”
He shook his head. “And then?”
“And then I’ll take a little look at your … um, penis,” I said, blushing all kinds of red, but it was the truth. I’d definitely take a peek and see how it felt to have something hanging from my body.
Kai held my stare, and I blushed harder. “Just a little look?”
Maybe do the helicopter with your penis too. I nodded quickly. “I know you said three, but the fourth thing will be peeing standing up.”
He chuckled. “I’m glad to hear that my dick interests you.”
“My turn now,” I said, getting away from the penis topic. “If you wake up as me tomorrow morning, what will be the three main things you’ll do?”
“I knew you were going to copy,” he said, releasing the spatula. “Okay. I’ll first see your boobs and fondle them—this is priority. Then I’ll go in front of the mirror and play with your hair like all those commercial ads show. And afterward, I’ll make myself have one of those female orgasms. It’ll be so much fun.”
Geez, I love this guy. Did I say love? “So boobs and hair and orgasm?” I asked.
“Yeah.” Kai turned back to his mixture. “My question: if you’re having a bad day, how do you want me to lift your spirits?”
Wow! I was not expecting this question, but I had to admit that it did amazing things to the butterflies in my belly. “Eh, kiss me, I guess … maybe. Hell, I’m not sure. Just be with me, I guess.” A sheepish smile appeared on my face as his eyes softened.
“Noted,” he whispered and looked at the mixture. “So what do you want? Chocolate chips, white chocolate chips, M&M’s, peanut butter chips, walnuts, or toffee bits.”
“All of them,” I said. “It’s sugar that we’re talking about. There’s no way I can betray the others by choosing only one.”
His eyes widened, but he did as I requested. “This is going to be one hell of a cookie. Okay, your turn.”
There was a question that I wanted to ask him but hadn’t had the courage. And since he’d presented me with the opportunity, I decided to ask. “What made you come toward me in the park that first time?”
Kai and I met in the park when I was trying to write a song. I love writing songs. The moment the line “I will always love you” by Whitney hit my ears, I'd fallen in love with music, with words, with poetry. So when Kai picked up my crumpled note on the ground and completed the lyrics I was trying to write, I was … surprised. Kai is a handsome guy, and I’d never understood what made him come toward me that day.
He stopped the spatula and looked at me. “Honest answer? I have no idea. My gaze just fell on you, and I started moving in your direction.” He shrugged and added pudding mix to the mixture. His words warmed my heart, making me smile because it was like he had no control over his action—like it was meant to be—we were meant to meet.
“My turn,” he said, licking the excess dough from his fingers. “What’s the best nickname someone ever called you?”
“Babes,” I said, giving a bite to my lower lip because he calls me babes sometimes.
He arched a sexy eyebrow. “Want a taste, babes?” he asked, showing me the remains of the dough on his thumb.
I gulped and nodded. He leaned over and brushed his thumb over my lower lip. My tongue peeked out just enough to lick the sugar and the tip of his thumb. Sweetness, mixed with heat erupted on my tongue. Yummy!
“My turn.” I cleared my throat, and Kai got back to shaping the cookies on the tray. “Okay, an easy one. What outfit do you like best on me?”
“I think I’d like your birthday dress,” he said without missing a beat.
Chuckles rippled through my throat. “That’s such a cheesy reply, Kai. I expected originality from you.”
“What? It’s the truth, and I’ve yet to see you in that dress.” He placed the tray in the oven and closed the door. “I’ve seen only bits and pieces,” he complained.
I laughed as my ears twitched hearing the sound of rain outside. The raindrops’ music made me turn toward the window and see the beauty outside. The petrichor reached my nostrils—I loved when it rained.
“My turn,” he said.
I removed my gaze from the window to see Kai throwing his gloves on the table and approaching me slowly. “What do I have to do to get a kiss?” he asked.
Another look outside, and I whispered, “Get drenched with me in the rain.” I winked and ran outside. The rain hit me, playing its own music with my skin as its instrument. I closed my eyes and spread my arms, my lips curving into a smile. Strong arms caged my waist from behind, warming my cold body, and I brought my palms behind his head to pull him closer.
“Have you ever kissed in the rain?” I asked. I felt his head shake. “Can we rectify that?” I asked, opening my eyes to see the sky.
He turned me around and moved his hands to my chin. His fingers grazed my cheek and tilted my chin up. Cold lips touched mine, and we moved slowly as the water trickled between our mouths. Goose bumps scattered over my body, and my lungs grabbed air to keep me breathing. He kissed me like I was the last drop of water, making sure he knew how each droplet tasted and how each one felt in his mouth.
With that, he stole away the last piece of uncertainty I had about us.
KAI
Present
“The cookies were definitely the tastiest thing I tasted that day. After Kai’s lips, of course.”
I look at Phoenix. “That was an amazing day.” I sigh. “I love those silly moments we had, and the moment you wake up, no matter how old we are, we’ll do it all again, and more,” I promise. As optimistic as I may sound, there’s a part of me that’s scared to death—scared that Phoenix isn’t going to wake up.
I close the diary and put it back in the bag. “Want to hear some music now?” I ask, guitar in hand. Phoenix used to be the songwriter, and me the singer. “You didn’t complete this one,” I say, playing the motif, “so I’ll keep on reminding you because you’ll need to complete it when you wake up, okay?” I never sing the words that she wrote to the world, though, because it’s ours.
I sing it for her, only her.
•••
Greg: Emailed you something. Please check.
With a towel around my waist, I open up my laptop to see a few messages from Sydney—a very clingy girl I know from high school, and one from Greg. I click on Greg’s message, making sure I don’t open Sydney’s messages. She tends to send me some rather indecent things that I’m not interested in seeing.
Greg: Brian sent me these. It’s incomplete, but I think this can be good.
I scroll further down to find a picture attached. I open it to find it’s a song—an incomplete one. My eyes scroll over the lyrics and—oh, wait. I return my attention back to the first line and re-read the lyrics. It’s a breakup song. Not my kind of song, and the lyrics need a little polishing, but I must admit, this is good.
I send Greg a quick message: This is nice. Brian wrote it?? It’s difficult to believe that Brian wrote a song. And a breakup one? No way.
Greg: Nope. His cousin, Kylie did. Brian took a picture. She doesn’t even know that he’s sent it to me.
Okay. This makes more sense.
Kai: I think it’s a good one. Talk to her.
Greg: Just asking for a favor. If she agrees to work with us, I’d like you to team up with her to work on this one.
What? Is Greg serious? Yes, I do sing sad songs, but this is a breakup song and the lyrics—no. No way. I don’t want to be emotionally involved with this song.
Kai: Dude, seriously. You know this isn’t my type of stuff. I don’t do breakup songs.
Greg: I know. But I also know that you’re the best person we have to work on this. Please.
I swipe my hand over my face. Greg knows I don’t like refusing him, but if we’re having someone writing songs like this, I guess, we’ll definitely need Kylie on our team.
Kai: Fine.
CHAPTER 3
KAI
Phoenix remained in my thoughts all night. The wish to have her by my side, living and laughing, grows more intense with each day alongside a layer of guilt—guilt that I’m living and she’s not. I love Phoenix, and I’ll never let go of her, but my life goes on. Yes, there’s this void inside me, but I'm still laughing and having fun while she just lies there.
Throwing back the covers, I get up and start my day. I check my e-mail and, as usual, there are thousands waiting for me. Most of them are from fans, but a few are from my agent and event organizers. I click on an e-mail from Christine. She’s a regular who always sends me messages after my shows or if she's performed for karaoke. While I never reply to her messages, I do like reading them.
Sent: Sat, 27/02/2019 6:02 a.m.
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Subject: I’ve been thinking about you.
Message:
Hi, Kai,
I don’t know if you’ll be reading this message, but know that I love your voice and I loved the show on Friday. My personal favorite was “Let me stay tonight.” God, your voice … I wanted to kiss you hard. I can’t stop thinking about you. <3
Christine xoxo
I open another e-mail and another, all from fans raving about Friday’s show. Yeah, Friday was awesome.
Someone rings the bell, so I pull a pair of sweatpants on to cover myself and rush to open the door. Mom’s standing on the other side with a smile on her face. Despite being in her late forties, each time she smiles, she somehow looks younger, happier.
My parents are simple folks. They’re the couple who have never had a fight with the neighbors, and who always attend their Sunday masses. They were heartbroken when Greg decided to move out, and I didn’t want them to go through that again, but I couldn’t live at home forever, so I try my best to visit often. Otherwise, Mom drops by announced.
“Mom …” Since she’s five feet one, I lean down to gather her in a hug and kiss her cheek. “How are you?”
“Very well, thank you.” She returns my hug and steps inside. Out of habit, she smooths her hand over her French twist to make sure all her hair is in place. “I wanted to check if you were still sleeping.”
“I’m up as you can see.”
“Goodness, Kai, this place looks like a pig’s hole.”
I cringe. “Yeah … my maid didn’t come this week, but she’ll be back tomorrow,” I explain, swatting the worn T-shirts on the couch.
Mom takes another step forward, and I catch the look on her face. The wide eyes following my every move and waiting for an occasion to ask a question—to ask the question. She’s going to ask about Phoenix.
She takes a seat on the couch—the only place you can actually sit in the room right now. “So how’d it go yesterday?”
“It went well,” I reply, sitting next to her. Definition of well—she didn’t wake up, and I doubt that she even heard what I sang to her.
Mom remains silent for a moment. “How long are you going to do this, Kai?” she asks with a sad smile.
And here we go. I hate when she starts this conversation.
I face her and make it a point to look into her eyes because she needs to know that I’m serious. “For my whole life if needed, Mom.”
She exhales and touches my shoulder. “Kai, honey, you can’t do that.”
“Yes, I can.”
“For God’s sake, Kai, we don’t know whether that girl will wake up or not—”
“She has a name. It’s Phoenix.”
Mom squeezes her eyes shut and takes a deep breath. “We don’t know when she’ll wake up, Kai.” She brings her hand to her forehead and massages it lightly. She opens her eyes and fixes me with a look of grave concern. “I’ve been reading about patients in comas. It’s unlikely for someone to come out of a coma after six months. Six months, Kai.”
“I’m aware of the fact, Mom, but death usually occurs within the first six months. It’s been nearly two years now, and Phoenix is alive.”
She clenches her jaws and allows a few seconds to pass—I know this is a deliberate silence. She’s using this t
ime to formulate her next argument. “There’s this woman named Edwarda O’Bara. She was in a coma for forty-two years. Forty-two years, Kai, and—”
“She died,” I interrupt her. “But there are also other people like Terry Wallis, who woke up from a coma after nineteen years.” My voice rising as I continue, “Nineteen years!”
“And then?” she asks, throwing her hand in the air. “Was that person normal afterward?”
“He had an amazing recovery, and he’s a legend because—”
“He’s a miracle,” Mom interrupts, and I grit my teeth.
“Yes, he is.”
“And you’re expecting the same thing to happen to Phoenix?”
“It’s not impossible.”
“You can’t wait for her for so long. You have to live your life—”
“I am living my life, Mom. I am following my dreams. I became the singer I wanted to be. I’m healthy, I don’t do drugs. I go out with my friends, and I talk to people.”
Mom threads her fingers through my hair, and I make an effort to not pull my head back because I’m feeling annoyed now. “Yes, you’re doing all those things, but you’re not seeing anyone, you—”
“Living my life doesn’t mean that I have to date someone. Life does not revolve around loving someone.”
Mom’s sad smile turns into a frown. “But that’s what you’re doing. You’re living your life around that girl, around Phoenix.”
I shake my head. “You have it wrong, Mom. I’m not living my life around her. Phoenix is a part of my life—she always will be. And there’s no girl on earth who can take her place.”
“You need to move on, Kai,” Mom argues, getting up from the couch and moving to the window.
“I promised her that I’m not letting her go, and I’m not.”
“Please, Kai,” she says, turning to face me.
I rise from the couch and approach Mom. Taking her hand in mine, I say, “She will wake up, Mom, she will. My heart knows it.”
Mom sighs, dropping a kiss on my cheek before walking into the kitchen. “Have you had breakfast?” she asks, ending the conversation. But the conversation isn’t over.
Silent Music Page 2
