And I like you …
As soon as I read what he wrote, a smile formed on my lips. I was not one to blush, but no guy had been upfront with me before.
Thank you …
But I need to know you before I can say whether I like you or not.
I showed him what I wrote and the sides of his eyes crinkled. He landed those grays on me again, but this time they lingered a moment longer. He wrote something and turned the notepad to me.
Then go on a date with me?
Dumbfounded, I stared at what he wrote and tried to process his words. I saw this guy a few days ago, and we didn’t talk. He just completed one line for me—and now he was flirting—but a part of me loved this attention. What do I do?
Why do you think I should go on a date with you?
He read what I wrote and raised one eyebrow. Long fingers threaded through his brown hair, messing it up as he thought about his next words.
Because I’m a fucking sexy beast.
Laughter tried to escape me, but I held it in, reminding myself that we were in a library.
But what if you’re a sexy beast who’s a bad kisser?
His eyes scrolled over what I wrote, and his features shifted, suddenly becoming serious. He pushed away the lock of hair that fell into his line of vision, and pasted a devil-like smirk on his face.
Babes, when I kiss you, you’ll breathe me, you’ll forget this stupid world, and you’ll catch fire. That’s a promise!
Who was this guy?
Whoever he was, he was damn tempting.
If I catch fire, you get yourself a date.
He read my words and wrote his.
Come.
He turned and got lost between the shelves.
What? Now? Here? In the library? Dear God, if he kept his promise, we’d have ashes instead of a library. But was turning the library into ashes worth the kiss of a strange boy with gray eyes who made my heart tumble when he smiled?
Okay, now the words were coming out.
I really wanted to be kissed—by him. The few sloppy kisses that I’d had in the past were from guys who weren’t interested in me but in just having a girl to kiss. But Kai seemed to be interested in me—Phoenix Banks. Go for it, Phoenix. I unstuck my ass from the chair and blended in the shelves.
I walked until a hand pulled me, pinning me to the shelf. “Hi, Phoenix,” Kai rasped. Hearing how he said my name made his lips and tongue appear sexier.
“Hi, Kai,” I whispered back.
“So, are you ready for that kiss?” he asked, slowly moving his hands to my waist. The warmth of his hands spread all over my body, and I refrained from telling him to grab me tighter.
“Are you ready to light that fire?” I asked, my voice turning husky as his hands moved up and down my waist, crackling fire on my skin.
“You bet,” he whispered.
He closed the distance between us and planted tiny pecks, starting at the corner of my lips. He made it a point to graze his lips to mine, leaving me longing for a taste. His hands continued the slow dance on my waist while his mouth pursued the slow torture.
“You’re good at this,” I breathed.
Pleased with my response, he closed the gap between our bodies and brought his right hand to brush the hair on my neck. He bent down slightly until his lips met my neck, and he trailed his tongue from there to my ear. Purely by instinct, my neck bent to give him better access to torture me. His lips lingered near my ear until he finally took my lobe in his mouth, giving it a soft bite. I groaned and let out a shaky breath. My fingers curled into his jacket and pulled him closer. Kai brought his face close to mine. Except for the light stroking of his hand on my waist, we didn’t move.
I lifted my head and saw his dark irises on me. “Kiss me,” I whimpered.
He brought his lips forward to take mine softly between his. Our lips separated only to come back seeking each other, but this time with more thirst. He stopped and brought his forehead to mine and took a few deep breaths.
“Damn,” he whispered.
“More,” I said, trying to control my heavy breathing.
He removed his left hand from my waist and placed it on my jaw and used the other one to hold the back of my neck. “God, you’re perfect,” he whispered.
I know guys say these things to girls, but somehow his words felt different as if he wasn’t saying this to me but was admitting it to himself.
My fingers left his jacket and moved to brush the piece of hair falling in his eyes. He didn’t move his gaze from mine as I brought my cold hand to his cheek. As soon as my fingers touched him, he closed the gap between us. My eyes shut the world out as my lips waited for his like someone waited for water in the desert. Kai’s lips touched mine, and I gulped the sensation.
“Please,” I whispered.
His lips took mine captive, and we kissed slowly. Our tongues tangled. I breathed him in. He breathed me in. My heart absorbed the uproar as his lips on mine made me forget myself.
He pinned me to the shelves with his hip. With his hair between my fingers, I deepened the kiss. He matched each stroke and suction with his own. Deep with passion, I pulled at his hair and felt his groan through his tongue.
O
M
G
I caught fire.
“For Christ’s sake, Kai, you’re in the library,” a voice grumbled beside us.
My body jolted, and Kai broke the kiss. He removed his hands from my body and turned to smirk at the guy looking at us. “What?” Kai asked the guy, and they started arguing about detention, and how he’d end up with one again.
We kissed. Dear God, we’d actually kissed. This guy with gray eyes and brown hair actually had his lips on mine. Jesus, I could now die a happy woman.
Shaking myself out of this daze, I slipped quietly away, heading back to my seat, and left the guys to argue. My lungs made extra effort to keep me alive when someone tapped my shoulder. I turned around to see Madison raising one brow at me. She rolled her eyes and accused, “You need to take a look at yourself in the mirror. It looks like you’ve been a very bad girl.”
To check myself, I pulled my phone from my pocket. Shit—my hair was a mess, my cheeks were flushed, and my smiling lips were swollen. I needed to get out of here. I tore a piece of paper and wrote my number and a note on it. Then I grabbed my things and got out of there after slipping the note between Kai’s notepad.
The world stopped breathing and caught fire while I was busy kissing you.
I now know what you taste like—you taste like music in silence.
Call me, and we’ll talk about that date.
KAI
Present
“That was hot,” Greg exclaims, closing the diary. “I didn’t know you were that hell-bent on setting the library on fire, brother.” He places the diary on the table.
“I couldn’t help it.”
“You know, I thought that you two were just messing around at first. I never thought that you’d be waiting for her like this and fighting for her to wake up.”
“I know. Do you think I’m wrong?” I ask, not that it’ll change my opinion on what I’m doing, but there’s a part inside me that wants to know his opinion.
He looks at Phoenix and his lips curve on one side. “If I didn’t have Sophia in my life, I would’ve said that you’re out of your mind. But now that I have her, I know that I’d do the same.” Greg places his hand on my shoulder and squeezes it. “I’m proud of you, Kai.”
“Thanks, man, I needed to hear that,” I confess, taking my hair between my fingers. “It’s just that Mom doesn’t agree with this, so I need someone to be on my side.”
He smiles. “Mom is different, Kai. She’s looking at the situation from a parent’s perspective. But I’m looking at it as a person in love. If Dad were in such a position, she’d do the same, and we both know it. The important thing here is that you love each other.”
He’s right. “Thanks, man.”
“And one mor
e thing,” Greg continues. “She’ll wake up. I believe it.”
Greg’s words make me breathe with more ease. I need someone other than myself to believe that Phoenix will wake up and that we’ll be together again. I’ve spent the last two years loving her more and more with each day, and I’ll continue doing it.
I leave the hospital with Greg, unable to tell Phoenix about the tour.
•••
The doorbell rings.
10:02 p.m. the clock indicates. Who can it be at this hour?
I place the guitar on the bed and pad the stairs to see who’s at the door. After leaving the hospital today, Greg and I went to the studio, and we worked more on the music of a new song. The song’s music is almost done—it just needs a light polish.
At the door, I peep through the peephole to see Sydney on the other side. Shit! She’s wearing a long, red-wine dress that opens with a front zipper. And with her smokey eyes and red lips—I know she’s not here by mistake. But what the hell is she doing here at this hour? I throw my head back and let out a frustrated groan. Should I open the door or not?
The doorbell rings again.
I place my hand on the doorknob. Every cell in my body knows that this is going to end badly, but I still do it. I open the door.
“Kai … you’re a sight for sore eyes,” Sydney drawls, and her lips curve into a slow smile.
Is that alcohol I smell on her? “What are you doing here, Sydney?” I keep my hand on the door, in case I’ll need to slam it on her face.
“I came to see you,” she says in her whiny voice, playing with the zipper of her dress.
“At this hour?” I ask, not hiding the irritation in my voice as I keep my eyes on her face, instead of on her lowering zipper.
She lowers her chin and raises a brow. “I didn’t know I was welcome here at any hour. But that’s okay … we can settle something.” She bites her lower lip and winks.
My jaw tightens. Each time I talk to her, it’s like a bad interpreter is sitting on her ears—I say one thing, but she hears something completely different. “Sydney … Please, go home. It’s late.”
I’m about to close the door, but she places her hand on the door and stops it. She takes a quick step inside, making me take a step back, and closes the door shut. Annoyance tickles the back of my neck. “Look, I’m not in a good mood. Please go home,” I advise, placing my hands behind my neck to relieve the tension there.
“I can help with the mood.” She brings her fingers to my lips and slowly trails them to my jaw.
I stop her wayward hand with a firm grip. “Stop it.”
“But I’ve just started …” She places her other hand on my chest and glides it to my shoulder.
“Stop,” I bark, taking both her hands off my body. “You’re drunk, so please, just go home. And don’t ever show up on my doorstep like this again or I promise you’ll regret it.”
“Oh … I do want to regret this,” she purrs, making the veins in my forehead ache.
“Just get out.” I walk past her and open the door. “Out.”
Her smile turns into a sneer. “For fuck’s sake, Kai. You’re living like a monk, and you don’t even know if she’ll wake up. And let’s—”
“Enough!” I grab her hand, dragging her until she’s outside and then slamming the door.
“You’re going to regret humiliating me, Kai Eastwood,” Sydney yells from the other side of the door.
My body is shaking with anger. I press my trembling hands on the closed door and take a few calming breaths.
Breathe in.
Breathe out.
The sting of my lonely house somehow feels better now.
CHAPTER 14
KAI
“Kai, we need to talk.” Kelly pulls me into a corner.
“What’s the matter?” I ask, her pinched mouth and brows making me tense.
She looks around, and in a hushed voice says, “Her heart is beating faster than usual.” She stops, waiting for a reaction from me.
I nod. “Her father told me this the other day. Is it a good thing?”
She takes a deep breath. “It’s difficult to say, Kai. Sometimes it’s good, and sometimes it’s bad. I just wanted you to know …”
I understand. She wants me to be prepared if it turns out to be bad news. I thank her and make my way to Phoenix. She looks pale. Her hair is neatly swiped away from her face, the sheets are well-tucked around her body, and she smells of roses. They’ve just given her a bath.
“Hi, my love,” I greet.
I start untying my laces. “I hope you wake up soon. Everyone’s talking about how your heartbeat is unstable, and they’re worried, but I’m not. I know you’re too stubborn to let go. This is what I like about you, Phoenix. I love your fierceness, the way you find and fight your way out, and I know you’ll do the same now. It’s just a matter of time before you’re returning my kisses.”
You’d think it might get easier with time, but it doesn’t. The pain I feel each time she doesn’t reply hurts me. I’m willing to let it hurt as long as she’s breathing. I just need her to breathe.
I ease myself next to her and open the diary.
MAKING LOVE
PHOENIX, 18 years old
21 June 2014
Wow, it was so beautiful.
With closed eyes, I let myself enjoy the sounds coming from the forest. My ears twitched as the crackling fire broke into the night. An owl cried, and another, and then another after him as if they were speaking to each other. Even the crickets seemed to be talking. The sound was almost musical.
My breath hitched as the wood crackled in the fire. “Are you cold?” Kai rasped. I shook my head. There was a slight chill in the air, but I wouldn’t say that I was cold. “It’s a beautiful night,” he whispered.
I nodded and felt his hand touch mine. He stroked his index finger over the back of my hand, in a circular pattern and did it again. “Open your eyes,” Kai urged, looping our fingers together.
I shook my head. “I want to listen to the night waking up.”
The owls continued to talk, and the crickets sang. Feeling Kai’s gaze on me, my lips spread into a smile. His chuckle added to the forest music. “You can do that with eyes open.”
My lips curved. “I can. But I like it better with my eyes closed. It’s beautiful to only hear and not be distracted by sight.”
He removed his fingers from mine and lightly caressed my wrist. I felt his breath on my ear, “Trust me, open those eyes and look. It’s prettier.”
Curiosity won. I opened my eyes. The sight was magnificent. Thousands of lights scattered the sky. My breath hitched again as I took in the sight above me.
“That’s so pretty,” I breathed.
I felt his hot breath on my cheek as he whispered, “Not prettier than you.”
My heart skipped a beat at his compliment. It didn’t mean that he was looking beyond my imperfections—it meant that even my imperfections were beautiful to him because it made me who I am. And at that moment, I didn’t think there was anything more beautiful than lying beneath the stars, with the person who held my heart.
“Still nervous?”
With this question, my nervous feelings returned. Kai and I were going to have sex. We’d been talking about it for months. I never expected that we’d be doing it in a place like this, but now that we were here, lying on the ground with only a blanket beneath us and the stars above us, I couldn’t imagine a better place.
“A bit,” I whispered so as not to disturb the night.
He pressed his thumb to the vein on my wrist and whispered back, “I am too.”
I turned my head toward him. My eyes followed the contours of his face as the glow of the stars and moon cast both light and shadow on him. “You don’t seem nervous,” I admonished softly, threading his fingers into mine.
“I am, babes. I am.” He smiled softly. “Come here.” As soon as my body curled into his, he dropped a sweet kiss on the side of my head. The f
ire crackled again.
“Say you love me.” My voice softened.
He turned to me. We were nose to nose as he stared into my eyes. Connected to each other, neither of us wanting to look away. The air around me turned a little chilly, and shivers coursed through my body. The intensity of his gaze made me glance away.
Kai placed his palm on my cheek, making me look at him. “Babe, you know I love you, right?”
“And I love you too,” I said breathlessly. He tucked a loose strand of hair behind my ear and lowered his head to touch his lips with mine.
It was now or never.
Reluctantly, I broke our kiss. “I’m going inside,” I breathed, my eyes on his. Detangling myself from his arms, I moved to the tent. I felt the heat of his gaze burning my back as I disappeared inside.
Once in the tent, I lit the lantern and removed my shoes. Moments later, Kai followed through the doorway. “Are you hungry?” he asked, sitting in front of me.
“No ...”
With my face in his hands, he looked at me. “We don’t have to do this if you don’t want to.”
“I’m not going to get another opportunity to get out of the house again.”
His eyes softened. “Are you sure about this?” Kai asked, holding the condom in his hand, and I shook my head.
“I’m not, but then I’ll never be,” I replied, staring at the condom like it was going to eat me. This was the moment where I wished I had watched some porn. I mean, I’d read about the whole thing in books but in practice it was different—I think.
He placed the condom next to him and leaned back on his elbows with a devil-like grin on his face. “So, let’s do this.” His gaze traveled the length of my body. “Take off your top,” he demanded.
The moment we just shared outside suddenly seemed too innocent compared to what we were about to do. There were not many things that made me blush, but his eyes were already stripping me, and the butterflies inside started flying in all directions.
My fingers wrapped around the edge of my top. I peeled it up over my head and casually threw it behind me. I risked taking a look at Kai. My breath hitched at the sight of him. I’d happily remove my top a thousand times to see that look on his face. His eyes were a darker gray, and the fragile light from the lantern emphasized the desire on Kai’s face.
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