by Scotty Cade
The song ended, but they kept dancing.
“This feels so weird,” Mac said as “This Bitter Earth” was next out of the little boom box.
“What?” Brad whispered.
“Dancing with a guy.”
“Why does it feel weird?” Brad asked.
“For one thing, I’ve never followed before, so that’s part of it. But girls are so fragile, soft, and light on their feet, and you are, well… masculine and strong… and to be honest, a little heavy on yours.”
“Well, we’ll stop,” Brad said as he stopped dancing and dropped his hands down to his side.
“Don’t get your panties in a wad, I’m just kidding,” Mac said.
This time Mac took the lead, and they started dancing again.
“Now, this feels much better,” Mac said.
“Okay then, I guess that settles it; you’re the leader,” Brad whispered again. “I guess I can live with that,” he said.
“Good, now shut up and dance with me,” Mac said through a plastered-on smile.
They danced around the little cabin to every song left on the CD. When the music stopped, Brad looked at his watch.
“Mac, it’s one thirty in the morning.”
“Are you kidding me?” Mac asked.
“Nope, we have to go to bed. We have a lot to do tomorrow.”
They went through their routine, getting the cabin ready for the night. In ten minutes, the fire was blazing, and the oil lamps were out. They both hit the bathroom and brushed their teeth and washed up. When they were finished, they stood in the middle of the living room.
“What now?” Mac asked.
“Mac, would you like to bunk in with me again?”
“I’d like that very much, if you want me to. I mean… it’s a great way to stay warm,” Mac replied with a wink and a smile.
“Mac,” Brad said.
“What?”
“Get in bed.”
“Whatever you say, Brad.”
They both stripped down to their T-shirts and boxers and climbed into bed. They assumed the same positions they’d done the previous night, and before Brad could say good night, he heard Mac’s very light snoring. He settled and tightened Mac’s arms around his waist and simply listened. Eventually, he fell off into a peaceful slumber.
BRAD woke up sometime later to Mac getting out of bed. He sat up and turned over to see if Mac was okay, but it wasn’t Mac. It was Jeff.
“Hey, buddy,” Jeff said.
“Jeff?” Brad said. “Is it really you?”
“In the flesh, sort of,” Jeff replied.
“When… how did you get here?” Brad said. “Oh my God, you look great. Are you okay?”
“I’m really well, Brad. It’s amazing to feel this good.”
“How long can you stay? I’ve missed you so much, Jeff,” Brad said.
“I can’t stay, and besides, you’re doing great for yourself. You got a good man taking care of you,” Jeff said.
“You know about Mac? Are you mad at me?” Brad asked.
“Of course not, Brad. I made you promise me before I died that you would go on with your life and try to be happy,” Jeff said.
“Yeah, but it’s only been six months,” Brad said as he looked a little embarrassed. “Jeff, you know me well enough to know I didn’t come up here expecting to get involved with a straight man. All this sort of just happened. And to be honest, I really don’t know what to think about it all.”
“I know, Brad, it’s okay. I know without a doubt that you loved me, and believe me when I say that I knew everything that was going on around me when I died. I know you climbed up in bed with me. I left this earth in your arms. It meant everything to me.”
Jeff reached over and gently kissed Brad on the lips.
“But just know it’s time to let me go. We’re in different places now, but someday we will be together again, and I exist for that time. But in the meantime, you need to live. Mac is a good man, and he cares for you. He might not know it yet, but he’s in love with you.”
Brad tried to interrupt, and Jeff put his finger on Brad’s lips to stop him.
“You need to be patient with Mac and try to understand that he has had such a short time to deal with these new emotions. It will all work out in the end. Everything always happens as it’s supposed to. I will always love you, and Mac loves you too. Just remember that.”
Brad rolled over to get out of bed, and when he turned around, Jeff was gone.
“No, wait, I have so many questions. I love you too, Jeff. No, come back!”
Brad felt himself being shaken and heard someone saying, “Wake up, Brad.”
“Brad, wake up. Brad?”
Brad opened his eyes, and Mac was holding him.
“Brad, please wake up,” Mac pleaded.
“Mac?”
“Brad, you were having a dream,” Mac said.
“I know.” Brad held on to Mac tighter and kissed his neck and face.
“Brad, are you okay?” Mac asked.
“I’m okay now, thanks to you,” Brad said.
“What do you mean?” Mac asked.
Brad told him about Jeff and the dream and everything Jeff had said to him.
“Wow, that’s some dream. So what now?” Mac asked.
“Mac, I think Jeff came to me because he knew I was struggling with having feelings for you and not wanting to let him go. I think he came to me to give me his blessing,” Brad said with tears in his eyes.
Mac again took Brad in his arms and held him tight.
“Mac, if and when you’re ready to explore something with me, I’m here, ready, and waiting,” Brad whispered into Mac’s ear.
Mac held him even tighter as they slid down into bed and settled in for the night.
Mac was very glad it was dark in the cabin, so Brad couldn’t see the fear on his face. It was one thing if they both weren’t sure what they wanted, but now Brad knew exactly what he wanted, and Mac was still unsure. Would this change things between them?
Chapter 22
THE next morning, Brad woke first and slid out of bed, careful not to wake Mac. Mac had had a very restless night, and Brad had a pretty good idea why. He fumbled around the cabin, trying to make coffee and put together a little breakfast to take to Mac in bed.
When breakfast was ready, he filled a tray with enough coffee, bagels and cream cheese, and a fruit salad for two. He made his way quietly back to bed, put the tray on the bedside table, and slipped under the covers.
“Good morning, flyboy,” he whispered into Mac’s ear.
Mac slowly opened his eyes and smiled. He stretched and yawned and said, “Good morning.”
Brad gently kissed him on the cheek and said, “I made breakfast.”
Mac looked over Brad’s shoulder and saw the tray on the bedside table.
“Do you want to start with coffee?” Brad asked.
“That would be amazing,” Mac mumbled.
Brad poured them each a cup and passed one to Mac. Mac scooted up a little and rested his back and head on the bed’s headboard. Brad followed his lead, and they sipped their coffees.
Brad put his cup of coffee down and turned to face Mac. “Mac, you were pretty restless last night. I know you didn’t sleep very well, and I think I have a pretty good idea why.”
Mac looked at Brad with a quizzical expression. “Let’s hear it,” Mac said.
“Promise me that you will hear me out before you interrupt, okay?” Brad asked. “I need to get this out.”
Mac nodded while still sipping his coffee.
“Last night, when you woke me after my dream and I explained everything that Jeff had tried to communicate to me, you seemed to have that ‘deer in the headlights’ look. I wasn’t really thinking clearly, or I wouldn’t have said anything about being ready for this.” He used his index finger to point back and forth between the two of them. “Mac, I’m sorry.”
Mac started to speak, and Brad stopped him. “Please, let me
finish,” he told him. Mac closed his mouth and nodded again.
“When you and I were figuring out things between us and we were both on the fence about how, when, or if we should pursue this friendship, relationship, whatever you want to call it, we were on a level playing field.
“Now that I’ve decided I want to explore this, the field is no longer level. That must feel like an awful lot of pressure on you, and I want to take that pressure away, Mac. You don’t deserve any pressure from me and you won’t get any. You’ve been a lifesaver, and I can never ever thank you enough for pulling me through this terrible loss and showing me life can go on. But… if you walked out of this cabin today, I would be upset and very sad, but I wouldn’t go after you. This is your decision to make, with no strings attached. I know now that I will survive, and I owe that secure feeling to you.”
Brad set the cup with what was left of his cold coffee on the bedside table and stood. He walked to the foot of the bed and crossed his arms over his chest.
“So here’s the deal. The way I see it, this could go a couple different ways. The first scenario would be that we pursue this thing and see where it goes. If it works, we live happily ever after. If it doesn’t, we remain friends and keep the cabin and go on as we have been. If you choose not to do that, then I’ll buy you out, no questions asked and no hard feelings, and we go our separate ways. You could also decide that you don’t even want to try, and with that decision, the other endings will also apply. Either way, we’re both going to be okay.”
Mac looked at Brad as if begging to speak with his eyes.
“Okay, you can speak now.”
Mac patted the empty spot on the bed next to him.
“Come back and sit here next to me,” he said. “Yes, I was restless, but not for the reasons you think—well, not all of them anyway. Yeah, it does feel like a little more pressure, but not from you. It’s all self-inflicted. Last night, I thought a lot about what you said about always knowing you were gay and your theory regarding people being born sexual, and it all kind of makes sense in an odd sort of way.”
“Thanks,” Brad said.
“Now let me finish,” Mac said.
Brad threw up his hands in an “I’m sorry, you’re right” kind of gesture.
“I haven’t always thought I was gay. In fact, I never thought I was gay, but here I am with feelings and an attraction to a man—not just any man, Brad, but you.”
Now it was Mac’s time to fidget. He sat up a little straighter and smoothed out the sheets on top of his legs.
“I tried to figure out why God or the universe, whichever you believe in, would bring us together and allow these feelings to surface without allowing us to act on them. I loved Lindsey with all of my heart, and if she were still alive, this would never have been an issue, but she’s not alive, and I’m alone, except for Jack and Zoe. Then I thought that maybe we were brought together five years ago, when you and Jeff started coming up to the lake, in preparation for all this—you, dealing with Jeff’s death and my needing someone in my life. It’s all so far-fetched, but how else can you explain it?”
“My sentiments exactly,” Brad added.
“Brad, I guess what I’m trying to say is, yes, I want to explore this thing and see where it goes. I just need to go slow and get used to it a little at a time. Does that make sense?”
“It makes perfect sense,” Brad said. “That’s some heavy shit. No wonder you were restless,” Brad said.
Brad took the cup of coffee out of Mac’s hands and put it down. He snuggled into Mac and laid his head on Mac’s chest. Mac wrapped his arms around Brad, and they lay there in silence.
“No pressure, Mac. All on your terms and timing,” Brad whispered. “I have all the time in the world and nowhere to go.”
Mac squeezed him tighter and kissed the top of his head. Brad looked up at Mac, and their lips met. Brad welcomed Mac’s tongue, and again they explored each other. Brad pulled away from the kiss, not wanting to push.
“How about some breakfast?” Brad asked.
“Sure, after all that deep thinking, I’m really hungry.”
They shared breakfast and another cup of coffee, smooching in between bits and sips and simply enjoying each other’s company in the early morning hours.
The cabin was still very dark due to the closed shutters, but they were both anxious to see how much snow had fallen and if there was any damage.
“Up and at ’em,” Mac said as he pulled the covers back and hopped out of bed. “We have a lot to do today, and the day’s half over.”
Brad followed Mac’s lead, and they both ran for the bathroom. Mac made it there first, because he was smaller-built and slimmer, whereas Brad was taller, bulkier, and more muscular.
Brad waited outside for a minute, and then put his fist to the door.
“What are you doing in there?” he yelled. “A beauty regimen?”
Through a mouth full of toothpaste, he heard Mac yell, “I’m brushing my teeth.”
Brad opened the door and stepped up to the sink. “If that’s all, there’s no reason why we can’t do that together.”
Mac smiled, toothpaste running down his chin as Brad squeezed the tube onto his toothbrush and ran it under the running water. Mac brushed with one hand and slid the other behind Brad’s waist as they stood, side by side, brushing their teeth.
When they were both finished in the bathroom and dressed, they walked to the front door and stopped.
“Here we go,” Mac said.
“I feel like Thelma and Louise,” Brad replied.
Mac chuckled and said, “You ready?”
“Go for it.”
Mac opened the door, and all they saw was white. They closed the door and walked to the back door and did the same. More white.
“How do we get out?” Brad asked.
“We dig,” Mac replied.
Mac grabbed the two snow shovels he’d placed inside the back door yesterday, and they started pushing the snow outward from the top down. When Mac realized the snow was solid, they stopped and closed the door.
“Let’s try the front door,” Mac said. “The storm came in from the south, which is why the back porch is covered. The front porch should be mostly drifts.”
They again opened the front door and repeated the process. After a couple of minutes, they could both see bright blue sky. They continued digging until they could get out of the door and start on the porch itself. The solid snow was about level with the front porch, which was about four feet off the ground, so clearing the front porch wasn’t too bad. But as they made their way around the side of the wraparound porch, the back porch was a different story. The rear of the cabin was level with the ground, which made it much more difficult to clear.
When they stopped for lunch, Mac made grilled cheese sandwiches and tomato soup while Brad carried the rocking chairs from the living room and put them back in their spots. They ate, staring at the amazing view of the snow-covered mountains and terrain. Mac could barely make out his plane, but it seemed to be okay. Tomorrow they would hike down the mountain and check on the lodge and the plane and make their way back up before dinner.
After lunch and another five hours of shoveling, the back porch was clear and a path to the storage shed was dug, so they could get at their snowshoes and other equipment. When they finally gave up for the day, it was six thirty. They were both beat. Mac dropped onto the couch and attempted to get his snow boots off.
“Let me help,” Brad said. “Then you can help me with mine.”
“Deal,” Mac said as he lifted his booted foot into the air.
Brad unlaced Mac’s left boot and pulled it off. Mac’s foot was ice-cold and soaking wet. He stripped off Mac’s sock; his foot was as shriveled as if he’d been in the swimming pool all day. Brad warmed Mac’s foot between his hands for a few minutes, then started on his right foot. He followed the same procedure, and shortly Mac was removing his ski pants and sweatshirt. Brad stopped a minute just to wat
ch the strip show, and noticed how hot Mac looked in his long silk ski underwear.
When Mac finished getting the cold, wet clothes off, he motioned for Brad to sit on the couch. He did the same to Brad, and soon they were sitting on the couch side by side, out of breath, with a pile of wet clothes on the floor.
Mac stood first to stoke the small fire and put more wood on it, as Brad got up to get the bottle of brandy. It had gotten too cold for beer, and besides, the brandy had a great warming effect. They sipped brandy while they discussed the chores of the day and a plan for tomorrow.
“I think I need a hot shower to take the chill off,” Brad said. “Do you mind if I go first?” he asked.
“Of course not, help yourself.”
Brad walked into the bathroom, but didn’t close the door. Mac watched as Brad turned the shower on and started to remove his long underwear. When he was naked, he stood waiting for the water to get hot.
Out of the corner of his eye, Brad could see Mac staring at him. Mac didn’t turn away when Brad removed his shirt, so Brad stood there a little longer than he needed to, flexing his biceps and tightening his abs. He figured if Mac was curious, he would help him out. So Brad took his time removing his underwear. This would be the real test, he thought. He slowly removed his long underwear one leg at a time, and when he was totally naked, he stood there waiting for the water to heat up. He turned slightly so Mac had a clear view of him without looking too obvious. Mac didn’t turn away. In fact, he appeared to be studying Brad’s dick. The thought of that started to get Brad excited, and he didn’t want Mac to see him with an erection, so he quickly stepped into the shower.
Mac watched Brad intently, not knowing if Brad could see him or not. He felt voyeuristic, and it excited him just a bit. Mac had never seen Brad naked before, and he was beautiful. Mac stared at Brad’s finely chiseled chest and made his way down to his tight, washboard abs. He stopped when his gaze reached Brad’s dick. He had never actually looked at another man’s dick, except at the gym, like most guys do when they take a quick glance to make sure they are still on the average size. But he surprised himself as he studied Brad’s dick and compared it to his own. Brad was circumcised, as was he. He was very long, at least an inch or so longer than his own, and just as thick as he was. Brad pulled back the shower curtain and stepped in. The show was over, and if he was honest with himself, Mac was disappointed. He wondered if size mattered to guys and blushed a little at the thought. He wasn’t sure if it was the brandy or seeing Brad naked, but he got up from the couch and walked into the bathroom, undressed, and stepped into the shower with Brad.
