“You were that guy, Holt. I didn’t create you. I met you and got to know you and fell in love with exactly what was in front of me. You.”
Huh. He’d never thought of it that way. Certainly not back then. He’d been so sure she’d never accept the “real him,” and he didn’t have the heart to test out his theory. So he’d said something awful about being a rolling stone and wished her well. He’d never forget the look on her face. The confusion, the betrayal, and what she’d said about forgetting how people could shock you. And his own anguish at the time was something he’d never stopped carrying with him.
“I’m surprised you didn’t become a teacher for kids with special needs,” he said, wanting to change the subject.
She sipped her coffee. “That was my plan, but turns out that in college, during my fieldwork of observation and student teaching at an elementary school, I was so shy I couldn’t speak up or exert myself and I realized I couldn’t stand up in front of twenty-five third graders and lead a classroom. I liked learning about education—theories and new practices—but being a teacher required something that I just didn’t have and I knew it.”
“That must have been rough to discover about yourself,” he said. “Was it?”
“Well, it’s important to know who you are and figure out where your strengths can take you. For a shy, bookish girl, I was shocked to find out I was good at marketing and social media outreach—promoting all kinds of businesses. I got to shower all my ideas and pep and passion on my work and in my campaigns—it’s less about dealing with people than about the campaigns. My work just has to do my talking for me.”
“That’s really interesting,” he said. “How’d you even find out you were good at marketing?”
“I took a marketing class in college and then did an internship at a really luxe dude ranch that celebs and their kids would vacation at. I found my calling—social media in the wilderness of Montana. I love my job and being surrounded by ranches here in Bronco. Best of both worlds. But I do volunteer at the elementary school. I didn’t entirely walk away from education and helping kids. I help out with reading and math for kindergarten through third grade. I’ve never been assigned to Robby’s classroom, though. Dalton isn’t that uncommon a name, but it would have stood out for me.”
He sat up and turned to face her. “You tutor kids in reading?”
“Sometimes, yes. Why?”
“Would you consider privately tutoring Robby this summer? His confidence is so low. I’d love for him to walk into second grade the very first day knowing that he’ll be moved from the ‘worst reading group.’” He shook his head that Robby even knew he was in the lowest group.
“Kids are so aware—self aware and aware of others and where they fit in academically and socially. Even in the very early grades. It’s awful.”
“Yeah. Unless you really are a golden boy,” he added with a grin. “Then you’re on easy street.”
“Eh, no one gets away from bad stuff happening,” she said.
“True,” he said, holding her gaze.
Bentley walked up to the deck and tilted his head as if deciding who to lie next to. He chose the soft mat in between their chairs and stretched out. Holt gave him a scratch and he got a pat from Amanda.
“I’d be happy to work with Robby,” she finally said.
He wondered if she’d taken a few moments to respond because she didn’t really want to but felt she couldn’t say no. She seemed to like Robby—a lot, actually. But he could tell Amanda was ambivalent about spending time with her new student’s dad. The one who broke her heart and walked away.
He wanted to ask about her hesitation in saying yes, but he figured he’d just accept that she had said yes and not look the ole gift horse in the mouth. “I’ll warn you,” he said. “He’s not easy. He gets distracted and bored and unless he can read Rocco the Raccoon mysteries, he’s not too interested in reading. But I’ll pay you well.” He named a figure that was at least a third more than he’d been quoted by other tutors that hadn’t worked out—at all.
“I won’t take a cent from you, Holt. Call it the we-have-a-past one-hundred-percent discount.” She smiled. “Besides, I really like Robby and already think of him as my little buddy, not a client. He might be a whirlwind chatterbox to others, but I find his energy and excitement life-affirming.”
Again, there was that feeling in his chest—warmth, gratitude. “Wow. How’d I get so lucky to have you walk back into my life?”
Oh, crud. The moment the words were out of his mouth he realized he shouldn’t have said them. Or quite that way.
She sat up and faced him. “I’ll be upfront, Holt. I’m not looking to reunite here.”
He stared at her. “I’m not either.” He was but he wasn’t. He hoped that was what she meant too.
“Good,” she said. “Nothing against you or what happened ten years ago,” she added. “But I’ve been through...stuff since. And I’m done with all that.”
“All that? You mean dating?”
She glanced away. “Well, I mean love. I’m done with love.”
He raised an eyebrow. “You can’t be done with love. You can’t possibly control it.”
She looked him right in the eyes. “You did, remember? You said just a little while ago that despite loving me, you left me.”
Oh hell. He did say that. “But it cost me, Amanda. I didn’t even realize what a bad state I was in at the time, leaving you like that. Not having you in my life anymore. I wasn’t exactly Guy of the Year. And then I met Sally Anne and I thought, okay, she’s rough around the edges like me, my kind of woman. She got pregnant by accident, and I’ll tell you, Amanda, my life changed in that moment. Every bad habit I had I kicked to the curb. Driving too fast, drinking too much, running wild like I didn’t have a care. I had a care—a baby. That was it. I changed like that.” He snapped his fingers for emphasis.
“But it didn’t work out. You and Sally Anne.”
He really didn’t like thinking back to his marriage. “I was a lot more into making it work than she was. She wasn’t even all that interested in marrying me but her parents, who had a lot of problems with her, told her they’d cut her out of the will if she didn’t make them respectable grandparents. They didn’t have much, but they had enough to make her say I do.”
“Oh God, this sounds awful.”
“It gets worse.” He took a long sip of his cooling coffee. “We got married when I was twenty-five. She was just twenty-two. She’d always told me she wasn’t cut out for motherhood and I guess she tried here and there, but she left when Robby was three. When her parents passed away in a car accident, nothing in her life felt right and she moved out to Colorado where she had some friends. And now she sends cards and small gifts for birthdays and Christmas, but that’s it. She doesn’t come visit.”
“Robby must ask about his mom,” she asked softly.
“He does. Less now than the first year she left. But he’s often reminded of her absence in other ways. You know how it is at school since you volunteer—moms coming in for special class events and choral concerts and to be the guest reader. It’s always just me or his grandmother.”
Amanda touched a hand to her chest. “Oh, my heart hurts thinking about that.”
“Keeps me up at night, Amanda. But that’s our life. And we have a good one. Robby has a devoted father, grandparents who love him, uncles who dote on him. Morgan taught Robby to ride a two-wheeler. Boone takes him fishing every Sunday. Dale’s the one who got Robby interested in the rodeo and takes him to all Daring Drake’s events. And Shep takes Robby hiking up in the mountains, tiring him out good.”
“That’s wonderful. He’s truly lucky to have all of that love.”
Holt nodded. “Yeah. It’s why I know I made the right decision coming back, working for my dad, hard as it is to be around him so often. I try to keep my distance.”
He was still sitting facing her, their knees almost touching. He wanted to reach out and touch her face, her hair.
“Did I just tell you my life story?” he asked.
She smiled. “I’m glad you did.”
He wasn’t sure if he moved forward or if she did, but suddenly their lips met in an unexpected kiss.
“Whoa, cowboy,” she said. “How’d we get here?”
“I don’t regret it,” he said, looking right into her beautiful dark eyes.
“I have to,” she said, standing up. “I’m not going there, Holt. I can’t. If I help Robby this summer, you have to make me a promise that we’ll be platonic. Don’t flirt, don’t sweet talk me, don’t come near me with those lips.”
He stood too. “Well, it’s not going to be easy but given how crazy my life is right now, I shouldn’t be trying to start something with anyone.” Especially not the one woman who could bring him to his knees. Sometimes he thought the real reason he left Amanda was because he knew she would have left him if she knew the truth about him, and he wouldn’t have been able to survive that pain.
“So we have a deal?” she asked.
“A tough deal, but a deal.”
“Shake it on. Cowboy’s code means you can’t break it.”
He smiled and shook, mostly just to feel her hand against his, but inside he was sweating. Because he was already dreaming of breaking that code.
Chapter Five
Ten minutes after Amanda had gotten home from the extended trip to Dalton’s Grange, she was back in her jammies and sitting at her desk in front of her laptop, determined to focus on the decades-old mystery of what became of Beatrix Abernathy. If she worked on helping Mel track down the long-lost daughter of the two young separated lovers, Amanda wouldn’t think about Holt. Or the kiss. Or the agreement she’d made to tutor his son.
Yet all she was thinking about was the unexpected kiss. Their chemistry was on fire, always had been, so the kiss was no surprise. There was just something between them as there had been from the first day she’d seen Holt Dalton ten years ago at Camp KidPower. And the more he opened up to her about what was really going on in his life, the closer she felt to him. Unfortunately.
She should not, could not feel close to him. Not after how badly he’d hurt her. As she’d told him on the deck, she was done with love, done with opening herself up to heart-wrenching pain. She had to keep some distance from Holt, somehow. His promise to keep his lips to himself was a good start.
Beatrix Abernathy, she told herself, staring at the search engine. Amanda went over her notes in her phone app, reading the words in the letter found tucked between the pages of Josiah Abernathy’s diary.
My dearest Winona, please forgive me. But they say you will never get better. I promise you that your baby daughter is safe. She’s alive! I wanted to raise her myself, but my parents forced me to have her placed for adoption. She’s with good people—my parents don’t know, but I have figured out who they are. Someday, I will find a way to bring her back to you.
Winona Cobbs was in her nineties now. And according to Mel she was delicate and frail these days. They had to fulfill Josiah’s promise as quickly as possible—especially now that Josiah had had that moment of remembrance.
I’ll do everything I can to help. Amanda sent the promise silently into the universe.
Hmm, Amanda thought, staring at her computer screen. She’d done some marketing work for a hospital and recalled there was an online group of adoptees looking for information about their birth parents. She could start with a group such as that one. But where to focus the search? Winona and her family had lived in Rust Creek Falls back then, where she’d likely given birth.
Since the Abernathys had moved to Bronco after the baby had been adopted, Mel had said she had a feeling the baby had been adopted to a Bronco family. Perhaps, like Josiah, the Abernathys also knew which family the newborn had been placed with and wanted to keep tabs from a distance or just live in the same area with the little girl who wouldn’t be part of their own family. Mel hadn’t been sure of any of that.
Amanda figured she’d start with online groups related to Rust Creek Falls, a very small town, and Bronco. With Poindexter on her lap, she did some searches for online groups concerning adoption in Kalispell and bingo—there was a public chat group of people looking for information. Amanda typed her own new post into the site:
I’m looking for information about a baby girl likely born in Rust Creek Falls
seventy-plus years ago to teenaged parents and placed for adoption by the birth father’s family. The families—the surnames are Cobbs and Abernathy—would have originally been from Rust Creek Falls. I have reason to believe the adoptive family was from Bronco. Please contact me with any leads.
She closed her laptop. Her post was pretty general, but there was a time frame, a place, surnames—and all that was a good start. You never knew what could resonate with someone out there and bring forth a lead.
I hope we find you, Beatrix Abernathy, Amanda thought, giving her cat a few scratches by her tail.
She heard a key in the lock, which meant Brittany was home. Her roommate came in and locked up, then took off her high heels, sighing with relief.
“Ahhh. These pinched me all night. Gorgeous but painful,” she said, wagging her finger at the sexy stilettos.
Amanda sent her a rueful smile. “Just like the guy I spent the past few hours with.” She felt her eyes widen as she realized what she’d just blurted out. “Did I just say that?”
Brittany came rushing over to the sofa and plopped down. “What guy? I thought you were spending the evening on the sofa with that documentary.” She reached into her purse and pulled out a velvet scrunchie, then pulled her long hair into a low ponytail.
“Well, that was the plan. And then Holt called.”
Brittany raised an eyebrow. “Holt? I like that name. Sounds sexy.”
“Oh, he is,” Amanda said, feeling herself blush. She was very comfortable with Brittany and always felt like she could be herself and say what was on her mind. But she hadn’t had a guy to gush about in the two years she’d lived here. Not that Holt was hers. “I’ve mentioned him, though not by name. He was that summer love ten years ago at a camp where we worked. I thought we’d be together forever, but he dumped me the last day. I ran into him late this afternoon when I was at Happy Hearts to go over some work with Daphne.”
“He was at Happy Hearts? Is he a vegan who doesn’t wear leather shoes?” she asked.
Amanda laughed. “The opposite. He’s a cattle breeder. His family owns one of the biggest and most gorgeous ranches in Bronco Heights—Dalton’s Grange.”
“He’s a Dalton? There are a zillion of them and each one is better looking than the last.”
Very true. Holt was the cutest, in Amanda’s opinion—then each was cuter than the last. “Five brothers to be exact. And yup, I met them all tonight at dinner at the parents’ house. Holt’s mother invited me to stay.”
“Oooh,” Brittany said. “Tell me every detail.”
Amanda did. She left nothing out. Starting with Robby Dalton wanting to adopt a cow and ending with the hot kiss from Holt on the back deck. And the promise they’d both made not to repeat it.
“Oh sure,” Brittany said, shaking her head with a grin. “Like that will happen. That was some intense evening, Amanda. You two will be lip-locked within minutes of seeing each other the next time.”
“He’s an amazing kisser,” Amanda said, biting her lip as she recalled every delicious sensation that had consumed her. “But I mean it. No more. First of all, he completely broke my heart and was careless about it too. He just walked away, Brittany.” She’d never told her roommate about getting left at the altar two years ago right before moving to Bronco. When she’d arrived in town, she’d wanted this to be about a fresh start, not rehashing everything that went wrong in
her life, so she’d just said she’d had her share of heartache and wasn’t looking to get involved with anyone. “I guess I just don’t have faith in love anymore.”
“Your trust was shot,” Brittany said, her dark eyes sympathetic. “I can understand that. But life and love are about risks.”
Poindexter moved and Amanda petted his back and cute head, her gaze on the sweet, loving cat who never gave her any trouble. “That’s just it. I don’t want to take risks. I never want to be that hurt again. There was a next time with someone else too. I did try again and look what happened. Same thing.”
Brittany tilted her head, her expression sympathetic. “Well, since you’ll be tutoring Holt’s son, it sounds like you agreed to spend some serious time with the Dalton duo. And that means you might not have any say over what your heart says and does.”
She’d become an expert at just that these past couple of years. A handsome face and a list of qualities she’d like hadn’t been able to tempt her into dating anyone. “I pride myself on being levelheaded. Even if I’m attracted to Holt, I won’t get involved with him. Tutoring his son will be about Robby. Not about me and Holt. There is no me and Holt.”
“I do hear you, Amanda. But I’ll say this. I’m glad you’re going to tutor his son. Because you’re putting yourself in the path. And that’s where you should be, sweetie. Not hiding out in your room with Poindexter. Much as I love that cat.”
Amanda wanted to tell her roommate—whom she adored—the same thing back. Brittany dated up a storm, but she never let anything escalate because she didn’t want more than a good time. But what if her roommate did want more deep down where she wouldn’t admit it to herself? Amanda had always figured the right guy would come along and Brittany’s own words would be used against her. She’d be in the path and wouldn’t be able to get out of the way.
The Cowboy's Comeback (Montana Mavericks: What Happened To Beatrix? Book 2) Page 6
