by Gail Sattler
She had said that the majority of the attendees at this particular study were single adults, some single parents, and some just plain old single. He couldn’t tell which category he fit into, but the bottom line was “single.” In the back of his mind, he had hoped that Melissa would be attending this study as well, because as far as he could tell, she was single too.
He’d phoned her when he got home from work to ask for directions since he was fairly new in the neighborhood, and to both his surprise and hers, before they realized it, they’d spent half an hour on the phone. They’d talked about many things, starting with Bradley’s day at school, but after that their conversation wandered to other areas, nothing in particular of note, just a friendly conversation between friends.
But was she a friend? He didn’t know how other parents talked to their kids’ teachers because he’d only been a parent for a month and had no experience with kids or teachers. When he was a kid, he’d been far from the ideal student, and his teachers were the last people he ever wanted to talk to. Back then, he hadn’t even thought of teachers as real, normal people.
Now as a quasi-parent, he would have liked to compare notes on dealing with school issues with his friends, but none of his friends had kids in school yet. Besides, since he’d moved into his brother’s house, he hadn’t had time to see a single one of his friends. All he had to go on were the pages of notes he’d made when he talked to Brian and Sasha before they left, which certainly didn’t encompass specifically dealing with teachers as people.
Somewhere along the line, Melissa had crossed over from being merely Bradley’s teacher to something else he couldn’t quite define.
It was obvious she liked kids, or else she wouldn’t be a teacher. She’d apparently taken an extra liking to Bradley, which probably wasn’t a difficult thing. Melissa had a warm heart and a sensitive nature which drew her naturally to Bradley because of his unusual family situation. And being so inclined to help the helpless, that also included him in his adventure into instant parenthood. He didn’t know who needed more help with life, Bradley or himself. He refused to be embarrassed about it, though. He was mature enough to know when he was in over his head and needed help.
Taking the kids to the Wednesday night church activities had been a great suggestion. At first Bradley had been hesitant about going to the Boys Club, and Andrew hadn’t wanted to go at all, which Josh found very discouraging in light of their enthusiasm about attending church last Sunday. Then when Josh mentioned that he wanted to go to the adult meeting and that he might be seeing Melissa there, thankfully, Bradley changed his mind. Bradley had then proceeded to convince Andrew that Boys Club would be fun.
His surge of joy at the thought of going to the Bible study meeting was immediately followed by a sinking feeling of dread that he wouldn’t know anyone there if Melissa didn’t go, and he didn’t know how to deal with it. Up until recently, he’d never known what it was like to be alone. He certainly never had any time to himself since he moved into his brother’s house. Whether the house was quiet or when he was out, he spent his time either running some errand he had to do with the kids or thinking of something he had to do with them or for them. Tonight marked the first time since he took responsibility for them that he had an evening just for himself, if he didn’t count having to drive them to the church for the Boys Club and youth group.
Laughter drifting from inside the house brought Josh’s thoughts back to what he was doing. Rather than stand forever at the door and look like an idiot, he gathered his nerve and knocked.
A man whom Josh didn’t remember seeing at church on Sunday answered. Josh didn’t know if he was the host or if he was just being polite and answering the door.
“Welcome! If you’re here for the Bible study, please come in.”
A quick glance through the people present confirmed what he dreaded. He didn’t recognize a single person there. It had been so long since he’d gone anywhere he didn’t already know someone, at least by face, that he didn’t know what to do.
He was about to quietly take a seat in the corner when Melissa appeared from around the hall corner.
“Josh! I’m so glad you could come. Come here and let me introduce you.”
Josh smiled weakly. He didn’t know what was wrong with him. He’d never been shy before, at least not as an adult. Being so proved that he’d become too dependent on having Theresa at his side, and he’d spent too much time doing only what was comfortable.
Now, in the space of a short month, nothing in his life was comfortable or familiar. He’d jumped in without knowing what he was doing to look after the boys. He’d moved into his brother’s house and had to deal with all that went with moving into an unfamiliar neighborhood, which also included leaving the church he’d attended for the past six years. At the same time, he suddenly found himself single again. The only thing that hadn’t changed was his job, but that was just a job, nothing of true personal value. If he turned in his notice, no one would really care. They would just hire someone else.
For the first time in his adult life, and for the first time since he could remember, there was no one he could talk to; he had no friend who could truly understand how he felt. For the first time ever, he felt alone.
With a gentle touch of her warm hand on his arm, Melissa directed Josh to a couple who included the man who answered the door. “This is Mike and Patty Flannigan, and they are our hosts. Patty is also our church secretary.”
Josh extended his hand to Mike. “Pleased to meet you both.”
Mike nodded and returned the handshake. “Same. I’ve never seen you before. Are you new to our church?”
Josh smiled. The church was only one in a long list of things he was new to. “Yes, I am.”
“Great. I hope you like it here. Now if you’ll excuse me, I think someone else has just arrived.”
Melissa introduced him around to everyone present, but by the time he’d been introduced to at least fifteen people, he knew he’d be lucky to remember more than a few names by the end of the evening.
He enjoyed the study thoroughly, both in reading and learning from God’s Word. In addition to that, he also appreciated relating to other adults in a social setting that had nothing to do with children or what was wrong with their cars.
The whole time, Melissa sat beside him like they’d come together, which they hadn’t. She treated him with a familiarity that would have indicated to everyone present that a friendship existed when there was none beyond the minimal connection they’d established through Bradley. He appreciated her thoughtfulness from the bottom of his heart.
At precisely 8:30 everyone who was a parent filed out to pick up their kids, while the singles and those without children gathered around the dining room table, which had been set out with a coffee urn and a plate of cookies.
Josh felt he belonged with both groups, yet he belonged with neither.
His responsibilities directed his choice, and Melissa escorted him to the door.
She stepped close to him, speaking softly so no one else could hear her words. “I’m glad you could come. Up until the last minute, I wasn’t sure you were going to make it.”
He sighed, rested his hand on the doorknob, and then backed away to talk without being in the way of anyone else leaving. “I know. Ryan couldn’t find one of his shoes. We finally found it in the corner of the kitchen.”
“I guess Cleo is at home all alone right now, waiting for you all to get back.”
Josh checked his watch. “Yeah. I think after the younger kids are in bed and just Tyler is up, we’ll go out for a short walk.” Josh turned to Melissa and smiled. “But just a short one. I’ve got to get up early for work in the morning. I’m really tired, but sometimes it’s nice to get away from it all, and it seems lately the only chance I get to do that is when I take Cleo out.”
“Oh.”
He checked his watch a second time. “I guess I should go. See you Saturday? You know, to go to the Christian book
store?”
Her answering smile seemed strangely sad, and Josh couldn’t figure out what he’d said or done to cause the change.
“Yes, I’ll see you Saturday.”
Six
“Uncle Josh? I think you’d better phone Miss Klassen.”
Josh hung his keys on the hook beside the door and sat on the bottom step leading to the kitchen to yank off his work boots. “What time did she call? Did she say what she wanted?”
Being so close to the floor, he sat pretty much at eye level with Bradley, giving him a good opportunity to study the boy.
Bradley wouldn’t make eye contact. Instead, he pushed a few particles of sand around on the linoleum with his toe, watching it intently as he spoke. “Well, she didn’t really call. I was talking to her at school today, and she sounded kinda sad. I think you should go talk to her or something.”
He opened his mouth, about to tell Bradley that whatever was making his teacher sad was unfortunate but none of his business, but he snapped it back shut again. Last night as he left the Bible study meeting, he’d seen a sadness in her eyes that he hadn’t noticed until right that minute. He couldn’t even remember what they’d been talking about that might have made her sad. As best he recalled, he’d been babbling on about taking the dog for a walk when he got home that night.
“What were the two of you talking about at school?”
Finally, Bradley made eye contact, and he could see the truth shining in Bradley’s eyes. “Nuthin, really. I was just telling her about how Cleo kisses me and everyone else when we get home, but she kisses you most of all. Do you think she’s sad because she doesn’t have a dog? I asked her before if she had a dog, and she said no, she just has a car.”
“Not everyone can have a dog, Bradley. A dog is a lot of work and a big responsibility.”
“How about a puppy, then? A puppy is littler than a dog. Do you think she’d like a puppy?”
Josh bit his bottom lip to keep from smiling. When Cleo was a pup she’d eaten untold shoes, never two from the same pair, dug holes all over his yard, plus she’d dug up a few of his neighbor’s flowers. Cleo’s favorite chew toys as a pup were things made of wood, such as the legs of his wooden kitchen chairs. He remembered having to make an emergency trip to the vet when Cleo chewed part of a blackberry bush and got a thorn stuck in her gums.
He cleared his throat and rested one hand on Bradley’s shoulder. “I don’t think Miss Klassen wants a puppy. But if you think she wants me to, I can certainly phone and talk to her.”
Bradley’s face lit up like a Christmas tree. “That’s great, Uncle Josh! Are you going to phone her right now?”
“I think I’ll wait until after supper. She’s probably eating right now.”
“Would you like to have supper with Miss Klassen? Men and ladies do that all the time. You know, like at a restaurant. You can talk way better there.” He shuffled closer. “You know. With no kids.”
Josh wondered where Bradley came up with that line but decided he probably heard it from Brian and Sasha, as they would have required many private conversations in order to make the difficult decisions concerning her care and treatment.
He wondered if Bradley knew that it was a different thing for married couples to go out to talk in private than for two single adults to go out to a restaurant for dinner. For married couples, it was simply getting away from the kids, but what Bradley was suggesting for two single adults was otherwise known as a date.
Part of him thought it would be a good idea. It had been a long time since he’d been in the dating scene. He’d gone steady with Theresa for three years. He even thought they would one day get married. Since they’d progressed that far in their relationship, it had been a long time since he’d considered going out with Theresa being a date. On the other hand, if he went out to a restaurant with Melissa, that would be called a date.
He thought of what it would be like to date Melissa. Every time they’d talked, either in person or on the phone, which had been in a number of varied circumstances, they’d had very pleasant conversations and he’d thoroughly enjoyed himself. In different circumstances, he could really like her.
Josh stood and looked down at Bradley. Right in front of him was part of the reason that the more sensible and responsible side of him knew that dating Melissa or anyone else was something he shouldn’t do.
As much as it hurt, Theresa had been right when she pointed out to him that no woman in her right mind would want to go out with him when he was caring for five active boys. And, if he ever found a woman who could find joy in such mayhem, everything would change when Brian and Sasha returned. Their projected “best” return date was eighteen months, only one of which had passed.
He had his personal doubts about Sasha being a best-case scenario. The worst-case scenario would be that it could take years, maybe never. So far, he’d agreed that if Sasha didn’t get better in three years, they would reevaluate their strategy for him caring for the boys. Brian and Sasha couldn’t stay in Switzerland forever.
That being the case, he suspected he would have the boys for at least three years. Three years was also the amount of time he’d been going out with Theresa—a reasonable time, he thought, to decide that marriage was the next step in a relationship. In their case, it hadn’t been. When his situation changed, so did their relationship. It was suddenly over.
If he did find someone who wouldn’t mind five kids being part of the package along with him, whenever his time with them was up, everything would change. When that happened, he wouldn’t be the same person as he was today or even the same person as he was with the kids in his care. To suddenly have them yanked away and placed back with their parents would be a big transition in his life. He suspected that moving out would be more difficult than the process of moving in. Already he dreaded it, because he knew he’d miss them. On the other hand, if Sasha didn’t get better and needed to be institutionalized or required care herself, that would mean he would probably have to help his brother raise the kids until the youngest became a teenager.
Either way, his life was in limbo, and it wasn’t fair to drag a woman into such a complex situation.
All things considered, it was wrong to start something he couldn’t finish. With any woman, he would have to make it plain from the first date that he had no intention of developing a solid relationship. If such an arrangement was acceptable, that wouldn’t be the kind of person he would want to date in the first place. He valued friendships and other relationships too much to have a quick fling, which would be all a date without any intention of furthering the relationship would be. Nor did he want to be anyone else’s quick fling.
Josh gave his head a mental shake. He didn’t know why he was thinking of such things in the first place. He didn’t have time to date, even if he was inclined to do so. He had to schedule time and make special arrangements to take his dog for a twenty-minute walk. Every minute of every day was filled with his job, caring for the kids, housework, and running errands which included either doing things for them or driving them halfway across the galaxy or anything else in between.
He’d heard jokes from the parents of older kids at his old church about being “Mom’s Taxi” but he’d never fully understood them. Now that he was experiencing it, the joke wasn’t very funny. The only reason he’d managed to take the time for himself to go to the Bible study meeting was because he’d dropped them all off at the same place for activities that started at the same time.
“Uncle Josh? I can help you make spaghetti, and then you can phone Miss Klassen sooner. Right?”
Josh forced himself to smile. “Yes, that’s right.”
❧
“Hello?”
“Hi, Melissa. It’s me, Josh.”
Melissa’s heart nearly stopped, and her words caught in her throat. Since the end of school, she hadn’t been able to stop thinking about him.
For some reason Bradley had stayed in the classroom after the last bell. He said he
wanted to talk to her, but all he did was tell her all about his uncle Josh. If she hadn’t actually met the man, from everything Bradley had said, she would have thought Josh to be some form of super-being. Not only did Uncle Josh do the exalted job of fixing cars for a living, he cooked every meal including making all of their lunches every day, a procedure with a magnitude Melissa could only imagine. He also drove them everywhere, helped them all with their homework, and did most of the housework, although Bradley said he “made” everyone do something.
Not only did he also do the laundry, the Wonderful Uncle Josh managed to get the pink out of everyone’s white socks, a story about which she didn’t dare press for details.
The man even did all the grocery shopping, but he let the boys put everything away.
In all this, Melissa hadn’t heard Cleo’s name once. The only time Bradley mentioned Cleo was to say that she kissed Uncle Josh a lot.
Melissa couldn’t begin to guess at the kind of relationship Josh and Cleo had, but the more she heard, the less she liked it. Today it bothered her so much she actually felt sick. So far, it seemed the only things Cleo did were kiss, sleep, and eat, apparently a lot. But for all she didn’t do as a part of the household, Josh still appreciated her good qualities. It was more than obvious that he loved Cleo dearly, which said a lot about him as a person.
Nonetheless, the bottom line was that the relationship was very one-sided, and that was very wrong. In addition to that was the greater problem that they were living together without the covering of marriage.
There had to be something she could do.
“Melissa? Are you there? Are you okay?”
“Yes, I’m here. Sorry, I got distracted. Is something wrong? Can you not make it Saturday?”
“Nothing’s wrong, and yes, I still have plans to go to the bookstore with you on Saturday. Is it a problem for you?”
“No, that’s still fine for me.”
Dead air space loomed over the phone lines.
She heard Josh clear his throat. “It occurred to me that I still haven’t found a way to thank you properly for everything you did for Bradley. Since there’s nothing wrong with your car, Bradley made a suggestion. We all agreed that we’d like to have you come over to our house for dinner tomorrow night. You’ll get to meet Cleo too. Bradley says you’ve been asking about her.”
