Simon snorted. “You’ve pretty much got my number.”
Mattie sat on the bed beside him, pulling on socks. “I had your number from day one.” He yanked on his T-shirt and then looked at Simon. When Simon said nothing, he nudged him with his shoulder. “Come on, we talk about everything now, remember? Spill.”
Simon smiled and nudged his glasses up along the bridge of his nose. “Jamie was talking to you.”
“Yes,” he drawled.
Simon raised his eyebrows, as if the point he was making was obvious. “Unprompted, Mattie.”
“Well, I’m pretty interesting, you know. Little guy probably couldn’t help himself.”
“I’m serious, Mattie. That’s a big thing for him. He doesn’t even do that with my mom yet.”
Something puffed up in Mattie’s chest. “He sees more of me then he does your mom, that’s all.” And it was true. If it wasn’t three or four evenings and mornings a week, then there was the diner. “He’s getting used to me.”
“It’s a big deal, Mattie.”
“Even Sarah said that he’s coming out of his shell more. He’s opening up, being more social, and that’s thanks to you, by the way. No one else.”
Simon stared at him for a moment, and when Mattie was about to speak again, a slow smile slid across Simon’s lips, and he shook his head. He leaned over and pressed a kiss to Mattie’s cheek.
“Love you,” he said simply, and stood, leaving a mystified but nonetheless pleased Mattie sitting on the bed.
“Come on, it’s time to be out of bed, lazybones,” he called from the hall, and then: “What do we call Mattie?”
“Lazybones!” Jamie shouted, and then giggled.
Mattie laughed and stood to go join them for breakfast.
THE ten minutes where he would walk with Simon and Jamie in the morning was arguably one of the best parts of his day, with him heading off to work and Simon taking Jamie to school. When they reached the park, their paths split. Mattie would carry on to the diner, and twenty or thirty minutes later, Simon would arrive with his laptop, ready to work. But the ten minutes spent walking toward the park together? It was wonderful. It was family time.
“Can we feed the ducks?” Jamie asked.
“Maybe after school, before we go to the diner, okay?”
“Okay,” was the disappointed reply, and Mattie couldn’t help but shoot Simon an amused look.
“Do you want to have mac ’n cheese later?” Simon counteroffered.
“I want a sandwich.”
“All right then.” Simon chuckled fondly.
“Mattie cuts the crusts off.”
Mattie felt a pang in his chest and glanced at Simon to see if he’d noticed too. One look and, yes, Simon was grinning.
“Yes, Mattie does.”
It was the first time Jamie had actually used his name.
“Well, this is me.” Mattie tilted his head toward the sidewalk that would lead him to the diner.
“See you soon, don’t forget to ask about shifts for… you know.” Simon grinned and pecked a quick kiss on his lips.
“Oh, yeah, yeah of course. Have a good day at school, little man.” Mattie stood a moment and watched as father and son walked away through the park.
HE ENTERED the diner in a damn fine mood. Until he spotted Ty, of course.
“Hey,” Ty greeted.
“Hey.” Mattie set his backpack on the counter and looked at Ty, feeling dumb and guilty. “How’s it going?”
“All right, I guess.”
“Cool.”
“Cool.”
Silence ensued. They stood there in the empty diner, staring at each other awkwardly.
“This is fucking stupid!” Ty practically yelled and then took a step closer to shove him. “Be my friend again. Now.”
Mattie actually laughed, slightly incredulous. “You stopped talking to me, remember?”
“I was being a good friend by being pissed at you.”
“Ty, you said—”
“I know, I know,” Ty grumbled.
Mattie sighed. “I’ve got something really good going on for me right now, Ty. I don’t want to give that up. You said you’d support that.”
Ty sat himself on a stool. “I know, but that was before I saw that fucking letter. That was before you got into art school.”
The letter. The letter offering him a place at the Art Institute of New York. With financial aid, even. The letter daring him to reach for everything he’d always wanted for himself. The letter he could not bring himself to throw away and that travelled with him everywhere in his backpack.
“Just tell me that you’re sure. Tell me you’re 100 percent certain that you’re doing the right thing.”
“My feelings for Simon and Jamie are the one thing I am certain of, Ty. I’m not leaving them.”
Ty’s shoulders slumped. “Fine, I guess. I suppose he’s really happy with your decision, then?”
Mattie looked away, shrugging. “He doesn’t need to know.” He cut a glance back at Ty and sighed at the totally disapproving glare his friend was leveling him with.
“You’re not even going to mention it to him?”
“Nope, my mind’s made up. There’s no point.”
“You know, here I am, blaming this guy for everything, and he has no idea. What, are you afraid that he’d be mad, or…?”
No. Simon wouldn’t be mad; that wasn’t what he was afraid of. He was afraid of the exact opposite. “He’d never be mad. There’s just no point in discussing it. I have what I want, Ty. So please, just… drop it, okay? Let it fucking be already.”
Ty sighed. “Okay, this is me, dropping it once and for all.” He waited a heartbeat. “Even if it is the wrong decision.”
Mattie reached into the glass counter and threw a croissant at him. Ty ducked out of the way with a laugh, holding up his hands in surrender.
“Okay, okay, enough.”
Mattie shook his head and unzipped his backpack. “Hey, do you think you could swap a shift with me next week?”
“Uh, um, um….” Ty squinted, obviously shifting his schedule around in his head. “Yeah, should be able to, why, where you off to?”
“We’re taking Jamie to the zoo.” He grinned, excited.
Ty even managed to offer a reluctant smile in return. “Yeah? That’s kinda cool, I guess.”
“Aw, you want to come too?” He laughed.
“Fuck off.”
“You don’t want to see the lions and tigers and bears?”
“Don’t say it.”
“Oh my!”
“Ugh. You’re pathetic.” He swiped a cloth over the counter. “And everyone knows that the penguins are the best.”
“Loser,” Mattie snickered and reached into his backpack to pull out the crumpled piece of paper that was his work schedule.
“Says the dude with….” Ty leaned over the counter, peering into Mattie’s backpack. “Says the guy with trash in his backpack.” He plucked a gummy bears wrapper and a squashed juice carton out of the bag.
Mattie snatched them back, putting them back in his bag. He shrugged. “Jamie has this thing where he likes to put his trash in Simon’s suitcase or satchel. Or in this case, my backpack. It’s cute.”
“It’s weird.”
Mattie pointed a warning finger at Ty. “It’s. Cute.”
Ty laughed. “Okay, man. Cute, whatever.” He slapped Mattie’s arm with his dish towel. “Hey, you want to go see this band play at the Noisy Cricket next week? They’re supposed to be a cross between Nine Inch Nails and the Smashing Pumpkins, what do you say?”
Mattie mulled it over. The Noisy Cricket would usually conjure not so great memories of his first foray into prostitution. And though he doubted he’d ever feel completely comfortable there, he didn’t feel afraid of the place. He shrugged. “Sure, why not.”
“Yeah? Great! It’s been ages since we’ve hung out, got wasted, and listened to some truly dire amateur bands. High five!”
> “Put your hand down. Now.”
“Fine. Mr. Sensible.”
Mattie waved his work schedule in front of Ty. “Come on. What day do you want to swap?”
THE bell dinged above the door as Simon strode in. Out of habit he glanced at the sandwich bar where the unfriendly guy with the thick, indefinable accent stood in Mattie’s usual spot. A quick search around the room and Simon spotted Mattie, taking a patron’s order. He walked over to his usual booth and pulled out his laptop.
“Good morning, sir. What can I get you?” a familiar voice asked.
“So many inappropriate answers….” He glanced up and grinned, feeling roguish.
Mattie laughed. “Okay, coffee coming up. Let me know if you get hungry, all right? I’ve got a break in twenty minutes.”
“May I suggest you spend your break in my booth?” He winced. “I—I wasn’t trying to be dirty or metaphorical there….”
Mattie barked out a laugh and covered his eyes with one hand. He was still chuckling when he squeezed Simon’s shoulder. “I know, honey.”
“Mattie?” Daphne, the waitress, called from behind the diner cash register. “Hon, could you go sign for the delivery out back? I got my hands full here.”
“Sure thing, Daph.” Mattie turned to Simon, winked. “Back in a bit.”
Simon watched Mattie walk through the “Employees Only” door and then turned back to his laptop. He looked up, however, when someone sat opposite him in the booth. He had a sudden sense of déjà vu, seeing Ty sitting there. “Um. Hello.”
“Hey.”
Simon waited for him to say something else, but he didn’t. It didn’t take long for things to become awkward. “Um, was there anything else?”
“Yes, but….” Ty rolled his shoulders. “I’m just debating on how much to say.”
“Uh. Okay. Do you mind if I….” He nodded at his laptop. “Just while you gather your thoughts?”
“I guess.”
With that permission, Simon attempted to go on writing. For approximately ten seconds. “Actually, no.” He closed his laptop. “What you’re doing….” He gestured between them. “It’s a little intimidating.”
“I’m trying to think of how to phrase this without biting your head off.”
“That isn’t comforting.”
“You need to let Mattie go.”
Amused up until that point, his smile disappeared and he sat up straighter. “Excuse me?”
Ty sighed and leaned forward across the table, shooting a quick look at the door Mattie had used a few moments ago. “Don’t… don’t you think you’re holding him back?”
He was speechless. He felt as if the rug was being pulled out from beneath his feet. “Mattie and I care about each other very much,” he replied seriously.
“I don’t doubt that, I mean, I know he’s crazy about you and all….”
“And I’m crazy about him.”
“Yeah, but… he could be doing so much more with his life right now, you know? Rather than playing happy families.”
“I’m not keeping him against his will,” he bit out.
“No, you’re not. But it’s not like you’ve got his best interests at heart either, is it?”
“Of course I do!”
“Then why haven’t you even asked him about his plan for school, huh?”
“I…. He gave me the impression that he didn’t really want—”
“Don’t. Don’t even.” Ty shook his head. “Look, I know you’re not a bad guy. All I’m asking is for you to pop your head out of your happy bubble for a sec, and look at the bigger picture.”
“I know what the bigger picture is,” Simon hissed. “The bigger picture is Mattie someday moving in, Mattie and I getting married, Mattie becoming a second father to Jamie!”
“What, so you’ve just got his life planned out for him now?”
“No!”
“Because everything you just said there, as happy as I’m sure it’d make Mattie, does not include any of his goals, just yours.”
Simon took a steadying breath, not wanting to draw attention to them or the conversation they were having. “If Mattie didn’t want to be with me, then he wouldn’t be.”
“It’s not a matter of whether he wants to be with you. I told you, he’s head over heels for you, has been since you started coming here, in fact. It’s a matter of what he’s giving up to be with you.”
“He could still go to school here, in San Diego.”
“No,” Ty said sadly, shaking his head. “You don’t get it, and I don’t even think it’s your fault because he obviously hasn’t said a word about it, but he’s not just giving up the chance at—at—” He gestured, frustrated. “—at just furthering his education or some shit. It’s more than that. New York is what kept him going. You don’t know, you don’t even know the hell-like shit he’s been through just to feed himself. He’s degraded himself, he’s put himself in dangerous situations where he’s been attacked. He had zero, zero self-worth at one point.”
“Mattie and I don’t have any secrets, not anymore. I know all about his past,” Simon offered weakly, feeling ill.
“You don’t know how much encouragement it took to get him to take those reading and writing classes. How much it took for him to begin to believe that he could get a GED and actually accomplish what it was he wanted. New York? That was his… his fucking redemption, or something. Just the idea of actually taking his art to this fancy college was something to keep him going when everything else was just shit. It was like he believed if he could get to New York, then—” He shrugged helplessly. “—then he’d done it. He’d changed who he was. Who he hated.”
“He hated himself?” Simon asked weakly.
Ty nodded. “Yeah, he did. And you know what? Despite all that nasty, ugly shit he put himself through, he did it. He got his GED, he got… he could do the art school thing, but he’s settled.” Ty leaned back in his seat, looking as unhappy as Simon felt.
“You think Mattie is settling for me and Jamie?”
Ty pressed his lips together in a thin line. “Yes. And I know that’s an asshole thing to say. I’m sorry.”
“You—you don’t know anything. This could be the making of Mattie. For all you know we were meant to be together.”
Ty groaned. “Look, I haven’t handled this well. What I’m basically trying to say is that he is still in his twenties, and before you came along, he had these aspirations of being an artist. Now? Now he’s settling for being a fucking waiter so that he can be with you.”
That hit home. It really did, but he and Mattie… they’d been through so much together. He may not be New York and all the meaning this college apparently had behind it, but he could try and be something more for Mattie, something that could give him that feeling of self-worth that New York would have.
“I… I appreciate what it is you’re trying to tell me. You obviously care a lot about Mattie too. You must be a very good friend.”
“Or a really bad one. I’m not sure.” Ty spoke glumly.
“But—”
“But?” Ty raised an eyebrow in question.
“But I can give Mattie that self-worth by—”
Ty groaned and pressed the heels of his hands into his eyes. “You don’t get it.”
“By loving him like he deserves to be,” Simon continued sharply. “Anything he needs, I will provide him with until he’s in a position where he can do it himself. If he wants to go to college close by, then I’ll pay for it. I will. But mostly, mostly I am going to love him. I am going to love him so hard until he knows what an amazing person he is.”
“Or you could let him do it for himself….”
“I promised him that I would never let him slip through the cracks again, and I’m going to keep that promise. Now you can disapprove all you want, but that’s the way it is. We’re together. We’re staying together.”
Ty stared at him, sighed, and then nodded once. “Fine. All right, I tried.”
“I understand that you did this out of kindness for Mattie, and out of respect for that, I’m even going to do you a favor and not mention this conversation to him, because we both know how mad he’d be with you right now.”
“You’ve got that right.”
“But you have to leave this be, all right? Please just trust that I am not going to let him down.”
Ty watched him, clenching his jaw. “Fine, just make sure that you don’t.”
Chapter Nine
MATTIE had come to the conclusion that there was nothing more awesome than seeing a five-year-old lose his shit at the zoo out of excitement. They’d been there a good two hours, and the kid showed no signs of tiring. He couldn’t help but laugh as Jamie tugged Simon by the hand, making the man stoop clumsily over toward the chimpanzee enclosure. He trailed behind with Simon’s fancy digital camera in hand, taking shots of the adorable two.
Taking Jamie to the zoo had been a great idea of Simon’s. The kid was seriously enjoying himself, even if he did shy away from some of the animals, and even people at times. But they knew, even though Jamie would be excited, that this new place would be a challenge of sorts for him. Every new place was. They’d told him a few days before to try and get him used to the idea, and chose a weekday when most people would be at work and most kids at school so there wouldn’t be a crowd to contend with. So far it had panned out just fine. Jamie was loving it. Hell, he was loving it, and he’d never seen Simon so happy and relaxed.
“Hey, let me get a photo of you two.”
Mattie blinked in surprise. “Really?”
Simon nodded. “Yeah, go stand under that tree. Come on, champ.” Simon took Jamie’s hand and stood him under the tree. He stood back a few feet and fiddled with his camera.
Mattie crouched beside Jamie but wasn’t foolish enough to try and touch him at all, no matter how much he’d love to put his arm around him. He especially took care to not accidentally stand on his cape.
“Look.” Jamie pointed to the ground, and then they were both leaning with their heads close together, inspecting a line of ants.
Mattie sneaked a look at Jamie, a now familiar feeling of protectiveness swelling in his chest. He knew without a doubt that he could so easily love this kid like he was his very own flesh and blood. The idea thrilled him. A flash pulled him out of his thoughts, and he looked up to see Simon prodding at the camera, a frown on his face.
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