by Paul Langan
“A show?”
“They were all over each other in front of everyone at Scoops. ”
“For real? Aw, that’s nasty. ”
“It was gross, Coop,” Darcy agreed. “Real gross. ”
“Man, you know Tarah and I don’t like Brisana, but she’s datin’ the wrong person. That dude is no good. ”
Tarah turned to Darcy and shook her head. “I guess you got the answer to your question. You have to talk to her. But I still doubt she’s gonna listen. ”
Darcy nodded. “You’re probably right, but I gotta try. She would do it for me,” Darcy admitted, remembering the day Brisana tried to warn her about Brian. Tarah and Cooper looked at each other as if they were confused by Darcy’s comment.
“Are you sure?” Cooper asked finally. “I don’t mean to be rude, Darcy. But the last thing I remember Brisana doing for you was when she tried to break you and Hakeem up. She don’t seem to care about anyone but herself. ”
“Coop, why you gotta bring that old stuff up?” Tarah snapped.
“I’m just sayin’ the truth. That girl don’t have a nice bone in her body. ”
“You’re wrong, Coop. You used to say the same thing about me before we became friends, and look at us now,” Darcy said. Both of them turned and looked at her as if she was speaking another language. “Brisana’s rude sometimes, but she’s not a bad person. She came to my grandmother’s funeral, and I know for a fact that if she thought I was in trouble, she’d try to help me. I gotta do the same thing for her. ”
“Whatever you say, girl. It’s all you,” Cooper replied, looking a little hurt.
Darcy felt Tarah studying her. She looked like she spotted something that disturbed her, yet she was quiet for several long seconds. Darcy looked at her watch. It was nearly 9:00.
“So you gonna be with us on July 4th or what?” Tarah asked, breaking the silence.
Darcy hesitated. She did not want to go, but she had no excuse. She could feel Tarah’s and Cooper’s eyes boring into her.
“Come on, Darcy. Jamee’s gonna be there with Dez,” Cooper added.
Darcy shifted uncomfortably in her seat. Cooper hadn’t meant anything by his comment, but it annoyed her that he knew more about Jamee than she did. Worse was the idea that Tarah and Cooper had talked about hooking her up with Tarah’s cousin. Like she had become some kind of charity case, someone to be pitied.
But what bothered Darcy most was what she couldn’t bring herself to admit to Tarah or Cooper. The invisible grip that Brian’s assault had on her life.
Darcy felt as if she was trapped in an enormous web.
“Yeah,” Darcy said reluctantly, burying her deepest thoughts from her closest friends. “I’ll be there. ”
Tarah said nothing, sipping her soda in unusual silence.
“Why didn’t you tell me you were dating Desmond Hodden?” Darcy asked Jamee as soon as she got home from Scoops. She found her sister lying on her bed reading a magazine, the cordless phone next to her. Darcy knew she was waiting for a phone call.
“ ’Cause it’s none of your business, Darcy,” Jamee said, annoyance in her voice. “You’re not Mom. I don’t have to ask permission from you. Besides, when you started seein’ that guy Brian after Hakeem moved away, I didn’t see you talking to anyone about it. You still don’t mention it, so don’t start lecturing me about how I gotta tell you everything that I do. ”
Darcy winced. What Jamee said was true, but she had no idea why Darcy hadn’t mentioned the details about what really happened with Brian the last time they were together.
“Just don’t go there, Jamee. It’s completely different. ”
“It’s not different, Darce, and you know it. Ever since Grandma got sick, you started treating me like I’m just a kid who’s always doing something wrong. Like I need you as a babysitter 24-7 or something. Sometimes I swear it’s like you think you’re perfect, and I’m just a total screw-up,” Jamee said, tossing the magazine aside.
“That’s not what I am saying,” Darcy said, trying to calm her sister’s growing anger. “It’s just that . . . sometimes you get in over your head. ”
“I knew it! You always go back there. Yeah, I did some dumb stuff last year. I admit it. But that’s ancient history now. It was almost a year ago when all that happened. I can’t believe you’re still draggin’ that out every time we get into an argument. ”
“Try six months ago, Jamee. ”
“Whatever,” Jamee hissed, as if just talking to Darcy was exhausting. “So what do you want, Darcy? Do I need to check in with you wherever I go? Maybe ask permission so Dez and I can go somewhere? ’Cause if that’s what you want, you ain’t getting it,” Jamee declared defiantly.
Darcy shook her head. Part of her understood what Jamee was saying. And it was true that Desmond Hodden was someone Darcy could easily keep an eye on. But then another part of her could not get away from how young her sister looked sitting on the bed. She was just fourteen, not even in high school yet. She’d be a freshman at Bluford this fall. So would Desmond.
Just the idea of Jamee being alone with a boy made Darcy’s head pound with worry. She could almost see someone like Brian trying to get Jamee alone. It was as if her nightmare had been recorded on a tape that played over and over in Darcy’s head.
“Jamee, all I want is for you to be careful with whatever it is you’re doing, okay?”
“I’m not stupid, Darcy. I know about guys. I’m not going to run off somewhere with someone I don’t know. ”
Darcy stepped back and glared at her sister. Jamee’s words hit her like a kick in the stomach. “Who are you to start calling other girls stupid? You’re only fourteen years old! Women who know a lot more than you get in trouble each day because of guys, so don’t start acting like you’re Miss Know-It-All. ”
Jamee’s jaw dropped. She looked stunned by Darcy’s outburst. “What’s your problem tonight? You’re acting crazy. We’re talking about Dez Hodden, not some stranger. ”
Darcy took a deep breath and tried to diffuse the anger that surged in her chest. “You don’t know everything that can happen, Jamee. So be smart. Tell someone what you’re up to just in case something happens, and don’t judge other girls who get caught up in boy troubles. They may be closer to you than you think,” she said.
“Darcy, are you all right? Your eyes . . . are you crying?”
“No,” she said firmly, rubbing her eyes, feeling the moisture in her hands. “I’m just tired, that’s all. I need to go to bed. ” Darcy left Jamee and headed to her own bedroom, dreading the night to come. The panic and night sweats would be back.
Darcy could feel them coming on like a bad fever.
Chapter 4
“Brisana, come to the mall with me,” Darcy said the next morning, trying to forget her exhaustion and the nearly sleepless night which had finally ended. It was late morning, and she was pacing back and forth across her bedroom, the cordless phone pressed up against the side of her face. “It’ll be like old times. I even have enough money to buy something. ”
“Today?” Brisana asked. “Duane is supposed to pick me up at 6:00. We’re going to the movies. ”
“We can go early. We can get some lunch at the food court, and you’ll be back in time. ”
“How are we going to get there?”
“Like old times. The bus,” Darcy replied.
“The bus?” Brisana repeated as if the words were somehow offensive. “I never take the bus anymore. ”
“It’s what we always did. Come on. It’ll be fun. ”
“The bus?” Brisana scoffed. “Fun?”
“Brisana, would you stop being a snob and just come with me!” Darcy snapped.
The phone was silent for several long seconds, and Darcy wondered whether the serious conversation with Brisana would have to happen over the phone.
“All right, relax,” Brisana replied finally. “I’ll meet you at the bus stop in an hour. ”
Darcy got to the bu
s stop early and watched as Brisana crossed the street to meet her. She was happy to see that her old friend was wearing jeans and a loose-fitting T-shirt, nothing like the outfit she had worn the day before.
“I knew you’d be early,” Brisana said, sitting down on the wooden bench and looking at her reflection in a tiny mirror she carried in her purse. “Some things never change. ”
“You too, girl. How many times have I seen you staring at that mirror?” Darcy teased. She couldn’t remember the last time the two went out, but she was sure that when they did, Brisana had stopped at some point to examine her makeup.
“What can I say? I just wanna look good, especially now that I’m seeing Duane,” Brisana admitted, putting the tiny mirror away.
“You always look good, Brisana. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you look bad. ”
“You just aren’t looking close enough,” Brisana said matter-of-factly. “Duane says my face is getting heavier, and I think he’s right. What do you think? Does my face look fatter to you. ”
“No! You look fine, Brisana. And even if it did, who is he to be complaining about it? He’s only been seeing you for a week. ” She wanted to make Brisana question Duane, but she knew that she couldn’t be too strong. Brisana wouldn’t listen if she was.
“A week? We’ve been dating for a month now. Where have you been?” Brisana challenged.
Darcy was surprised that they had been going together that long, but it made sense. So much had happened to her in the last month of school that she had no idea what Brisana was up to.
“Sorry,” she said. “I guess I’ve been a little distracted. ”
Brisana looked at her and smiled. “It’s okay. I knew you had a lot going on at home with your grandma and all. How’s your mom doing?”
“She’s okay, just really tired,” Darcy said, not wanting to admit her concerns about her parents to Brisana. “I think she’s still getting used to Grandma not being around. ”
“My mom was a mess when my grandma died,” Brisana said, watching a woman walk up the street. “I was so little, I can hardly remember my grandma, but I remember my mom crying in church like she was a baby. It was scary. ”
In the distance, Darcy could hear the growing roar of the bus coming down the busy street toward them.
“That’s the worst, seeing your parents upset. I hate that,” Darcy said, thinking of her mother’s behavior over the past few nights.
“I guess, but I don’t have to worry about that. My parents don’t talk enough to get upset about anything, especially me. As long as my grades are good, and I don’t come in too late, they leave me alone. ” Brisana spoke strangely, as if she was boasting and complaining at the same time.
The grumble of the bus grew louder and was followed by the skull-splitting whine of brakes and a cloud of sooty diesel smoke. A second later, the bus door opened with a noisy metallic clap.
“Just like old times,” Darcy said with a smile, getting in line.
“You called this fun?” Brisana replied, her face almost in a childish pout as she boarded the bus.
The bus rolled slowly through the neighborhood, merged with the highway, and sped to the mall just outside the city. After a short walk, the two were standing right outside the food court at a giant T-shaped intersection in the heart of the mall.
Crowds of people passed them on either side, while others eyed them from the second and third floor balconies. Teenagers were everywhere. Kids from the suburbs, the city, and every place in between, all moving along slowly, some working at stores, others shopping. All of them people-watching.
“Yo, ladies, you wanna sit here with us? I’ll buy you lunch,” said a young light-skinned guy with dreadlocks sitting at a round table with his friends.
Darcy turned away uncomfortably. Brisana rolled her eyes but said nothing.
“Aww, c’mon. Why you gotta to be that way?” the guy added. Two other teenaged guys at the table laughed. “Just give me your digits, baby. ”
“You better give up, bro. You’re embarrassing yourself,” said one of the guys to his friend.
“Let’s go,” Darcy urged, suddenly feeling nervous.
“Don’t worry about it, Darcy. It’s no big deal,” Brisana said, following her away from the food court.
Darcy nodded, saying nothing about the sudden wave of dizziness that swept over her, the nervous tremors in her hands, or the loud pounding in her chest. She had been coming to the mall with Brisana since middle school. Guys were always yelling stuff to them, especially in summer when everyone was out of school. Once or twice, they had even stopped and talked to them. Brisana would flirt, sometimes giving away a fake phone number, joking afterwards that she would never call anyone she met at the mall. It was all harmless back then, but now it made Darcy feel threatened, unsafe.
“You all right? You look like something freaked you out. ”
“Yeah, I’m fine. I just didn’t feel like dealing with them right now,” Darcy said, trying to calm herself and stop Brisana from staring at her. “I don’t understand what guys are thinking when they act that way. Like I’m going to hook up with him because he yelled at me in the middle of the mall. Please. ”
“What are you getting so upset for? Guys do that all the time. ”
“Yeah? Well, maybe they shouldn’t,” Darcy snapped, looking over her shoulder just to make sure they were alone.
“Geez, someone’s having a bad day,” Brisana said, putting her hand on her hip and raising one eyebrow at Darcy. “Well, I came here to do some shopping, and that’s what I’m gonna do. You coming?”
Brisana strolled across the mall, and Darcy watched her, shocked at how upset she was feeling. For a second, she had wanted to run away, even though she figured the guy meant no harm. Whatever he had intended, Brisana was right. It had freaked her out. Darcy knew it had to do with the nightmares. With Brian.
Darcy followed Brisana and wondered how she would ever talk to her about Duane. Maybe she’d just do it another time, she thought. Or maybe Brisana didn’t really need to talk. After all, she wasn’t the one getting panicky in a mall just because of a dumb guy, Darcy thought. But then she noticed where Brisana was going.
Up on the second floor of the mall, behind Steppin’, where Darcy and Tarah always bought shoes, was a shop they had often joked about, For Ladies Only. It was a store that specialized in women’s clothing, especially bathing suits and sleepwear, and Darcy had passed it dozens of times but rarely went in. The place just wasn’t her style. Everything seemed too frilly and cost too much.
“Coop always says he’s gonna buy me something nice from there, but I tell him, ‘Boy, save your money,’” Tarah once said. Hakeem never even mentioned it.
By the time Darcy got to the top of the escalator, Brisana was already heading straight through the entranceway.
What are you doing, Brisana? Darcy thought as she stopped outside the door. Inside the front glass displays were mannequins wearing lacy nightgowns and fancy pajamas. Darcy felt a little uncomfortable looking at them. She wondered if other people were watching her.
“Ooh, look. A sale!” Brisana said excitedly, moving deeper into the store.
Reluctantly, Darcy entered. As soon as she stepped inside, she inhaled the overpowering fragrance of perfume. It was so strong, it nearly made her eyes water. A sign over the cash register showed a picture of a tiny bottle next to a woman’s stomach.
“Heat. The new scent of summer. On sale now for $29.99. ”
No thanks, Darcy thought to herself. The scent reminded her of a mixture of overripe strawberries and smoke.
The walls to her left and right were painted blood red and lined with lacy curtains in pink and beige, making the whole place look like a strange fake mansion. On the back wall hung a series of black and white posters of skinny women with long legs. Darcy had been to the store a few times. Her Aunt Charlotte had even bought her a pair of expensive pajamas from the store for Darcy’s fifteenth birthday.
“Th
is is real silk,” Aunt Charlotte had said. “Now that you’re a young woman, you should have something nice. This is what a queen wears when she goes to sleep,” Aunt Charlotte said when she gave her the pajamas. Darcy had worn them once and left them in the back of her drawer. Sweat pants and a cotton T-shirt were more comfortable. Up until last year, Brisana had been the same way about clothes. Yet now she moved through racks as if she had been there many times.
“Come here. Check this out,” Brisana exclaimed. She was holding a white bikini that Darcy wouldn’t dream of putting on. “Isn’t it nice? Duane says he wants me to get a nice bathing suit. You think he’d like this?”
Darcy looked at the bathing suit again. It looked no bigger than a pair of socks. “You’d wear that for him?”
“Yeah,” Brisana said. “Why, you think there’s something wrong with it? Maybe a different color?”
Darcy shifted uncomfortably. This was her chance, though she could hear Tarah’s voice in her mind. She ain’t gonna listen to you.
“No, it’s not about the bathing suit, Brisana. It’s just . . . ” Darcy stammered.
“Just what? Go ahead, say it. ”
“Don’t you think you’re moving just a little too fast? I mean, you hardly know Duane, and now you’re wearing skimpy stuff for him. ”
“It’s just a bathing suit!” Brisana said, her voice suddenly loud.
“But yesterday at Scoops, you two were all over each other. I’ve never seen you like that before. You seem so . . . different. ”
“Maybe ’cause now I’m happy. Did you ever think of that, Darcy?” Brisana said, saying her name as if it were an insult. “What do you care if I act a little different?”
“I’m your friend, Brisana. That’s what friends do. They look out for each other when they see something wrong. ”
“Yeah, well, nothing’s wrong,” Brisana insisted. “The only problem is that you can’t handle that I’m happy with Duane. I can understand if you’re jealous. I mean I know it must be hard without Hakeem around and all, but that doesn’t mean you have to get up in my face like I am doing something wrong. ”
