by Indiana Wake
“I’m staying quiet.” Jimmy sauntered out too, grinning at his wife. “I know when to keep my mouth shut.”
“Mmmm. I wonder.” Janet laughed and shook her head. “Oh, honey, can you check on Jane? She went around the back and I just want to be sure she’s not half-way up one of the trees.”
“She’s too much like her mother for her own good.” Jimmy said with a grin and wandered away.
With the children running this way and that, and much movement from the rest of the family, the required number of chairs were finally ferried out to the table, along with plates and cutlery, bowls and glasses.
It was clear that Grace really had gone to some effort, and Janet and Katie were kept busy for some time taking out serving bowls filled with vegetables and three different cuts of beautifully cooked meat.
“How many are coming?” Arlen asked when Katie set yet another serving dish down on the table.
“Oh, just a hundred of so.” Katie grinned.
When they were finally seated around Josh Lacey’s wooden masterpiece, Katie realized just how many of them there were, and how seldom they all sat down at the same time in the same place.
“Do you want to say grace, honey?” Grace said and peered over at Josh.
“No, why don’t you do it today? You’ve worked real hard getting this lot together. Let Grace say grace.” He winked at her.
“All right then,” she said and took an unnecessarily deep breath. “Well, I guess this is going to be a somewhat more rambling grace than normal.” She began with a smile. “And I reckon anyone who wants to chip in at any point can feel free.” She looked around the table at her daughters, their husbands, her grandchildren, and her own dear husband.
“That’s nice, honey,” Josh said and reached for her hand.
“Well, it’s a nice occasion, having everyone I love around one table. And I guess that’s mostly what I want to give thanks for. Obviously, I’m grateful for the food,” she said and surreptitiously cast her eyes heavenwards for a moment. “But I reckon You already know that, Lord,” she said to the sounds of mild amusement from her family. “So today I’m going to thank You for things I haven’t thought to be grateful for in a long while.”
“I reckon we could all do that.” Janet cut in and her ma nodded at her.
“That’s right, honey,” Grace said before continuing. “I want to give thanks to God for not abandoning me out there on the Oregon Trail all those years ago when I thought my life was all but done. When I lost my first husband, Peter, I thought I’d lost everything. I was convinced that life didn’t have a single thing left to offer me. But look at me now,” she said and looked at them all in turn. “Surrounded by the people I love.”
“Oh, Mama,” Janet said and sniffed loudly, her ever-ready emotion causing another murmur of amusement.
“And I found my new life so soon. Coming here to help Josh, the wonderful man I’d finally marry, and my special daughter, Janet. So young and beautiful with her blonde ringlets….”
“And her furious temper,” Josh cut in.
“Daddy!” Janet complained.
“What? Your ma said we could all join in!” He chuckled.
“She was a furious little girl, but she had a right to it, losing her own ma so young.” Grace smiled at Janet, who was already enjoying a few emotional tears.
“But I soon got me another ma. I was just about the luckiest little girl in the world,” she said as tears continued to roll down her rosy cheeks. “And then I got a baby sister,” she said and turned to Katie at her side. “A funny kind of a girl who never bursts into tears the way I do.”
“Sorry,” Katie said, to everyone’s amusement.
“My second daughter, so special, so interested in her flowers and her own way of doing things,” Grace said and gave Katie the same loving smile she’d given Janet.
“So strange, really.” Janet went on. “But a lovely kind of strange.”
“The best kind.” Arlen added and winked at his sister-in-law.
“The very best, honey.”
“And then grandchildren too.” Grace took up the reins once more. “My darling little Kyle and Jane, so like their ma. So…. talkative.” Grace was clearly enjoying herself.
“Mama!”
“Well, they are. They never stop,” Katie said mischievously.
“So, these are the things I have to give thanks for today. These wonderful gifts I never thought I’d have as I wandered into this town, covered in mud from the trail and so tired I could hardly stand up. I walked into Connie Langdon’s boarding house and I never looked back. I never had such a fine friend in all my life.”
“I think we can all say that about Connie,” Katie said.
“Oh, that’s for sure. She’s put us three women on the right track at one time or another in our lives,” Janet said.
“And even one or two of us men,” Jimmy said.
“Hear, hear.” Josh added.
“She was the one who sent me here, in a roundabout way. She was the start of my new, wonderful life. A life filled with a wonderful husband, two beautiful daughters, such fine sons-in-law, and my grandchildren. What more could I ask for?”
“What about another grandchild?” Katie said and the whole table fell silent.
“Honey?” Josh said, the first to take his daughter’s meaning. “You’re expecting?”
“I sure am, Daddy. Now that I’m grown up, I reckoned you needed a new child following you around the lumberyard every day,” she said and finally felt a little tearful herself.
“Oh, Katie!” Janet’s excited squeal came a split second before Arlen had a chance to cover his ears.
“I knew it was coming,” he said, turning to Jimmy. “And I still wasn’t ready.”
“Don’t worry, you’ll master it one day.” Jimmy laughed as his wife scrambled to her feet, leaning over to throw her arms around her little sister’s neck.
“Let me in, let me in.” Grace was up too, happy tears streaming down her cheeks as she took a firm hold of Katie too. “Oh, my baby girl! I’m so happy for you. I’m so happy for all of us.”
“Heeelp,” Came Katie’s little cry from beneath her mother and sister.
As the men all shook hands, congratulating Arlen thoroughly, Josh cleared his throat loudly. Everyone quietened down and turned to look at him.
“Can I take it you’ve finished saying Grace now, honey?” he questioned as he looked into the joyously happy face of his wife.
“Yes, Josh. I reckon the good Lord would be satisfied with that much, don’t you?” She smiled at him with so much love in her eyes.
“I sure do hope so, because this food is getting cold and I’m getting hungry. Real hungry.”
Everyone laughed, even Kyle and Jane who hardly understood what was going on, and they all settled themselves down around the table again.
There was an atmosphere about the Lacey family that was almost a physical thing, and they could all feel it.
It was life, real life. Its losses, its loves, its excitement and care. It was imperfect at times, but still everything it should be in the end, and there was not a single person at the table who wasn’t more grateful for it than they could say.
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“Grace, I don’t know how you’re still standing.” Laura Price, one hand still on the harness as she drew the oxen along, gripped Grace Salter’s hand briefly. “But you just keep going, do you hear? You just keep putting one foot in front of the other. We’ll be there in less than two weeks, so they reckon, and then you can let go. Then you can give in a little.”
“You’ve been so kind to me, Laura. And your ma and pa too. I wouldn’t be here now if it weren’t for them agreeing to help me along.” Grace heard her own voice and wondered why it didn’t sound like her own.
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sp; Nothing felt real anymore! She had spent the last days wondering when she was going to awaken from the horrible nightmare she was trapped in.
“There’s nothing to thank me for. All I’m doing is holding this here harness. I reckon the oxen would just go right on pulling this wagon whether I was here or not. They just follow the ones in front.” Laura gave a self-deprecating shrug.
Grace nodded and a small smile crossed her face in thanks. Yet, she could hardly believe that she really was still putting one foot in front of the other. She had never imagined Peter being taken from her so suddenly. After all, what woman of just twenty thinks of such things?
But if she had thought about it before, Grace knew that she would never have imagined that she could keep going after such a thing. She could never have imagined anything other than her own body collapsing, ceasing to function so that she could join her beloved husband in the Great Beyond.
And, as she walked along, the sky grey and the threat of rain casting its shadow once again, Grace thought that would surely have been the kindest thing. For Mother Nature to simply let her fade away with grief until she no longer had a need to keep going in this world alone.
To have been spared the dreadful bout of cholera that had gripped Peter so quickly... that had spirited him away from this life within a week, seemed somehow cruel, unfair even.
In the days since Peter had left her, Grace had felt herself turn to anger more than once. The anger was somehow energizing and so much less debilitating than the fear and outright grief. But how could she keep blaming Peter? How could she be angry with him for something that had been out of his control?
He would never have chosen to leave her alone, never. Peter Salter had loved her since they were both just sixteen, and she had loved him for just as long.
Grace’s loss came upon her again so suddenly that she bent forward, almost doubled over, as the first chest-tearing sob broke out of her like a caged animal suddenly set free.
“Oh, honey,” Laura said, her own voice wavering with emotion. “Let’s just stop for a few minutes.”
Laura drew the plodding oxen to a standstill and let go of the harness to lay a steadying hand on Grace’s back.
Grace was still bent double, her hands on her own waist, as she tried to suck in some much-needed air. When she finally managed to fill her lungs, it was only to empty them again immediately as yet another loud wail of pain flew out of her.
It was a dreadful feeling and the sobs were no more in her control than Peter’s life had been. Each sob followed the last with a desperate intensity.
The wagon train had been fanned out for the last few days and it was a relief to be out of the single file line they had been in when Peter had died.
A minister had performed the briefest of services as some of the men, their identities unknown and their faces nothing more than a blur to the shocked and grief-stricken young woman, buried Peter as he did so.
The whole thing had taken no more than a few minutes and the men, adept at digging a grave at the side of the trail, had clearly performed the task more than once as the mighty wagon train made its way from east to west.
But the train had to keep moving and, throughout the entire service, Grace had the awful and inappropriate feeling of holding everybody up. Her world was ending and yet she couldn’t escape the sense of urgency, of hurry... of being a burden.
She had to hurry to bury and leave behind the only man she had ever loved, the man she should have spent the rest of her life with.
“There now, you let it all out, Grace.” Feeling Laura’s hand on her back brought Grace back to the present.
They might not be in single file, but they would still need to get moving soon and keep up with the rest. Grace had a sense, as she had done from the moment they had left Missouri, that the very center of the wagon train was the best place to be.
It had felt like a safe place to her, even before Peter had fallen ill. And she didn’t want to end up at the back of the train now either. It seemed even more important to stay in the center now that she was alone in the world.
Even with Laura at her side, still Grace felt alone.
“I’m all right, Laura.” Grace straightened up, immediately catching the eye of a middle-aged woman whose wagon was slowly passing alongside her own.
She had never seen the woman before and, given the hundreds and hundreds of souls crossing the Oregon Trail that year, that wasn’t anything out of the ordinary.
But it was clear from the woman’s expression that she understood what had happened to Grace as she wailed out her pain, her loss so raw and shocking. The woman looked sad and, as if by instinct, looked across to where her own husband was leading their oxen.
It was as if she wanted to check he was still there, not lost to her the way the poor grief-stricken young woman’s must be.
She turned back again, her eyes shining, and she smiled sadly at Grace before moving on again.
Grace, despite knowing she should be grateful for the silent kindness, felt as if she could not escape the reality of her loss for a moment.
“I can carry on,” Grace said as she rubbed hard at the raw skin around her eyes. “I just needed to have that moment. But I’m all right. We’d better get moving again.”
“There’s no real need for us to rush along, Grace. Look, my ma and pa are still a way back, see?” Laura pointed back along the trail to where Jed and Mary Price were leading their own wagon along.
“I just want to keep to the middle,” Grace said and wondered why on earth it still mattered.
“Come on then.” Laura smiled kindly. “Do you want to lead them for a while? It will give you something to focus on?”
“Please. It might just keep my mind occupied for a while.” Grace was grateful to Laura and wondered how she would have managed without her.
The two of them had struck up a friendship way back in the camp at Independence, Missouri. Ever since then the two families had stayed within yards of one another along the whole trail. As week followed week, their friendship had grown, and Peter had seemed pleased for it.
Her one fear in leaving their old life back east was that she wouldn’t know anybody. Despite the fact she had only her sister left now that their ma had gone, still she had worried about their new life and if it would be lonely.
She could hardly believe now that something so silly had been her only fear.
If only she had feared a catastrophe, a loss of such magnitude it could hardly be comprehended, then she might never have agreed to leave their old home in the first place. And Peter would still be alive.
But finding Laura Price so early on had wiped all her little misgivings away. Laura was, at nineteen, just one year younger than Grace. But Laura hadn’t yet found a man she wanted to marry, so when her pa had decided to take her ma to a new life in Oregon, Laura had eagerly agreed to go with them.
As Grace took the harness and started to lead the oxen onward, she felt just a little better. The grief had burst out for a while and it would be enough to cope with the task of moving. She knew, of course, that it was only the very edge of the grief; the seething mass of it was still inside and would, no doubt, be making itself known time and time again.
But until then, Grace would keep putting one foot in front of the other.
The following day was cold but bright and Grace was relieved by the idea that it might not rain for a while. At times, she could hardly believe that they had set off from Missouri in such fine weather, but that had been months ago now and the season was becoming decidedly wintery.
The guides had assured the weary travelers that they would make it through to Willamette before the worst of the weather took hold. They had made good time and would land early in Oregon.
But Grace knew, as they all did, that there was still a trial ahead of them. There was a single-track pass to make in the mud; the strain of pushing the wagon and pulling at the oxen was a thought most of the exhausted party couldn’t even contemplat
e.
But Grace relished the challenge. The harder the better as far as she was concerned. She wanted the physical hardship to be back upon her so that she could focus on survival and nothing more. She needed it, she knew she did.
“I reckon we’ll be heading into the real hard work again soon,” Laura said as the two women walked along in companionable silence. “Another mud-filled climb.” She shuddered.
“We’ll get through it,” Grace said quietly. “One way or another.”
“We sure will.” Laura smiled at her, her pretty blue eyes hiding the trepidation. “And then we’ll finally be there. Just a few days and this hateful journey will be at an end.”
“I guess,” Grace said.
“Oh, I’m sorry. I hope I didn’t upset you.” Laura’s voice was full of concern.
“No, of course not. You never do anything but help me, Laura. I really am fine.” Grace knew she didn’t sound convincing.
“I should have thought about what I was saying.” Laura was determined to apologize. “I should have realized that the journey doesn’t really end there for you.”
“Maybe not. But at least the traveling will be over. At least I can take stock of everything and think straight enough to make a plan.”
“Do you know what you’ll do? I mean, have you thought about what you might do first?” Laura spoke with caution.
“First of all, I will need to sell this lot.” Grace tipped her head to indicate the wagon.
“All of it?” Laura sounded a little surprised.
“The farming equipment and the oxen will do me no good now. I have no idea how to use any of it and I couldn’t think of trying to set up a farm on my own. I’d never make enough to be able to buy the land at the end of the fourteen months as Peter had planned to. He was the farmer, not me.”
Peter had known by heart all the provisions of land claims before they had even set off. He had a clear plan in which he was certain he could claim several hundred acres and farm it efficiently enough to have earned the money to buy the land after fourteen months residence, as was the system.
