The young woman reached over to take her hand. “How horrible. Just about the whole block at the Rehwiese Park was flattened to the ground. Only the smaller buildings across the railway track weren’t damaged.”
Hilde sagged in relief and murmured, “Thank God.”
“The alarms came too late, and most of the inhabitants didn’t make it into the shelter. I was lucky because I got trapped under a broken staircase. Herr and Frau Huber, and Annegret, they’re all dead.”
“What is your real name?”
A long pause ensued before the girl finally answered. “Margarete Rosenbaum.”
She’s a Jew. That’s why she’s lying.
“All I want is to live.” Tears pooled in Margarete’s eyes, and she was barely able to form the words. “I was their maid for two years, but Herr Huber wanted to send me away by the end of the week.”
Hilde had a good idea where a Jewish girl would have been sent. “Continue.”
“I took Annegret’s papers and then pinned the yellow star on her blouse. I just want to survive. Please.”
Hilde didn’t answer. Instead, she turned her head and looked out the window at the darkness beyond. How far down can this country go? A twenty-year-old girl had to assume someone else’s identity in order to stay alive. This wasn’t her country anymore.
She pondered whether she could help the girl but finally decided that the best she could do was to ignore everything that had happened during the last thirty minutes.
“I won’t tell anyone,” Hilde said and looked away again.
Volker awakened a little while later, and Hilde was thankful for the distraction. It was after dark when the train arrived in Magdeburg. As they stepped carefully down onto the platform, the girl helped her to unload her baggage and her son. Hilde met her eyes for a moment and said, “Good luck, Annegret.”
Then she turned and stepped into the embrace of her sister Julia.
***
Initially, Hilde enjoyed her time on the farm with Julia. It was much more peaceful and relaxed than in the capital, but after a few days, she missed Q and her friends.
Julia had to work, like everyone else, and Hilde got increasingly lonely as the days turned into weeks. Hilde offered to help, but at seven months pregnant, she wasn’t of much use with the hard work.
Volker wasn’t much company either because he was now old enough to enjoy playing with the other children and the animals. The active little boy loved the animals, but he liked the hand carts even more. He would spend hours placing things into a hand cart and then pulling it around, like a toy wagon.
Hilde was happy that he was enjoying himself, but she longed for Q to arrive for Christmas.
“I’m so glad you’re here,” she said with tears in her eyes when she finally met him at the train station.
“I’ve missed you and Volker so much,” he said, hugging and kissing her.
They celebrated Christmas with Julia, but nobody was in the mood to enjoy, except for Volker of course. Q was unusually distracted, and Hilde worried about him. Something had happened, but he wouldn’t tell what it was.
When it was time for him to return to Berlin, she said, “I’m ready to come back with you.”
“Hilde, I really think you should stay here until the baby is born.”
“No! I won’t have my baby so far away from you and my friends. Besides, I don’t want to be alone any longer.”
“It’s safer here than in Berlin. You know that a big part of Nikolassee was reduced to rubble right after you left.”
“I know, but I would rather die by your side than live without you.”
He took her into his arms and whispered in her ear, “It’s not yet time to die, Hildelein.”
Q finally gave in, and right after New Year’s they returned home. Despite knowing about the bomb damage to their quarter, she was still shocked to the core to see the sad remains of what used to be a thriving place.
One day, Hilde put Volker into his pram and walked to the building where Wolfgang Huber once lived. There wasn’t much left of it. The entire building had collapsed in shambles, and only the back wall stood half intact.
An eerie cold seized her, and she sent a prayer to the sky, asking to keep Margarete safe before she hurried away.
Apart from that, things had returned to normal, if one could call this life normal. But something was off and the more time passed, the more certain Hilde became that Q was hiding something from her. She’d never seen him in such a state of anxious excitement, but whenever she asked him about it, he brushed it off. “I’m just worn out by the constant worry, and the raging war.”
She could tell he was lying to her, but she didn’t have the strength to confront him. With less than one month until the baby was due, she needed all her energy to keep her small family fed and keep Volker under control. The cute little man had developed into a little daredevil, and he missed the freedom of the countryside where he could play and run for hours on end.
She sighed. She wasn’t entirely sure she wanted to know what Q was up to. In any case, a discussion with him would have to wait until the baby was born. Emma had agreed to stay with them for a month to help with Volker and the household chores, so Hilde could dedicate herself to the newborn.
Chapter 33
Q jumped up, and his chair fell back. “It’s not possible!”
Martin, Erhard, and he had come up with and discarded idea after idea. Infiltrating a construction company and pretending to have to do maintenance work on the roof. Climbing up like a cat burglar. Landing with a makeshift parachute. Overwhelming the security guards. Getting security clearance for some of the buildings. They just couldn’t get access to the roofs of those darn buildings.
Martin and Erhard looked at each other before they nodded. “It was a good idea, but we just can’t get those blinking lights up on the roofs. All buildings of strategic importance are too closely guarded.”
Q sighed with disappointment. “We had everything worked out. The production of the blinkers, the remote control, the radio transmitters, everything…but we can’t get them up there.”
Erhard put a hand on his shoulder. “Don’t take it personally. We’ll come up with another idea to torpedo the war effort.”
Martin nodded. “Yes, we can make a change, we just need another idea.”
The three men tossed around a few ideas over the next days, but nothing to be taken seriously. During their next quality control meeting, they discussed the radio transmitters for the Wehrmacht when Q suddenly said, “We’ll make a remote controlled bomb.”
The others looked at him with their jaws nearly on the floor. “A bomb? Sure we could do that, but why?”
Q suddenly knew exactly what he had to do. “To assassinate Hitler.”
“To…what?” Martin drawled, the words barely making a sound.
“Yes. I will assassinate the Führer,” Q reinforced.
“That would certainly solve some problems,” Erhard said.
All three of them started tossing ideas around with ardent zeal. In moments, the disappointment over their failure to find a way to install the blinkers on the roofs was forgotten, and they outplayed each other with input for their newest project.
“We need to find a weakness…a time when he is less protected and vulnerable,” Martin suggested.
They made a plan of action and distributed tasks. Erhard would feel out other resistance groups, and Martin would keep his eyes and ears open at the weekly Party meetings for any information they might use. Q was tasked to find out Hitler’s daily routine.
Several weeks later, they had to abandon the idea of assassinating Hitler – he was too protected. Many before had tried, and nobody had ever succeeded. People outside his inner circle couldn’t get close to the Führer anymore.
“What about Goebbels?” Erhard suggested. Goebbels was Minister of Propaganda and one of Hitler’s most devoted followers. His excellent public speaking skills combined with a virulent anti-Semitism
made him a dangerous weapon and an important pillar of Hitler’s power.
“Goebbels?” Q asked. “If a more moderate person came into his position, that might lead to better conditions for the Jews and less support for the war amongst the civilians.”
“Let’s take the next week to think about it,” Erhard suggested.
Q returned to the laboratory and started his daily work. For weeks, he’d been thinking about a way to shorten the war and speed up the tumbling of the Thousand-Year Reich, should they have found the solution.
But could killing someone in cold blood be justified, even if done to save hundreds, maybe even thousands, of lives?
***
In March 1942, Hilde gave birth to her second baby, another son, and Q was proud as punch. He instantly fell in love with the cute little baby with a down of straight brown hair, much different from Volker’s white-blond curly locks. But he shared the same blue eyes as his brother, and Q himself.
“Hilde, he looks exactly like you!” Q said.
She took a look at the baby’s crumpled face and laughed. “I hope not.” Then she stroked his tiny head with her palm and held him against her chest. “What shall we name him?”
“He looks like a Peter, doesn’t he?”
“Peter? Well, I like it.”
Q knew that Hilde had secretly hoped for a girl and had already chosen a girl’s name, but for a boy they’d still been undecided between three or four options.
Emma, who had already arrived a few days ago, came into the bedroom with Volker holding her hand.
“I wanna see the baby!” Volker shouted and rushed toward the bed.
“Slow down!” Q scolded him. “Your brother, Peter, is very tiny and you will crush him with your weight.”
Volker instantly looked guilty and slowed down his steps. Then he glanced at his mother with a questioning look in his eyes, and Q saw how a warm smile spread across her face as she nodded. Volker crawled onto the bed and carefully caressed his baby brother’s hand.
Q’s heart constricted, seeing the three of them like that, happy and united in love. He couldn’t – no, he wouldn’t – be responsible for tearing them apart. Something had to give.
Emma put a hand on his arm and said, “We should take a picture of them.”
He nodded and went to his study to retrieve the photo camera to capture this moment of love.
***
The weeks went by, and the more Q thought about the planned assassination attempt, the more worried he became. Not for himself, but for Hilde and the boys. The possibility of destroying their happiness lay hard on his conscience, so hard that one day he decided to visit his mother.
“Wilhelm, what a surprise,” Ingrid said as she opened the door for him.
Q fidgeted with his hands. “Hello, Mother. Can I come in.?”
“Sure, my darling. But what brings you here, in plain daylight on a workday? Is everything fine with Hilde and the boys?”
“Yes.” He didn’t know what else to say. They’re fine for now, but soon their lives might be torn to pieces – because of me.
His mother smiled. “I’m getting old. The last time all of you visited, I had to sit in my armchair the rest of the day and relax. Volker sure is a handful, but Peter is such a sweet and content baby. They’re so different from each other.”
“Mother…” He looked at the woman he’d loved his entire life and longed to tell her the truth.
“Son, I’ll make us an infusion.” She led him to the tiny kitchen and made an herb tea. “I’m sorry, I don’t have coffee.”
“Nobody has real coffee anymore…” Q sat down and stared at his mother’s back, while she boiled water. He wasn’t sure why he’d come here. She wouldn’t be able to help. Nobody could.
Ingrid carried two steaming cups and sat down at the kitchen table with Q. “What do you have on your heart?”
The burden of his conscience weighed him down, and he couldn’t look into his mother’s eyes as he handed her an envelope stuffed with money. “Will you keep this for me? If anything happens…” He couldn’t bring himself to finish the sentence.
His mother put her hand under his chin and raised his head to look into his eyes. She would be able to see right into his soul, like she always had. Now she would scold him for being such a foolish and egotistic man. But she didn’t.
After a long time, she said, “Wilhelm, I’m worried about you. You’ve always been a free thinker, but these are not the times to play hero. Whatever you are up to, I don’t want to know about it. But promise me one thing…be careful.”
He nodded. “I will.”
She kissed his forehead and took the envelope. “I’ll guard this until you come and take it back.”
“Thank you, Mother. I love you.” He rushed out to hide his glistening eyes. Damn! Damn! Damn!
A few weeks later, Q came up with the perfect solution to protect Hilde and the boys in case he was found out.
One night when the kids were asleep, he took Hilde’s hand and led her to the couch. “Hilde, I want you to hear me out. Things are getting more dangerous, and I worry about you and the boys. I need to keep you safe.”
She made a face.
“If we are no longer together, nobody will hold you responsible for my actions.”
“What?” she demanded, her eyes wide open with shock.
“We’ll feign a fight, and you will leave. Take the kids someplace safe where my actions won’t reflect on you.”
“Absolutely not! There’s no way I’ll do that. Without you, I might as well die right now.” She jumped from the couch and stared at him, her hands resting on her hips.
“Hilde, please be reasonable. If you can’t think about yourself, think about the children.”
“My answer is no. This discussion is over.” Turning on her heel, Hilde took herself off to bed.
The next morning before he had to leave for work, he brought the subject up again. “Hilde, just say you’ll think about it,” he pleaded with her.
But she was adamant. “I will not! Nothing will make me change my mind about this. We are a family, and we will stay together until they force us apart. Full stop.”
This went on for a few days, until he finally relented. “Fine. We’ll stay together.”
For the first time since he’d brought up the topic, she smiled at him. “Finally, you’re coming to your senses.”
Chapter 34
Hilde put two mugs of ersatz coffee on the breakfast table and watched her sleepy husband as he took a big gulp. “God, how I hate this Muckefuck! Isn’t there real coffee to be had anywhere?”
She hid her smile at his outburst and took a sip of her own, then grimaced. “I don’t know why I still drink that stuff. Maybe we should instead try one of the suggestions from the propaganda ministry.”
Q looked at her and raised a brow, “What?”
“They now want us to use common weeds as food.”
“Weeds? You can’t be serious.” He put down his mug. “Although I’m not sure anything can be worse than this. If we at least had sugar…”
“See here.” She showed him a leaflet that had been distributed to all households and summarized the contents. “The solution to our malnutrition apparently is growing along the roadsides and in the wooded areas. Here’s a recipe to make a salad of stinging nettle, common dandelions, and cabbage thistle. Ugh.” Hilde put the leaflet down and grimaced.
Q grinned at her. “Hmm, I can see the children running to the table for their share of stinging nettle. Any more pearls of wisdom in there?”
She scanned the leaflet and shook her head. “Not much. They advise the good German housewife to collect those ‘nutritious herbs’ along the sides of the road to prepare a healthy meal for our families. Apparently, those adjustments to our diet will help us live even better and healthier than before the war.”
“Well, then let’s take a walk along the Autobahn and see if we can find us a good lunch.”
Hilde tossed
the leaflet onto the table in disgust. “What a load of bullshit!”
Her outburst caused a laugh to spring from Q’s lips. Normally she was much better at controlling her response. But the war and the constant threat of being discovered had frayed her nerves.
Q sighed, running a hand through his hair. “This is the price we have to pay for Hitler’s delusions of grandeur. I’d dispose of him if I could.”
His remark was casual, but Hilde was shocked nonetheless. Would Q actually kill the man, given the chance?
Her heart constricted. Suddenly his strange behavior, the need to get rid of her and the children, everything fell into place like a jigsaw. She took a deep breath to calm her racing heart, but she didn’t dare ask. She wasn’t even sure she wanted to know.
***
Germany was in the middle of the worst war in the history of mankind, but the Nazi regime failed to acknowledge the hardships for the civilians and touted their war successes. According to the media and leaflets, everyone not willing to suffer for their leader was a traitor to the nation and should be treated as such.
Hilde often stood for hours in line to buy food or clothing. Keeping an entire family well fed wasn’t an easy task, and she was grateful that she had enough milk to nurse Peter. One less problem that weighed down on her shoulders.
Peter was such a content baby, and Hilde barely noticed his presence. He would be happy to play with an old piece of cloth and lie in his crib babbling at himself. He’d even sleep through the frequent trips to the bomb shelter, and she’d often joke with Q that you could literally drop a bomb beside his head without waking him.
Volker, on the other hand, had become a handful and hard to manage. He was very intelligent for his age and more curious than was good for him. He kept Hilde on her toes around the clock. During the day, he ventured out, and at night, he was plagued by nightmares.
The trips to the shelter were something he abhorred and feared. Almost every night, she had to drag a crying toddler down into the cellar. But what else could she do? He was too young to understand and too old not to understand.
Unyielding: Love and Resistance in WW2 Germany (World War II Trilogy) Page 16
