I hugged Lainie and thanked her for the sound advice. She was right, holding onto the past kept you from moving toward your future. Chase had never given me reason to doubt him, too bad the actions of one man can dictate the reaction to others. As we shopped for Grace, I rolled the words Lainie had said over and over in my mind. It wasn’t until I noticed an old poster for an event in the city that the idea for how to bury Lucas for good came to me. I would need to see if Priscilla would watch Grace for me, as the place where I wanted to do this was not ideal for her.
Tonight was Dylan’s bachelor party. When the planning began, I assumed they would jet off to Vegas and let the good times roll. When Chase said they were having a cookout at Dylan’s house downtown, I almost couldn’t believe it. According to Chase, Dylan had had his fill of strippers and living fast. He wanted to have the men who meant most to him grab a beer and something to eat, sit around the firepit and sharing bullshit stories.
As I pulled into my drive, the sun was starting its daily descent into the horizon. Shadows of the current day began to creep into the crevices of memories we will have for a lifetime. Grace had fallen asleep the second I turned on the car engine, her tiny snores filling the inside of the car.
On my porch is the outline of a man. A tall gentle soul I have come to love, although I’m too frightened to admit it out loud. Terrified of giving him any ammunition to hold against me when he wants something. As soon as the engine is off, Grace’s head pops up and she is talking a mile a minute. Chase remained seated on the top step, his legs spread with one on the second step while the other rests on the first. He looks natural, as if he’s always belonged.
He raises his hand in the air in greeting, a gentle smile on his face. I’ve promised myself I’ll listen to what he has to say, giving him every moment he needs to set the record straight. Grace finally notices him and begs to be let down, running toward him as fast as her little legs, and new sandals, will carry her.
His smile grows larger as she approaches and it’s just before she reaches the steps I notice he has his guitar in his hands.
“Grace Helms, how are you beautiful girl?”
His fingers strum the strings, a random melody filling my porch. She puts a foot on the step, reaching out for his guitar, so he stops playing and lifts her up to the top step with him. She rewards his efforts by wrapping her tiny arms around his neck and kissing the side of his face. His finger resuming the strumming of the harmony from before.
“My name is Grace,
I gotta pain in my face.
Somebody call the doctor,
before I lose my mind in this place.
I got the teething blues,
I got those low, down teething blues”
She dances to his tune, lifting her chest up and down, her tiny butt jetting in and out. I cover my mouth with my hand as I too enjoy the bluesy type sound of his song, and the silliness that is my baby.
“Hey.” He says, putting the guitar on its side so Grace can play with it.
“Chase, she’ll tear it up.” I warn, climbing the steps to take it away from her.
“So? If she breaks a string, I get it fixed.” His hand is on my arm, the fire from his touch traveling to a place I want to forget. Sex has come to represent evil, greed, and manipulation to me. I’ve heard other women scream for more, perhaps they enjoy pain and heartache—but for me, my life has had enough of both.
“Come sit on the swing and talk with me.” He motioned to the white shaker style swing that hung from massive bolts in the wood beams. Molly claims to have built it herself as a prop for a photo shoot. All I know is the soft sway is a sure fire way to put Grace to sleep, and put me in a better mood.
Chase takes my hand when I don’t respond fast enough, pulling me down beside him onto the soft blue and white checkered cushion. “I heard you had a run in with Portia last night. Chance she might have told you some things which aren’t necessarily true.” One of his legs is tucked under the other, the extended one pushing us back and forth on the swing.
“I ain’t gonna ask you what was said, but I am gonna tell you about the two occasions I’ve had to meet this person.” He’s careful with his words, looking to see if Grace is still occupied with her songwriting.
“The first time I got to say more than a quick hello to her, was the summer right before I deployed to Afghanistan the first time. Dylan was in town at the same time, so we decided to head over to the fair, which happened to be in town. Portia called him and, at the time, Dylan had no standards or boundaries when it came to women. We were walking around the fair, him telling her how he could bend her over anything solid and her whining about wanting him to win her a stuffed animal. I got sick of listening to her bi—complain, and handed the Carnie some money. I fired off a few shots and won this ugly necklace.”
“A heart?” I said aloud, not meaning to interrupt.
“Yes, a heart. It was the ugliest thing they had and she jumped up and down, pulling Dylan into one of those porta-potties.”
“The second time I saw her was at a bar downtown after my granddaddy’s funeral. It was the same night Dylan realized he was starting to have feelings for Claire. Anyway, she led him into the men’s room of the bar and let him have anal sex with her. When Dylan was opening the door to leave, Claire was exiting the ladies room and saw Portia’s bare…tush in the air. It nearly spoiled things for the two of them, but it’s all good now. At the time though—” He shrugged, being careful of the little ears not even two feet away.
“She can say anything she wants about me and my family. The truth is, she allowed herself to be used by Dylan, and desperately tried to get Austin to notice her a few years later. To me, she will never be anything but a girl I gave something, I would have tossed in the trash.”
Picking up the angel wings I had around my neck, he continued. “You, on the other hand, have a necklace I considered heavily before buying.” Tucking his finger under my chin, he lifts my eyes back to his. “And pulled out my father’s credit card to pay.”
“You mean?” I stumbled.
“It’s solid platinum, the cuts look like diamonds, because they are diamonds. The words inside are also solid.”
I felt the need to remove it, placing it somewhere safe. “Hold up,” he stopped my panic, “I didn’t tell you this to freak you out. I’m telling you this so you understand the difference. If tomorrow I pass a girl who is crying on the street, I’m gonna stop and see if I can help her. It’s just the way I’m built. But you,” he slides his hands on each side of my face. “You and Grace are my world. Without the two of you, this heart of mine is lost.” His blue eyes, the same ones my little girl looks at me with trust and love, are pleading for me to hear him and listen to what his heart is saying and my soul was co-signing.
No more words were needed as his lips found mine. Whispers of forgiveness and sorrow will never be heard. The truth, the honesty is in the way he holds me, protects not only my heart, but my baby as an extension. Our kiss isn’t heated or earth shattering, it’s a promise to believe this is real, ignoring all the outside forces which tried to rob us of this moment. It his way of swearing an oath, one where his heart, and mine, are one in the same. As we sit on the wooden swing, Grace still dancing and playing her song, a new understanding is reached, a shift in the dynamics of our relationship.
“Hey.” My voice is hoarse from all the emotions surrounding me, my forehead pressed to his. “I know you have a party to get to, but I was wondering if you would help me with something?”
I’ve never used the pedestrian path on the Ravenel Bridge, always frightened of the speeding traffic just feet away from the edge. Crossing it in a car has given me heart palpitations, I’m terrified of the possibility it would collapse and take me to the waters below.
Chase had called Priscilla, who didn’t let him finish asking if she would like to watch Grace before she hung up the phone, arriving as I gathered what I need from Molly’s garden, with her permission, of cours
e. Dylan and Austin were sent a group text, Chase apologizing in advance if this ran late. I was important he told them, more than being on time for a party that was sure to last into the wee hours of the morning.
I’d asked him to take me to the spot where this all started. The place where he and his brothers chose to show Cash what happened when the law stopped working, and southern men settled the score. Not once did he question why or what I had planned, he played with Grace while I gathered the things I needed.
Tires thumped along the concrete road, the whooshing sound of cars as they passed me on the right. I can’t look at the road, too frightened to see them as they barreled by. Chase held my hand tight, pointing out how beautiful the sunset is as the yellow rays bounce over the waves of the river below.
He tells me of Ginny’s death and the investigation which will have to be done. He reassured me my part in her trial was over, and by the time we walked back to his truck, my shoulders would be as free as the birds which circle overhead.
It seems like forever we’ve been walking as my thighs and ass stings from the climb. It’s Friday night and the bridge is practically barren, only a few older couples speed walking in pairs. As we reach the halfway point and the top of the bridge, Chase motions for me to have a seat on the concrete bench in the corner. We both take a seat and I lower the bag I schlepped up here, refusing to let him carry it. I explained it contained a representation of the burdens I wanted to get rid of and I needed to carry them myself.
Chase pulled me close, while my lungs try desperately to catch up to the energy I used to get here. It’s evident he is in shape, there’s not a drop of sweat covering his body and he’s breathing, like we did nothing more than walk across the room.
“When Dylan asked for my help, I knew it was serious, not just with the piece of shit guy, but with Claire. He would never do anything like that for someone he just wanted to fuck. I knew this would be forever.”
Chase stands and walks over to the fence that comes to his armpits. “I was gonna let Dylan do all of the talkin’, be here in case Cash needed to be held down or somethin’.” He was looking at the horizon, showing me the side of him I love the most; his deep-rooted passion for family, something I know he considers me a part of.
“But he said somethin’ about momma, disrespecting her in the worst way, and I couldn’t let that go.”
Pulling the bag from the ground, I reached in and wrapped my fingers around one of the river stones in the bottom. Taking the black sharpie from my back pocket, I wrote Lucas across the surface of the rock.
“Lucas, you came to me at a time when I hadn’t figured out who I was or what I wanted to be. You used words and touches to extort what you wanted from me. Once you had your fill, you changed back into the monster you swore you’d never be. I’ve spent too much time hating you, cursing the ground you walk on, and I’m not gonna do it anymore. You refused to take responsibility for anything, including our…my daughter. She will never know you existed, not as long as I’m able to protect her.” Standing on the bench, I pull my arm back and toss the rock into the air, clearing the edge of the bridge. I lose sight of it, as the setting sun blinded me. “Rest in hell you piece of shit!” I screamed, my tears coming in tidal waves and my body collapsing in half. “You can’t hurt me anymore.” I add as Chase wraps me in his arms.
One by one, a rock for every person who has wronged me goes over the side, although none with as much emotion as the first. The second was for my Granny, even though I’d stopped crying over her harsh words and cruel treatment long ago. Then Amy and Virginia, and the sins they committed. I sent one over for Clifford, as he never stood up to anyone for anything. The last rock, the one which left Chase looking at me for a while, was for Largo. He didn’t join in the games the others played or try to get anything out of me. His only crime was loving a woman, one who couldn’t love anyone but herself and the color of money.
Just as the sun dipped behind the water’s edge, Chase took my hand in his. “They can’t hurt you anymore,” he whispered. I tucked myself under his arm and lay my cheek against his chest, listening to the beat of his heart. I felt him reach into his pocket, bringing something up to his lips, kissing it, and then tossing it into the water below. As I pulled back to ask him what he tossed over, he smiled and shook his head. “Can’t tell you, Sweetness. I need that wish to come true.”
The key to a successful marriage is to argue naked.
Granddaddy would have loved this, to see the day when Dylan tossed in the towel and asked a girl to marry him. He would have teased him relentlessly, and then threatened to castrate him like a bull if he stepped out of line.
It’s almost the same with Austin. He believed he was too smart and worldly to ever be tempted into matrimony. Yet here he is, showing anyone who will look at the photos from his honeymoon; at least the appropriate ones.
Lainie had called me after she spoke with Audrey, agreeing to run interference for me since she and Audrey grew up similarly. “You can’t describe the ocean if you’ve never seen it.” She was able to get through the maze of emotions built up in Audrey from years of swallowing her true feelings. Never again will she have to suffer at the hands of a man, not as long as I’m the man she has at her side.
Dylan’s party was on the mild side of casual—about fifty guys between his old unit, Daddy’s office, and the high school friends who still lived locally. Austin had the food and drinks catered, as the idea of a bunch of drunks handling fire was never a good idea.
Audrey worried I would be late to the party if I helped her bury her past, but I didn’t care. I wanted to help her as much as she had me, helping me see how following my attraction for her and not the lie Ginny had built was the right thing to do.
I hadn’t planned to toss my coin over the side, but as I watched the pain and suffering leave her face as she tossed each rock, I questioned whether the same thing would happen over a wish I wanted to come true.
“Hey, handsome,” a female voice in my ear startled me out of my memory. Turning, I faced the girl who had nearly taken my happiness away. “Care to buy a girl a drink?” She looked at me through her lashes, something I’ve learned girls do to be coy. Portia is anything but.
I pulled my arm out of her grasp, “It’s an open bar, help yourself.” I absently nodded in the direction of the crowded bar.
“What? Are you upset with me, baby?” She moved closer, and while I wanted to remind her of what she had done, I didn’t want to cause a big scene and ruin my brother’s night. Catching Austin’s eye, I tilt my head to the back patio letting him know I needed him to keep an eye out.
“Follow me.”
“Now we’re talkin’.” She rejoiced.
“Which is exactly what we are doing…talking.”
I refused to offer a hand, or let her go through the door first, but somehow I knew momma would send me a pass for this one. She takes things to the extreme, and the manners I have would be misconstrued and twisted before the sun came up in the morning.
“Portia, you’ve got some nerve. Coming here, uninvited, after the stunt you pulled last night. Now, I know Dylan and you have a history, but I have been nothing less than decent to you and for you to go and say the things…”
“Oh, lighten up, Chase. Your little girl didn’t understand anything, and if your Baby Momma is so worried about me, then maybe we should give her something to cry about.”
Not many things in my life have left me speechless, but this girl… “You know, Portia, this afternoon I asked myself why my brother preferred to be with you the way he always did. Now, looking at you, and listening to the shit coming out of your mouth, I understand completely.” Closing the distance, her smile from a moment ago faded like the youth she once held. “He treated you, and fucked you, like the whore you are. In your ass—not giving a flying fuck if you enjoyed it or not. He shoved his dick into a part of your body where a baby could never be created. Now…” I pointed to the room just inside the door, “�
�he has a girl he wraps himself around every night, making love to her and imagining how his future children will have her eyes. You are a drunkin’ mistake, a part of his careless youth, and nothing but a girl he fucked for practice.”
I had to distance myself from her, stepping around her stunned form, I ignored her calling my name. Heading for the bathroom, I felt the overwhelming need to hear Audrey’s voice and see my Grace as she slept in her bed. But as I crossed the room, Austin blocked my path, nodding behind me. Confused, I turn and watch as Portia leads two of Dylan’s former co-workers toward the bathroom. There’s not a question in my mind of what is about to happen, with or without the door closing.
Alcohol has been known to ease pain, loosen lips, and remove panties. In Dean Morgan’s case, it gave him permission to brag to the room how firm and tight certain parts of momma were. Austin and I took the glass of whatever he was drinking and poured him into a taxi alongside Carson, who found the courage to tell the crowd he was a virgin when he married Miss Georgia.
Dylan laughed and drank himself into a hardcore sleep. Austin and I picked him up and placed him in his bed, snapping a few shots of him cuddled around his pillow, and then sent them to Claire.
After all the guests were either safely in taxis or crashed out on the floor, Austin and I grabbed a beer and headed for the deck. In less than forty-eight hours, our brother would be a married man, leaving me as the remaining single Morgan man. And while this was factual on paper, it was the largest lie that ever lived in my mind. Every cell in my body belonged to Audrey.
Absolute Valor (Southern Justice #3) Page 26
