by Faulks, Kim
Director Keeley opened the door and flicked on a light to a bathroom. I stared as he stepped inside and turned on a tap. “I think personally, it’ll be good for you. I’ve seen boys like you before. Hard nuts to crack, but they crack eventually…mark my words, they all crack eventually.”
My heart was hammering, pain searing across one side of my head, pulsing like a trapped nerve under the skin.
Boom…boom…boom…
I rose from seat as the Director kept talking and stepped toward the open bathroom door. “We could even get your dad up here, set up a counseling session with the two of you. Re-habilitation, that’s the key here, we want to make sure—”
He turned his head as I stepped into the bathroom. Panic was driving me now, pushing me harder, past the point of no return. They weren’t walls inside my mind keeping everything out…they were gates. They opened now, yawning wider and the rush of power swept through.
Energy raced along my skin, morphing me…changing me…making me into someone I wasn’t. Yes, to me I was still the same…the same skinny kid, hidden behind an illusion.
The Director stumbled backwards toward the toilet as I stepped close. In the mirror I caught my own reflection. Silver suit, crumpled shirt, dark circles under his eyes…a mirror image, just like the Director.
“What the fuck is this?” He gasped as I turned.
“Can’t have you doing that, Director,” I murmured and it was his own voice he heard. I lifted my hand, just like it was his own touch reaching for him. “Can’t have hypnosis, can’t have anything like that at all.”
His shoes slipped, feet skidded out from under him as he hit the wall. “Not real…some kind of sick joke.”
“I’m very real,” I answered and took one more step, cornering him. “Just not human is all…”
His eyes fluttered, skin washed pasty white. A whimper slipped from his lips before his knees buckled, and in a rush, he crumpled to the cold tiled floor.
I gave him a soft kick. “Director?”
There was no answer, nothing more than the rhythmic sound of his breaths. It was all in my hands now. I lifted my gaze to the face in the mirror. Run and run forever…or stay here…
I turned from the mirror and strode from the bathroom. I hit the light switch and closed the door with a soft thud. Urgency swept through me. I scanned his desk, grabbed his keys and then made for the door.
Lights went out, plunging the room into darkness. My fingers trembled as I scanned the lock and twisted. I had minutes maybe until the Director came too, a few more until someone heard him banging on the door.
There wasn’t as many guards here at night. He could be banging on the door for hours. I swallowed hard and pocketed the keys. Just don’t choke this time…don’t fucking choke…
Goddamn fucking pussy, Dad’s words swam to the surface. Too much like you’re Momma. I swallowed hard as the door ahead buzzed. I gave the guard a nod, yanked open the door and stepped through. Just don’t think about it…don’t think.
Sweat ran from underneath my arm as I turned toward the locked double doors.
“Night, Director,” the guard called from behind the plexiglass in the observation room.
“Night,” I answered as the doors buzzed.
Just make it to the outside, that’s all you have to do. Step after step. I waited to choke like I always did…waited for the sirens, waited for the screams.
I swallowed and pushed through the front door. Lights buzzed and flickered overhead as the cold night air hit me. I walked down the outside steps, forcing myself not to run. City lights sparkled on either side of the towering brown brick building.
I stepped onto the sidewalk and then glanced over my shoulder. The lights changed to my right and I crossed the road.
My footsteps scuffed, moving faster as in the distance a bus headed my way. I glanced to the bus stop, and the older woman standing to flag it down.
My heart was thundering, one step and I was jogging, reaching to her as the silver bus pulled up against the curb.
The door opened with a whoosh and the woman climbed on. A dispenser sat against the side, along with a card reader. Fives, tens, and twenty dollar notes only, the sticker printed on the side read.
I swallowed hard and stared at the machine. Creating an illusion for a human was one thing, but there was no fooling a machine.
“Got a problem, Mister?” The driver glanced my way.
I licked my lips and gave a nod. The entire bus full of people were watching. I scrambled to think, reaching into my pocket and dragged out nothing. But it wasn’t what they saw…they saw a worn black wallet. “Do you have change for a fifty?”
The driver just stared and then gave a huff, dragged his wallet out and peeled out two twenties and a ten.
I swallowed the bitter taste of disappointment and handed over the fifty-dollar illusion. I waited for him to tuck it into his wallet before I pulled the tendril of power away.
I fed the ten dollar bill into the dispenser, grabbed the ticket from the top and stepped up into the bus. We were moving before I swung into the first spare seat, pulling out into the traffic and driving past Ridley.
The money sat heavy in my pocket as we drove away, but it was heavier in my chest. There was no turning back now, even if I wanted to.
There was only running. Only more illusions and lies…
Only survival any way I could.
Spark
2014
“You okay, Spark?” Dad turned from the doctor as the door closed. “You ready for this?”
I tried to swallow the shudder. “I don’t have what she wants, Dad. I can never have what she wants.”
He forced a smile, stretching the crows feet at the corner of his eyes. “Just one more session. You were so close last time.”
“Last time I set fire to the transformer and trees across the road. Half the city was without power for six hours. You seriously ready for more of that?”
He reached for my hand, soft fingers rubbing the length of my thumb. “That was a slip. I know you’re stronger. You’ve got a handle on it, Spark. I trust you.”
He trusted me. He always trusted me. Trusted me with his life, trusted me to do the right thing. Trusted I’d give Leah what she wanted.
She filled my mind. Cold, alone, so unlike the warmth dad gave me. I searched for reasons not to like her, for reasons to stay away, but it always came down to one. One reason. One terrifying reason.
Tick…tick…tick…
I pulsed with the sound. Fear coursed through my body. I tried to catch the feeling, tried to clamp it between my teeth. Senator Leah Williams didn’t care…didn’t understand, not about me, not about anything.
She wanted more, always more. One more name for her hit list. One more session. One more rung on the ladder to climb…until she was where?
Tick…tick…tick…I clenched trembling fingers, fighting that urge inside.
“You’re strong,” Dad murmured. “You’re so strong you can do anything.”
I jerked my gaze to his. He wavered behind the sheen of tears. If he could only see inside my head he wouldn’t say that.
He didn’t know what the beast wanted. He didn’t understand, none of them did.
WEAPON… KILL…KILL FOR US.
“It’s up to you, Spark. It’s always been up to you.”
I glanced to the doctor who shifted nervously form one foot to the other. “Has this one signed the NDA?”
The corners of Dad’s lips twitched and rose. “Yes, non-disclosure is all tucked away. Besides, like you say, who the Hell is gonna believe him?”
I turned toward doctor number…twelve is it? He looked from Dad to me, and then back again. The muscles of his throat worked. “Lucky for you, I don’t scare easy.”
They all ran…when they saw what I was…every single one of them—except for Dad.
He never did, even in the beginning, when my powers were volatile. He never turned from me, never looked at me in fear. N
ever asked anything other than what Leah demanded.
If I said no? If I said I didn’t want to do this anymore, what then? Would I see the flicker of disappointment? Would he finally turn from me?
A whisper echoed inside my head, and out of emptiness billowed my fear.
He’d see me differently, maybe not at first, but eventually.
Eventually he’d look at me like all the others.
Like I was an animal…a beast.
“Okay. One more time, and then I’m done. I don’t want to go back there anymore. I don’t want to relive the past.”
He smiled that soft, sad smile I was used to. Flecks of grey stood out against the black strands of his hair as he leaned in and pulled me close. “She is so proud of you, even if she doesn’t show it. She loves you. She’s fighting for you.”
Six years she’d been fighting. Six years since the gala event. I’d pulled away from her, even hated her a while, still she never stopped, not once.
How many more, her words filled me. How many kids out there alone like you?
I had no answer…nothing more than the faint echo of a girl with purple hair trapped somewhere in my head.
“Okay, ready to get started. You want to stay here, or out in the waiting room?” The doctor turned to Dad.
“I stay.”
“He stays.”
We answered together and then looked at each other. One nod from him was all I needed. One nod that said it all. I’m not going anywhere, Spark. I’m right here. I won’t let anything happen.
“Okay, that’s settled.”
I glanced at the doctor as he walked behind his desk. Greg Hummerford, was etched into a plaque. He grabbed a recorder and then leaned forward hitting the button on the recorder before he headed toward me.
“No recordings,” Dad growled. “Notes only and those need to be checked by my wife before you’re allowed to store them, in their original transcript.”
Greg’s brows narrowed. His bald head glistened as he shook his head.
But there was no budging. It was our way, or nothing.
Dad rose in front of me and held out his hand. “It’s the only way you’re getting access to her. I’m sure you understand.”
The corner of the therapist’s lip curled into more of a sneer than a smile, still he handed over the recorder and grabbed his notepad and pen from the desk. “Very well. You ready to get started?”
I swallowed a shudder as he took a step closer. Dad moved to a couch on the other side of the room and took a seat. He held my gaze, soft and relaxed.
“Okay, Elizabeth,” Greg murmured as he took a seat to my right.
I winced at the sound of the name they’d given me as Dad crossed his legs. I stared at his grey woolen slacks and soft hands.
I’d watched those hands as he cooked, as he drew in his office, showing me designs of houses he’d created. I watched them as he held my hand, his thumb running the length of mine.
“Let’s start with a relaxed posture, nice deep breaths. No pressure here, no stress. Just us, no one else in the office, or the building. This is a place where you can be yourself in any way you need to be.”
I closed my eyes and inhaled. Coolness flowing through my body, holding for a second until I felt the pressure in my lungs and exhaled. The feeling of panic rushed over me.
“You’re safe, the doors are locked. There’s just the three of us here, in a safe place. Close your eyes now and focus on your breath, feel the rush…feel the air.”
I focused on that point as my chest rose, and then fell.
“I want you to travel back with me, to the first night on that road. Can you do that, Elizabeth? Can you go back to that night and tell me what you see?”
Black all around me. Black against my face, sucking tight as I inhaled. “There’s something over my head, soft, cloth sucks tight as I breathe.”
“That’s good, good,” his voice soft, emotionless…dreamy. “Can you tell me where you are?”
Gravel under the tires, bouncing on the seat, the low drone of the radio from the front of the car. “I’m in a car…”
I’m not going to tell you again. Shut the fuck up.
I flinched and a whimper slipped free. Bindings around my wrists, burning as they cut in.
“It’s okay,” the voice slipped in. “You’re safe here. You’re just an observer, watching everything that’s happening. Nothing can touch you here, nothing can hurt you. You’re in a car, can you hear anything…voices, a noise?”
Radio playing…a song, country, soft. A shift on the seat beside me. A sigh…
“I’ve gone through all this before,” I murmur.
“Just one more time, to find the anchor, and it’s that night.”
I’m your friend. The soft voice fills me, there’s a lightness in my chest, like something took flight. “Girl, girl with the purple hair.”
“What about the girl?”
“Her words floated to me. I’m your friend. Don’t look at them…look at me. She’s trying to help me, trying to take my mind off what they’re doing.”
“And what are they doing, Elizabeth?”
I jolt with the thought. Mind racing. Heartbeat trying to catch up, and the fear…the fear is circling…circling…so close now…so close. Hands on my body…on my head. Shadows move around me…shadows reaching out. Things stuck to my skin. You’re going to be a good girl, aren’t you? The male whispered, kneeling close now. They’ll never see it coming.
Flashes blind me. White light blurred, leaving me desperate.
KILL…WEAPON…
“Kill. Weapon,” the words slipped free as the black words filled the white walls. BEAST…WEAPON. “Beast, ugly…ugly.” Agony tore from my chest.
I shook my head, tears slipped free.
They’ll never see you coming, will they? The soft growl filled my ears. I flinched with the sound of his voice. My heart thundering, filling my head with the deafening sound.
Never see you coming. Filthy beast. Filthy animal. All the same…every single one…deep down, all the same.
I shook my head, fighting. Still the past held on, sinking claws in deep.
I tried to pull away, tried to fight. They didn’t want me going down there. I was the good girl, the pretty girl. The one who laughed and cried when they wanted me to. I was the mask…the mask of perfection.
The mask I wore for Leah.
A civilized show…
“Something’s wrong,” the therapist murmured. “I’m bringing her out.”
“No,” the faint voice of my father drifted through. “Keep going, keep pushing. Ask her about the girl.”
“Have you ever heard of the name Fail Safe?” Greg’s voice moved closer. “Think carefully now. Fail Safe. I want you to remember…”
“That’s it,” Dad urged.
Pain flared across my head. My lips curled in response, like an animal.
Underneath the pain hovered something else. Something colder. Something darker. Something dangerous.
Lightning cleaved my head. A weapon to wield, to hurt, to kill.
Dangerous. Not human…not human. Just a killer. Just a filthy killer.
Fail Safe.
That darkness swelled inside me, like a cold, black river I’d never felt before. Dark. Seething. Deep…so deep. White light flickered, burning neon through my head as outside, above the building, thunder threatened the sky.
“Jesus,” Greg muttered. “Is she doing that?”
“Keep going. We’re almost there,” Dad snarled.
And that snarl echoed, twisting and morphing. Making me hurt…making me hungry. And all of the pretense slipped away, like a mask now gone.
Never see you coming, will they? His face came to me, moving out of the shadows and into the light. My belly clenched at the sight. I thrashed my head left and right. I knew that face…I knew that face. Forehead etched with lines, dark eyes glinting, pale lips parting as he smiled.
He reached out, touched the straps ar
ound my wrists and then trailed his fingers higher.
My skin trembled, goosebumps raced. I jerked from his touch. “Get away from me.”
“Who are you talking too, Elizabeth?” the faint voice called.
But the past held me under, with a grip around my throat. Brown eyes glistened as the man pressed a pad to my temple, and then another on the other side.
You know the drill, don’t you, four one zero four? he murmured and dropped his hand. The hum of the machine next to me made my belly weak.
Such a pretty beast. The man smiled, a sickening, vicious smile.
Strands of sweat-stained hair stuck against my mouth as I whipped my head from side to side. The scent of piss and fear was choking me as he lifted his hand.
Liquid splashed the bottom of the white plastic cup. A whimper slipped free… “No…no…no! Don’t do this…don’t do this!”
His other hand gripped my chin, fingers digging all the way in until he forced my jaw to part.
Liquid in my mouth, sliding down my tongue. Heat lashed my throat, burning all the way into my chest as I coughed and spluttered.
His hand slapped against my forehead, holding me down. You’ll be a good girl, won’t you? My little sleeper cell…
I clenched my fists, arms straining against his hold on my head. “No.”
His eyes glistened. A smile curled his pasty lips. There wasn’t a hint of fear in his eyes as he murmured. Yes, you will. You know how I know? Because you belong to the beast.
He leaned closer, thumb skimming my cheek. I jerked from the touch, thrashing my head until my tendons pulled taut. Lightning boomed. My teeth gnashed. Bones shuddered as the hum of the machine climbed.
Tick…tick…tick…
A jolt raced, tearing along my bones and agony followed. Muscles seized, nerves flayed like a shard cut deep.
And out of the terror came the beast.
Pure white, blinding like the sun. The boom rocked the air. But the man didn’t flinch. He was past caring now, delving deeper into the primal state.
