The twins were observing him expectantly as they waited for his reply to what Lizzie had suggested, and as if he wasn’t feeling that her cottage wasn’t that small he said easily, ‘Yes, of course you can go. You’ll have great fun with Lizzie and I wouldn’t say no to some time on my own.’ That having been decided, Lizzie picked up her small overnight bag and went home.
Sunday was a nothing day. She did her chores, sat around thinking about James and the way she’d avoided any further closeness with him, and as an early October evening presented itself she turned her thoughts to Monday morning at the clinic.
She expected that Sarah would be in a more cheerful state of mind when she arrived as she’d managed to locate the absent Sam back at base from manoeuvres and he’d been thrilled about the baby after the first shock had worn off. He would be home soon and the wedding arrangements were moving along with speed to avoid his young bride showing signs of the impending event on her great day.
Emma was due for a check-up first thing before the tea rooms opened, and Simon was coming with her as he was keen to be involved every step of the way after their hopes being shattered years ago when she’d miscarried for no apparent reason.
They arrived at the appointed time, Emma looking pale and apprehensive and Simon hovering protectively by her side. Her first words when asked how she was feeling were, ‘Awful! I can’t keep anything down. I feel so sick all the time.’
Lizzie nodded sympathetically. ‘I’m afraid morning sickness affects many women during pregnancy, but it usually lessens as the months go by, Emma. Try eating smaller, more frequent meals, and ginger biscuits and ginger tea help to take the nausea away for some women.’
She had Emma’s file opened in front of her and said with a smile, ‘How about some good news to cheer you up?’
‘Yes, please,’ said her wilting patient. ‘What is it?’
‘I have the results of the tests in front of me that I did when you came the first time, and they are all satisfactory.’
‘What were they for?’ Simon asked.
‘A blood test to check for anaemia or rhesus antibodies was satisfactory, and the blood and urine checks I did for diabetes were also clear. So apart from the morning sickness, you are starting off with a clean slate.’
‘Let’s hope that it stays that way,’ Simon said, taking his wife’s hand in his. ‘Do you think Emma should give up in the tea rooms altogether until the baby is born?’
‘Maybe for these first months while she has the nausea and there is the greater risk of miscarrying it would be a good idea, but once the sickness has abated and the tests are still showing clear, there will be no reason for her to coddle herself. Just don’t overdo it, that’s all. Now, I’m going to check your blood pressure, Emma.’
When she’d done that Lizzie said, ‘At this moment you are fine, so go home and stop worrying. Remember, thanks to Lord Derringham, I’m only a matter of yards away if you have any problems.’
As they got up to go Emma said to Simon, ‘Do you have a recipe for home-made ginger biscuits in your big cook book? And what was the other thing, Lizzie, ginger tea?’
He was smiling, relieved that nothing scary had come up during their visit to the clinic, and promised, ‘If I haven’t, I can soon get them.’
James was back on duty at the surgery, having left Jess in charge of Jolyon and Pollyanna, and life was generally returning to normal, with Laurel and David back from their honeymoon looking bronzed and happy as they took up their respective positions in the surgery once more as nurse and GP.
They called in at the clinic during the lunch-hour to see what the finished article looked like. They’d gone on honeymoon before it had been finished and both were impressed with the facilities it was offering and interested to know that Lady Olivia Derringham was working there on a voluntary basis twice weekly.
When they’d gone James came in and said, ‘I’ve just been back home to check that all is well with Jolly and Polly. I’m going to let Jess take her to school tomorrow. She’s happy enough now.’
He was observing her keenly. Lizzie was still staying aloof from him but was pleasant enough, and he thought that the next time he told her how he felt he would make a better job of it, given the chance.
She could feel the intensity of his gaze and asked, ‘What?’
‘Nothing,’ he replied calmly, and went back to his consulting room feeling better for having seen her.
Lizzie kept her promise the following Saturday. The children came for tea and to stay the night. James brought them in the late afternoon and then went home feeling strangely lost.
He wasn’t used to having time on his hands like this, he thought. It would have been a good opportunity to have asked Elaine to go over the accounts with him, but he wasn’t in the mood for that sort of thing and decided that he would take some exercise, walk up to the moors above the village and back.
The warm colours of autumn were already disappearing he saw as he left the outskirts of the village and the leaves were falling. Soon it would be November 5th and he would do as he’d always done since the children were small, take them to the bonfire on the village green.
It was a special event that everyone who was mobile attended, with the Women’s Institute providing hot soup, parkin and treacle toffee in abundance, and this time he was hoping that Lizzie would be with them. The fact that he might be the reason if she wasn’t was something he wasn’t going to contemplate.
He hadn’t been sleeping well since she’d slept in his bed and appeared before him in the flimsy nightdress that she’d been in a rush to cover up. His thoughts and desires were making him restless and he had to keep telling himself to get her out of his mind.
She’d made it clear that she wasn’t in the market for being a wife of convenience, much as she loved his children, and he had yet to find the right moment to tell her that was far from what he wanted.
He wanted a wife of warm flesh and blood, wanted to give her a child, their child, to make up for the one she’d lost, but he wasn’t making much progress towards that end.
It was dark when he got back to Willowmere and as he passed the peace garden and approached the cottage, he smiled at the thought that all those he cherished were sleeping inside.
Lizzie had made them a special fairy tea of tiny sandwiches and cakes with lots of crisps and ice cream, and afterwards the highlight of the occasion had been when Bryan had let them watch the cows being milked in the sheds at the far end of the field at the back of the cottage.
It was lovely having the children, she thought as they settled down to sleep, one on either side of her, but she’d made James feel he wasn’t welcome, which was unforgivable as without him nothing made sense. It would have served her right if he’d refused to let them come, and she wondered what he was doing.
Probably having a well-earned rest, she thought wryly, and no one could blame him for that! James must have little time for himself yet she’d never heard him complain. He’d achieved a degree of contentment that she’d never found, but he had the children to give his life purpose and that must have made all the difference.
The white orchids and roses he’d given her were still fresh and beautiful on her dressing table and she wanted them to last for ever as something to hold on to in the confusion of her feelings for the father of the two innocents beside her.
On Sunday morning Lizzie eased herself carefully out of the bed and went downstairs to make a cup of tea before setting the table for breakfast.
As she sat sipping it in the silence she had a sudden yearning to hear James’s voice and picked up the phone, even though it was only half past six.
He answered it immediately and when she spoke he said, ‘What’s wrong, Lizzie? It’s not Jolly, is it?’
‘No. Nothing like that,’ she told him. ‘The children are still asleep and I thought I’d report to base that all is well at camp Carmichael.’
‘Right,’ he said whimsically, and she could tell he was smil
ing. ‘You do know that it’s only half past six, I take it.’
She was contrite. ‘I’m sorry. Were you still asleep?’
‘Er…no. I surfaced some time ago.’
He could have told her that he’d been longing to hear her voice after a strange night without Polly and Jolly in the house, and that she was the only person he had ever trusted to have his children overnight. As if she’d read his mind, Lizzie was on the phone, assuring him that all was well.
‘They are still asleep,’ she assured him once more, ‘and as it is Sunday there’s no rush, is there? I’ll bring them back in the middle of the morning.’
‘There is no need for you to do that. I’ll come for them, and thanks for having them, Lizzie.’
‘It is I who should thank you,’ she told him soberly.
‘Whatever you say, but don’t forget that I’m taking you out for the evening some time soon as a thank-you for being there for both of them when Jolyon had the accident in the playground. In fact, why don’t we arrange it now? A weeknight would suit me best as Helen sleeps in during the week and will be there to keep an eye on the children while I’m out.’
‘Any evening is all right for me,’ she informed him.
‘I rarely go out after a day at the clinic, unless it’s to walk to the beautiful lake near David and Laurel’s house.’
‘How about Wednesday then? Not too far off. I’ll pick you up about eightish. The children will be fast asleep by then and we’ll go for a nice meal somewhere.’
There was silence at the other end of the line and he sensed her indecision as clearly as if she was standing next to him.
‘Yes, all right,’ she agreed at last. ‘That would be very nice. I hear voices upstairs, do you want a word?’
‘If they’re awake, yes,’ he said evenly, as if he hadn’t just had his enthusiasm lessened for them spending some time together in more intimate surroundings than their usual ones.
She could hear small feet on the cottage’s narrow staircase and called, ‘Your daddy is on the phone, children, and wants to talk to you.’ As she went into the kitchen to start preparing their breakfast she could hear them telling James in excited voices how they’d been to see Daisy being milked, and she hoped he was suitably impressed.
Pollyanna and Jolyon had gone. James had picked them up as promised and the empty silence that usually hung over the cottage prevailed once more.
He’d given her a questioning look when he’d arrived and she’d presumed it was because of her lack of eagerness to be alone with him away from their everyday life, but under their present circumstances she could hardly explain that it was uncertainty rather than reluctance that had been the cause of it.
But it wasn’t stopping her from deciding that just for once she was going to let him see the Lizzie Carmichael that she used to be in the days when she’d loved and been loved in return.
CHAPTER NINE
THE rest of Sunday passed uneventfully for Lizzie. Weatherwise it was a typical October day with a chill in the air warning that winter was on its way, and with it came Christmas, she thought as she did her usual Sunday chores.
It would be her first one in Willowmere, and it would be lovely to be on the sidelines of the children’s excitement. But she didn’t visualise much cause for rejoicing on her own account. James’s intention to take her out to dine would be out of his usual consideration for anyone that he felt indebted to, and when the festive season arrived he would have the friends who’d always been there for him to share it with.
But she’d had a few quiet Christmas times since she’d lost Richard and another one wouldn’t be the end of the world. At least she would be spending it in the beautiful Cheshire countryside.
A few of her patients were expecting their babies during the festive season and that would be something to anticipate with pleasure.
When James awoke on Monday morning and went to get the children up, he found Pollyanna clomping around in the blue shoes and as he smiled at her he thought that Lizzie had the knack of getting it just right with his children. He wished she would come up with something that was just right for him, such as responding when the chemistry was there between them. Surely she could feel it, too?
There were times when she was near that his need of her was so great he had to exercise self-control or step into the unknown and risk a rebuff. But he had waited a long time to find someone he could love as much as he’d loved Julie, and could wait longer if he had to, if only Lizzie would give him a sign that she cared, but so far it wasn’t forthcoming. But there was Wednesday night to look forward to. Would it bring the answer to his dreams, or be just a friendly meeting of acquaintances?
When she answered the doorbell to him on the night in question James’s spirits took a downward turn. Lizzie was still in her uniform.
When she saw his expression she said hurriedly, ‘I’m sorry. I was called out to a delivery only minutes after I came home.’ She stepped back to let him in. ‘Is Natalie Morgan one of your patients?’
‘Yes. She and her husband have a bed-and-breakfast place halfway up the hill road. So it was Natalie who called you out.’
‘Mmm, it was. She’d started labour and was panicking now the time had come, wishing she hadn’t arranged to have the baby at home. As it happened, she didn’t. I had to get the emergency services out to take her to St Gabriel’s. The baby was in distress and I couldn’t take any chances. Do you still want to go for the meal? I need to shower and get changed. It will take me at least half an hour.’
‘Go ahead. I’ve booked a table and will ring the restaurant to explain that we’ll be delayed.’ As she turned towards the stairs, he added, ‘That is, if you’re not too tired after working all day and then being called out.’
‘No, I’m fine,’she said as a lump came up in her throat. She wasn’t used to being fussed over, but since coming to Willowmere James had been concerned about her welfare on other occasions too, and it gave her a warm feeling inside. Even though she expected he would be just as caring for anyone he thought was in need of it. But if she’d been dropping in her tracks she wouldn’t have wanted to miss the evening that he’d planned so she climbed the narrow staircase and was under the shower within seconds.
There was no need to consider what she was going to wear. She’d laid the clothes out on the bed that morning and when she came downstairs again Lizzie was dressed in semi-eveningwear. A short, low-cut, strappy black dress with a matching jacket draped over her arm to keep at bay the chilly night if needed.
The long golden plait had been untwined and her hair hung down in a shining swathe on her shoulders. As he took in the effect James saw that there was a question in the violet eyes meeting his and wished he knew what it was so that he could give the right answer. That being so, he said what he was thinking, which couldn’t possibly be wrong.
‘You look wonderful. Heads will turn when we enter the restaurant.’
He saw her colour rise at the compliment but her reply was flippant.
‘Why, because I’m showing some cleavage? I can’t remember when last I dressed like this.’
‘No, not because of that. It will be because you’ll be the most attractive woman in the place.’
Lizzie didn’t take him up on that. She wanted to calm down now and take the evening in her stride, but the fact that James approved of her appearance was like balm to her soul.
Tonight she wanted to be a woman that he was happy to be with, not someone the children liked, or the midwife who brought babies into the world, but an attractive and interesting companion, and so far she seemed to have got it right.
A little later, as he watched her sparkle like the wine in their glasses James thought he was out of practice at this sort of thing, and so was Lizzie if he wasn’t mistaken.
Their social and sex lives had been on hold for a long time because of circumstances they’d had no control over, and the last time he’d taken flowers to Julie’s grave in its quiet corner of the churc
hyard he’d felt as if she was smiling down on him in gentle approval.
But there was nothing to say that Lizzie was feeling the same way. It didn’t mean that because he was ready to accept closure she felt the same. Her gaze was on him over the top of her wineglass and the sparkle was dimming into uncertainty.
‘Why so serious?’ she asked.
She almost dropped the glass when he said gravely, ‘Have you ever slept with anyone else since your husband died?’
‘No,’ she croaked. ‘I’ve never wanted to. Have you?’
‘No, for the same reason, I’ve thought of it once or twice but that was as far as it went.’
‘And?’ she questioned warily.
He was smiling. ‘I’ve sometimes thought I was crazy, but I don’t any more.’ The food they’d ordered arrived at that moment, so talking was replaced by eating, and when it could have been resumed during a lull between courses there was silence between them until James asked casually, ‘Will you be staying in the village over Christmas?’
‘Yes,’ she said. ‘I have nowhere else that I would wish to be.’ Except near you, she thought, but said instead, ‘I would imagine that Willowmere is quite something then.’
‘It is indeed. You will see for yourself when the time comes. We’re having a big party at Bracken House in Christmas week so that we can all be together, Helen, Jess, Georgina and Ben, with little Arran this time, and David and Laurel also with us for the first time. I’m still waiting to hear from Anna and Glenn if they’re going to be home for Christmas. If they can’t be with us, it will not be the same.’
‘It sounds lovely,’ she said in a tone just as casual as the one he’d used.
‘So do you think you might stop by?’ he asked. ‘The children will want to show you what Santa has brought.’
Country Midwife, Christmas Bride Page 12
